fic: The Void (Act 1)
Title: The Void
Fandom: Star Trek XI RPF
Pairings: All pairings are of the "ish" variety: Zach/Chris-ish, Bruce/Anton-ish, John/Anton-ish, Karl/Eric-ish
Summary:
CHRIS: Zach! Hey! What are we doing here? What is this place?
ZACH: What? Oh, yeah the void? This happens sometimes. Don't worry about it.
Rating: PG-13
Warning: unrepentant crack, script form, almost zero plot
Length: 3,000+ (total)
Disclaimer: I own the Void, but everything else is borrowed
A/N: A HUGE thank-you to babykid528 for beta-ing and holding my hand through this twisted little journey.
This story...this bitch of a story...is the longest thing I've ever written. I started it months ago, back when I was writing this play, and all this other drivel started pouring out. I've had the first 2 acts written since, oh, about September, maybe before, and I was determined to finish it. IDEK guys. Just...*sigh*...
Feedback is...well, everything, really...
ACT 1
Scene opens on a white room. No windows, doorways, or any other disturbance can be found along the walls, floor, or ceiling. For all intents and purposes, it's nothing more than a colorless void.
A man appears from stage right. He looks confused as he gazes around the room.
CHRIS: Where am I? [his voice echoes] Wow, that was cliché. Maybe I shouldn’t start out with “Where am I.” Um, how about… [pause] HELLO! IS ANYBODY THERE?! [more echoes, another pause] Hmm. Nope. Not much better. [he sighs and bounces a few times on his feet as he looks around the room]
[another man enters from stage left]
ZACH: Chris!
CHRIS: Zach! Hey! What are we doing here? What is this place?
[the two men fist-bump]
ZACH: What? Oh, yeah the void? This happens sometimes. Don’t worry about it.
CHRIS: What? You mean you’ve been here before?
ZACH: A couple times. [he waves off the question] So, what’cha doin?
CHRIS: [sarcasticly] Oooh, not much. Just, you know…White Void stuff.
ZACH: [nods seriously] Yeah. I hear ya.
CHRIS: [shakes his head in disbelief then continues talking] So, what are we supposed to do now? Just…stand here?
ZACH: No man, we sit. [he points to two reclining arm-chairs that seem to have appeared out of nowhere]
CHRIS: Sweet! [the two men sit down] So…now what?
ZACH: We wait. [he reclines back in the chair and closes his eyes]
CHRIS: Wait for what?
ZACH: The others. They should be here any minute. [silence] Yep. Aaaaany minute now. [silence] REALLY. ANY MINUTE WOULD BE GREAT.
CHRIS: Ideal!
ZACH: Consummate.
CHRIS: Superlative!
ZACH: Ooo, good one.
CHRIS: Yeah, I know. [pause] What were we doing?
ZACH: Um…oh yeah, waiting for the others.
CHRIS: Oh yeah.
[the two men look around expectantly…]
…
[oh. right…enter KARL URBAN, ZOE SALDANA, and ERIC BANA from stage left. ZOE is between Karl and Eric, her arms linked through theirs.]
ZOE: Hello boys!
CHRIS AND ZACH: ZOE!......andEricandKarl.
ZOE: Yep! I brought the entertainment.
ERIC: Ah yes, the Aussie is here for your pleasure. The Kiwi? [he looks at Karl] Not so much.
KARL: Please. I’m Karl Urban. I’m everyone’s pleasure.
ZOE: [ignores Eric and Karl and returns her attention to Chris and Zach] So! What are you guys up to?
CHRIS AND ZACH: White Void stuff.
ZOE: Got’cha
CHRIS: Wait. So, has everyone else been here before but me?
ZACH, ERIC, KARL, AND ZOE: Yep.
CHRIS: [sarcastically] Awesome.
KARL: So, how long is ACT 1 supposed to be?
ZACH: Um, I thi-
CHRIS: What?
[everyone looks at Chris]
ZOE: ACT 1.
CHRIS: Huh?
ZACH: ACT 1…we’re in a play, man. [he points above their heads] Look, it says ACT 1 up there.
CHRIS: [looks up and smiles] Oh hey!
ERIC: [looks wistfully at Chris] I remember my first time in The Void.
ZACH, KARL, AND ZOE: [sigh in agreement] Yeah…
CHRIS: Right. So, am I like the main character?...The protagonist?...The hero in this little surreal-absurdist thing we’ve got going on here? [he grins and winks]
ZACH: Maybe. We don’t know yet. We have to wait for the plot to develop, and conflict to present itself. For all we know, it could be Anton again.
[ZOE, ERIC, and KARL groan]
ZACH: [nods] I know. We can’t let that happen again. We need to do something to put one of us in the primary role.
ERIC: Ooo, like a secret mission!
ZACH: [points to Eric] Exactly.
ZOE: [to Chris and Zach] Hey! Maybe you two should start something.
[CHRIS and ZACH look at each other]
ZACH: Me and Chris? Nooo. Obscure pairings are really big right now. Chris and I would just be white noise.
ZOE: No, didn't you hear? You guys are a big deal again. I think people would be disappointed if they didn’t get a little Pinto interaction. Come on, guys. Go for it! Banter it up! [she reaches out and pushes Zach and Chris together]
[ZACH and CHRIS stare at each other, then at Zoe.]
ZOE: [to Eric and Karl] A little help here, guys?
KARL: Don’t drag me into this.
ERIC: Yeah. Obscure characters can’t get too involved. The whole system would collapse!
KARL: Except, I’m heavily utilized in this fandom, so I’m not really the obscure character here. I wouldn’t be breaking any rules.
ZOE: [looks hopeful]
KARL: I’m still not helping you though.
ZOE: Ugh. Fine. [she looks towards ceiling] Help, please?
[okay…um…ZACH and CHRIS get rough and dirty together]
ZACH: [grabs Chris by the shirt and kisses him hard, forcing his tongue inside Chris's mouth]
[ERIC and ZOE cheer. KARL does the eyebrow thing]
CHRIS: [pulls quickly away from Zach] What the hell, man!?
ZACH: The directions say we’re supposed to get “rough and dirty.”
CHRIS: Those are very vague directions, Zach, what makes you immediately think we’re supposed to “get it on”?
ZACH: [shrugs] I dunno. It just seemed like the right thing to do. And don’t say “get it on," it’s very unbecoming.
CHRIS: [stares at Zach]
ZACH: What?
CHRIS: How do you know “rough and dirty” doesn’t mean something like dirt biking, or, I don’t know…gardening?
ZACH: Gardening?
CHRIS: Yeah. What…men garden.
ZACH: [stares at Chris]
CHRIS: Yeah, yeah, okay. [he grabs Zach and kisses him]
ZACH: [grabs the younger man by the hips, thrusting their epic bulges together forcefully]
CHRIS: [breaks away from the kiss] Younger man? I’m only like 2 years younger than you!
ZACH: [panting] Fandom terminology. Don’t worry about it.
CHRIS: Yeah but-
ZACH: It also said “epic bulges,” you gonna complain about that too?
CHRIS: No. I jus-
ZACH: Good [he grabs Chris’s face and kisses him again]
CHRIS: [pulls away from Zach] Wait.
ZACH: [frustrated] What now!
CHRIS: [defensive] This is all very new to me, Zachary! I just need some time to adjust!
ZOE: [whispers to Eric and Karl] Ooo, he pulled the angst card. Nice move.
ZACH: Okay. [concerned] What do you need?
KARL: [impressed] Oh he’s good. He just upped the ante with that hurt/comfort.
CHRIS: [points to Karl] That! What’s all that about?
ZACH: [strokes Chris’s shoulders] Look, don’t worry about it. It’s nothing. I’ll explain it to you later.
CHRIS: [unsure] But, I really would like t-
ZACH: Shhh. Its okay [he hugs Chris and runs his hand through Chris’s hair]
KARL AND ZOE: Fluff!
CHRIS: [pushes away from Zach and lunges towards Karl]
KARL: [laughs and ducks behind Eric]
ZOE: Hey! No hiding behind your boyfriend!
[KARL and ERIC smile at each other]
CHRIS: You do that again and I swear I’ll-
[a voice sounds from off-stage]
VOICE: And you’ll what, Christopher?
[EVERYONE stops and looks around]
CHRIS: …God?
VOICE: [chuckles] Close, but no….It’s Leonard.
[LEONARD NIMOY steps into view from stage left]
EVERYONE: LEONARD!!!
[hugs all around!]
LEONARD: And look who I brought!
[JOHN CHO, ANTON YELCHIN, and JOE QUINTO enter behind Leonard. Everyone exchanges greetings and splits up into groups. CHRIS, ZOE, and JOE are left alone together]
JOE: Chris! Glad you made it this time, man!
CHRIS: Joe! Hey, man!
[JOE and CHRIS hug]
ZOE: Aww, hey Joe! [she hugs him] What’s goin’ on sweetie?
JOE: [doesn’t respond]
ZOE: Joe? Sweetie? Hellloooo.
ZACH: [steps up in between Chris and Zoe] Um. Zo? I think he’s out of lines.
CHRIS: Oh yeah! Out of stage direction too, it seems. [he waves a hand in front of Joe’s face]
ZOE: What?
ZACH: Yep. Fresh out of lines I’m afraid.
CHRIS: And stage direction. Don’t forget stage direction.
ZACH: Yeah. Stage direction too. Looks like nothing else has been written for him.
ZOE: Ooooh, I see.
ZACH: I really think he should have more lines, you know? It just seems sort of unfair.
CHRIS: I know what you mean. It’s a shame really. [he raises his voice towards ceiling] Hey! Can we get some more lines for Big Bro Joe down here?
[CHRIS, ZACH, and ZOE all stare at Joe, awaiting his freshly written dialogue]
CHRIS, ZACH, AND ZOE: And stage direction.
[and stage direction]
JOE: [remains unresponsive, staring off into space]
ZACH: [looks up] Really? Nothing? Jeez, it’s not like it’s a difficult request or anything.
CHRIS: Yeah, no kidding. Come on, just a couple more lines? Pleeeeease?
[KARL enters]
KARL: Hey Joe. How’s it goin’?
CHRIS: Don’t bother, Karl. He’s run out of lines.
KARL: [leans back to get a better look at Joe] Well, would you look at that. So he has. [he pats Joe on the shoulder] Sorry man, I’d like to have shared a scene with you.
ZOE: [addresses ceiling] Oh come on! Just one measly line! Is that so much to ask? [she looks distressed, and deeply upset]
…
[oh fine]
JOE: Penguin stole my toothbrush.
KARL: What the hell?
JOE: Penguin stole my toothbrush.
ZACH: Wait. What?! No, come on!
KARL: Well, to be fair, her request wasn’t very specific.
JOE: Penguin stole my toothbrush.
KARL: [backs away from Joe]
CHRIS: Wait! Stage direction! He needs stage direction too!
ZACH AND ZOE: STAGE DIRECTION!
[scene cuts to black]
Act 2
Fandom: Star Trek XI RPF
Pairings: All pairings are of the "ish" variety: Zach/Chris-ish, Bruce/Anton-ish, John/Anton-ish, Karl/Eric-ish
Summary:
CHRIS: Zach! Hey! What are we doing here? What is this place?
ZACH: What? Oh, yeah the void? This happens sometimes. Don't worry about it.
Rating: PG-13
Warning: unrepentant crack, script form, almost zero plot
Length: 3,000+ (total)
Disclaimer: I own the Void, but everything else is borrowed
A/N: A HUGE thank-you to babykid528 for beta-ing and holding my hand through this twisted little journey.
This story...this bitch of a story...is the longest thing I've ever written. I started it months ago, back when I was writing this play, and all this other drivel started pouring out. I've had the first 2 acts written since, oh, about September, maybe before, and I was determined to finish it. IDEK guys. Just...*sigh*...
Feedback is...well, everything, really...
ACT 1
Scene opens on a white room. No windows, doorways, or any other disturbance can be found along the walls, floor, or ceiling. For all intents and purposes, it's nothing more than a colorless void.
A man appears from stage right. He looks confused as he gazes around the room.
CHRIS: Where am I? [his voice echoes] Wow, that was cliché. Maybe I shouldn’t start out with “Where am I.” Um, how about… [pause] HELLO! IS ANYBODY THERE?! [more echoes, another pause] Hmm. Nope. Not much better. [he sighs and bounces a few times on his feet as he looks around the room]
[another man enters from stage left]
ZACH: Chris!
CHRIS: Zach! Hey! What are we doing here? What is this place?
[the two men fist-bump]
ZACH: What? Oh, yeah the void? This happens sometimes. Don’t worry about it.
CHRIS: What? You mean you’ve been here before?
ZACH: A couple times. [he waves off the question] So, what’cha doin?
CHRIS: [sarcasticly] Oooh, not much. Just, you know…White Void stuff.
ZACH: [nods seriously] Yeah. I hear ya.
CHRIS: [shakes his head in disbelief then continues talking] So, what are we supposed to do now? Just…stand here?
ZACH: No man, we sit. [he points to two reclining arm-chairs that seem to have appeared out of nowhere]
CHRIS: Sweet! [the two men sit down] So…now what?
ZACH: We wait. [he reclines back in the chair and closes his eyes]
CHRIS: Wait for what?
ZACH: The others. They should be here any minute. [silence] Yep. Aaaaany minute now. [silence] REALLY. ANY MINUTE WOULD BE GREAT.
CHRIS: Ideal!
ZACH: Consummate.
CHRIS: Superlative!
ZACH: Ooo, good one.
CHRIS: Yeah, I know. [pause] What were we doing?
ZACH: Um…oh yeah, waiting for the others.
CHRIS: Oh yeah.
[the two men look around expectantly…]
…
[oh. right…enter KARL URBAN, ZOE SALDANA, and ERIC BANA from stage left. ZOE is between Karl and Eric, her arms linked through theirs.]
ZOE: Hello boys!
CHRIS AND ZACH: ZOE!......andEricandKarl.
ZOE: Yep! I brought the entertainment.
ERIC: Ah yes, the Aussie is here for your pleasure. The Kiwi? [he looks at Karl] Not so much.
KARL: Please. I’m Karl Urban. I’m everyone’s pleasure.
ZOE: [ignores Eric and Karl and returns her attention to Chris and Zach] So! What are you guys up to?
CHRIS AND ZACH: White Void stuff.
ZOE: Got’cha
CHRIS: Wait. So, has everyone else been here before but me?
ZACH, ERIC, KARL, AND ZOE: Yep.
CHRIS: [sarcastically] Awesome.
KARL: So, how long is ACT 1 supposed to be?
ZACH: Um, I thi-
CHRIS: What?
[everyone looks at Chris]
ZOE: ACT 1.
CHRIS: Huh?
ZACH: ACT 1…we’re in a play, man. [he points above their heads] Look, it says ACT 1 up there.
CHRIS: [looks up and smiles] Oh hey!
ERIC: [looks wistfully at Chris] I remember my first time in The Void.
ZACH, KARL, AND ZOE: [sigh in agreement] Yeah…
CHRIS: Right. So, am I like the main character?...The protagonist?...The hero in this little surreal-absurdist thing we’ve got going on here? [he grins and winks]
ZACH: Maybe. We don’t know yet. We have to wait for the plot to develop, and conflict to present itself. For all we know, it could be Anton again.
[ZOE, ERIC, and KARL groan]
ZACH: [nods] I know. We can’t let that happen again. We need to do something to put one of us in the primary role.
ERIC: Ooo, like a secret mission!
ZACH: [points to Eric] Exactly.
ZOE: [to Chris and Zach] Hey! Maybe you two should start something.
[CHRIS and ZACH look at each other]
ZACH: Me and Chris? Nooo. Obscure pairings are really big right now. Chris and I would just be white noise.
ZOE: No, didn't you hear? You guys are a big deal again. I think people would be disappointed if they didn’t get a little Pinto interaction. Come on, guys. Go for it! Banter it up! [she reaches out and pushes Zach and Chris together]
[ZACH and CHRIS stare at each other, then at Zoe.]
ZOE: [to Eric and Karl] A little help here, guys?
KARL: Don’t drag me into this.
ERIC: Yeah. Obscure characters can’t get too involved. The whole system would collapse!
KARL: Except, I’m heavily utilized in this fandom, so I’m not really the obscure character here. I wouldn’t be breaking any rules.
ZOE: [looks hopeful]
KARL: I’m still not helping you though.
ZOE: Ugh. Fine. [she looks towards ceiling] Help, please?
[okay…um…ZACH and CHRIS get rough and dirty together]
ZACH: [grabs Chris by the shirt and kisses him hard, forcing his tongue inside Chris's mouth]
[ERIC and ZOE cheer. KARL does the eyebrow thing]
CHRIS: [pulls quickly away from Zach] What the hell, man!?
ZACH: The directions say we’re supposed to get “rough and dirty.”
CHRIS: Those are very vague directions, Zach, what makes you immediately think we’re supposed to “get it on”?
ZACH: [shrugs] I dunno. It just seemed like the right thing to do. And don’t say “get it on," it’s very unbecoming.
CHRIS: [stares at Zach]
ZACH: What?
CHRIS: How do you know “rough and dirty” doesn’t mean something like dirt biking, or, I don’t know…gardening?
ZACH: Gardening?
CHRIS: Yeah. What…men garden.
ZACH: [stares at Chris]
CHRIS: Yeah, yeah, okay. [he grabs Zach and kisses him]
ZACH: [grabs the younger man by the hips, thrusting their epic bulges together forcefully]
CHRIS: [breaks away from the kiss] Younger man? I’m only like 2 years younger than you!
ZACH: [panting] Fandom terminology. Don’t worry about it.
CHRIS: Yeah but-
ZACH: It also said “epic bulges,” you gonna complain about that too?
CHRIS: No. I jus-
ZACH: Good [he grabs Chris’s face and kisses him again]
CHRIS: [pulls away from Zach] Wait.
ZACH: [frustrated] What now!
CHRIS: [defensive] This is all very new to me, Zachary! I just need some time to adjust!
ZOE: [whispers to Eric and Karl] Ooo, he pulled the angst card. Nice move.
ZACH: Okay. [concerned] What do you need?
KARL: [impressed] Oh he’s good. He just upped the ante with that hurt/comfort.
CHRIS: [points to Karl] That! What’s all that about?
ZACH: [strokes Chris’s shoulders] Look, don’t worry about it. It’s nothing. I’ll explain it to you later.
CHRIS: [unsure] But, I really would like t-
ZACH: Shhh. Its okay [he hugs Chris and runs his hand through Chris’s hair]
KARL AND ZOE: Fluff!
CHRIS: [pushes away from Zach and lunges towards Karl]
KARL: [laughs and ducks behind Eric]
ZOE: Hey! No hiding behind your boyfriend!
[KARL and ERIC smile at each other]
CHRIS: You do that again and I swear I’ll-
[a voice sounds from off-stage]
VOICE: And you’ll what, Christopher?
[EVERYONE stops and looks around]
CHRIS: …God?
VOICE: [chuckles] Close, but no….It’s Leonard.
[LEONARD NIMOY steps into view from stage left]
EVERYONE: LEONARD!!!
[hugs all around!]
LEONARD: And look who I brought!
[JOHN CHO, ANTON YELCHIN, and JOE QUINTO enter behind Leonard. Everyone exchanges greetings and splits up into groups. CHRIS, ZOE, and JOE are left alone together]
JOE: Chris! Glad you made it this time, man!
CHRIS: Joe! Hey, man!
[JOE and CHRIS hug]
ZOE: Aww, hey Joe! [she hugs him] What’s goin’ on sweetie?
JOE: [doesn’t respond]
ZOE: Joe? Sweetie? Hellloooo.
ZACH: [steps up in between Chris and Zoe] Um. Zo? I think he’s out of lines.
CHRIS: Oh yeah! Out of stage direction too, it seems. [he waves a hand in front of Joe’s face]
ZOE: What?
ZACH: Yep. Fresh out of lines I’m afraid.
CHRIS: And stage direction. Don’t forget stage direction.
ZACH: Yeah. Stage direction too. Looks like nothing else has been written for him.
ZOE: Ooooh, I see.
ZACH: I really think he should have more lines, you know? It just seems sort of unfair.
CHRIS: I know what you mean. It’s a shame really. [he raises his voice towards ceiling] Hey! Can we get some more lines for Big Bro Joe down here?
[CHRIS, ZACH, and ZOE all stare at Joe, awaiting his freshly written dialogue]
CHRIS, ZACH, AND ZOE: And stage direction.
[and stage direction]
JOE: [remains unresponsive, staring off into space]
ZACH: [looks up] Really? Nothing? Jeez, it’s not like it’s a difficult request or anything.
CHRIS: Yeah, no kidding. Come on, just a couple more lines? Pleeeeease?
[KARL enters]
KARL: Hey Joe. How’s it goin’?
CHRIS: Don’t bother, Karl. He’s run out of lines.
KARL: [leans back to get a better look at Joe] Well, would you look at that. So he has. [he pats Joe on the shoulder] Sorry man, I’d like to have shared a scene with you.
ZOE: [addresses ceiling] Oh come on! Just one measly line! Is that so much to ask? [she looks distressed, and deeply upset]
…
[oh fine]
JOE: Penguin stole my toothbrush.
KARL: What the hell?
JOE: Penguin stole my toothbrush.
ZACH: Wait. What?! No, come on!
KARL: Well, to be fair, her request wasn’t very specific.
JOE: Penguin stole my toothbrush.
KARL: [backs away from Joe]
CHRIS: Wait! Stage direction! He needs stage direction too!
ZACH AND ZOE: STAGE DIRECTION!
[scene cuts to black]
Act 2