Puppet Who 61-70
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chapter 61 moonmonkey (moonmonkeylj )
The first puppet Evil Eight-puppet comes across is the newly repaired Nine-puppet, who bumps into him just outside the laundry room,
“Eight-puppet?”
“Yes?”
“You look… different… What’s up?… Have you done something to your hair..?”
“No…, no, no…”
Nine-puppet puts out a big fabric paw to stop the smaller puppet in his tracks,
“What’re you up to?”
“Nothing! Now, will you let me pass?”
“No. You’re up to something, yer smarmy git..”
“What?”
“You’re up to something..”
“I am not! Now stop mucking about and let me pass!”
“I move for no puppet. Specially not little flouncy ones that are up to something..”.
“So be it!”
Evil Eight-puppet launches himself at Nine-puppet and the two struggle,
“Ah Hah!”
Evil Eight-puppet gets a grip and rips Nine-puppet’s arm off. (Sadly Four-puppet was right in his assessment of the poor standard of his needlework).
Evil Eight is magnanimous in victory,
“Now stand aside, old friend.”
“It’s only a scratch.”
“A scratch? Your arm's off!”
“No, it isn't. “
“Well, what's that, then? “
“I've had worse. “
And Nine-puppet leaps at Evil Eight-puppet and again they struggle violently, fluff flying everywhere from Nine-puppet’s ripped shoulder,
“Aaaaaaaah!”
Evil Eight-puppet has ripped Nine puppet’s other arm off.
“Victory is mine!”
He clasps his puppet hands as best he can above his puppet head and turns his back on Nine puppet to make a victory run up and down the corridor,
“Hah!” As Eight-puppet returns to Nine-puppet, Nine-puppet kicks him hard in the coat buttons,“Come on, then!”
“What?!”
“Come and ‘ave a go if y’think yer ‘ard enough!”
And the armless Nine-puppet kicks out at Evil Eight-puppet once again, who jumps back, protesting,
“Nine-puppet! You’re a nutter. I won.”
“Oh, had enough, eh?”
“Look, you stupid git. You've got no arms left.”
“Yes, I have.”
“Look! What’s missing from this picture?”
“It’s just a flesh wound.”
And Nine-puppet tries to kick Evil Eight-puppet once again,
“Look, stop that!”
“Chicken!” (kick, kick) “Chickennn!”
“Look, I'll have your leg.”
“Chicken!”[kick]
Evil Eight-puppet sighs, and rips Nine-puppet’s leg off.
“Right. I'll do you for that!”
“You'll what?”
“Come here!”
“What are you going to do - fluff on me?”
“I am Nine-puppet. I am big and I am hard. And you are a great big wus in a velvet coat!”
“You're a looney.”
“I won the snogging contest! I will win this! Come on, then!.”
Evil Eight-puppet rolls his eyes, cos evil puppets are especially good at that, and rips Nine-puppet’s remaining leg clean off.
“Oh? Oh. All right, we'll call it a draw.”
Evil Eight-puppet sighs, dusts off his hands, steps over the pile of bits on the floor and continues down the corridor, muttering,
“One down….”
And Nine-puppet’s voice follows him down the corridor,
“Oi! Oh, I see. Running away, eh? Come back here and take what's coming to you! I'll bite yer legs off!”…
chapter 62 ThroughanAmberfocus (amberfocus )
Ten-puppet, who was supposed to be enjoying his honeymoon with Rose-puppet, was not. Not after the first three days when they’d finally decided to do other than honeymoonish things for a bit. Rose was bored. He knew she was bored because she was doing everything she could to draw attention to that fact.
“I’m bored,” she announced. “B-O-R-E-D. Bored. Completely totally.”
“So you’re bored then,” Ten-puppet said, sitting up and sighing. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this.”
“Well, what did you expect? You know whenever the main characters get all happy and married they get stuck on the back burner.”
“It was supposed to be different for us. We’re forever!” Said Ten. He’d tried to sound imposing but it came out kind of weak. Suddenly he felt weak all over, like someone was trying to tear him apart.
“What’s wrong?” Said Rose-puppet, sensing the change.
“I think we hit a plot twist! We have to go back. Someone’s tried to kill one of me! We have to find him and fix him, Rose! Or I’ll disappear forever.”
“I suppose I could marry Nine then,” mused Rose. “He was never boring.”
“Oi!” Said Ten-puppet. “Standing right here. Standing right exactly here.”
“More like listing to the side. I think you’re right. Let’s go save the day.”
And so they did, returning to the scene of the obvious crime, finding Nine-puppet in many pieces, strangely coloured fluff between his teeth and all of his limbs torn off. Sighing as Ten-puppet passed out in pain, Rose-puppet began to sew Nine-puppet back together. This time she used a double strength knit stitch and reinforced it.
As Nine-puppet regained consciousness, so did Ten-puppet. “So,” said Rose-puppet, looking back and forth between them. “How do you two feel about sharing?” At the mirror Oncoming Storm looks they gave her she began to sing…
“Caught between two lovers…feeling like a fool…”
“What else is new?”
“Mum?” Jackie-Tyler-puppet had just appeared in the corridor behind them. She gave Nine- and Ten-puppets each a good smack before turning to Rose.
“What do I gotta do to sort this?” She asked her daughter. “My show’s on tonight.”
chapter 63 herk (herk227 )
Evil Eight had of course no idea about Nine-puppets untimely recovery. He cackled happily to himself, Ten-puppet was on honeymoon and Nine-puppet was in shreds.
His next steps lead him to the washing room again, he had forgotten something there. His coat made him go there, pick it up.
When he would be armed with a giant wooden Spooney-Six he would feel better - complete. And wooden spoons were great to beat up puppets.
Only Spooney-Six was nowhere in the washing room.
Evil puppet-Eight was devastated. "Spooney! Spoohoney!"
****
"Mu-hum." Rose-puppet was very, very unhappy. "Would you please let go of the Doctor-puppet. We're married."
"Oh no you're not. Not by some real church anyway. And it's not a real marriage if your mother's not there, everyone knows that. You need family to tie the knot."
Jackie-puppet waved menacingly with her wooden spoon in the direction of Ten-puppet.
"Look Jackie." Nine-puppet valiantly tried to help Ten- and Rose-puppet "There was no way to get you to the marriage as long as you weren't a puppet, too. And we didn't want to get you into this mess."
"You!" she pointed at him with her frightening weapon. "We've got to have a word, mister. It's all your fault anyway, with your hate of family and domesticity. It was your idea wasn't it." And she began to give poor Nine-puppet a real trashing. When she was finished the proud Time Lord-puppet cowered in a corner trying to hide behind his arms.
"Now." she turned to Ten-puppet, who tried to hide behind Rose-puppet, which didn't work very well, because she tried to hide behind him at the same time.
"At least this marriage isn't relevant, you can easily have it annulled, since it was never consumed."
When she saw the guilty look on the two puppets faces, her voice went a notch more hysterical.
"You're puppets for Christ's sake! How'd you...?"
The look went more and more guilty. Rose-puppet finally won the battle and succeeded in hiding behind her husband.
"DON'T tell me you're anatomically correct." Puppet-Jackie said in a menacingly low voice.
"Ehm actually not, but you can do a lot if you're inventive with your.." Ten-puppet was clobbered in to silence with Spooney-Six.
The poor Spoon tried to call out to his more animated half, but since puppets didn't have telepathy it didn't work.
When Jackie-puppet was finished with Ten-puppet, two very sad Doctor-puppets cowered in one corner.
"So, that's that. Now will someone please tell me where the moron is, that did this to me, I'm just warmed up and I want to see my show."
*Puff* *plock*
Jackie-puppet was gone - simply vanished. Only Spooney-Six laid lonely on the ground.
"Whoever our evil mastermind is. I think he was clever enough to fear your mother." Nine-puppet said.
"And right he is." Ten agreed.
"I soo hope she'll think this was all a dream, or I'll never hear the end of it, when I get de-puppified." Rose-puppet prayed.
chapter 64 Bily
Poor Nine-puppet was being sewn back together by Four-puppet, who was, by now, actually improving at his sewing skills.
But all this was interrupted when Evil Eight-puppet appeared before them in a puff of smoke, humming a tune that resembled that of Puff the Magic Dragon. Sources report that he was dyslexic, and instantly associated puffs of smoke with that old fairytale dragon called Puff.
After the smoke had cleared, Evil Eight-puppet launched himself at Four-puppet, but fell to the ground as Four ran away.
And so Evil Eight-puppet followed, cackling. But just as Nine had thought his troubles were over, he was hit with an arrow. Behind him came Five-puppet, who had been grooming his hair earlier.
"Holy Dalekanium!" cried Five, stopping in his tracks at the sight of Nine. "You've been shot!"
"No, I'm alright," said Nine. "I'm fine."
"Oh, dear sweet Concord!"
"It's Nine."
"I shall go and get help."
"No, it's alright. I'm getting better."
"Don't speak. I shall go."
"I'm fine to come with you."
"I shall return!"
And with that, Five-puppet galloped off on an imaginary horse, clapping his hands, because he didn't have any coconuts.
Nine simply rolled his eyes, wondering what to do.
"Aha!" he cried in realisation.
Yes, this will work just fine, he thought to himself. I've always wanted to know the air-speed velocity of an unleadened swallow.
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Meanwhile, in London, where there are no known ranches, a pizza delivery boy by the name of Fred disappeared right off the streets.
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Back at 10 Downing Street, Master-puppet and Zodin-puppet were still cackling. Luckily, Zodin had figured out a way to puppefy Lucy. And so they did. Now all three puppets cackled away.
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Meanwhile, back at the TARDIS, Rose and Ten were welcomed back by everyone with open arms, legs, nostrils, and the occasional left eyebrow. How they accomplished opening their left eyebrows, no one knows. But nevertheless, that is what they did.
"We had a lovely time," said Rose. "We conga'd all night long."
"Whoa," said Romana-puppet, pointing to the little boy in the blue hat. "There's a child present."
--------------------
Meanwhile, back at an actual ranch, Farmer Billy-Bob accidentally shot his cow. Tough break
chapter 65 moonmonkey (moonmonkeylj )
Jack-puppet had been asleep through all this, which is why no-one seems to have seen him for a while. But he was woken by all the commotion, and as soon as he heard the voice in the corridor, he hurried to open his door and stuck out his head,
“Yeah, yeah, OK, I’m here. Direct approach, but why not…?”
Evil Eight-puppet stopped in his tracks, put down his heavy burden and turned in surprise,
“Pardon?”
“Oh, Eight-puppet, it’s you. Sorry, weren’t you calling me?”
“No?”
“Ah - I thought I heard you shouting, “Sex on a stick, sex on a stick, come on - wanna roll in the hay?”
“No - that was me reassuring my battered friend here…. “Six that’s a stick, Six that’s a stick, hold on, you’re gonna be OK…”
Jack-puppet looked at Evil Eight-puppet…. “Oh..”
Evil Eight-puppet looked at Jack-puppet…. He looked him up and he looked him down…. And he replied,
“But then all work and no play…. “
Jack-puppet bounced up and down with delight,
“Oh, goody, goody!! And no-one would ever call this Jack-puppet a dull boy!!”
And Jack-puppet grabbed Evil Eight-puppet and dragged him into the room, kicking the door firmly shut behind him.
So as Ten-puppet and (the recovered) Nine-puppet came bolting around the corner with Four-puppet and Five-puppet all they found is Spooney-Six lying on the floor. They stopped and listened for a moment, and the Ten-puppet turned to his other selves,
“Hmm, sounds like Evil Eight-puppet has Jack-puppet in his clutches…”
“Or, actually, it sounds more like that Jack-puppet has Evil Eight-puppet in *his* clutches…”
They looked at each other.
“Either way, doesn’t sound like anyone needs rescuing at the moment,….”
“Nope. Well, if it’s all quiet for the moment…. Cuppa?”
“That’s the first sensible thing anyone’s said for at last 15 chapters…. Last one to the kitchen's a muppet!”
********
“Aaah, thanks Rose-puppet, love, that’s a lovely cup of tea - one of the many lovely ways you take after your mum, it is. You do make a great cuppa..”
Rose-puppet looked at Ten-puppet as if he’s gone off his little puppet head,
“Er… you’re welcome sweetie, no worries..”
Nine-puppet leaned over to hiss at Ten-puppet,
“What are you on about? Jackie-puppet’s tea is terrible!”
Ten-puppet hissed back,
“Yeah, I know. But I just have this really strange feeling, that although she might not be here in puppet body any longer, even though we can’t see her… I just can’t help thinking that she’s still got her little beady eye on everything that’s going on and, when she finally sees the need, she’s gonna be straight back in here like gangbusters, so we need to tread really, really, carefully….”
Nine-puppet was silenced by admiration, but gave his later self a huge grin and a slap on the back that really, honestly, wasn’t supposed to send him head first into the Jaffa Cakes…
*********************************************
Meanwhile, Jack-puppet turned over lazily to ask Evil Eight-puppet,
“Hey, I don’t know about you, but I’m starving now… I’m sure I’ve got a pizza delivery leaflet around here somewhere…. Are you hungry…?”
chapter 66 Bily
Fred Fredericks, a teenage pizza boy, had disappeared off the streets of London. Now he was somewhere unknown to him, but known to others. Particularly one other who had just recently meandered into the console room.
"WHAT THE HELL?!" cried Seven-puppet, who has not been mentioned for many a chapter, and deserves mentioning.
"Whoa," exclaimed Fred, looking around. "I'm in a space ship!"
"No you're not," Seven lied. "You're not in a space ship. This is...a studio.
"A studio?"
"Ehm, yeah. Welcome to the BBC."
--------------------
Meanwhile, Ten-puppet and Rose-puppet were in their bedroom...
Playing Chinese checkers.
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"AHHHHHHHHH!" came the cry of Four-puppet, running into the console room, not even noticing Fred there. "THE BOY!!! IT IS THE BOY!!!"
"What boy?" asked Seven.
"The boy with the blue hat! Remember him?!"
"Yes. What about him?"
"He is still here!"
"I thought Romana disposed of---I mean, took him back home."
"That's just it! She's taken someone else!"
"Oh Rassilon."
"What?"
"He was wearing Adric's clothes."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
-------------------
Meanwhile, Ten had Rose against the console...
Teaching her how to pilot the TARDIS.
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Meanwhile, back at the ranch where Farmer Billy-Bob lived, a chicken escaped the pen. Tough break again.
chapter 67 moonmonkey (moonmonkeylj )
Nine-puppet and Five-puppet are still in the kitchen, working their way through the last box of Jaffa Cakes, when Ten-puppet comes in, tugs open a cupboard and starts taking out cups and deliberately, one by one, smashing them in the sink.
"Wassamatterwivim?" enquires Five-puppet through a mouthful of chocolatey orange
"What's the matter with him?" translates Nine-puppet,
"Oh, the matter is that Chapter 68 is really beginning to get to him... He knows Jackie's watching and she might be back any minute. And he knows darn well that a few random beatings before she sorts out the plot would never be out of the question...But what's worse for him, getting beaten to a pulp by the magnificent JT, or keeping his little plush paws off Rose-puppet for any length of time?!... I don't know how much longer he's gonna last..."
Five-puppet being a kindly puppet turns to Ten-puppet,
"Jaffa Cake, old son?"
And then, ten minutes later, as Nine-puppet finally extricates him from the kitchen cupboard,
"Well, I know he's upset, but I don't think that was entirely necessary...."
Meanwhile, Evil Eight-puppet is standing in Jack-puppet’s room, gently kicking a sad heap of fabric and fluff,
“So, Captain Jack-puppet, not quite as flexible as you thought you were, after all?”
And the bad, bad puppet makes his way to the bedroom door, turning back just as he opens it to remark,
“But I do really, *really*, hate pizza..”
And with that he goes out into the corridor, hoists poor old Spooney-Six (who has been left here all the time, sadly neglected, and not even offered a cup of tea!) back over his shoulder and goes on his way, cackling softly….
chapter 68 herk (herk227 )
"Ehem, excuse me, but I don't think the BBC produces the muppet show." Fred the pizza boy started.
"WE ARE NO MUPPETS!" Four exclaimed. "We are puppets, we may be mad puppets but we are not muppets!"
"Yes, the copyright law would have made it to expensive for the BBC, you know how tight their budget is. Especially with their really innovative sci-fi children's programs." Seven explained.
"What is sci-fi about muppets?" Fred asked and was promptly hit over the head by a wooden spoon.
"We are not muppets!" Four stated again.
Evil Eight who had done the hitting said "I am the enforcer of copyright law."
Seven-puppet tensed. That meant Eight-puppet had gone evil, truly evil. He carefully took some steps back, he wouldn't want to draw the attention of the evil incarnated puppet.
Eight's glued on eyes narrowed, he took a step in Seven-puppets direction.
"Hey, pizza." Four-puppet noticed with delight. He grabbed after the box.
Evil Eight's eyes widened. He turned and fled the scene with everyone unharmed. (Well except Fred but do delivery boys count?)
chapter 69 ThroughanAmberFocus (amberfocus )
Jack-puppet had been well and truly killed by Eight-puppet. There would be no hope for him of being sewed carefully back together by Rose-puppet or even haphazardly back together by Donna-puppet, who he’d heard (literally heard, her screech carried for miles) was around. So Jack did the very thing that he did best (no not that!). He came back to life.
As he took in a deep breath and opened his eyes he realized he was back in human form. “Look, I’m a real boy again!” He cried out in jubilation. It was the wrong thing to say. There was a swish of blue wings, a quiet song having to do with wishing upon stars and dreams coming true, a gentle popping noise was heard and he reverted back to puppet form. But, he noticed, he definitely was a much finer version of puppet. No more googly eyes or yarn hair. If he wasn’t mistaken, parts of him were actually carved from wood. ‘Fitting,’ he thought.
He strolled towards the control room. It was time to find Evil Eight and take him down!
chapter 70 Bily
Meanwhile, back in the console room, Four-puppet was carefully explaining to Fred the many differences between puppets and muppets, when he heard a cling and clang, and Jack-puppet came running in.
Four instantly noticed that Jack as now made of wood, and was carrying a very large book in his hands.
"I've done it!" he cried. "I've finished it!"
"Finished what?" asked Fred, still gazing in awe at Jack's wooden...er, nose.
"My novel!"
"What novel?" asked Four.
"It's called How to become a Wooden Puppet. I wrote it myself."
"Hence why it is your novel."
"Yeah. Anyway, I'm done!"
"Hurray for you, Jack."
"Thanks. Now I'm off to go tell the others. Later, alligator!"
"Ehm...later, Jack."
--------------------
Meanwhile, Ten and Rose were in bed...
cleaning the pizza stains out of the sheets.
next chapter
chapter 61 moonmonkey (moonmonkeylj )
The first puppet Evil Eight-puppet comes across is the newly repaired Nine-puppet, who bumps into him just outside the laundry room,
“Eight-puppet?”
“Yes?”
“You look… different… What’s up?… Have you done something to your hair..?”
“No…, no, no…”
Nine-puppet puts out a big fabric paw to stop the smaller puppet in his tracks,
“What’re you up to?”
“Nothing! Now, will you let me pass?”
“No. You’re up to something, yer smarmy git..”
“What?”
“You’re up to something..”
“I am not! Now stop mucking about and let me pass!”
“I move for no puppet. Specially not little flouncy ones that are up to something..”.
“So be it!”
Evil Eight-puppet launches himself at Nine-puppet and the two struggle,
“Ah Hah!”
Evil Eight-puppet gets a grip and rips Nine-puppet’s arm off. (Sadly Four-puppet was right in his assessment of the poor standard of his needlework).
Evil Eight is magnanimous in victory,
“Now stand aside, old friend.”
“It’s only a scratch.”
“A scratch? Your arm's off!”
“No, it isn't. “
“Well, what's that, then? “
“I've had worse. “
And Nine-puppet leaps at Evil Eight-puppet and again they struggle violently, fluff flying everywhere from Nine-puppet’s ripped shoulder,
“Aaaaaaaah!”
Evil Eight-puppet has ripped Nine puppet’s other arm off.
“Victory is mine!”
He clasps his puppet hands as best he can above his puppet head and turns his back on Nine puppet to make a victory run up and down the corridor,
“Hah!” As Eight-puppet returns to Nine-puppet, Nine-puppet kicks him hard in the coat buttons,“Come on, then!”
“What?!”
“Come and ‘ave a go if y’think yer ‘ard enough!”
And the armless Nine-puppet kicks out at Evil Eight-puppet once again, who jumps back, protesting,
“Nine-puppet! You’re a nutter. I won.”
“Oh, had enough, eh?”
“Look, you stupid git. You've got no arms left.”
“Yes, I have.”
“Look! What’s missing from this picture?”
“It’s just a flesh wound.”
And Nine-puppet tries to kick Evil Eight-puppet once again,
“Look, stop that!”
“Chicken!” (kick, kick) “Chickennn!”
“Look, I'll have your leg.”
“Chicken!”[kick]
Evil Eight-puppet sighs, and rips Nine-puppet’s leg off.
“Right. I'll do you for that!”
“You'll what?”
“Come here!”
“What are you going to do - fluff on me?”
“I am Nine-puppet. I am big and I am hard. And you are a great big wus in a velvet coat!”
“You're a looney.”
“I won the snogging contest! I will win this! Come on, then!.”
Evil Eight-puppet rolls his eyes, cos evil puppets are especially good at that, and rips Nine-puppet’s remaining leg clean off.
“Oh? Oh. All right, we'll call it a draw.”
Evil Eight-puppet sighs, dusts off his hands, steps over the pile of bits on the floor and continues down the corridor, muttering,
“One down….”
And Nine-puppet’s voice follows him down the corridor,
“Oi! Oh, I see. Running away, eh? Come back here and take what's coming to you! I'll bite yer legs off!”…
chapter 62 ThroughanAmberfocus (amberfocus )
Ten-puppet, who was supposed to be enjoying his honeymoon with Rose-puppet, was not. Not after the first three days when they’d finally decided to do other than honeymoonish things for a bit. Rose was bored. He knew she was bored because she was doing everything she could to draw attention to that fact.
“I’m bored,” she announced. “B-O-R-E-D. Bored. Completely totally.”
“So you’re bored then,” Ten-puppet said, sitting up and sighing. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this.”
“Well, what did you expect? You know whenever the main characters get all happy and married they get stuck on the back burner.”
“It was supposed to be different for us. We’re forever!” Said Ten. He’d tried to sound imposing but it came out kind of weak. Suddenly he felt weak all over, like someone was trying to tear him apart.
“What’s wrong?” Said Rose-puppet, sensing the change.
“I think we hit a plot twist! We have to go back. Someone’s tried to kill one of me! We have to find him and fix him, Rose! Or I’ll disappear forever.”
“I suppose I could marry Nine then,” mused Rose. “He was never boring.”
“Oi!” Said Ten-puppet. “Standing right here. Standing right exactly here.”
“More like listing to the side. I think you’re right. Let’s go save the day.”
And so they did, returning to the scene of the obvious crime, finding Nine-puppet in many pieces, strangely coloured fluff between his teeth and all of his limbs torn off. Sighing as Ten-puppet passed out in pain, Rose-puppet began to sew Nine-puppet back together. This time she used a double strength knit stitch and reinforced it.
As Nine-puppet regained consciousness, so did Ten-puppet. “So,” said Rose-puppet, looking back and forth between them. “How do you two feel about sharing?” At the mirror Oncoming Storm looks they gave her she began to sing…
“Caught between two lovers…feeling like a fool…”
“What else is new?”
“Mum?” Jackie-Tyler-puppet had just appeared in the corridor behind them. She gave Nine- and Ten-puppets each a good smack before turning to Rose.
“What do I gotta do to sort this?” She asked her daughter. “My show’s on tonight.”
chapter 63 herk (herk227 )
Evil Eight had of course no idea about Nine-puppets untimely recovery. He cackled happily to himself, Ten-puppet was on honeymoon and Nine-puppet was in shreds.
His next steps lead him to the washing room again, he had forgotten something there. His coat made him go there, pick it up.
When he would be armed with a giant wooden Spooney-Six he would feel better - complete. And wooden spoons were great to beat up puppets.
Only Spooney-Six was nowhere in the washing room.
Evil puppet-Eight was devastated. "Spooney! Spoohoney!"
****
"Mu-hum." Rose-puppet was very, very unhappy. "Would you please let go of the Doctor-puppet. We're married."
"Oh no you're not. Not by some real church anyway. And it's not a real marriage if your mother's not there, everyone knows that. You need family to tie the knot."
Jackie-puppet waved menacingly with her wooden spoon in the direction of Ten-puppet.
"Look Jackie." Nine-puppet valiantly tried to help Ten- and Rose-puppet "There was no way to get you to the marriage as long as you weren't a puppet, too. And we didn't want to get you into this mess."
"You!" she pointed at him with her frightening weapon. "We've got to have a word, mister. It's all your fault anyway, with your hate of family and domesticity. It was your idea wasn't it." And she began to give poor Nine-puppet a real trashing. When she was finished the proud Time Lord-puppet cowered in a corner trying to hide behind his arms.
"Now." she turned to Ten-puppet, who tried to hide behind Rose-puppet, which didn't work very well, because she tried to hide behind him at the same time.
"At least this marriage isn't relevant, you can easily have it annulled, since it was never consumed."
When she saw the guilty look on the two puppets faces, her voice went a notch more hysterical.
"You're puppets for Christ's sake! How'd you...?"
The look went more and more guilty. Rose-puppet finally won the battle and succeeded in hiding behind her husband.
"DON'T tell me you're anatomically correct." Puppet-Jackie said in a menacingly low voice.
"Ehm actually not, but you can do a lot if you're inventive with your.." Ten-puppet was clobbered in to silence with Spooney-Six.
The poor Spoon tried to call out to his more animated half, but since puppets didn't have telepathy it didn't work.
When Jackie-puppet was finished with Ten-puppet, two very sad Doctor-puppets cowered in one corner.
"So, that's that. Now will someone please tell me where the moron is, that did this to me, I'm just warmed up and I want to see my show."
*Puff* *plock*
Jackie-puppet was gone - simply vanished. Only Spooney-Six laid lonely on the ground.
"Whoever our evil mastermind is. I think he was clever enough to fear your mother." Nine-puppet said.
"And right he is." Ten agreed.
"I soo hope she'll think this was all a dream, or I'll never hear the end of it, when I get de-puppified." Rose-puppet prayed.
chapter 64 Bily
Poor Nine-puppet was being sewn back together by Four-puppet, who was, by now, actually improving at his sewing skills.
But all this was interrupted when Evil Eight-puppet appeared before them in a puff of smoke, humming a tune that resembled that of Puff the Magic Dragon. Sources report that he was dyslexic, and instantly associated puffs of smoke with that old fairytale dragon called Puff.
After the smoke had cleared, Evil Eight-puppet launched himself at Four-puppet, but fell to the ground as Four ran away.
And so Evil Eight-puppet followed, cackling. But just as Nine had thought his troubles were over, he was hit with an arrow. Behind him came Five-puppet, who had been grooming his hair earlier.
"Holy Dalekanium!" cried Five, stopping in his tracks at the sight of Nine. "You've been shot!"
"No, I'm alright," said Nine. "I'm fine."
"Oh, dear sweet Concord!"
"It's Nine."
"I shall go and get help."
"No, it's alright. I'm getting better."
"Don't speak. I shall go."
"I'm fine to come with you."
"I shall return!"
And with that, Five-puppet galloped off on an imaginary horse, clapping his hands, because he didn't have any coconuts.
Nine simply rolled his eyes, wondering what to do.
"Aha!" he cried in realisation.
Yes, this will work just fine, he thought to himself. I've always wanted to know the air-speed velocity of an unleadened swallow.
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Meanwhile, in London, where there are no known ranches, a pizza delivery boy by the name of Fred disappeared right off the streets.
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Back at 10 Downing Street, Master-puppet and Zodin-puppet were still cackling. Luckily, Zodin had figured out a way to puppefy Lucy. And so they did. Now all three puppets cackled away.
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Meanwhile, back at the TARDIS, Rose and Ten were welcomed back by everyone with open arms, legs, nostrils, and the occasional left eyebrow. How they accomplished opening their left eyebrows, no one knows. But nevertheless, that is what they did.
"We had a lovely time," said Rose. "We conga'd all night long."
"Whoa," said Romana-puppet, pointing to the little boy in the blue hat. "There's a child present."
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Meanwhile, back at an actual ranch, Farmer Billy-Bob accidentally shot his cow. Tough break
chapter 65 moonmonkey (moonmonkeylj )
Jack-puppet had been asleep through all this, which is why no-one seems to have seen him for a while. But he was woken by all the commotion, and as soon as he heard the voice in the corridor, he hurried to open his door and stuck out his head,
“Yeah, yeah, OK, I’m here. Direct approach, but why not…?”
Evil Eight-puppet stopped in his tracks, put down his heavy burden and turned in surprise,
“Pardon?”
“Oh, Eight-puppet, it’s you. Sorry, weren’t you calling me?”
“No?”
“Ah - I thought I heard you shouting, “Sex on a stick, sex on a stick, come on - wanna roll in the hay?”
“No - that was me reassuring my battered friend here…. “Six that’s a stick, Six that’s a stick, hold on, you’re gonna be OK…”
Jack-puppet looked at Evil Eight-puppet…. “Oh..”
Evil Eight-puppet looked at Jack-puppet…. He looked him up and he looked him down…. And he replied,
“But then all work and no play…. “
Jack-puppet bounced up and down with delight,
“Oh, goody, goody!! And no-one would ever call this Jack-puppet a dull boy!!”
And Jack-puppet grabbed Evil Eight-puppet and dragged him into the room, kicking the door firmly shut behind him.
So as Ten-puppet and (the recovered) Nine-puppet came bolting around the corner with Four-puppet and Five-puppet all they found is Spooney-Six lying on the floor. They stopped and listened for a moment, and the Ten-puppet turned to his other selves,
“Hmm, sounds like Evil Eight-puppet has Jack-puppet in his clutches…”
“Or, actually, it sounds more like that Jack-puppet has Evil Eight-puppet in *his* clutches…”
They looked at each other.
“Either way, doesn’t sound like anyone needs rescuing at the moment,….”
“Nope. Well, if it’s all quiet for the moment…. Cuppa?”
“That’s the first sensible thing anyone’s said for at last 15 chapters…. Last one to the kitchen's a muppet!”
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“Aaah, thanks Rose-puppet, love, that’s a lovely cup of tea - one of the many lovely ways you take after your mum, it is. You do make a great cuppa..”
Rose-puppet looked at Ten-puppet as if he’s gone off his little puppet head,
“Er… you’re welcome sweetie, no worries..”
Nine-puppet leaned over to hiss at Ten-puppet,
“What are you on about? Jackie-puppet’s tea is terrible!”
Ten-puppet hissed back,
“Yeah, I know. But I just have this really strange feeling, that although she might not be here in puppet body any longer, even though we can’t see her… I just can’t help thinking that she’s still got her little beady eye on everything that’s going on and, when she finally sees the need, she’s gonna be straight back in here like gangbusters, so we need to tread really, really, carefully….”
Nine-puppet was silenced by admiration, but gave his later self a huge grin and a slap on the back that really, honestly, wasn’t supposed to send him head first into the Jaffa Cakes…
*********************************************
Meanwhile, Jack-puppet turned over lazily to ask Evil Eight-puppet,
“Hey, I don’t know about you, but I’m starving now… I’m sure I’ve got a pizza delivery leaflet around here somewhere…. Are you hungry…?”
chapter 66 Bily
Fred Fredericks, a teenage pizza boy, had disappeared off the streets of London. Now he was somewhere unknown to him, but known to others. Particularly one other who had just recently meandered into the console room.
"WHAT THE HELL?!" cried Seven-puppet, who has not been mentioned for many a chapter, and deserves mentioning.
"Whoa," exclaimed Fred, looking around. "I'm in a space ship!"
"No you're not," Seven lied. "You're not in a space ship. This is...a studio.
"A studio?"
"Ehm, yeah. Welcome to the BBC."
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Meanwhile, Ten-puppet and Rose-puppet were in their bedroom...
Playing Chinese checkers.
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"AHHHHHHHHH!" came the cry of Four-puppet, running into the console room, not even noticing Fred there. "THE BOY!!! IT IS THE BOY!!!"
"What boy?" asked Seven.
"The boy with the blue hat! Remember him?!"
"Yes. What about him?"
"He is still here!"
"I thought Romana disposed of---I mean, took him back home."
"That's just it! She's taken someone else!"
"Oh Rassilon."
"What?"
"He was wearing Adric's clothes."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
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Meanwhile, Ten had Rose against the console...
Teaching her how to pilot the TARDIS.
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Meanwhile, back at the ranch where Farmer Billy-Bob lived, a chicken escaped the pen. Tough break again.
chapter 67 moonmonkey (moonmonkeylj )
Nine-puppet and Five-puppet are still in the kitchen, working their way through the last box of Jaffa Cakes, when Ten-puppet comes in, tugs open a cupboard and starts taking out cups and deliberately, one by one, smashing them in the sink.
"Wassamatterwivim?" enquires Five-puppet through a mouthful of chocolatey orange
"What's the matter with him?" translates Nine-puppet,
"Oh, the matter is that Chapter 68 is really beginning to get to him... He knows Jackie's watching and she might be back any minute. And he knows darn well that a few random beatings before she sorts out the plot would never be out of the question...But what's worse for him, getting beaten to a pulp by the magnificent JT, or keeping his little plush paws off Rose-puppet for any length of time?!... I don't know how much longer he's gonna last..."
Five-puppet being a kindly puppet turns to Ten-puppet,
"Jaffa Cake, old son?"
And then, ten minutes later, as Nine-puppet finally extricates him from the kitchen cupboard,
"Well, I know he's upset, but I don't think that was entirely necessary...."
Meanwhile, Evil Eight-puppet is standing in Jack-puppet’s room, gently kicking a sad heap of fabric and fluff,
“So, Captain Jack-puppet, not quite as flexible as you thought you were, after all?”
And the bad, bad puppet makes his way to the bedroom door, turning back just as he opens it to remark,
“But I do really, *really*, hate pizza..”
And with that he goes out into the corridor, hoists poor old Spooney-Six (who has been left here all the time, sadly neglected, and not even offered a cup of tea!) back over his shoulder and goes on his way, cackling softly….
chapter 68 herk (herk227 )
"Ehem, excuse me, but I don't think the BBC produces the muppet show." Fred the pizza boy started.
"WE ARE NO MUPPETS!" Four exclaimed. "We are puppets, we may be mad puppets but we are not muppets!"
"Yes, the copyright law would have made it to expensive for the BBC, you know how tight their budget is. Especially with their really innovative sci-fi children's programs." Seven explained.
"What is sci-fi about muppets?" Fred asked and was promptly hit over the head by a wooden spoon.
"We are not muppets!" Four stated again.
Evil Eight who had done the hitting said "I am the enforcer of copyright law."
Seven-puppet tensed. That meant Eight-puppet had gone evil, truly evil. He carefully took some steps back, he wouldn't want to draw the attention of the evil incarnated puppet.
Eight's glued on eyes narrowed, he took a step in Seven-puppets direction.
"Hey, pizza." Four-puppet noticed with delight. He grabbed after the box.
Evil Eight's eyes widened. He turned and fled the scene with everyone unharmed. (Well except Fred but do delivery boys count?)
chapter 69 ThroughanAmberFocus (amberfocus )
Jack-puppet had been well and truly killed by Eight-puppet. There would be no hope for him of being sewed carefully back together by Rose-puppet or even haphazardly back together by Donna-puppet, who he’d heard (literally heard, her screech carried for miles) was around. So Jack did the very thing that he did best (no not that!). He came back to life.
As he took in a deep breath and opened his eyes he realized he was back in human form. “Look, I’m a real boy again!” He cried out in jubilation. It was the wrong thing to say. There was a swish of blue wings, a quiet song having to do with wishing upon stars and dreams coming true, a gentle popping noise was heard and he reverted back to puppet form. But, he noticed, he definitely was a much finer version of puppet. No more googly eyes or yarn hair. If he wasn’t mistaken, parts of him were actually carved from wood. ‘Fitting,’ he thought.
He strolled towards the control room. It was time to find Evil Eight and take him down!
chapter 70 Bily
Meanwhile, back in the console room, Four-puppet was carefully explaining to Fred the many differences between puppets and muppets, when he heard a cling and clang, and Jack-puppet came running in.
Four instantly noticed that Jack as now made of wood, and was carrying a very large book in his hands.
"I've done it!" he cried. "I've finished it!"
"Finished what?" asked Fred, still gazing in awe at Jack's wooden...er, nose.
"My novel!"
"What novel?" asked Four.
"It's called How to become a Wooden Puppet. I wrote it myself."
"Hence why it is your novel."
"Yeah. Anyway, I'm done!"
"Hurray for you, Jack."
"Thanks. Now I'm off to go tell the others. Later, alligator!"
"Ehm...later, Jack."
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Meanwhile, Ten and Rose were in bed...
cleaning the pizza stains out of the sheets.
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