Comments | hikari_kaitou: [Gift Fic] The Joys of Parenting, Ch. 4 and 5 (End)

hikari_kaitou

[Gift Fic] The Joys of Parenting, Ch. 4 and 5 (End)

Dec 29, 2010 22:34

Title: The Joys of Parenting
Character(s) or Pairing(s): GermanyxItaly, Chibitalia, HRE, Prussia, mentions of PrussiaxAustria
Rating: PG, for this part
Warnings: some bad language
Summary: Family fic written for the GerIta secret Santa exchange featuring Germany and Italy as the dads and Chibitalia and HRE as the kids. Just some cute fluff :) Thanks ( Read more... )

n. italy, austria, hetalia, fanfic, germany, fan fiction, prussia

Comments 7

fivespice93 January 8 2011, 18:08:22 UTC

Add me as a friend please? :) I can't figure out how to display my age (because I am lame like that xD) but I think you can see my birthday.

Btw, found your livejournal on your FF.net account, just so you know that I'm not a random person dropping by. :D

pixie_rings January 11 2011, 23:12:41 UTC

I read this on ff.net! It's absolutely adorable, really. The children are so cute (I'm still brushing my teeth over them XD), Italy and Germany's dynamic was so sweet and domestic and Bathtime with Uncle Gilbert was just awesome (naturally)!

Um, I'd like to read chapter 2 though, too. ;P And reread your other fics (I first found them on the Pit and lost them because I couldn't log in :P).

_melee_ February 6 2011, 05:14:03 UTC

Hey, I just wanted to say thanks for adding me so that I could read all the chapters of your fanfic, and I figured I should give you some feedback on it ( ... )

_melee_ February 6 2011, 05:14:46 UTC

(My stupidly-long comment, continued!)

On a technical standpoint, the story had very good grammar and punctuation. I'm a bit of an English nerd so this made it much more enjoyable for me to read!

I did spot one thing that I think may have been an error - at the end of chapter 4 you referred to Benni as "Romi" ("“I wish you could stay,” Feli-chen said with a yawn as Gilbert tucked him and Romi into bed."). I'm not sure if this was an earlier name you considered for him, and forgot to change it in this instance. I did wonder if maybe it was meant to be a nickname for him, but since it was never mentioned earlier, it seemed odd that you would suddenly use it near the end. So yeah, you might want to check that bit.

Anyway I've probably rambled enough and should leave you alone now, I just thought I should leave some feedback instead of being a lurker. Sorry if I sounded critical at times, I really did find it to be an enjoyable read. Nice work. =)

hikari_kaitou February 6 2011, 08:12:25 UTC

Wow, this is probably the most in-depth feedback I've ever received on a fic. I really appreciate you taking so much time and effort to comment on what I had written ( ... )

_melee_ February 7 2011, 09:59:27 UTC

Heh, I can get a bit carried away when commenting on stories, because I feel they're something I'm more capable of providing feedback on (as opposed to drawings, where my comments usually don't get past two sentences ( ... )

_melee_ February 7 2011, 10:01:34 UTC

I didn't notice as much with Feliciano - just maybe that he could have been a bit more hyper. Also, there was one little thing that stood out about his dialogue - he always addressed Ludwig in third person (he rarely said "you", even when talking directly to him). I thought that was kind of cute so in that sense it suited him, but I just wasn't sure what basis it had in Italy's official character ( ... )