Comments | hermionesviolin: "And for the faithless, not the true believer, this song's for you"

hermionesviolin

"And for the faithless, not the true believer, this song's for you"

Nov 24, 2006 23:04

I saw Mr. Carver on my way to the library this morning; he asked me if I was looking for a place on my own and I said I wasn't eager to move again anytime soon, that I got along with my roommates, and he interrupted and said he hadn't realized I'd moved in to an apartment. Oops ( Read more... )

polls, sex: sexual ethics, people: n: terry, honesty

Comments 12

athene November 25 2006, 04:51:08 UTC

What about those of us who are poly and are in committed open relationships. My answer would be, "Let me ask my partners and if they say ok, then yes" but I chose the yes answer because it fits the best.

hermionesviolin November 25 2006, 05:25:47 UTC

That makes sense. My stance throughout this ongoing discussion has been that if one has committed to a partner, one needs to get an okay from said partner before engaging in sexual relations with someone other than said partner.

You're always the person I think of when I start explaining to someone about poly since you're the person who introduced the concept to me :)

lilithchilde November 25 2006, 05:30:16 UTC

That just goes for me, personally. As I think I've mentioned, it's not a matter of right and wrong (to me), just what I'm individually comfortable with/looking for.

hermionesviolin November 25 2006, 05:37:03 UTC

::nods::

(Every time I see that icon of yours I initially think they're My Little Ponies.)

zzrg November 25 2006, 10:15:37 UTC

I'd have different answers for that question if the question was literal or figurative. The literal idea of a naked hottie walking up to me out of the blue is quite off putting. It was absurdly easy to say no. But the figurative concept of meeting someone in the bookstore, unexpectedly falling in lust over an espresso and a conversation, and then to have that person indicate an immediate desire for you. Well the answer would still be no, but it would be a much more difficult answer to give.

hermionesviolin November 25 2006, 20:05:48 UTC

The poll question is phrased almost exactly as Terry posed it to me :) I agree with your interpretation of it and think your figurative scenario is fairly true to what he was trying to get across.

helholden November 25 2006, 13:35:30 UTC

I feel horrible how I selected yes without anything else. Maybe this is why I don't trust anyone in relationships -- because I don't trust myself. It's nice being single sometimes.

hermionesviolin November 25 2006, 20:08:48 UTC

I, too, tend to project, but in my case that means it takes long convincing for me to believe someone would cheat on zir spouse. In part I have great terror of getting caught, but also the "You can't do that. Because it's Wrong." part of my brain is strong.

According to Terry's data set, there are plenty of people who have no qualms about having sex with a person they barely know, regardless the relationship status of either or both parties.

helholden November 26 2006, 11:33:53 UTC

I think I understand to a large degree that sex is sex, and it doesn't have to be loving or deep or meaningful. But at the same time, I wouldn't just take a complete stranger. If it was someone I really wanted and had been wanting, I would probably grab it without thought. I had to have been fantasizing about this person, though, for me to take a flat out offer for no-strings sex.

Then again, I'm not in a committed relationship, nor have I ever been, so I honestly do not know how I would react to cheating on a person I was in a committed relationship with. I have to have been there to know what I would do in that situation, and I've not had a connected or deep relationship before. Chances are, I probably wouldn't take it. But I just don't know, and I wouldn't bet anything on it.

So, I selected yes because that's the only thing I'm sure on right now.

wisdomeagle November 25 2006, 15:32:44 UTC

I agree with zzrg's qualification above -- literally, it's not at all a sexy scenario. I'm beginning to wonder how accurate my answer is. I'm sure that I'd like to say yes if an attractive member of my preferred demographic wanted to have sex with me -- but so. damn. shy. (I'd hope that in a relationship I would be/am loyal enough, but I haven't really been tested physically.

I'm probably going to veer into TMI pretty soon, and I have work soon.

hermionesviolin November 25 2006, 20:36:16 UTC

My reply to zzrg: "The poll question is phrased almost exactly as Terry posed it to me :) I agree with your interpretation of it and think your figurative scenario is fairly true to what he was trying to get across."

My "it depends" was primarily that I'm really not sure I could have sex outside the context of a relationship (though I question this when I'm feeling really horny or whatever -- but wherever it is that my sexual ethics come from, sex is so heavily freighted for me that I strongly suspect it's something I would more regret doing than I would not doing). I am, as always, amused that friends of mine who are way more shy, socially awkward, etc., have had way more sex/relationships than I.

The idea of cheating on one's partner is so foreign to me. As I said to Rana above, I have great terror of getting caught (it occurs to me now that this probably has as much to do with my control-freak nature as it does with having grown up as a "good girl"), but also the "You can't do that. It's Wrong." part of my brain is strong. Though ( ... )