Two takes on Jensen Ackles, Sex God - J2 - PG
Title: Two takes on Jensen Ackles, Sex God
Author: anamuan
Fandom: J2
1. The irony of the whole Supernatural gig is that parts of it are kind of real. Not the whole hunters bit, and not the whole evil bit--well, not entirely. Your supernatural creatures are just about like everyone else, only a little more, well, not human. It happens. Jensen knew a girl once with a little bit of goblin blood in her; she made the best damn shots in the world because goblins had a touch of natural alchemy. She could turn Jim Bean into the best Irish whiskey with just a little flick of her wrist. Of course, she was in accounting now. Complete waste of talent. It happens.
The thing that made TV shows great was their reality under the fantasy right? So maybe this wasn't quite the reality the audience was expected to tap into, and it wasn't really the reality the producers had in mind when they cast him for the part. Jensen, honestly, had a little bit of advantage there. Him trying out might not have been entirely fair. Showbiz was a tough business though, and you used the advantages you had. And Jensen's advantage was that he wasn't entirely, ok, really, at all human himself. Jensen Ackles was, in fact, a sex god. He didn't mean that metaphorically.
2. A couple showed up on Jared's door one day, dressed in nice suits. It threw Jared off because usually the missionaries that come knocking are same-sex pairs, the better to show you to the spiritual high ground with their non-sex-having purity, or something. That difference was enough to get Jared to answer the door and ask if they were lost. They were missionaries anyway, little flyers and worship tracts and everything, but they definitely weren't Jehovah's Witnesses.
"This isn't really our deal," the woman said, explaining with her hands as much as her mouth.
"But our God has taken a particular interest in you, and wanted to invite you to worship personally," the man continued.
"Really personally," the woman went on, and she sounded just the slightest bit jealous. Jared half wanted to know what the hell they were talking about, but not quite enough to want them to elaborate. You let these people get a foot in the door, you'd need a crowbar to get them out.
"Look," said the man, holding up a placating hand. "We know you're not really interested in what we have to say, couple of people showing up on your doorstep out of the blue, but consider it ok? It would make our God really happy--"
"--We like to see him happy--" the woman interjected.
"--and if you come you'll definitely have a good time." The man kind of waggled his eyebrows and leered at this point, and that was a little creepy, Jared had to admit.
"Just take the tract, ok?" The woman said, reaching into the front of her shirt--not her jacket to get at some inside breast pocket, but her actual shirt, and pulled out a slightly crumpled piece of glossy paper. She pressed it into Jared's hand, and then they were gone back out the front steps and to their car.
Jared looked at the paper in his hand, a little shell shocked, because that was the strangest conversion pitch he'd ever heard. Worship at the Altar it said across the top, right over Jensen Ackles's head. Church of Jensen, God of Sex, it read across the bottom. A picture of Jensen took up all the middle space on the front of the little brochure, and was very naked and very, very *ahem* interested.
Jared dropped the paper.
Author: anamuan
Fandom: J2
1. The irony of the whole Supernatural gig is that parts of it are kind of real. Not the whole hunters bit, and not the whole evil bit--well, not entirely. Your supernatural creatures are just about like everyone else, only a little more, well, not human. It happens. Jensen knew a girl once with a little bit of goblin blood in her; she made the best damn shots in the world because goblins had a touch of natural alchemy. She could turn Jim Bean into the best Irish whiskey with just a little flick of her wrist. Of course, she was in accounting now. Complete waste of talent. It happens.
The thing that made TV shows great was their reality under the fantasy right? So maybe this wasn't quite the reality the audience was expected to tap into, and it wasn't really the reality the producers had in mind when they cast him for the part. Jensen, honestly, had a little bit of advantage there. Him trying out might not have been entirely fair. Showbiz was a tough business though, and you used the advantages you had. And Jensen's advantage was that he wasn't entirely, ok, really, at all human himself. Jensen Ackles was, in fact, a sex god. He didn't mean that metaphorically.
2. A couple showed up on Jared's door one day, dressed in nice suits. It threw Jared off because usually the missionaries that come knocking are same-sex pairs, the better to show you to the spiritual high ground with their non-sex-having purity, or something. That difference was enough to get Jared to answer the door and ask if they were lost. They were missionaries anyway, little flyers and worship tracts and everything, but they definitely weren't Jehovah's Witnesses.
"This isn't really our deal," the woman said, explaining with her hands as much as her mouth.
"But our God has taken a particular interest in you, and wanted to invite you to worship personally," the man continued.
"Really personally," the woman went on, and she sounded just the slightest bit jealous. Jared half wanted to know what the hell they were talking about, but not quite enough to want them to elaborate. You let these people get a foot in the door, you'd need a crowbar to get them out.
"Look," said the man, holding up a placating hand. "We know you're not really interested in what we have to say, couple of people showing up on your doorstep out of the blue, but consider it ok? It would make our God really happy--"
"--We like to see him happy--" the woman interjected.
"--and if you come you'll definitely have a good time." The man kind of waggled his eyebrows and leered at this point, and that was a little creepy, Jared had to admit.
"Just take the tract, ok?" The woman said, reaching into the front of her shirt--not her jacket to get at some inside breast pocket, but her actual shirt, and pulled out a slightly crumpled piece of glossy paper. She pressed it into Jared's hand, and then they were gone back out the front steps and to their car.
Jared looked at the paper in his hand, a little shell shocked, because that was the strangest conversion pitch he'd ever heard. Worship at the Altar it said across the top, right over Jensen Ackles's head. Church of Jensen, God of Sex, it read across the bottom. A picture of Jensen took up all the middle space on the front of the little brochure, and was very naked and very, very *ahem* interested.
Jared dropped the paper.