So Let's Talk About Stalking

[hfcougar]

I would like to get a conversation going about what we in the SCA can and should do about stalkers and abusers who come to events and harrass or intimidate others, whether premeditated (made a deliberate plan to show up and intimidate a given person) or spur of the moment (saw a given person at an event and decided on the spot to intimidate them).

Comments

[rosinavs]

I think this is a very worthy conversation to have, and I wish to be part of it. However, I'm not sure if I'll be able to handle it right now - my triggers are being tromped on mightily at the moment. My emotional spoons need to be spent on applying to jobs.

[owynn]

So what can be done

[hfcougar]

Thank you, this is a very comprehensive list.

One problem I'm having in a situation I'm trying to help with is the individual's local group refuses to believe they are being harrassed at events and so won't touch it with a ten foot pole. This to me is very frustrating. The person doing the harassing has actually had to be thrown out of an event before in a different geographic area.

[owynn]

escalate the issue to the regional.

[guendalina]

What owyn said is the most obvious type of problem. However what do we do about the woman who is getting more and more frantic and stressed because her abuser is texting her from across an event hall telling her hewill no longer be Mr. Nice Guy and she needs to come over and talk to him now or else while acting jovially and happy and making jokes with the people around him.

[lauradi7]

This is a very serious and worthwhile topic. I presume there is a large overlap between SCA folks and Readercon folks, and maybe crossover discussions could be useful. But I was totally pulled out of the original thought by old-timer indignation at the thought of people texting at an event. Why aren't the phones in the changing room? If Mr not Nice Guy tried to harass that woman out loud, I'd hope that someone would come to her defense.

[guendalina]

there are people who need to have phones with them at an event for one reason or another....i think that is something that has just come to be accepted. I am a merchant. My phone is always sitting next to me at my table because it is also the device with which i run my credit cards. I also have an elderly mother at home and I need to be available in case something happens. The problem with the situation I spoke about becomes when the lady gets friends to help her and her child and stuff out of the event and then the abuser starts doing the woe is me she's maligning me. look you all saw me... i did nothing. She's lying...and she is not there to say, hey....this is what happened.....

[hfcougar]

I mean this as gently as I possibly can, and I too very much hate seeing people texting at events in public areas, but I feel any arguments of "they shouldn't have their phones out at an event in the first place" veers dangerously in the direction toward "she shouldn't be walking alone late at night", etc.

[benndragon]

I'm going to BARCC training on "how to deal with (reports of) sexual harassment in your community/subculture" on Tuesday. If it seems like useful training for SCA folks (particularly those who run events and the like), I will let you know and we can discuss it.

[guendalina]

I agree. I think autocrats need to understand how to deal with this sort of thing. I think they don't understand and they don't think about it because they don't think this problem exists in the SCA.

[hfcougar]

Yes, I would very much like to find out information and attend a similar training. How did you find out about it?

A persistent problem I'm having in one situation I'm trying to help triage is no one will believe the targeted person was harrassed in the first place, which just makes me want to go around punching people in the face.

[jedilora]

BARCC training is being done for both the Arisia staff and Boskone staff this year.

[whildbill]

Seems to me like a good discussion to be having.

If you would like, I can signal-boost in my journal(via a short blurb, and a link to this post)?

[hfcougar]

I would be fine with that. I had to think about it for a moment, but this discussion needs a wider audience and the post is public after all.

[whildbill]

I thought you'd be okay with it, but I figured I should ask.