Afraid to Feel
Title: Afraid to feel
Rating: Rated PG-13 going a little bit to R eventually, I think.
Pairing: Ville/OFC
Disclaimer: This is a work of complete fiction. I do not own Ville Valo, his music, his band or his band mates and their families.
Summary: Ville Valo is not a good man. At least that is what Elina has come to understand. He is a killer, but her problem is that he is too wonderful to hate! (Not my best summary, but it’ll have to do for now)
AN: THIS IS MY SECOND POST FOR AFRAID TO FEEL.
Chapter 1: Ordinary, taken for granted
Though the air was chilly, Elina found no need to wear a jacket. It was an early Saturday morning in December, and for Elina, being still a teenager she found it extremely unlucky to be forced to be awake so early. Yes, she already had a semester in college, and she liked to pretend to be more mature than she really was, but some days were not meant to conscious so early. She preferred the night. Actually, she even considered herself a creature of the night, but it was necessary for her to be awake. She felt sluggish and tired. Still, she was the kind of girl that liked to keep her hopes up.
And it was because of that that her sacrifice didn’t go unpaid, though she was begging to think she was over reacting about being awake on an early Saturday morning. Her fiancée as a form of wedding present was taking her to the neighboring country to go see her favorite band. The man was a genius! If Elina had any doubts about him just by giving her that oh, so wonderful present she found herself even more in love with him. Tommy knew what she wanted, and enjoyed spoiling her.
Walking through town, she found that she wasn’t able from keeping a smile from her face. Early or not, she was really happy. For five years she had hoped and even prayed for a chance to see the band in a concert, and now she was. She was going to see HIM! Her life was just getting better and better.
Tommy Smith was the best fiancée she could had ever dream of having. They had met in Junior High, and apparently Tommy had crushed on her since the day he first saw her, which was weird considering that he was a popular guy in school and Elina was an outcast. At the beginning of their sophomore year in High School, Tommy had own up to his courage and asked her out in front of all her rocker friends. Surprised, and a bit impressed by his antics, Elina accepted. Now they were to get married.
She smiled sheepishly then, thinking of her fiancée. Sandy blonde hair, baby blue eyes, cutest smile in the world, intelligent and sweet as sugar was what Elina used to describe Tommy. He was perfect, all that Elina could want in a man, but sometimes she felt like she wasn’t good enough for him. When Tommy’s memories of after school activities were at the movies with his friends and funny happenings at football practice, Elina’s were of smoking behind the bleachers with her best friends and listening to loud rock music while she watched her guy friends shred a skateboard.
Elina kept on walking, feeling like she was on top of the world. Today, she was meeting with her Maid of Honor, Lucy, at her house to discuss all that she wanted for her wedding. Though she knew that Lucy might not be that much of a big help, she found that it would be best to talk to her anyway, and have her pretend like she was being helpful. They had been best friends ever since Elementary School, and since then they had promised each other that they would be the other’s Maid of Honor at their wedding.
The town was left behind, as in a steady rhythm Elina stepped into the Suborns houses were Lucy lived. It was a normal Sub, with children playing in their front yards and ridding their bikes in the empty streets.
But as the saw Elina marching through the sidewalk, they stopped what they were doing to stare. Knowing that they were going to do before the children saw her, Elina had assumed her evil side as she walked. She was a force to be recon with as she wore her favorite Ozzy Osborn tee-shirt with the most raged jeans she could find in her closet, and as she slammed her combat boots against the pavement. Her face was set into a serious expression, one that she knew the kids would mistake for the calm before the storm.
Those kids knew what she was capable of doing, they had even suffered their parent’s anger because of it, but it was all an act Elina did to mess with them. Payback is a bitch, and those kids shouldn’t have thrown rocks at her in the first place. As she grew closer to Lucy’s house, Elina saw that day’s victim.
Lucy’s next door neighbors had a kid of about twelve years of age, and he had been rather nasty last time Elina had gone to visit her friend. He was new in the Suborns and hadn’t had the time to hear from his child neighbors that there was no messing with her at the time, but that did not matter to Elina. By this time, she was sure they had told the boy, and that was probably why he was hiding behind a tree when Elina was passing in front of his house. She stopped her stride, looking forward.
Though she had the attention of all the children of the neighborhood, Elina remain unmoving. Seconds later, she felt the eyes of her victim on her, and sure enough when she turned to look at his she saw that he was poking his head around the tree. Elina lifted her fisted hand upward and raised her thumb as she stared at the mesmerized boy. Horizontally, she passed the tip of her thumb on the skin of her neck, and watched as the boy’s eyes grew wide in terror. She resisted the urge to laugh out loud as she continued walking to Lucy’s house.
Lucy answered the door, and immediately after she saw the wicked smirk on Elina’s face, she looked around the neighborhood as she poked her head out of her front door. “What the hell did you do?”
“What needed to be done, my friend.” She said snickering as she pushed Lucy out of the way to enter her friend’s house. Although Elina had manners, at that moment she didn’t care. She couldn’t aloud the children outside to see her laughing her ass off. “Lucy you should have seen his face!”
“Whose face?” Lucy asked, and then Elina proceeded to tell her friend what had happened moments before she arrived. It didn’t take long for Lucy to be laughing hysterically with Elina. “That was beautiful, Elina. I love it when you do things like that. You are sometimes so evil!” Lucy said removing tears of laughter from her eyes. “Next time you do that warn me beforehand. So I can watch.”
~@~
“Okay!” Lucy chimed like a preppy girl, holding a notebook and a pen in her hands, which looked funny since she was dressed all in black with purple stripes on her hair. She sat on her bed, while Elina laid on it. The soft purple covers did wonders for her back. Lucy had a very interesting obsession with the color purple. “Let us begin the dreadful ordeal. Have you decided when is the wedding going to be?”
They had retired to Lucy’s room shortly after Elina’s arrival. And there, they talked a little about what their friends were doing, before Lucy saw that they were wasting time. “Tommy said he didn’t want to wait too long, but I don’t want it to be so soon, either. So we came to the agreement that five month would be good.” Elina said looking at the poster Lucy had on the ceiling over her bed. It was Ville Valo, looking rather sexy. Elina had given her that poster not long ago, when it was Lucy’s birthday. “Hey I’ve always wanted to ask you why you put the poster up there. Do you masturbate to it?”
The hosted gasped being caught off guard, but laughed none the less. It was just something that she would expect from her friend. “Elina! That’s messed up!” Lucy said, vaguely smacking Elina with the notebook.
With a grin on her face, Elina kept on staring at the poster, imagining that it could move and speak. Lucy might be badass when she left her house, but still she was shy. Although, she always was like that, ever since Elina met her. Actually, it was Elina the one who influence her with the outcast attitude. And it was Elina who introduced Lucy to HIM in the first place. “No is not, is only human.”
“In that case, you have like, eighty posters of Ville in your room. Do you masturbate to him?” Lucy asked.
“That, you will never know.” Elina said mimicking a dramatic voice. She smiled, remembering Tommy’s face the first time she infiltrated him into her room. He had been dumbfounded when he saw the same man staring at him from different angles from the walls. He was so afraid of that menacing singer that he didn’t dare to touch her during the time they were there. Staring again at Ville’s face on the ceiling and thinking of Tommy, Elina remembered. “Snap! I almost forgot to rub it on your face.”
“What?”
Elina pushed herself up by placing her elbows behind her. She waited a couple of seconds to build up the excitement, as Lucy cocked her head to the side. “Tommy is taking me to see HIM in a month!”
“What!” Lucy said again, her voice more high pitched now. Her mouth hanged opened as she stared speechless, Elina smiled enjoying her friend’s surprise. “But that concert is sold out! How did he get the tickets?” Not weeks before, Lucy and Elina had tried to by the tickets online, but had been disappointed by the fact that they had already been sold. And it wasn’t unexpected; HIM was a big band these days.
“I have no f-ing clue, but I love him so much.” Elina said, smiling broadly, feeling all light headed and in love.
“It’s not fair, I wanted to go!”
The bride made a little dance with her shoulders sticking out her tongue at her friend. “At least you have seen HIM before, you even got to hug Ville.” Elina said laying back on the bed to stare at Ville. Boy, the man truly was beautiful.
“Whatever, anyway let’s continue doing this.” Lucy said emphasizing the notebook on the bride’s face. Elina made a face and sighed. It was better to get things done and then get carried away with talking nonsense. “Where do you want to do the wedding?” She asked, writing on the notebook.
“Not sure yet. Hey, put some HIM on.”
~@~
By noon Elina was already back at her house. And she was quite happy that at least she and Lucy had managed to get something done, which was organize what Elina wanted and what was needed for the wedding. Now she had an idea of what she had to do, she figured that when the Christmas break ended things were going to get hectic. Planning a wedding and going to college wasn’t going to be easy, and knowing herself she knew it would piss her off. Later in the week Elina would talk to Tommy and his parents (since they were paying for the reception), and get things settle.
Thinking of Tommy’s parents, Elina sighed. It wasn’t that she didn’t like them or that they didn’t like her, it was more that they didn’t approve of her ways. Although she was making a lot of sacrifices so they would be content, Elina held them no ill will. She wasn’t that kind of girl anymore. Tommy had shown her that she wasn’t the only one suffering, and that there was no need of drowning in things that happened in the past. He taught her that life goes on after people are hurt, it doesn’t wait for people to be ready.
Love was too short of a word to describe all Elina felt toward Tommy. They were young yes, but so certain of each other. Differences or not, they worked together damn well, and just being in the other’s company was pure bliss.
Though they were happy, their families had their doubts.
………
AN: I hope the whole shift from Part 1 to Chapter 1 didn't confuse anyone, because there will be more like that, if you know what I mean (I dont!). Do not fret about our favorite singer’s absence; it is only the first chapter (though he won’t make an appearance until the fourth chapter). Have patience with what I’m planning. Believe me, I might not have much written so far, but I intend to write a lot of Mr. Valo. So much Ville that you would want to have a break from him! (That was supposed to sound like a threat) Though if you ask me that is a blasphemy.
Previously:
http://community.livejournal.com/himfanfics/364507.html#cutid1 Prologue
http://community.livejournal.com/himfanfics/366321.html?#cutid1 Part 1
Rating: Rated PG-13 going a little bit to R eventually, I think.
Pairing: Ville/OFC
Disclaimer: This is a work of complete fiction. I do not own Ville Valo, his music, his band or his band mates and their families.
Summary: Ville Valo is not a good man. At least that is what Elina has come to understand. He is a killer, but her problem is that he is too wonderful to hate! (Not my best summary, but it’ll have to do for now)
AN: THIS IS MY SECOND POST FOR AFRAID TO FEEL.
Chapter 1: Ordinary, taken for granted
Though the air was chilly, Elina found no need to wear a jacket. It was an early Saturday morning in December, and for Elina, being still a teenager she found it extremely unlucky to be forced to be awake so early. Yes, she already had a semester in college, and she liked to pretend to be more mature than she really was, but some days were not meant to conscious so early. She preferred the night. Actually, she even considered herself a creature of the night, but it was necessary for her to be awake. She felt sluggish and tired. Still, she was the kind of girl that liked to keep her hopes up.
And it was because of that that her sacrifice didn’t go unpaid, though she was begging to think she was over reacting about being awake on an early Saturday morning. Her fiancée as a form of wedding present was taking her to the neighboring country to go see her favorite band. The man was a genius! If Elina had any doubts about him just by giving her that oh, so wonderful present she found herself even more in love with him. Tommy knew what she wanted, and enjoyed spoiling her.
Walking through town, she found that she wasn’t able from keeping a smile from her face. Early or not, she was really happy. For five years she had hoped and even prayed for a chance to see the band in a concert, and now she was. She was going to see HIM! Her life was just getting better and better.
Tommy Smith was the best fiancée she could had ever dream of having. They had met in Junior High, and apparently Tommy had crushed on her since the day he first saw her, which was weird considering that he was a popular guy in school and Elina was an outcast. At the beginning of their sophomore year in High School, Tommy had own up to his courage and asked her out in front of all her rocker friends. Surprised, and a bit impressed by his antics, Elina accepted. Now they were to get married.
She smiled sheepishly then, thinking of her fiancée. Sandy blonde hair, baby blue eyes, cutest smile in the world, intelligent and sweet as sugar was what Elina used to describe Tommy. He was perfect, all that Elina could want in a man, but sometimes she felt like she wasn’t good enough for him. When Tommy’s memories of after school activities were at the movies with his friends and funny happenings at football practice, Elina’s were of smoking behind the bleachers with her best friends and listening to loud rock music while she watched her guy friends shred a skateboard.
Elina kept on walking, feeling like she was on top of the world. Today, she was meeting with her Maid of Honor, Lucy, at her house to discuss all that she wanted for her wedding. Though she knew that Lucy might not be that much of a big help, she found that it would be best to talk to her anyway, and have her pretend like she was being helpful. They had been best friends ever since Elementary School, and since then they had promised each other that they would be the other’s Maid of Honor at their wedding.
The town was left behind, as in a steady rhythm Elina stepped into the Suborns houses were Lucy lived. It was a normal Sub, with children playing in their front yards and ridding their bikes in the empty streets.
But as the saw Elina marching through the sidewalk, they stopped what they were doing to stare. Knowing that they were going to do before the children saw her, Elina had assumed her evil side as she walked. She was a force to be recon with as she wore her favorite Ozzy Osborn tee-shirt with the most raged jeans she could find in her closet, and as she slammed her combat boots against the pavement. Her face was set into a serious expression, one that she knew the kids would mistake for the calm before the storm.
Those kids knew what she was capable of doing, they had even suffered their parent’s anger because of it, but it was all an act Elina did to mess with them. Payback is a bitch, and those kids shouldn’t have thrown rocks at her in the first place. As she grew closer to Lucy’s house, Elina saw that day’s victim.
Lucy’s next door neighbors had a kid of about twelve years of age, and he had been rather nasty last time Elina had gone to visit her friend. He was new in the Suborns and hadn’t had the time to hear from his child neighbors that there was no messing with her at the time, but that did not matter to Elina. By this time, she was sure they had told the boy, and that was probably why he was hiding behind a tree when Elina was passing in front of his house. She stopped her stride, looking forward.
Though she had the attention of all the children of the neighborhood, Elina remain unmoving. Seconds later, she felt the eyes of her victim on her, and sure enough when she turned to look at his she saw that he was poking his head around the tree. Elina lifted her fisted hand upward and raised her thumb as she stared at the mesmerized boy. Horizontally, she passed the tip of her thumb on the skin of her neck, and watched as the boy’s eyes grew wide in terror. She resisted the urge to laugh out loud as she continued walking to Lucy’s house.
Lucy answered the door, and immediately after she saw the wicked smirk on Elina’s face, she looked around the neighborhood as she poked her head out of her front door. “What the hell did you do?”
“What needed to be done, my friend.” She said snickering as she pushed Lucy out of the way to enter her friend’s house. Although Elina had manners, at that moment she didn’t care. She couldn’t aloud the children outside to see her laughing her ass off. “Lucy you should have seen his face!”
“Whose face?” Lucy asked, and then Elina proceeded to tell her friend what had happened moments before she arrived. It didn’t take long for Lucy to be laughing hysterically with Elina. “That was beautiful, Elina. I love it when you do things like that. You are sometimes so evil!” Lucy said removing tears of laughter from her eyes. “Next time you do that warn me beforehand. So I can watch.”
~@~
“Okay!” Lucy chimed like a preppy girl, holding a notebook and a pen in her hands, which looked funny since she was dressed all in black with purple stripes on her hair. She sat on her bed, while Elina laid on it. The soft purple covers did wonders for her back. Lucy had a very interesting obsession with the color purple. “Let us begin the dreadful ordeal. Have you decided when is the wedding going to be?”
They had retired to Lucy’s room shortly after Elina’s arrival. And there, they talked a little about what their friends were doing, before Lucy saw that they were wasting time. “Tommy said he didn’t want to wait too long, but I don’t want it to be so soon, either. So we came to the agreement that five month would be good.” Elina said looking at the poster Lucy had on the ceiling over her bed. It was Ville Valo, looking rather sexy. Elina had given her that poster not long ago, when it was Lucy’s birthday. “Hey I’ve always wanted to ask you why you put the poster up there. Do you masturbate to it?”
The hosted gasped being caught off guard, but laughed none the less. It was just something that she would expect from her friend. “Elina! That’s messed up!” Lucy said, vaguely smacking Elina with the notebook.
With a grin on her face, Elina kept on staring at the poster, imagining that it could move and speak. Lucy might be badass when she left her house, but still she was shy. Although, she always was like that, ever since Elina met her. Actually, it was Elina the one who influence her with the outcast attitude. And it was Elina who introduced Lucy to HIM in the first place. “No is not, is only human.”
“In that case, you have like, eighty posters of Ville in your room. Do you masturbate to him?” Lucy asked.
“That, you will never know.” Elina said mimicking a dramatic voice. She smiled, remembering Tommy’s face the first time she infiltrated him into her room. He had been dumbfounded when he saw the same man staring at him from different angles from the walls. He was so afraid of that menacing singer that he didn’t dare to touch her during the time they were there. Staring again at Ville’s face on the ceiling and thinking of Tommy, Elina remembered. “Snap! I almost forgot to rub it on your face.”
“What?”
Elina pushed herself up by placing her elbows behind her. She waited a couple of seconds to build up the excitement, as Lucy cocked her head to the side. “Tommy is taking me to see HIM in a month!”
“What!” Lucy said again, her voice more high pitched now. Her mouth hanged opened as she stared speechless, Elina smiled enjoying her friend’s surprise. “But that concert is sold out! How did he get the tickets?” Not weeks before, Lucy and Elina had tried to by the tickets online, but had been disappointed by the fact that they had already been sold. And it wasn’t unexpected; HIM was a big band these days.
“I have no f-ing clue, but I love him so much.” Elina said, smiling broadly, feeling all light headed and in love.
“It’s not fair, I wanted to go!”
The bride made a little dance with her shoulders sticking out her tongue at her friend. “At least you have seen HIM before, you even got to hug Ville.” Elina said laying back on the bed to stare at Ville. Boy, the man truly was beautiful.
“Whatever, anyway let’s continue doing this.” Lucy said emphasizing the notebook on the bride’s face. Elina made a face and sighed. It was better to get things done and then get carried away with talking nonsense. “Where do you want to do the wedding?” She asked, writing on the notebook.
“Not sure yet. Hey, put some HIM on.”
~@~
By noon Elina was already back at her house. And she was quite happy that at least she and Lucy had managed to get something done, which was organize what Elina wanted and what was needed for the wedding. Now she had an idea of what she had to do, she figured that when the Christmas break ended things were going to get hectic. Planning a wedding and going to college wasn’t going to be easy, and knowing herself she knew it would piss her off. Later in the week Elina would talk to Tommy and his parents (since they were paying for the reception), and get things settle.
Thinking of Tommy’s parents, Elina sighed. It wasn’t that she didn’t like them or that they didn’t like her, it was more that they didn’t approve of her ways. Although she was making a lot of sacrifices so they would be content, Elina held them no ill will. She wasn’t that kind of girl anymore. Tommy had shown her that she wasn’t the only one suffering, and that there was no need of drowning in things that happened in the past. He taught her that life goes on after people are hurt, it doesn’t wait for people to be ready.
Love was too short of a word to describe all Elina felt toward Tommy. They were young yes, but so certain of each other. Differences or not, they worked together damn well, and just being in the other’s company was pure bliss.
Though they were happy, their families had their doubts.
………
AN: I hope the whole shift from Part 1 to Chapter 1 didn't confuse anyone, because there will be more like that, if you know what I mean (I dont!). Do not fret about our favorite singer’s absence; it is only the first chapter (though he won’t make an appearance until the fourth chapter). Have patience with what I’m planning. Believe me, I might not have much written so far, but I intend to write a lot of Mr. Valo. So much Ville that you would want to have a break from him! (That was supposed to sound like a threat) Though if you ask me that is a blasphemy.
Previously:
http://community.livejournal.com/himfanfics/364507.html#cutid1 Prologue
http://community.livejournal.com/himfanfics/366321.html?#cutid1 Part 1