Each Beat Reminds Me Of You [16 B/16] FINAL CHAPTER
Title: Each Beat Reminds Me Of You [16 B / 16]
Pairing: JongKey
Word Count: 4711
Rating: NC-17
Genre: drama, slice of life, angst, smut
Summary: What happens when you fall deeply with someone you shouldn’t have known? What happens if you live your life peacefully only to realize there’s something missing in it so you put all on the line just to feel something new? What happens when you cross the line between affection and obsession? And, what happens if things don’t go the way you want them to…?
PREVIOUS CHAPTERS: PROLOGUE, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12A, 12B, 13A, 13B, 14A, 14B, 14C, 15, 16 A
* * *
-So that means that Key was responsible for making a guy you loved falling in love with him?
-It wasn't love. It was an obsession- Kikwang shook his head, biting his lower lip nervously.
God, how much I want to embrace him right now and here
-And how can you tell that? How can you know it wasn't an obsession you felt towards that guy?- Junsu asked sceptically.
Kikwang shrugged.
-I can tell the difference.
-And just where is the difference? You raped Key out of anger; is that what a man in love does? Aren't you supossed to feel happy for the one you love even if he chooses someone else?
-He wasn't happy.
-You only assume that, you don't know it- Junsu cut him off, sounding irritated though irritation was something he didn't feel.
-I fucking know he wasn't happy, I was there with him, he was wrecked and broken, dropped his school, barely ate, barely slept, and even when he did he kept having nightmares and bubbling about some Bummie or other freak and he was trembling all over and saying that--
He stopped when he noticed a shock on Junsu's face.
-What?- he asked, dumbfounded
-... Key used to have some bad dreams as well. And he used to call out for some 'Jjong' really often. And once he said something like 'Bummie wants to play with Jjong, or maybe Jjong--
-... 'doesn't like playing with Bummie? But of course I like playing with you, you're my Bummie and I love you, if you want to, we'll do so'.
Junsu froze, as Kikwang's eyes pierced his face.
-...seems like we're dealing with a long-termed relationship?- Kikwang whispered, playing with his fingers but focusing his gaze on Junsu's eyes still.
-It does- the other nodded after a short moment of silence and sat closer to Kikwang.
-I guess we can do nothing about it?- he added though he already knew the answer. The latter smiled bitterly.
-You can't escape the fate.
-And I think that's why you're here- Junsu said quietly, not exactly knowing what he wanted to say with these words, but it didn't matter. He reached out his hand to shake it with the other's one.
-Junsu- he simply said.
-Kikwang, but you can call me Kiki- was the answer and they both smiled at the sudden change of mood.
Yes, you can't escape the fate and it might seem rather limiting.
But sometimes it's worth it, because fate tends to leave some miraculous surprises on our way.
* * *
Since that day, their relationship became a little more complicated and cagey. They'd try to avoid subjects which would lead them to a quarrel.
Even when sometimes one of them needed to talk some subject out, the latter wouldn't let him.
Like the day when they went out at the evening and a certain group of guys bumped into them, one of them smirking irronically:
-Going out with a slut, huh? That's really something, you fag. It's the best you can do?- he laughed, patting his friend's arm.
Jonghyun's blood boiled. He shoved off Kibum's hand from his arm, ignored his pleading 'Jjong, leave it alone' and snarled with anger:
-Don't fucking call him that or you're gonna deal with me. And I don't see a point in calling me a fag, it's obvious that we're in the same league if you know him.
The brunette laughed again.
-I wouldn't say so. I, at least, am not as pathetic as to buy myself a whore because no one else would even touch me.
If not Kibum's strong arms preventing him from just jumping onto the laughing bastard, he'd lose it and give in to a fight. And he'd most probably lose- him against five guys left him no chances.
When Jonghyun wanted to talk about this at home, Kibum didn't let him. Instead, he crashed their lips together and dragged Jjong to the bed.
It's been their first time since Kibum was there. And it wasn't a beautiful, peaceful and reassuring act; in fact it was a rushed, desperate need to release, interchanging with Jjong's reactions to Kibum's still visible bruises and cuts from the last two rapes he got.
Being so close, so filled with each other, they've never felt so lonely and distant.
Jonghyun's attitude had changed from that night.
He wouldn't let Key out alone. Not that he would before- but it wasn't like Key insisted to in past. He was too afraid for the latter to suddenly disappear, walk out of his life, that he slowly came back to what he became when he got lost into Key.
He hated himself for it. And yet couldn't help it.
Now, that he found Bummie and managed to catch Key, he got more and more lost into Kibum.
-Your birthday is soming up soon- he said, smiling widely and adjusting his position on the sofa- I need to find you a gift.
-What gift?- Jonghyun asked, absobring the alluring beauty on the other side of the room.
-What would you like to get for birthday?- Key asked, making Jonghyun shiver.
you, only you
He stood up and walked towards the laying guy. He kneeled on the floor, placing his left hand on the sofa, and his right on Key's hip, stroking it tenderly. Key leaned closer, still smiling.
-I want to spend the whole night with you- he whispered, now stroking Key's cheek.
Key chuckled, placing his hand on Jonghyun's.
-You spend every night with me.
Jonghyun nuzzled his neck only to start kissing it delicately right then.
-I meant, awaken.
Key gasped at the feeling of Jonghyun's lips moving slowly on his neck; he arched his back and embraced the boy, pulling him closer.
Soon Jonghyun was on top of him, roaming his hands underneath Key's shirt, meling his lips with the younger's ones.
-I love you- Key mumbled when they pulled away to catch some breath.
-And I you- Jonghyun whispered, wiping Key's tears with his thumb.
And Kibum just embraced him with his arms and legs, wanting to never let go, to just stay like this, connected to Jonghyun forever.
And later, when they were both drained after whole hour of making love, Key felt his eyes watering.
It was too beautiful to be true.
It felt like lull before the storm.
The storm came quickly after, the very same day at the night time. Just when Kibum made sure Jonghyun was sleeping soundly, he slipped out of the bed and went out of the room, quickly changing his clothes and heading down the stairs, to the front door. He tried to be as quiet as ever, and when he was almost there, he heard loud and fast thumps and soon he was facing a frightened Jonghyun.
-K-Kibum, why d-did you d-do t-that...
-Oh, God, Jjong, I didn't want to scare you, I'm so-- Key was scared of the fact he just almost gave Jonghyun a heart-attack, he just went to the trembling boy and hugged him tightly.
-Y-you w-wanted to leave me, didn't you?- Jonghyun asked, digging his nails into Key's arms.
-God, no, never, why would you think that?- he was scared and unsure of what to do next. He had to reasure Jonghyun of the fact that he really didn't intend to leave him.
-You sneak out in the middle of the night without saying a word- Jonghyun muttered sounding obviously hurt.
And Key only tightened his embrace.
-I just wanted to buy you a birthday gift- he said, not caring about keeping it a surprise anymore. He had to be sincere.
-I already told you I want nothing but you.
-Yes, but I want to get you something still- Key didn't give up, now relaxing a bit and pulling away to look into Jonghyun's eyes.
-You can go to a shop with me- the latter responded, his gaze as cold as ever.
-Hey, then it won't be a surprise, I need to go alo--
-YOU'RE NOT LEAVING THIS HOUSE WITHOUT ME BY YOUR SIDE, DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?!- Jonghyun shouted, making Key pull away completely and stare at the blonde in pure shock.
-But, Jjong, it's just buying a birthda--
-I don't fucking care, you're not leaving without me, now come back to the bed- Jonghyun demanded, trebling violently.
Even thought it was the last thing Key wanted to do then, he obliged.
He didn't pull Jjong into embrace later that night though.
Then it got even worse. Jonghyun would hide all of the keys to his house somewhere Kibum couldn't find them, as if he didn't trust him enough.
as if Bummmie had somewhere to go
He tried to fight this paranoia but wasn't strong enough to do so. Kibum got enough when one night he walked into the kitchen just to drink some water for his throat was dry- and in a flash he was facing Jjong who ran to the room right after he noticed there's no one laying next to him.
He crashed the glass on the floor. He didn't want to feel like a prisoner anymore.
Jonghyun knew he overreacted, that he again acted as if he didn't trust Key enough. But that didn't change the fact that Kibum slept on the sofa in the living room that night and Jonghyun, who didn't dare to follow him, spent the whole night with his ear at his door, listening if Kibum didn't try to run away.
He cried realizing his own insanity but didn't make any move to get away from the door.
When Kibum found him sleeping at the door in the morning, a loud groan of desperation left his lips.
He was fed up with all this.
One day which they were spending in a complete silence, all alone, someone rang the bell. Jonghyun headed towards the door only to meet with his best friend.
-Hey, it's been ages! I thought you'd come back to school- he said, when he hugged his friend tightly. He noticed another guy, glancing insecurily from the sofa at the both of them.
-Oh, you have a companion- his smile faded a little, but he carried on and walked towards the alluring boy. He had a bad feeling it could be that so-called Key, with whom Jjong has fallen in love so deeply. He resembled him one of the dancers from the club. But before he would reach out his hand to shake it with the stranger, the latter stole his thunder.
-Hello, Jinki.
And when Jinki glanced questionly at Jjong, the same boy added:
-It's me, Bummie. It's been a while.
And the whole world stopped spinning.
Another piece of the real world, another piece of Jjong's life, another proof that he didn't belong here and it was enough.
He knew exactly what Jinki thought of him when he was reassured that he was that whore indeed. He knew that he wished for Jonghyun to set free from him, because, seriously- how could he settle down with someone that had been selling his body for so many years? He wasn't surprised, wasn't scared, wasn't even sad. He was just calm and convinced. He finally realized that despite the fact they could have it all, they lost it the moment he left Jjong's house twelve years ago. Their lives were too different now, he was out of the real life and Jjong was an active part of it; he didn't ever go to school and Jjong, who was one of the most tallented students now was ready to drop it and waste his tallent just for him; they didn't have things in common aside of the strong feelings connecting them and memories. They couldn't possibly make it together.
One day Jonghyun broke down and gave Kibum one of the keys. He said he's free to leave whenever he wants to, just if it won't take too long. He was worried about him.
Key thanked him and enjoyed the time they still had for themselves. For some time it felt so peaceful and unconcerned as the first days he came here. That somehow made his heart ache but he didn't mind. He enjoyed Jjong's presence, body and mind fully.
And then, one day, Jjong woke up with so sign of Bummie beside him, not counting a sheet of paper laying on his pillow. When Jonghyun took it to his hands to read it, he already knew what he would see there.
I can't live like this. I can't take your life away. I can't let you waste your life and tallent just because of me. I'm no one. I don't know anything, hadn't been to school, hadn't listened to any concrete music. I'm satisfying other's needs since I can remember, I don't know any other way to work. I've never been given a chance and yet maybe I wasn't trying hard enough.
I do love you and I don't regret any second I've spent with you. I want to start a new life, find myself a job, maybe even earn enough money to buy my own flat. I... I want you to be happy, Jjong. And in order for you to be happy I need to vanish before you lose all of this.
And Jonghyun didn't cry. Actually, he was smiling, so calmly, so happily.
Because he knew it was just another hide & seek they would play. Because he knew he would find him one day. Because he knew when they'd meet again then they'd stay together for forever.
Because each beat of his heart was reminding him of Kibum and that wasn't going to ever change. And he knew it was the same for the other.
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