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himfanfics
This Resurrection
Summary: When an emotionally shattered Ville has no choice but to enter rehabilitation for his alcoholism, he comes face-to-face with the demons that could threaten his future and the ghosts that haunt his past. One in particular he wasn't ready to revisit.
Pairing: Ville Valo/ OFC
Rating: R to NC-17
Warning (this warning will get longer and longer): I love Ville but I don't own him, any other member/manager or project of HIM, Jonna, Bam, Missy, Maxim magazine, any random celebrity, High Voltage Tattoo or KAT Von D...even though I wish I did...free tattoos Please read and enjoy:)
Chapter 1-5
Chapter 6 and 7
Chapter 8
CHAPTER 9
~Dread~
July 6 2007
Day 9
“You’re in rehab????” Mige questioned on the other line. Ville could picture his best friend scratching his head in confusion, but after silence, Mige spoke again. “Finally!”
“What do you mean finally?” Ville asked almost offended by Mige’s remark.
Ville heard Mige take a big deep breath into the receiver.
“Ville, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but EVERYONE, the band, Seppo, even Jonna between her own stints at rehab knew that you needed help. Jesus, Ville. Last Christmas eve, you called me to pick you up from jail because in a drunken rage, you punched your neighbor in the face for telling you to keep the noise down.”
“Jonna told me he gave her a dirty look.”
“That’s beside the point, man. The point is, the only person who didn’t know that you have a problem was…well, you.”
Ville paused. He knew Mige was right. In the back of his mind, he had realized a long time ago that he was an alcoholic, but the sheer embarrassment of being looked upon as an addict by friends, family, even fans scared Ville into pretending nothing was wrong, drinking more or more by the day.
Mige continued.
“Well, the only thing I don’t understand is why didn’t you tell anybody? I saw Jonna at Tavastia the other night, and when I tried to ask her what the hell had happened to you, she nearly bit my head off. The stupid cunt,” Mige coughed as if he was trying to cover up the insult, but Ville heard it. And agreed.
“I don’t know, man. I was just so stressed from the record and in such bad shape that it seemed like a good idea at the time,” Ville confessed. “Then I remembered that 28 days is a pretty long inconspicuous holiday, and you don’t hang out with anyone else.”
Mige snickered.
“Well I was considering standing outside your door with a radio over my head blasting Sabbath or something in the rain, begging you to come back to me.”
The two shared a laugh. It was then that Ville realized he really shouldn’t have let Mige stay in the dark about this mess. They both knew each other inside and out. If he couldn’t tell Mige about the crazy happenings of rehab, who could he tell?
He used to be able to tell Angel anything.
Vicious fury mixed with hideous embarrassment filled Ville all of a sudden. The memory of last week, the way Angel had totally rejected him, sprang into Ville’s mind, invading his body like a poison.
He stopped laughing.
Mige heard this and made another joke.
“It was a joke, man. Jesus, You know I’m only kind of a whopsie…”
“Mige, I forgot to tell you something about this place.”
Mige stopped his jokes at the sound of Ville’s tone.
“What? Did Jonna follow you there?”
“No, one of my group mates…”
“Yeah?” Mige asked.
“…Is kind of an old friend.”
“Well that’s good,” Mige said.
“No its not… She’s an old friend. From California. Stopped being friends two years ago. We were really really close for about six before that.”
Ville tried to be as clear as possible, but loveable, absent-minded Mige didn’t comprehend.
“I’m glad you’ve got somebody familiar to hang out with over th…” It didn’t take long for Mige to finally put two and two together. “Oh, Jesus Christ, there’s no way.”
“Apparently there is,” Ville stated in anger.
“Angel fucking Wood. Wow. Talk about coincidence,” Mige let out a sigh. “So have you done her yet?”
Ville went silent.
“What?” Mige asked innocently. “Even when you guys were on the verge of killing each other, you’d still end up going at it like rabbits. “
Ville let out a huff of frustration. He could tell Mige that that was never going to happen. Ville could explain to him how he had absolutely no interest in Angel and never would ever again. He wanted to tell his best friend that he and Angel would now and forever be nothing to each other.
“We came really close last week,” Ville stated. No use denying it.
Mige laughed loudly.
“No surprise, my friend. HAHAHA. You and Angel, together, in rehab. HAHAHA,” Mige sighed out of laughter. “So why didn’t you?”
“She didn’t want to,” Ville hissed through gritted teeth. “She said that I broke her heart or something. I love how the shit between her and I is still all my fault. For God’s sake, Angel ruined my faith in women.”
“And that’s why you decided to ask Jonna to marry you, like what, 5 hours after Angel left?”
Ville was again at a loss for words. Looking back at that drunken night, proposing to Jonna seemed like the perfect revenge, but now, hearing Mige say it, Ville began to feel like an asshole. Angel didn’t go off with another guy right when she got back to the states. In fact, Ville didn’t hear about her and Johnny until about a year ago, and there he was, engaged in less than a day to another woman. Then again, why would Angel have cared? She was too busy with her newer, better life.
“ Hey, I have to go,” Ville said half-distracted.
Mige snorted.
“Angel to attend to?”
“No, man. Rehab shit. And by the way, the whole Angel thing. It’s not gonna happen,” Ville asserted.
Mige paused then laughed hysterically.
“Whatever, man. I give it a day.”
“Jesus, Mige.”
“Alright, bye,” his best friend was still chuckling on the other line when he hung up.
Ville put down the phone in anger. Mige was wrong. It would be easy to stay away from Angel. 5 days have gone by since he talked to her last. Ville could definitely keep ignoring her for the rest of the month.
After all, that’s all it will take. Three more weeks, then Angel would be out of his life forever.
Ville wanted to be comforted by that thought, but he just felt empty.
His phone suddenly vibrated producing an awful sound on his hardwood table.
Ville had received a text.
From Jonna.
****
Wood, Angelina Leigh
Tape 5
“Hello, Miss Wood. How are we this morning?”
“Truth be told, doctor, I feel like shit.”
“Well, I’m sorry to hear that. Any new symptoms?”
“When I woke up today the entire room was spinning. Even when I closed my eyes, I still felt like I was tilting upside down. My brain was like shouting at me ‘The pills will make it stop!’ but I had to ignore it. It’s really getting harder and harder by the day.”
“Ah, I see you have been suffering from vertigo. Is the room still spinning, Angel?”
“No it’s not. Actually Dr. Clark, all of my symptoms virtually stop when I…well…”
“When you what, Angel?”
“When I think about a certain person.”
“Interesting. Your father perhaps?”
“No, actually…one of…my ex-boyfriends.”
“Hmm. I see. Well that could be due to the comfort level you felt with that boyfriend. When you think about a person, you usually reminisce about experiences you’ve had with them. If they were enjoyable, the thoughts tend to lower your heart rate and blood pressure. This calms you down, and can relieve symptoms. Did you have a relatively good relationship with this boyfriend?”
“Relatively?... well…yeah…but it doesn’t make sense…he…”
“He what?”
“He broke my heart pretty badly.”
“Yes, but when you think of him, that fact isn’t what comes to mind is it?”
Angel paused.
“No.”
“Good memories come to mind right?”
“Yes.”
“ And that is why thinking about him makes you feel better.”
“Wow.”
“It is pretty miraculous,” Dr. Clark wrote some notes down. “Alright, now where did we leave off in the saga of Angel Wood?”
“I’m pretty sure we stopped at me saving Ryan from Lauren, which means were at the worst chapter of the story.”
“Ah yes, you did say you would dread this part. Just remember Angel, I’m here to help you through the pain. Please, continue.”
June 1999
West Chester, PA
“Hey babe what’s goin’ on?” Ryan waltzed into the Margera’s living room, and gave me a kiss on the cheek. There I was on Ape’s favorite couch, surrounded by my best friends Bam, Dico, Raab, Jess, and of course my first boyfriend, Ryan Dunn. I couldn’t have been a happier eighteen-year-old. Ever since I moved into the neighborhood, these guys had adopted me as one of their own. They didn’t care that I was a girl. They didn’t care that I was from California. I just fit right in as if I had been with these guys since the day they met each other. Sure, I got a lot crap for being the only girl in “CKY,” but I didn’t care. Most people thought I was a boy anyway until senior year when I grew boobs.
Just one of the many weapons I used against Lauren in the fight for Ryan’s heart. I had always liked Ryan better than anyone in West Chester. When I would fall and hurt myself trying to impress Bam or anybody on my skateboard, everyone else would laugh, but Ryan would try to help me, make sure I was ok…then laugh too. He was the first boy I had ever been attracted to, and when he started dating this disgusting 20 year old whore senior year, it made me sick to my stomach. Watching them together, seeing Ryan slowly fall madly in love, killed me. The more he loved Lauren, the more I loved him.
She eventually broke his heart. Started dating a grungy mother-fucker named Crash or something like that. Ryan was in shambles, and like the good friend I was, I picked up the pieces. We started hanging out more and more until that one night. It finally happened. I told Ryan I loved him, and we became a couple. Lauren came back around of course. After dating everyone, and I mean everyone, she realized that ‘she loved Ryan all along.’ I was so scared that he would go back to her, but instead he told her to find another poor unsuspecting fuck to mess with because he was in love. With me.
My life, at least at that point, was perfect. Nothing could go wrong.
Then one humid June day, all hell decided to break loose.
We all sat around the living room, playing video games, listening to Dico’s crazy voices, Bam’s skating stories, when April came into the living room looking like she had just seen a ghost.
She tapped me on the shoulder.
“Angel, sweety, I need to talk to you in the kitchen,” April said in a somber tone. My heart skipped a beat because I thought I was in trouble with Dad or something. I called him a couple hours ago telling him I was over at the Margera’s. Everything should be fine.
Phil was in the kitchen too, leaning on the counter. For some reason, I felt like Phil was avoiding looking at me. Ape brought me to the table, and motioned me to sit down.
She inhaled deeply.
“Look, sweetie. Before I say what I need to say, I just want to remind you that you are a part of this family, and we will do anything for you because we love you,” Ape started to choke up. My heart started beating 100 miles a minute.
“Angel, you’re father…h… had a heart attack and died this afternoon.”
I felt like I had just got mauled by a wrecking ball. My heart exploded. My brain detonated. I was gone. Everything was over. There’s no way. That can’t be true. He wasn’t sick. He wasn’t dying. This is a joke. A sick, cruel joke.
I got up from the table, sped to the door, ignored the calls of my name behind me, and sprinted to my house. Streetlights blasted an ugly orange in my face, but I didn’t care. I needed to get home. I needed to prove to myself that this was all a prank. I needed to be in my Dad’s arms again.
Dad, I’m coming. I’ll save you. Everything is gonna be alright.
Half way down the street, Ryan caught up with me. I guess he knew something was up when he saw me lunge for the door. He followed me until he was close enough to capture me in his arms. I started to fight him off, but he dragged me down so that we were sitting on the sidewalk.
That was when I cried. I cried like the orphan I was. I had lost my best friend. My body guard. My daddy. I didn’t stop crying until the funeral was over, the adoption papers were signed, and I was officially part of the Margera family.
“To this day,” Angel told Dr. Clark. “I wonder, if I had been there would it have happened?”
“Yes, Angel it would have,” Dr. Clark explained. “Just imagine how horrible it would have been if you were the one to find him.”
“Yeah you’re right. That would have been worse.”
“Did you tell your brother?”
“Yes, and he was devastated. My mom didn’t let him go to the funeral, but as a gift to my father, Elijah legally changed his name to my dad’s last name. So were both ‘Wood.’”
“That was very noble of your brother.”
“It was. My mom kicked him out of the house for changing his name, but he was on his way to some amazing acting college so by then so it didn’t matter.”
“ Did you notice any change in behavior patterns after your father’s death?”
“I guess so. I began to hate West Chester. I couldn’t stand it anymore. Two weeks before I was choosing which college to go to, Ryan cheated on me. I couldn’t blame him. I was so emotionally detached from the world around me, I didn’t have the energy to be in a relationship, but catching him with another girl was still the last straw. I was over West Chester. Over Pennsylvania. So I decided to go to the college farthest away from where I was.”
“And where was that?”
“The University of Helsinki.”
“Finland?”
“Finland.”
“And out of curiosity, why did you apply to the University of Helsinki?”
“Wonderful music program. The rock scene also had just blown up, and since I was obsessed with starting a band and stuff, it seemed like the perfect place to go.”
“Ah I see, interesting that you moved to Finland. You know Ville, the Finnish man from your group, he’s from Helsinki.”
Angel paused and turned a little red.
“Imagine that.”
“ Well that’s all the time we have, but I can’t wait to learn how you developed your condition.”
“What condition?”
“Didn’t you say you have an allergic reaction to Finnish people?”
Pairing: Ville Valo/ OFC
Rating: R to NC-17
Warning (this warning will get longer and longer): I love Ville but I don't own him, any other member/manager or project of HIM, Jonna, Bam, Missy, Maxim magazine, any random celebrity, High Voltage Tattoo or KAT Von D...even though I wish I did...free tattoos Please read and enjoy:)
Chapter 1-5
Chapter 6 and 7
Chapter 8
CHAPTER 9
~Dread~
July 6 2007
Day 9
“You’re in rehab????” Mige questioned on the other line. Ville could picture his best friend scratching his head in confusion, but after silence, Mige spoke again. “Finally!”
“What do you mean finally?” Ville asked almost offended by Mige’s remark.
Ville heard Mige take a big deep breath into the receiver.
“Ville, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but EVERYONE, the band, Seppo, even Jonna between her own stints at rehab knew that you needed help. Jesus, Ville. Last Christmas eve, you called me to pick you up from jail because in a drunken rage, you punched your neighbor in the face for telling you to keep the noise down.”
“Jonna told me he gave her a dirty look.”
“That’s beside the point, man. The point is, the only person who didn’t know that you have a problem was…well, you.”
Ville paused. He knew Mige was right. In the back of his mind, he had realized a long time ago that he was an alcoholic, but the sheer embarrassment of being looked upon as an addict by friends, family, even fans scared Ville into pretending nothing was wrong, drinking more or more by the day.
Mige continued.
“Well, the only thing I don’t understand is why didn’t you tell anybody? I saw Jonna at Tavastia the other night, and when I tried to ask her what the hell had happened to you, she nearly bit my head off. The stupid cunt,” Mige coughed as if he was trying to cover up the insult, but Ville heard it. And agreed.
“I don’t know, man. I was just so stressed from the record and in such bad shape that it seemed like a good idea at the time,” Ville confessed. “Then I remembered that 28 days is a pretty long inconspicuous holiday, and you don’t hang out with anyone else.”
Mige snickered.
“Well I was considering standing outside your door with a radio over my head blasting Sabbath or something in the rain, begging you to come back to me.”
The two shared a laugh. It was then that Ville realized he really shouldn’t have let Mige stay in the dark about this mess. They both knew each other inside and out. If he couldn’t tell Mige about the crazy happenings of rehab, who could he tell?
He used to be able to tell Angel anything.
Vicious fury mixed with hideous embarrassment filled Ville all of a sudden. The memory of last week, the way Angel had totally rejected him, sprang into Ville’s mind, invading his body like a poison.
He stopped laughing.
Mige heard this and made another joke.
“It was a joke, man. Jesus, You know I’m only kind of a whopsie…”
“Mige, I forgot to tell you something about this place.”
Mige stopped his jokes at the sound of Ville’s tone.
“What? Did Jonna follow you there?”
“No, one of my group mates…”
“Yeah?” Mige asked.
“…Is kind of an old friend.”
“Well that’s good,” Mige said.
“No its not… She’s an old friend. From California. Stopped being friends two years ago. We were really really close for about six before that.”
Ville tried to be as clear as possible, but loveable, absent-minded Mige didn’t comprehend.
“I’m glad you’ve got somebody familiar to hang out with over th…” It didn’t take long for Mige to finally put two and two together. “Oh, Jesus Christ, there’s no way.”
“Apparently there is,” Ville stated in anger.
“Angel fucking Wood. Wow. Talk about coincidence,” Mige let out a sigh. “So have you done her yet?”
Ville went silent.
“What?” Mige asked innocently. “Even when you guys were on the verge of killing each other, you’d still end up going at it like rabbits. “
Ville let out a huff of frustration. He could tell Mige that that was never going to happen. Ville could explain to him how he had absolutely no interest in Angel and never would ever again. He wanted to tell his best friend that he and Angel would now and forever be nothing to each other.
“We came really close last week,” Ville stated. No use denying it.
Mige laughed loudly.
“No surprise, my friend. HAHAHA. You and Angel, together, in rehab. HAHAHA,” Mige sighed out of laughter. “So why didn’t you?”
“She didn’t want to,” Ville hissed through gritted teeth. “She said that I broke her heart or something. I love how the shit between her and I is still all my fault. For God’s sake, Angel ruined my faith in women.”
“And that’s why you decided to ask Jonna to marry you, like what, 5 hours after Angel left?”
Ville was again at a loss for words. Looking back at that drunken night, proposing to Jonna seemed like the perfect revenge, but now, hearing Mige say it, Ville began to feel like an asshole. Angel didn’t go off with another guy right when she got back to the states. In fact, Ville didn’t hear about her and Johnny until about a year ago, and there he was, engaged in less than a day to another woman. Then again, why would Angel have cared? She was too busy with her newer, better life.
“ Hey, I have to go,” Ville said half-distracted.
Mige snorted.
“Angel to attend to?”
“No, man. Rehab shit. And by the way, the whole Angel thing. It’s not gonna happen,” Ville asserted.
Mige paused then laughed hysterically.
“Whatever, man. I give it a day.”
“Jesus, Mige.”
“Alright, bye,” his best friend was still chuckling on the other line when he hung up.
Ville put down the phone in anger. Mige was wrong. It would be easy to stay away from Angel. 5 days have gone by since he talked to her last. Ville could definitely keep ignoring her for the rest of the month.
After all, that’s all it will take. Three more weeks, then Angel would be out of his life forever.
Ville wanted to be comforted by that thought, but he just felt empty.
His phone suddenly vibrated producing an awful sound on his hardwood table.
Ville had received a text.
From Jonna.
****
Wood, Angelina Leigh
Tape 5
“Hello, Miss Wood. How are we this morning?”
“Truth be told, doctor, I feel like shit.”
“Well, I’m sorry to hear that. Any new symptoms?”
“When I woke up today the entire room was spinning. Even when I closed my eyes, I still felt like I was tilting upside down. My brain was like shouting at me ‘The pills will make it stop!’ but I had to ignore it. It’s really getting harder and harder by the day.”
“Ah, I see you have been suffering from vertigo. Is the room still spinning, Angel?”
“No it’s not. Actually Dr. Clark, all of my symptoms virtually stop when I…well…”
“When you what, Angel?”
“When I think about a certain person.”
“Interesting. Your father perhaps?”
“No, actually…one of…my ex-boyfriends.”
“Hmm. I see. Well that could be due to the comfort level you felt with that boyfriend. When you think about a person, you usually reminisce about experiences you’ve had with them. If they were enjoyable, the thoughts tend to lower your heart rate and blood pressure. This calms you down, and can relieve symptoms. Did you have a relatively good relationship with this boyfriend?”
“Relatively?... well…yeah…but it doesn’t make sense…he…”
“He what?”
“He broke my heart pretty badly.”
“Yes, but when you think of him, that fact isn’t what comes to mind is it?”
Angel paused.
“No.”
“Good memories come to mind right?”
“Yes.”
“ And that is why thinking about him makes you feel better.”
“Wow.”
“It is pretty miraculous,” Dr. Clark wrote some notes down. “Alright, now where did we leave off in the saga of Angel Wood?”
“I’m pretty sure we stopped at me saving Ryan from Lauren, which means were at the worst chapter of the story.”
“Ah yes, you did say you would dread this part. Just remember Angel, I’m here to help you through the pain. Please, continue.”
June 1999
West Chester, PA
“Hey babe what’s goin’ on?” Ryan waltzed into the Margera’s living room, and gave me a kiss on the cheek. There I was on Ape’s favorite couch, surrounded by my best friends Bam, Dico, Raab, Jess, and of course my first boyfriend, Ryan Dunn. I couldn’t have been a happier eighteen-year-old. Ever since I moved into the neighborhood, these guys had adopted me as one of their own. They didn’t care that I was a girl. They didn’t care that I was from California. I just fit right in as if I had been with these guys since the day they met each other. Sure, I got a lot crap for being the only girl in “CKY,” but I didn’t care. Most people thought I was a boy anyway until senior year when I grew boobs.
Just one of the many weapons I used against Lauren in the fight for Ryan’s heart. I had always liked Ryan better than anyone in West Chester. When I would fall and hurt myself trying to impress Bam or anybody on my skateboard, everyone else would laugh, but Ryan would try to help me, make sure I was ok…then laugh too. He was the first boy I had ever been attracted to, and when he started dating this disgusting 20 year old whore senior year, it made me sick to my stomach. Watching them together, seeing Ryan slowly fall madly in love, killed me. The more he loved Lauren, the more I loved him.
She eventually broke his heart. Started dating a grungy mother-fucker named Crash or something like that. Ryan was in shambles, and like the good friend I was, I picked up the pieces. We started hanging out more and more until that one night. It finally happened. I told Ryan I loved him, and we became a couple. Lauren came back around of course. After dating everyone, and I mean everyone, she realized that ‘she loved Ryan all along.’ I was so scared that he would go back to her, but instead he told her to find another poor unsuspecting fuck to mess with because he was in love. With me.
My life, at least at that point, was perfect. Nothing could go wrong.
Then one humid June day, all hell decided to break loose.
We all sat around the living room, playing video games, listening to Dico’s crazy voices, Bam’s skating stories, when April came into the living room looking like she had just seen a ghost.
She tapped me on the shoulder.
“Angel, sweety, I need to talk to you in the kitchen,” April said in a somber tone. My heart skipped a beat because I thought I was in trouble with Dad or something. I called him a couple hours ago telling him I was over at the Margera’s. Everything should be fine.
Phil was in the kitchen too, leaning on the counter. For some reason, I felt like Phil was avoiding looking at me. Ape brought me to the table, and motioned me to sit down.
She inhaled deeply.
“Look, sweetie. Before I say what I need to say, I just want to remind you that you are a part of this family, and we will do anything for you because we love you,” Ape started to choke up. My heart started beating 100 miles a minute.
“Angel, you’re father…h… had a heart attack and died this afternoon.”
I felt like I had just got mauled by a wrecking ball. My heart exploded. My brain detonated. I was gone. Everything was over. There’s no way. That can’t be true. He wasn’t sick. He wasn’t dying. This is a joke. A sick, cruel joke.
I got up from the table, sped to the door, ignored the calls of my name behind me, and sprinted to my house. Streetlights blasted an ugly orange in my face, but I didn’t care. I needed to get home. I needed to prove to myself that this was all a prank. I needed to be in my Dad’s arms again.
Dad, I’m coming. I’ll save you. Everything is gonna be alright.
Half way down the street, Ryan caught up with me. I guess he knew something was up when he saw me lunge for the door. He followed me until he was close enough to capture me in his arms. I started to fight him off, but he dragged me down so that we were sitting on the sidewalk.
That was when I cried. I cried like the orphan I was. I had lost my best friend. My body guard. My daddy. I didn’t stop crying until the funeral was over, the adoption papers were signed, and I was officially part of the Margera family.
“To this day,” Angel told Dr. Clark. “I wonder, if I had been there would it have happened?”
“Yes, Angel it would have,” Dr. Clark explained. “Just imagine how horrible it would have been if you were the one to find him.”
“Yeah you’re right. That would have been worse.”
“Did you tell your brother?”
“Yes, and he was devastated. My mom didn’t let him go to the funeral, but as a gift to my father, Elijah legally changed his name to my dad’s last name. So were both ‘Wood.’”
“That was very noble of your brother.”
“It was. My mom kicked him out of the house for changing his name, but he was on his way to some amazing acting college so by then so it didn’t matter.”
“ Did you notice any change in behavior patterns after your father’s death?”
“I guess so. I began to hate West Chester. I couldn’t stand it anymore. Two weeks before I was choosing which college to go to, Ryan cheated on me. I couldn’t blame him. I was so emotionally detached from the world around me, I didn’t have the energy to be in a relationship, but catching him with another girl was still the last straw. I was over West Chester. Over Pennsylvania. So I decided to go to the college farthest away from where I was.”
“And where was that?”
“The University of Helsinki.”
“Finland?”
“Finland.”
“And out of curiosity, why did you apply to the University of Helsinki?”
“Wonderful music program. The rock scene also had just blown up, and since I was obsessed with starting a band and stuff, it seemed like the perfect place to go.”
“Ah I see, interesting that you moved to Finland. You know Ville, the Finnish man from your group, he’s from Helsinki.”
Angel paused and turned a little red.
“Imagine that.”
“ Well that’s all the time we have, but I can’t wait to learn how you developed your condition.”
“What condition?”
“Didn’t you say you have an allergic reaction to Finnish people?”