Pierrot The Clown part 3 (previously: Thin Ice Sequel)
Title: Pierrot The Clown (previously known as "Thin Ice Sequel)
Pairing: Ville/Carine
Rating: R-ish, perhaps? eventually, at least.
Author's Note: Came up with a new title, yay!
3.
Carine always hated goodbyes, they never got better, especially the ones that seemed permanent. They were standing in Paddington station again, waiting for his train to the airport that was supposed to arrive any minute.
"I should have some time off before Christmas," Ville said, "I might drop by."
"Cool," her hand was resting on his waist, under the shirt, fingers pressed against his skin. As if by touching him she could somehow anchor him to her. "You know where to find me if you need a place to crash," Carine smiled.
They saw the lights of the approaching train just as the announcement came. Carine wrapped her arms around Ville's neck and he pulled her close in a motion that seemed so familiar to her now, although it was a rare occasion. She kissed the crook of his neck, the only piece of skin within reach of her lips, and whispered "take care of yourself."
"You, too."
A moment later he disappeared into the train. Carine waited until it left the platform before she turned to leave as well.
It was cloudy since they woke up earlier that morning, so it was no surprise when the drizzle started, catching Carine on her way to the studio again. It almost made her laugh, if she were in any mood.
"You're up early!" Alice smiled behind the reception desk, puzzled. It was rare that Carine arrived before noon.
"Don't get used to it," Carine said.
"I wouldn't think of it. There's fresh coffee in the kitchen if you want."
"Thank you."
The studio was different at this time of the morning. Anton wasn't there yet, neither was Jack. Mark was, however. He was wearing a large set of earphones, sitting at the control panel and mixing. She joined him and dove into work. The hours passed without her noticing. Anton and Jack arrived, then some of the band members to re-record some stuff, they were leaving in the evening for a few weeks and it was important to get the music all recorded before they left. Alice brought in sandwiches for lunch at some point, and they all took a short break, sitting around, making jokes, chewing and drinking even more coffee.
When Carine got home unusually early that night, there was a message waiting in her inbox. It was just a short message from Ville saying he'd arrived safely and he hoped she had a good time that morning. She immediately sat down to write a reply. After she had sent her own short message, she took a quick shower, made a cup of tea and returned to the computer to see a new message. They ended up talking until three in the morning that night, exchanging short emails about nothing in particular.
For a few weeks, that was the routine. Work, then home and emails into the night. Then one night there was no email. It didn’t seem like a big deal at first, because, Carine rationed, the man was entitled to time off, had things to do. But she knew something had changed. He'd been hinting at it during the last couple of days. Vague sentences about an "Anja" as if she were someone Carine was supposed to know about. It seemed there was a whole layer to those sentences, something Carine was supposed to be getting but didn't particularly notice. Not until the day there was no email. During the first day she'd tried to ignore it, she came up with a thousand different reasons explaining it, all perfectly logical and acceptable. All of them could've been true. But as the days went by, she couldn't shake off the feeling that her initial fear, that panic that gripped her the night there was no message, was right.
Her suspicion was confirmed a few days later when, somewhat by accident, because she mostly tried to avoid these things, and because she didn't really want to be right, she ran into a picture in a tabloid. It Ville, arm around a girl - pale skin, black hair, smiling slightly, looking up at him as they were walking. The look in their eyes was unmistakable. The caption said "Ville and old flame Anja reunited."
She broke the silence that night, sending a short message:
"Hi Ville,
I wish you'd told me you're getting back together with her… anyway, it doesn't matter.
I hope you're doing well,
Carine."
It was a restless night. He didn't reply while she was sitting at the computer, trying to relax, waiting. She'd gone to bed anxious, kept waking up all the time. Eventually, sometime around six in the morning, when she woke up once more and went to check her emails, there was his reply:
"Hi,
I'm sorry, I thought you knew…? We were having some problems but we talked it through, I hope. Anyway, I'm sorry if you didn't know.
I hope you're well, too.
V."
She stared at the screen, unsure of what she's supposed to think, what she's supposed to say. There was nothing she could say to that, really. Carine took a deep breath and closed the browser. It took her another full minute before she managed to get up and walk away from the computer. At a loss of what to do, she went back to bed, but sleep eluded her.
It was another early day at the studio.
"Good morning," Alice smiled behind the counter, but didn't look less puzzled than the last time Carine showed up early.
"Hi."
"Are you okay?" she was a good person, Alice, and there was little that went by her unnoticed. That day, it was hard not to notice that Carine was, in fact, far from okay.
"I'll be fine, thank you. Is there coffee?"
"Always," Alice said. "Are you sure you're fine? I could tell them you're sick and you can go home…?"
"Thanks, Alice. I really can't be home now."
"Alright, sure. I understand."
After what seemed like an endless day, during which Carine wanted nothing more than curl up into a tiny ball and disappear, it turned out that Alice understood quite well, actually. Masha showed up, and together with Anton, Jack and Mark, they dragged her into a new pub that just opened a few blocks away. Carine wasn't sure whether it was planned or coincidence, but it was open mic night.
"Here, have a drink," Anton sat next to her, putting a shotglass in front of her. "You look like you need one."
"More like a dozen,"
"That can be arranged," Masha announced.
"Davay, davay," Anton motioned towards the glass, urging her in his native Russian. She downed a moment later, making a face.
"That was horrible. Get me something better for next time."
"No. You need the horrible stuff tonight."
"Would you all stop?" Carine asked. They were all crowding her, coddling her, buying her drinks and being all sympathetic. They needed to stop. She didn't need their sympathy. She needed to wallow in her misery for a while, and learn not to be stupid next time. Not to get involved with musicians. She knew they were bad news. It was all her fault. Not that it mattered. Not that it made anything better. Made the pain go away. She was so fucking stupid. So fucking stupid.
"Go play," Masha said, motioning towards the piano on the little stage in the corner of the pub. Once again, Carine wondered whether they searched for a pub with an open mic night or whether it was just coincidence. It was starting to look more like a plan, something Alice and Masha came up with while Carine was working, than pure coincidence.
"Go on," Alice urged. "You know you want to."
"Did you guys plan this?"
"So what if we did?"
Carine looked around her at the room full of strangers, at the piano, at the alcohol on the table in front of her. It was just what she needed. Second only to curling up in bed and feeling sorry for herself for the next year.
As soon as the guy who occupied the stage stopped hurting her eardrum with his singing and guitar playing, Carine got up and went to the piano. She sat for a minute, caressing the keys with her fingers, unsure of what to play. There were so many songs in her head, some of them his, but she refused to play those. Fuck him. But there were many others. It wasn't until she played the first few notes that she realized what she was playing. She wasn't a bad singer. She could hold a tune, but there was nothing exceptional about her voice. Nothing to stand out. But that didn't matter. They didn't bring her for her singing, and she was sure no one's eardrum would be hurt by her voice. And in any case, she didn't know who these people are, and they didn't know her, it was perfect. She only sang to strangers.
"They said you're in love again
And I tried to hide my pain
I was buried in my bed
With your pictures in my head.
You're living another life
It cuts me like a knife
I hope you understand
I'm the one who's left behind.
Tomorrow you'll be gone and I'll miss you
Yeah I'll miss you, I'll miss you.
Tomorrow you'll be gone and I'll miss you
Yeah I'll miss you, I'll miss you.
They said you're in love again
And my eyes start to burn
Wherever you are now
I wish you could hear my silent sigh.
It's not that I try to blame
It's just kind of a rainy day
I hope you understand
I'm the one who's left behind.
Tomorrow you'll be gone and I'll miss you
Yeah I'll miss you, I'll miss you.
Tomorrow you'll be gone and I'll miss you
Yeah I'll miss you, I'll miss you."
She looked up from the piano only when she was done, blinking away the tears. This wasn't what she planned. She wanted an angry song, a "fuck you" song. This wasn't quite that. She was surprised when a few people clapped and cheered, and when she got to her table there were three different drinks waiting there for her, all reportedly ordered by random people at the pub.
"I guess you're not the only ones who think I need a drink," Carine said, trying to seem cheerful as she started drinking one.
"Will you tell me what he did?" Masha asked.
"Nothing. He didn't do anything that I shouldn't have seen coming."
"Bull."
"Men are jerks," Anton said, putting his arm around Carine and pulling her close into half a hug. "Trust me, I know." The gesture almost made her cry.
"I know," Carine said.
They sat until closing time, then all walked to the nearest tube station. Anton volunteered to make sure Carine gets home safely despite the fact she kept saying it was unnecessary.
Carine knew she shouldn't, but the first thing she did when she got home was to check her email, see if there was a message there from him. She was surprised to feel more pain when there wasn't anything. She wasn't sure more pain was actually possible. She was ready for another restless night, but luckily, the alcohol in her system made it easier to fall asleep.
Previously:
Part 2
Part 1
Thin Ice
Music.
Pairing: Ville/Carine
Rating: R-ish, perhaps? eventually, at least.
Author's Note: Came up with a new title, yay!
3.
Carine always hated goodbyes, they never got better, especially the ones that seemed permanent. They were standing in Paddington station again, waiting for his train to the airport that was supposed to arrive any minute.
"I should have some time off before Christmas," Ville said, "I might drop by."
"Cool," her hand was resting on his waist, under the shirt, fingers pressed against his skin. As if by touching him she could somehow anchor him to her. "You know where to find me if you need a place to crash," Carine smiled.
They saw the lights of the approaching train just as the announcement came. Carine wrapped her arms around Ville's neck and he pulled her close in a motion that seemed so familiar to her now, although it was a rare occasion. She kissed the crook of his neck, the only piece of skin within reach of her lips, and whispered "take care of yourself."
"You, too."
A moment later he disappeared into the train. Carine waited until it left the platform before she turned to leave as well.
It was cloudy since they woke up earlier that morning, so it was no surprise when the drizzle started, catching Carine on her way to the studio again. It almost made her laugh, if she were in any mood.
"You're up early!" Alice smiled behind the reception desk, puzzled. It was rare that Carine arrived before noon.
"Don't get used to it," Carine said.
"I wouldn't think of it. There's fresh coffee in the kitchen if you want."
"Thank you."
The studio was different at this time of the morning. Anton wasn't there yet, neither was Jack. Mark was, however. He was wearing a large set of earphones, sitting at the control panel and mixing. She joined him and dove into work. The hours passed without her noticing. Anton and Jack arrived, then some of the band members to re-record some stuff, they were leaving in the evening for a few weeks and it was important to get the music all recorded before they left. Alice brought in sandwiches for lunch at some point, and they all took a short break, sitting around, making jokes, chewing and drinking even more coffee.
When Carine got home unusually early that night, there was a message waiting in her inbox. It was just a short message from Ville saying he'd arrived safely and he hoped she had a good time that morning. She immediately sat down to write a reply. After she had sent her own short message, she took a quick shower, made a cup of tea and returned to the computer to see a new message. They ended up talking until three in the morning that night, exchanging short emails about nothing in particular.
For a few weeks, that was the routine. Work, then home and emails into the night. Then one night there was no email. It didn’t seem like a big deal at first, because, Carine rationed, the man was entitled to time off, had things to do. But she knew something had changed. He'd been hinting at it during the last couple of days. Vague sentences about an "Anja" as if she were someone Carine was supposed to know about. It seemed there was a whole layer to those sentences, something Carine was supposed to be getting but didn't particularly notice. Not until the day there was no email. During the first day she'd tried to ignore it, she came up with a thousand different reasons explaining it, all perfectly logical and acceptable. All of them could've been true. But as the days went by, she couldn't shake off the feeling that her initial fear, that panic that gripped her the night there was no message, was right.
Her suspicion was confirmed a few days later when, somewhat by accident, because she mostly tried to avoid these things, and because she didn't really want to be right, she ran into a picture in a tabloid. It Ville, arm around a girl - pale skin, black hair, smiling slightly, looking up at him as they were walking. The look in their eyes was unmistakable. The caption said "Ville and old flame Anja reunited."
She broke the silence that night, sending a short message:
"Hi Ville,
I wish you'd told me you're getting back together with her… anyway, it doesn't matter.
I hope you're doing well,
Carine."
It was a restless night. He didn't reply while she was sitting at the computer, trying to relax, waiting. She'd gone to bed anxious, kept waking up all the time. Eventually, sometime around six in the morning, when she woke up once more and went to check her emails, there was his reply:
"Hi,
I'm sorry, I thought you knew…? We were having some problems but we talked it through, I hope. Anyway, I'm sorry if you didn't know.
I hope you're well, too.
V."
She stared at the screen, unsure of what she's supposed to think, what she's supposed to say. There was nothing she could say to that, really. Carine took a deep breath and closed the browser. It took her another full minute before she managed to get up and walk away from the computer. At a loss of what to do, she went back to bed, but sleep eluded her.
It was another early day at the studio.
"Good morning," Alice smiled behind the counter, but didn't look less puzzled than the last time Carine showed up early.
"Hi."
"Are you okay?" she was a good person, Alice, and there was little that went by her unnoticed. That day, it was hard not to notice that Carine was, in fact, far from okay.
"I'll be fine, thank you. Is there coffee?"
"Always," Alice said. "Are you sure you're fine? I could tell them you're sick and you can go home…?"
"Thanks, Alice. I really can't be home now."
"Alright, sure. I understand."
After what seemed like an endless day, during which Carine wanted nothing more than curl up into a tiny ball and disappear, it turned out that Alice understood quite well, actually. Masha showed up, and together with Anton, Jack and Mark, they dragged her into a new pub that just opened a few blocks away. Carine wasn't sure whether it was planned or coincidence, but it was open mic night.
"Here, have a drink," Anton sat next to her, putting a shotglass in front of her. "You look like you need one."
"More like a dozen,"
"That can be arranged," Masha announced.
"Davay, davay," Anton motioned towards the glass, urging her in his native Russian. She downed a moment later, making a face.
"That was horrible. Get me something better for next time."
"No. You need the horrible stuff tonight."
"Would you all stop?" Carine asked. They were all crowding her, coddling her, buying her drinks and being all sympathetic. They needed to stop. She didn't need their sympathy. She needed to wallow in her misery for a while, and learn not to be stupid next time. Not to get involved with musicians. She knew they were bad news. It was all her fault. Not that it mattered. Not that it made anything better. Made the pain go away. She was so fucking stupid. So fucking stupid.
"Go play," Masha said, motioning towards the piano on the little stage in the corner of the pub. Once again, Carine wondered whether they searched for a pub with an open mic night or whether it was just coincidence. It was starting to look more like a plan, something Alice and Masha came up with while Carine was working, than pure coincidence.
"Go on," Alice urged. "You know you want to."
"Did you guys plan this?"
"So what if we did?"
Carine looked around her at the room full of strangers, at the piano, at the alcohol on the table in front of her. It was just what she needed. Second only to curling up in bed and feeling sorry for herself for the next year.
As soon as the guy who occupied the stage stopped hurting her eardrum with his singing and guitar playing, Carine got up and went to the piano. She sat for a minute, caressing the keys with her fingers, unsure of what to play. There were so many songs in her head, some of them his, but she refused to play those. Fuck him. But there were many others. It wasn't until she played the first few notes that she realized what she was playing. She wasn't a bad singer. She could hold a tune, but there was nothing exceptional about her voice. Nothing to stand out. But that didn't matter. They didn't bring her for her singing, and she was sure no one's eardrum would be hurt by her voice. And in any case, she didn't know who these people are, and they didn't know her, it was perfect. She only sang to strangers.
"They said you're in love again
And I tried to hide my pain
I was buried in my bed
With your pictures in my head.
You're living another life
It cuts me like a knife
I hope you understand
I'm the one who's left behind.
Tomorrow you'll be gone and I'll miss you
Yeah I'll miss you, I'll miss you.
Tomorrow you'll be gone and I'll miss you
Yeah I'll miss you, I'll miss you.
They said you're in love again
And my eyes start to burn
Wherever you are now
I wish you could hear my silent sigh.
It's not that I try to blame
It's just kind of a rainy day
I hope you understand
I'm the one who's left behind.
Tomorrow you'll be gone and I'll miss you
Yeah I'll miss you, I'll miss you.
Tomorrow you'll be gone and I'll miss you
Yeah I'll miss you, I'll miss you."
She looked up from the piano only when she was done, blinking away the tears. This wasn't what she planned. She wanted an angry song, a "fuck you" song. This wasn't quite that. She was surprised when a few people clapped and cheered, and when she got to her table there were three different drinks waiting there for her, all reportedly ordered by random people at the pub.
"I guess you're not the only ones who think I need a drink," Carine said, trying to seem cheerful as she started drinking one.
"Will you tell me what he did?" Masha asked.
"Nothing. He didn't do anything that I shouldn't have seen coming."
"Bull."
"Men are jerks," Anton said, putting his arm around Carine and pulling her close into half a hug. "Trust me, I know." The gesture almost made her cry.
"I know," Carine said.
They sat until closing time, then all walked to the nearest tube station. Anton volunteered to make sure Carine gets home safely despite the fact she kept saying it was unnecessary.
Carine knew she shouldn't, but the first thing she did when she got home was to check her email, see if there was a message there from him. She was surprised to feel more pain when there wasn't anything. She wasn't sure more pain was actually possible. She was ready for another restless night, but luckily, the alcohol in her system made it easier to fall asleep.
Previously:
Part 2
Part 1
Thin Ice
Music.