Each Beat Reminds Me Of You [16 A/16] FINAL CHAPTER
Title: Each Beat Reminds Me Of You [16 A / 16]
Pairing: JongKey
Word Count: 4711
Rating: NC-17
Genre: drama, slice of life, angst, smut
Summary: What happens when you fall deeply with someone you shouldn’t have known? What happens if you live your life peacefully only to realize there’s something missing in it so you put all on the line just to feel something new? What happens when you cross the line between affection and obsession? And, what happens if things don’t go the way you want them to…?
PREVIOUS CHAPTERS: PROLOGUE, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12A, 12B, 13A, 13B, 14A, 14B, 14C, 15
He's been wandering there for too long to be considered interested in his companion, but it didn't stop Junsu from walking towards the fidgeting guy.
When he got close enough to notice his worn-out expression and the way he furrowed his brows and wiped his eyes continuosly, he suddenly remembred that they've met before.
It was the guy that demanded the encounter with Key and then left quickly, looking mad and wrecked. Junsu remembered that night Key refused to see him, refused to see anyone and didn't even leave the room to go to the bathroom.
It got Junsu so worried he would often wonder what had happened that time, why it seemed as if both- Key and the guy- had some unfinished business between them.
Now, he had his chance to find the answer.
He inched even closer, there was barely a metre apart of them, thought the latter didn't seem to be aware of his closeness. To be honest, he seemed to not notice anyone's presence, which could be proven with the fact he was bumping into the people just about all the time and didn't even change his face expression.
Finally Junsu got to get so close he could be heard without shouting. He wanted to snap it out from the guy, to punish him for whatever he had done to his friend, but when the latter finally glanced upon him and Junsu was hit by the broken and immensily sad gaze he immediately changed his intentions.
-Are you alright?- he asked concerned and earned a very irritated snarl from the other.
-Get lost.
-I just asked you if you're alright, and that's your reaction for somebody's concern?- Junsu insisted, inching his face closer to the guy who was looking away every time Junsu would catch his eyes.
-Just leave me.
-How can I leave someone that looks as if he was going to collapse any moment?- Junsu snarled, surprised by his own firmness. He grabbed the latter's chin and lifted it up to force him to look at him but the guy slapped his hand off.
-The fuck you're doing--
-Look, I've no idea who you are and what you did here that night, but the fact is that I can easily tell you're hurt and broken. Maybe it's stupid of me, but I want to help you. I feel that I owe you this.
The brunette frowned and blinked, now looking Junsu straight into his eyes. Junsu felt his knees weaken a little under this piercing gaze. That man was stunningly handsome.
-Do I know you?- he asked, his gaze softened softly, he swallowed slowly and waited for the answer with his lips slightly parted. Junsu was already lost.
-We've met once when I was relieving my boss at the entrance- he answered and immediately regreted his words. The latter's expression became dissapointed and tired. He averted his gaze.
-So that's why you're here.
-Huh?- Junsu didn't understand the sudden change of the other's attitude.
-You're just one of those whores that are here to mess with some unaware fools' heads and make them lose themselves completely into madness and ridiculous feeling of wanting and longing. You destroy people, you know?- he said, feeling his lips tremble.
Junsu was taken aback.
-What do you mean by 'destro--
-You destroyed someone I cared about so much. You made him chase after something unreachable and forbidden and now he's just a shadow, a love-struck shadow, and I can't fucking do anything about that!- he shouted, not minding the glances that other people in the club were sending him.
Something in Junsu's mind clicked.
-Come with me.
-I'm fucking not going anywhe--
-Be quiet for a moment and just come with me. It won't take long- Junsu promised and took the other's hand and guided him towards the entrance's door.
When the other realized where they were heading to, he tried to struggle.
-You're not taking me to the fucking--
-I won't lay a finger on you, pull yourself together- Junsu cut him off, once again not quite believing he had so much of self-confidence in him.
Maybe Key's leaving was good for his independence.
* * *
It was warm and soft. And fitting. So fitting he felt as if their bodies were the matching pair of puzzle.
Waking up to the sound of Bummie breathing was the most beautiful thing in the world.
Now he knew he won't be ever able to let go.
He lifted his left hand, careful to not wake up the other, and caressed his smooth cheek softly. Key leaned into his touch, giving Jonghyun a hint he wasn't sleeping anymore either.
Jjong's thumb stayed there, on the pale skin of his- who was he for him actually?-the latter, drawing circles on it. Key slowly opened his eyes and locked his gaze with Jjong's.
-Welcome back home, Bummie- Jonghyun whispered, feeling as if it was all just a dream.
Key smiled lazily, taking Jjong's hand off his face and entwining their fingers together.
-Why, hello there- he chuckled softly making the latter's heart flutter.
This moment couldn't get any more perfect.
The first day was all about sincere smiles, tender gazes, lazy hugs, sweet-nothings whispered softly into the other's ear. They absorbed the other's presence, the fact that he was with him after all that happened.
They didn't wonder about tomorrow, about yesterday, about past. All that mattered was the present, and they cherished is as much as they could.
They were both aware of the fact that they won't avoid a serious conversation one day, that it will imply much hurt and difficulty, so for now they just relished things the way they were.
The first hint of the unavoidable coming showed up when they were watching tv, Key setted between Jjong's legs, his back leaning onto the latter's chest. They were watching MTV!Rocks and Jonghyun commented on every single artist that showed up. Key would nod, ocasionally add his own opinion, but it was all rather unsure, as if he didn't know what to say at all. When Jonghyun exclaimed his adoration for Placebo's video 'Taste in Men', Key said:
-Well, it's interesting that they're making such videos nowadays.
-Nowadays?- Jonghyun asked with a hint of surprise in his voice. Key blinked, turned his head back and noticed the surprise shown on the latter's face as well.
-Yeah, nowadays. Have I spelled it wrong or what?
-... this video was made back in 2000- Jonghyun said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
And Key tried not to show him how much this simple statement hurt him.
-Oh, come on. I meant, it's interesting, they're still airing these old videos lately.
Jonghyun wasn't even slightly convinced but he didn't question Key anymore. They soon turned off the tv and went to Jonghyun's room. But there was something lingering in the air and they could both sense it.
-Oh shit, he has a child!
Key's back straightened when he heard the happy exclamation coming from Jonghyun's lips. He's been scanning some news in the internet.
-Who has a child?- he simply asked, though he was already sure he won't recognize the name, no matter how famous it was.
-Orlando Bloom, he has a son, gosh, I can't believe it, he's a daddy now!- Jonghyun chuckled as a happy fangirl. Key's insides hurt.
-Oh. Great.
-Hey, isn't that hiper-surprising? Maybe that's why he didn't want to take his role in the next Pirrates movie?- Jonghyun giggled, his eyes still glued to the screen.
-Uh, maybe. I guess so- the insecurity Key felt was increasing moment after moment. And Jjong has finally noticed it in his voice.
-... you don't seem to be convinced- he stated, scanning Key's face cautiously. But the latter averted his gaze.
-I just don't know this guy, ok?- he whined, and seconds after he wished he'd never said it.
-How can you not know him?! He's like one of the most famous actors in the world!- Jonghyun was so surprised it annoyed Key. Actually it made him angry. So freaking angry.
How the hell am I supposed to know him?
-I just don't know his name, ok?
-But... it's the guy that played Will Turner in 'Pirattes of the Carribean'- Jjong said as if stating something so obvious as the fact that sky is blue.
-He could be the pope, I still don't know who you're talking about- he snarled, feeling his eyes watering invoruntarily.
-But... no, you have to know him as Legolas in 'Lord Of The Rings'- Jjong was still oblivious to what was happening to Key.
He felt as if he was shattering into pieces, as if he was hit hard by something cold and sharp, as if he was harshly reminded of the fact that he doesn't belong there.
When he didn't reply, Jonghyun put his laptop back on the desk and shrugged.
-I just don't get it. Lord of the Rings was a huge part of my childhood and I just can't imagine someone--
And just then, when his eyes met with the irritated gaze of Key, it all hit him.
-Oh my God- he simply breathed out, watching Bummie standing up rapidly and walking out of the door.
After a few moments of just staring senslesly on the empty space in front of him he jumped out of the bed and ran after Key whose face was now wet from tears.
But these weren't tears of sadness. These were tears of anger and disappoitment. Jonghyun could judge it by Key's still expression. Even when he reached his hands up to his cheeks, Key just shove them off irritated.
-Look, I'm sorry...
-What the hell were you expecting me to know?!- Key snarled through his greeted teeth, pushing Jonghyun away and trying to get away from him. The latter tried to catch him, to grab his wrist, to pull him into a tight embrace, but Key- hell- Key was so strong and nimble he couldn't do anything about it. A thought 'he got enough years of practise to slip out from someone's firm arms' flew into his mind, hitting him hard and making him motionless for a moment. Key stopped struggling, surprised by Jjong's sudden stupor.
They just gazed at each other, breathing quickly and insecurily. They were both aware of what was coming to happen now.
Key was the one who broke the silence, saying quietly:
-That movie was a huge part of your childhood? You know what's been mine?
Jonghyun, feeling as stupid as ever brought his hand to his eyes, wiping the first tears that started to appear.
He wasn't sure about the answer. He knew Key was a dancer and a hooker, but who Bummie was- this he didn't know.
-I don't even know your real name- he blurted out, now even knowing why. But suddenly he felt as if he met with a stranger.
Key seemed surprised at first, but then he just nodded and admitted:
-Well, I don't know yours either.
Jonghyun sighed and inched closer. When Key didn't protest, he extended his hand and shook Key's palm.
-Kim Jonghyun, age of twenty two. Nice to meet you.
-Kim Kibum, twenty one.
-Well, Kibum, will you tell me a little about yourself?- Jonghyun whispered, now having Bummie in his arms, clinging into him with passion and need.
A simple nod was the answer.
And so Kibum told him everything he wanted to know.
How he grew up with his father, an alcoholic who used his little son to make money. How he was abused, molested, raped numerous times. How after that short pause and only peaceful part of his life which was living with Jjong he was found by the owner of the gay club and how he stayed there, first to clean and change the sheets after clients and whores were done, and then, when he was grown enough, to replace the 'too-old' prostitutes. How he quickly got used to it, for he hadn't tasted anything else in his life- with a little exception for Jjong's presence which had such a huge impact on him that he still kept on dreaming about him though it was obvious they won't ever meet again- and learned to turn off his emotions and self-pride or dignity. How he fooled himself that maybe one day he could come back to that only person that ever showed him some deep emotions that didn't include lust, hate or disgust. How he liked to get drunked, to get on drugs so he could be free from all the troubles and disgust towards himself. How he had to deal with clients that became literally obsessed with him. How he first met Jonghyun and how irritated he felt when the latter seemed to have no clue what meeting a whore was about- and on the other hand how surprised he was that there still existed people not spiled or vicious. How he fought with memories of Jjong that now were attacking him with every single thought, how he tried to forget about him, how he tried to convince himself that even dreaming was ridiculous and pointless. How his mind was replacing his old, disgusting clients with that new guy that seemed so hooked by him- and how irritated and weak he would feel afterwards. How he got raped by someone furious and obviously in love with that guy.
-Kikwang raped you?- Jonghyun hissed, for the first time interrupting Key's speech.
When the other nodded, adding 'if that's his name', Jjong clenched his fists in fury.
-I'll kill this bastard...
But Kibum shook his head and and flung his arms around Jjong's neck.
-Don't. It's not like he was himself at that very moment.
-How the hell can you know that?!- Jonghyun snarled, his whole body trembling violently.
So that's why he had his smell on him. And yet I was such an idiot to not jump into this obvious conclusion.
-He was broken and furious and kept on repeating words of hate to me- Kibum whispered, caressing Jonghyun's back softly though he was trembling too at the memory- how he fucking hated me for making you love me so much.
Jonghyun stiffened and then embraced Kibum with all the passion, need and tenderness that was bulding up inside of him.
-I'm so useless...- he whispered against Key's ear and the latter immediately shook his head.
-If you really were, I wouldn't be here with you, but somewhere under a bridge, in a certain river, hanging on some tree. You saved me- he said, clenching his fingers on the fabric of Jonghyun's shirt.
-Don't... d-don't even say such things...- Jonghyun stuttered, an image of Bummie's dead body flashing right in front of his eyes. He shut his eyes to prevent the tears and bit his lip.
-Then you don't feel hate towards him.
And for this Jonghyun had only one reaction:
-I'm sorry for not being able to find you all these years so you were forced to be used again. I'm so sorry for being so stupid and careless and for neglecting you. It's me who made your life a living hell.
-And I'm sorry for being possesive, jealous, unpredictable and for running away that day. And just so you know- when I was with you, my life seemed to be a paradise. I realized that when I lost it and lost any hope to find it again- his words were followed by a brush of lips on Jonghyun's temple.
They both felt exhausted due to so many emotions and words.
They quickly fell asleep wrapped in each other's arms.
GO TO PART B