my brother is a coconut

[hermetic]

Yes, I know.

It's not a helping thing to say, "coconut." It's not helping to judge him like that, and who, by the way, appointed me arbiter of all that is Mexican? No one, that's who. I'm no one to judge. And it's not like I don't understand his dilemma and his choices and how that must be so hard, so conflicted for him. I do. I get it. I know

Comments

[logovo]

"we always knew you weren't really Mexican--just look at your kids!"

Damn.

I keep thinking about your mother and thinking about my own mom, and how she would be so heartbroken in the same situation, even as her love would always be there.

[hermetic]

how she would be so heartbroken in the same situation, even as her love would always be there

Yes, precisely.

It makes me so angry... it's not something I can fix. I can call it like I see it, and even try to find some kindness when I do (and fail, more often than not), but it's just hard.

Thanks for stopping by.

[nc_blue]

It is really a shame that your brother is not only turning his back on his heritage, but hurting so many people (of multiple generations, because this is going to be so unhelpful for his children) in doing so.

[hermetic]

Yes. One of the things that angers me most is the fact that he's deprived his children of half of their legacy. Something that should be theirs is not, because my brother hasn't gotten his head out of his ass.

[chipmunk_planet]

Thank you for this post, and for this comment.

[nc_blue]

One of the things that angers me most is the fact that he's deprived his children of half of their legacy.

Exactly. Luckily for them, they have an uncle and a grandmother who will teach them that heritage, if/when they choose to seek it out.

[hermetic]

Thank you. And thank you for sharing, Nora.

There are so many things about this situation that just anger me, but one of the things that makes me just sad is that he could have found a way to define himself that incorporated our culture. And he had a period where he did. And then he chose otherwise. Which is where a lot of my sense of betrayal comes from.

He bought into the stereotype when he once had the reality...

I hope he finds his way past.

[delux_vivens]

Thank you for sharing this, I know it must have been difficult.

[hermetic]

You're welcome. Thank you for reading it.

It was difficult, but this is something I've been working through for a long time. It's just opportune now.

[illariy]

Thanks for this great post. They certainly made me think anew about some of my own choices (I'm mixed race but German). It's a difficult subject.

I think the biggest problem is the judgement of the majority of people when they see someone who looks and behaves Mexican &ndash I'm not US-American but I know that it's generally not seen as something positive or even neutral... I wish it was different.

[illariy]

Ah, and where are my manners, I forgot the most important thing: thank you so much for making this post and sorting through these issues, viewed from many perspectives, in public. Very illuminating, thank you very much.

[hermetic]

You're welcome.

I'm a writer... I find that I work through things best when I write through them, and having an audience helps.