You Can't Predict The End
Title:You Can't Predict The End
Author: heartsdesire456
Rating: R
POV: 3rd
Pairing: Brendon/Spencer
Summary: This fic is basically just a songfic of sorts.Spencer discovers the lyrics to 'Memories' and realizes that they strike a little too close to home. While trying to forget the past, he discovers something he doesn't know about the present
Disclaimer: Not mine
Author's Note: So basically, the whole story came to me in the idea while listening to 'Memories' that Brendon could've written it about his baby!relationship with Spencer and Spencer really wouldn't appreciate being written about... and then... fic happened. My muse for my THFBB left me for over a week and came back with babies, it seems. This just happened to be one of them. It isn't beta'd, sorry, but in all honestly, 90% of it was written today, so it's not like this is a serious fic for me anyways. It's just something I had to get out of the way so I could focus on important fic.... I also apologize profusely for the overuse of Italics... it's just... flashbacks are meant to be italicized!!!
Word Count:13,087
Spencer read the lyrics, frowning. He sat down on the couch with a flop. “What is it?” John asked him. “Oh, is that Brendon’s new song?” he asked curiously. He looked at Spencer’s face and frowned. “Is it okay?” he asked.
Spencer just blinked. “It’s… it’s good,” he said, looking up. “Not amazing, but… good,” he said, handing the paper over to John as he stood up. The producer glanced over them and nodded.
“Yeah, it’s pretty nice,” he said, earning a nod from Spencer. “Is this the song he was writing the other day? The one with the fast beat?” he asked.
Spencer nodded, staring into space. “Yeah,” he said, shaking his head. “It’s just… familiar,” he mumbled, groaning as he pressed his palms against his eyes. “Fuck, I’ll be right back, I need to talk to Brendon,” he said, taking the song back from the producer as he dug out his car keys, rushing out of the room.
As Spencer climbed into his car, he couldn’t fight his suspicions.
Spencer was sixteen years old the first time he met Brendon Urie. At first glance, there was nothing special about the lame and frankly tiny boy that Brent brought to practice. For the first few weeks, Spencer didn’t talk to him too much. They spoke and joked with him just like they did Brent, but it wasn’t until the day Ryan was sick and Brendon offered to sing that Spencer really noticed him.
“I’ll try not to fuck this up too badly,” Brendon said with a nervous smile, nodding for Spencer to count them all in. Through the first few bars, there was only music, but when it came time for Brendon to sing, the smooth, deep, shocking voice that came out of the tiny boy’s mouth wasn’t what anybody expected.
Spencer actually lost beat and dropped one of his sticks when Brendon sang the chorus. Everybody stopped and just stared at Brendon in surprise, making him blush. “Fuck,” Ryan said and Brendon ducked his head.
“Was I that bad?” he asked, chewing on his bottom lip.
Spencer just glared. “No dumbass, why didn’t you tell us you can sing!” he demanded, a sentiment echoed by both of the others as well.
“You’re like… really good,” Ryan said, which was quite a compliment coming from the perfectionist himself.
Brendon just smiled widely, showing off his tragically dorky braces, and ducked his head. “Thanks,” he said softly, giggling slightly when his glasses slid down his nose.
Spencer just rolled his eyes and counted them in again wordlessly. After realizing that Brendon might be their ticket, Spencer decided that he should probably get to know him better.
When Spencer got stuck in traffic, he shook his head and pressed play on Brendon’s iPod, which was plugged in to the stereo. He flipped through until he found what he had suspected might be there: the demo of the song he had just discovered.
He was the congregation's vagrant,
With an unrequited love.
Spencer crushed his eyes shut because even though the rest of the verse was clearly ‘edited’, that first sentence was what caught his attention anyways.
Spencer and Brendon had grown a lot closer over the summer, since Ryan had left and Brendon’s last sibling besides himself had left home. Spencer spent almost every afternoon going to the mall to pick Brendon up from work.
It was one afternoon near the end of summer and they were sitting on the hood of Spencer’s mom’s car when it happened. “So,” Brendon started, sipping his Smoothie. “Um… I kinda, uh-“ He blushed, ducking his head. “Thank you,” he said, looking up at Spencer through his bangs.
Spencer felt his insides flutter. Brendon had gotten contacts and Spencer had definitely noticed how big his eyes were and how long his eyelashes looked when he blinked. All summer, Spencer had been noticing stuff he hadn’t noticed about Brendon. It was like turning seventeen had suddenly kicked off his lingering layer of ‘dork’ and Spencer couldn’t stop looking at the shape of Brendon’s jaw, the swell of his plush lips, and the stubble he often had shadowing his face by the time Spencer dropped him off at home. Spencer was less worried about the fact Brendon was a guy and Spencer found him hot than he was the fact that Brendon wasn’t this hot before. He knew it. Sure, a job where he could afford to buy his own clothes, usually tight pants and tiny shirts, had helped, but his whole body had somehow leapt from ‘boy’ to ‘man’ seemingly overnight sometime.
Spencer realized he was staring when Brendon’s blush deepened and he flicked his bangs from his eyes to stare at Spencer curiously. “Oh, um,” Spencer ducked his eyes, feeling his own traitorous cheeks burning. “What for?” he asked.
Brendon shrugged, looking away. “You’ve spent most of the summer hanging out with me. I’ve never really-“ he shrugged. “Nobody’s really been my friend for real before,” he admitted.
Spencer snorted. “Well everybody else sucks then,” he said, earning a bright smile from the boy beside him. That was something else that had gotten hot. Brendon had gotten his braces off and, without a doubt, the smile Brendon displayed now was one of the cutest Spencer had ever seen. Spencer nudged him. “You’re basically awesome,” he added, earning an eye roll.
“Yeah yeah, you’re just with me for my body,” he joked, sighing dramatically.
Spencer laughed, shaking his head. “Yes, I can’t get enough of your short, scrawny, male body, Brendon, that’s totally it,” he said flatly, earning a deep, hearty laugh.
“You want me, just admit it,” Brendon said, leaning all over in Spencer’s space. “Your inner lesbian screams for my girlish figure,” he joked.
Spencer glared. “Go die, seriously. I’m not a lesbian, I have a dick!” he said and Brendon snorted.
“Right,” he said, then smiled to show he was joking.
Spencer just grinned. “Alright, come on, I’ve got to get you home before your mom kills me. Again,” he said, shoving Brendon lightly.
Brendon sighed. “Being the only kid at home sucks,” he said as he slid off the hood, walking around to the passenger side. “Seriously, I used to get to stay out later, remember?” he said. “And that wasn’t even summer!”
Spencer snorted. “Don’t blame me, dude. Blame your wacked out mom,” he said, sliding into the driver’s seat. “You could totally stay at my house,” he offered. “She likes my mom,” he added. “When I wear my boy clothes, your mom thinks I’m all respectable and shit.”
Brendon smiled. “Because you’re not a dick,” he said and Spencer laughed. “She really doesn’t like how you look now though,” he pointed out. “Because now you’re all girly and thin and she actually is probably suspecting you’re almost as gay as Ryan now.”
Spencer snorted. “What, I finally lose weight after my lifetime of fatness and that makes me gay?” he asked. “I got taller and developed a metabolism for fucks sake, does she think catching Ryan’s ‘gay’ is what made me grow?” he asked and Brendon shrugged.
“I don’t know, I guess she’s just worried you guys are gonna ‘corrupt’ me,” he said, scoffing. “God, if my parents really knew me they would disown me.”
Spencer rolled his eyes. “They would not disown you, Bren. And we did corrupt you, we got you to say ‘dick’ for fucks sake, but in spite of our massive amounts of ‘gay’, it’s not like we’re going to put you in assless chaps and parade you around,” he said pointedly. “Besides, Ryan isn’t even into guys anyways-“
“PSH- HA!” Brendon cried in contempt, laughing. “Dude, Ryan Ross is so totally into guys. Maybe he doesn’t act on it, but he’s got the biggest boner for so many people in bands it isn’t funny,” he said. “Trust me, Spence, my gaydar is finely tuned and Ryan Ross would suck more dick than Britney Spears if he had the chance,” he proclaimed confidently.
Spencer raised an eyebrow. “Your gaydar? Brendon, you didn’t even know what gay sex was until six months ago-“
“Irrelevant!” Brendon cried, blushing. “Oh my God, and on that note, wasn’t it Ryan who had the gay porn on his computer,” he pointed out and Spencer grinned.
“Yeah, okay, he did,” he said and Brendon shot him a triumphant look.
“You bastards offended my delicate sensibilities! Call me naïve and sheltered all you want, but I could’ve lived my whole life without seeing that!” he cried.
Spencer chuckled. “It’s just sex, Brendon, it’s not like we showed you anything freaky-“
Brendon just shot him a glare. “There was duct tape, a big gross hairy old guy, and a sex toy the size of a baseball bat, Spencer. If that isn’t freaky I don’t even what to know what is! Hell, I’m shocked you weren’t scarred for life!”
Spencer snickered. “Honestly, it was gross, sure, especially the old hairy dude, but I’m a teenage boy with internet, what do you think,” he said pointedly.
Brendon just shuddered. “Naked chicks is a far cry from kinky gay sex,” he said.
Spencer just laughed. “Alright, next time we spring porn on you, I’ll make sure they have non-kinky gay porn-“
“NO!” Brendon said firmly, groaning. “Can we stop talking about porn? Please? I get it, pick on the virgin, but really, I do not want to face my mom with the mental image of a dick in my head,” he said, earning a grin from Spencer.
“Alright, how about you finally give me an answer on practice with Ryan in a few weeks,” he said. “He’s coming home soon. He’ll be here for a few weeks before going back,” he said.
Brendon shrugged. “Okay with me as long as I can get off of work. Is Brent going to be back from vacation with his girlfriend’s family?” he asked.
Spencer shrugged as well. “I hope so. God, you’d think he’d be happy to practice, the flake,” he said.
Brendon shot him a look. “Be honest, Spencer, if you were choosing between hanging out with us lame asses and getting laid, what would you pick,” he said pointedly.
Spencer blushed. “I don’t know, honestly I’d probably go with you guys. I mean, sure, duh, sex is like… every teenage boy’s obsession, but I don’t know about you, but I really think we’re a good band,” he said. “We may have a long ways to go, but is getting laid now worth giving up a chance to be rock stars?” he asked.
Brendon bit his lip. “Okay, maybe that was sorta my answer,” he admitted and Spencer snickered. “But really, Spence, I don’t count, I’m a music nerd. I love having people to play music with so yeah, I’d pick the band, but I’m not normal, we all know this,” he said.
Spencer grinned. “Well you got one thing right, you are not normal,” he teased and Brendon rolled his eyes.
“You are an asshole, Spencer Smith. A massive one,” he said, then sighed when they slowed outside his house. “Fucking moms,” he said.
Spencer smiled sadly. “We could still go to my place. I’m sure you can run in and tell your mom you wanna come stay with me,” he tried.
Brendon shook his head. “Choir practice in the morning,” he said and Spencer nodded in understanding. Brendon smiled at him. “I meant what I said earlier,” he said uneasily. “Thank you for being my friend.”
Spencer gave him a sad smile. “You don’t ever have to thank me for caring about you, Bren. That’s what I’m your friend for.”
“Well, thanks anyways,” Brendon said quickly, waving as he climbed out of the car and grabbed his apron from the backseat before jogging up to his house.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Spencer got suspicious when, only a few weeks into the school year, Brendon told him he didn’t need rides anymore. At first he thought maybe someone from school was hanging out with Brendon, but Brendon still spent a lot of the days he wasn’t working with Spencer and, when he was home for the weekend, Ryan.
It was one of those days, while planning for his birthday party with his dad, that Spencer found out why.
Brendon showed up early, before even noon, which was shocking enough, but the most shocking part was his face. Ginger had taken one look at him and screamed in shock, scaring Spencer and his dad half to death in the living room. “Mom?” Spencer cried, jogging out into the hall, only to slide to a stop when he spotted his mom hugging Brendon. “Mom?” he asked, frowning. When Brendon picked up his head from Ginger’s shoulder, it was Spencer who shouted in alarm. “Brendon!” he cried rushing over. He all but hauled him off of his mother and held his shoulders, looking at his face.
Brendon’s face was bruised and swollen. His left eye was nearly swollen shut. His lip was split and puffy. His cheekbone was bruised and cut. It was clearly pretty fresh, even if it had to be at least a day old. “Spence,” he said softly, looking somewhat pained. “Can we talk?” he asked.
Spencer nodded, horrified as he looked at his friend’s face. “Brendon,” he said weakly, wordlessly tugging him into a hug. He could see his mother fighting tears, only to nearly slip when Brendon leaned into Spencer, arms tight around his neck as he started to cry. Spencer swallowed hard and held him up, pressing his face into Brendon’s hair. “Come on, let’s go upstairs,” he whispered, sliding his hands to Brendon’s sides. Brendon nodded and held onto Spencer’s hand as Spencer led him upstairs, ignoring his mother’s worried expression.
When they got to his room, Spencer set Brendon down on the bed and sat facing him in his computer chair. “What the hell happened to you?!” he asked, looking at his battered face.
Brendon sniffled. “I got mugged,” he said and Spencer just stared.
“How?” he asked in confusion.
Brendon bit his lip. “Walking home from work.”
Spencer just frowned. “I thought someone else was driving you? And besides, who gets mugged on the way to your house? There’s like… mostly residential streets between your house and the mall,” he said.
Brendon whimpered. “I- I don’t-“ he sniffled. “I don’t live there anymore.”
Spencer just stared, feeling the blood leaving his face. “What do you mean? Where are you living?!” he asked, horrified.
Brendon sniffled. “I’m- I’m renting this apartment. Um, not far from the mall. Kinda- kinda not in the best neighborhood, but it was cheaper there,” he whispered.
Spencer just shook his head. “What the hell are you telling me, B?” he asked.
Brendon put his face in his hands. “My parents- my parents were killing me, Spence,” he said weakly. “I had to go. I had to get out. They were- they’re so… I just couldn’t take it.”
Spencer groaned. “Brendon, you’re seventeen!” he said in exasperation. “Why are you- how did you move by yourself?” he asked.
Brendon bit his lip. “Packed a bag and left.” Spencer stared. “The first few days, um… I kinda just… was homeless, kind of,” he mumbled. “Wandered around like a fucking vagrant,” he said softly, clearly embarrassed. “But I found my apartment after a few days so it’s all good. I’m- I’m doing okay,” he said softly.
Spencer stared blankly. “Okay? Brendon, what part of this-“ he gestured to his face. “Seems OKAY to you?” he asked pointedly.
Brendon just sniffled, tears slipping down his bruised cheeks. “The part where I’m not being forced to believe shit I don’t agree with, and I’m not being pressured to be something I’m not! The part where, I’m standing on my own fucking two feet, Spencer, that part!” he said tearfully. “I’m sick of being the baby of a family I don’t fit into, Spencer! I’m sick of not being good enough for them, and not being like my sister and not being good enough to make them proud of anything,” he cried. “I’m- I’m sick of feeling like nobody loves me,” he let out in a half-sob.
Spencer just caught Brendon’s hands in his. “Shhh, it’s okay,” he said, leaning closer so Brendon could hug him, hanging on like Spencer was all that was keeping him grounded. “They love you, Brendon. We all love you. My mom and my sisters and me and Ryan, we love you, okay? Don’t think nobody loves you,” he said, sighing as Brendon cried. “Don’t worry, Bren. You’re going to be okay, I promise,” he reassured.
The following afternoon at Spencer’s birthday party, nobody mentioned Brendon’s face.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Everything came to a head not even a week later. It was less than a week after Spencer’s birthday that they were finally having band practice when, for the first time, Ryan honestly overstepped his boundaries enough to piss Spencer the fuck off.
“Look, just sing it this way-“
“Ryan, that sounds dumb from me, though!” Brendon whined. “Come on, why is my way wrong?” he demanded, hands on his hips.
Ryan glared. “Because it isn’t how I wrote it, asshole. Now put your mouth to better use than standing on a street corner and sing,” he said.
Brendon glared. “I’m not a fucking hooker, Ryan. I told you, I do not appreciate jokes about ‘my pimp’ beating me,” he said harshly, clearly completely serious.
Ryan raised an eyebrow. “Oh really? Well if it wasn’t your pimp, maybe it was somebody finally beat the fag out of you-“
“HEY!” Spencer shouted, shocking them both. “For fucks sake, fuck off, Ryan,” he snapped, really shocking them.
Ryan just gaped, having never really had Spencer on someone else’s side. “What?” he asked, shocked.
Spencer glared. “Stop calling him a fag, lay the fuck off about him getting hurt, and show some fucking decency!” He glanced at Brendon. “How his face ended up that way is none of your damn business and clearly it’s not something he wants to talk about.”
Ryan eyed him, then glanced at Brendon. “Wait, you know what happened, don’t you!” he said in shock. “You didn’t bother telling me somebody kicked his ass before your birthday-“
Spencer glowered. “Why would I tell you what happened to him?” he asked pointedly.
Ryan just stared blankly. “Because you tell me everything maybe? We have no secrets-“
“Exactly,we, Ryan. Not you and Brendon, or you and Brent, me and you. If I had gotten my ass kicked, I would tell you all about it,” he said honestly. “But Brendon and I have secrets too, okay?” He looked at him. “Do you think I would tell Brendon what really happened to your face when you showed up at practice with a black eye?” he asked and Ryan instantly turned red.
“You sure as hell better not!” he snarled.
“Good!” Spencer said. “Then leave Brendon alone. You have secrets, he has secrets, fuck, even I have secrets, Ryan! I’ve never told you a good few secrets about myself because nobody else needs to know, okay?” he said. “Now lay off Brendon, don’t you DARE call him a fag again, and fucking play the song,” he shouted with finality.
Brendon was staring at Spencer in complete awe when Spencer looked up at him and gave him a smile. “Thank you, Spence,” he said softly.
Spencer just shrugged, cheeks slightly pink. “I told you, B. You don’t have to thank me for being your friend,” he said softly.
That night, Spencer drove Brendon home. Brendon didn’t want to walk so late and Spencer really didn’t want him walking. When they pulled up outside Brendon’s building, Spencer just stared in horror. “Um, thank you,” Brendon said softly. “For… well, everything,” he said bashfully, looking across the console. “You’re an amazing person, Spencer-“
“Let me walk you to your door,” Spencer cut him off. “I just… God, Brendon, you live here?” he asked, looking terrified at the thought.
Brendon nodded sadly. “Yeah, I do unfortunately.”
Spencer grew increasingly horrified as they walked up the stairs. It wasn’t as much the building itself, it honestly wasn’t that dirty or anything. The scary thing was how many seedy looking characters hung around the hallways and outside the building. Spencer was pretty sure he wouldn’t be half as scared for himself as he was for Brendon. The truth of it was, though Spencer was still really girly looking, he’d gotten taller and broader over the summer. Brendon, however, seemed to have reached his plateau at small and skinny. He looked more manly than Spencer, sure, but he was tiny and Spencer knew from wrestling around at practice a few times that Brendon was about as strong as a piece of cooked pasta. Ryan had been able to pin Brendon down for God’s sake.
When they got to Brendon’s apartment, it was clear Brendon tried his best to liven the place up. It was clean and there were some posters on the walls, but nothing distracted from the fact that it was basically one room. “So, um… here I am,” Brendon said awkwardly, biting his lip. “Um, I’m looking at buying a couch, so- uh-“
Spencer cut him off by shaking his head. “Jesus Christ, you’re fucking brave,” he said in a rush, crossing to Brendon in three steps. He tugged Brendon into a hug, holding him tightly. “God, I can’t believe you’re alone here. You’re so- so little,” he said, earning a grumpy sound. He pulled back and looked at him. “Brendon, you’re just… God, you’re so strong,” he said, looking down into his big brown eyes.
Brendon rolled his eyes. “What’s brave about it, Spencer?” he asked honestly. “I’m a teenager who was too stubborn to deal with his parents. I just was stupid enough to do something about it, unlike most kids.”
Spencer just groaned, looking around. “Bren, whatever you had to run from, it had to be more than average stubborn teenager stuff, dude,” he said softly, sighing. “God, I feel like a pussy, if I’m honest,” he said.
Brendon raised an eyebrow. “Why do you feel like a pussy? You’ve got like, the nicest parents ever, obviously if you had something you didn’t agree with, they’d like… listen and shit,” he said, making a face.
Spencer groaned, laughing humorlessly. “I know,” he said, throwing his hands up. “I know they would. And I’m still too scared. I’m scared of telling anybody. I haven’t ever even told Ryan and after tonight, I’m not sure that would be a good idea anyways-“
Brendon just blinked, eyes widening. “Holy shit, you’re gay, aren’t you?” he said in shock, having clearly connected the dots.
Spencer stared at Brendon. “Shit,” he said, then let his eyes fall. “Not really. Kinda bi, I think,” he said honestly. “But, that’s kinda only part of it,” he said weakly.
Brendon cringed. “Wow, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. You should’ve been ready to tell me-“
Spencer let out a whimper, looking up with teary eyes. “I’m in love with you,” he whispered, pain evident in his eyes. Brendon just stared. “That’s- that’s the bigger part. I can- I’m too scared to tell them I like boys at all, but the scariest part is just-“
“Me too,” Brendon said in almost a whisper, looking at Spencer in shock. Spencer froze, eyes widening. “I- I’ve sort of um…” he blushed, looking away. “I’ve sort of always- you’re just so- I can’t even start-“ Spencer cut him off with a hand over his mouth. “Smuh-huh?” he asked against Spencer’s hand in confusion.
Spencer smiled a tiny, hopeful smile. “You love me?” he asked and Brendon nodded, cheeks pink in contrast to Spencer’s pale hand. “Brendon,” he whispered and Brendon caught his wrist, pulling his hand away.
“I love you, Spencer,” he said steadily, looking amazed as he looked up at Spencer. “I have since the beginning of the summer almost.” Spencer smiled brightly and then startled Brendon by leaning in to press a kiss to his lips without warning. It was a small, nervous, innocent, kiss, but both boys came apart from it blushing and fighting happy yet shy smiles.
“I’ve wanted to kiss those lips for so long,” Spencer admitted, ducking his eyes bashfully.
“I’ve never been kissed before,” Brendon admitted and Spencer looked up, eyes wide.
“What?” he asked, and Brendon nodded. “God, how?! You’re so cute!” he said, then cringed. “God I’m lame-“
Brendon cut him off by pecking his lips. “I think you’re pretty, so I’m more lame.” Spencer just beamed, wrapping his arms around Brendon, who in turn, curled one arm around Spencer’s middle and the other around his shoulders, holding him as close as he could. Spencer loved those hugs so much he sank into it, holding Brendon just as close.
Spencer wanted to scream at all the cars in front of him. The longer he waited, the less angry he got and the more he remembered things.
And it hurt.
He was also still listening to the damn demo again. He caught a line this go around that stuck out as well, making him cringe.
But they couldn't quite remember,
What inspired them to go.
Brendon and Spencer kept it a secret from Ryan and Brent that they were together. They didn’t get much time to be alone together because of it, but it didn’t really matter. Spencer knew that his mom knew. He hadn’t told her or his dad or his sisters, but he knew by the way she looked at him and Brendon when they were hanging out at his house that she knew there was something between them. It was embarrassing, but the fact she hadn’t said anything and, to be honest, the fact she gave them an almost adoring look made him pretty sure she was okay with it.
It was one night, when the desert in the winter meant cold nights, that Ryan found out the worst way Spencer could’ve imagined.
Because of practice the next afternoon, Spencer had begged his parents to let Brendon just stay with them. It was obvious they still didn’t know he was living on his own, so they wanted to call his mother, but eventually they gave in and let him stay without questioning it. Spencer and Brendon both enjoyed his parents letting him stay because, finally, it meant they could be alone together for at least a little while.
They hadn’t done anything, they were alone so little and they were both still pretty shy and unsure about physical things with each other, but Spencer’s parents and sisters going to bed meant they could sit outside on the back porch swing, cuddled up with a blanket wrapped around them, talking and sharing occasional kisses without a worry of somebody catching them. It was one of those nights, with Brendon draped half across Spencer as they kissed slowly, that they were startled apart by a gasp and approaching footsteps.
They jerked apart, only to look up and see Ryan starting up the stairs, jaw hanging open as he stared at them. “Ryan!” Spencer said quickly, sitting up.
“So, um, what the fuck?” Ryan asked, looking between Spencer and Brendon.
“Um, hey, Ryan,” Spencer said weakly, biting his lip guiltily.
Ryan shook his head. “Don’t ‘hey Ryan’ me, dude,” he said, looking between them. “Were you guys just…” he trailed off and Brendon groaned, tugging the blanket up over his head. Spencer cringed but nodded. “So… what?” he asked.
Spencer bit his lip and looked over at Brendon, who was still hiding. “Brendon and I… we’re um…” He smiled suddenly, heart fluttering as he realized he’d never said it out loud before. “We’re boyfriends,” he said.
Brendon tugged the blanket off of his head and stared. “You’ve never actually called me that,” he said with a small, pleased smile.
Spencer smiled at him. “I’ve never had a reason to,” he said, squeezing Brendon’s hand.
“Wait, wait, wait… how long have you two been… doing it?” Ryan asked, looking horrified.
Brendon’s eyes widened and he gaped. “RYAN!” he screeched, turning bright red.
Spencer ducked his eyes, cringing slightly. “Ryan, that’s not-“
“We are not doing anything!” Brendon cried, covering his eyes. “Oh my God, this is a bad dream, I know it is,” he said and Spencer sighed.
“We’ve been together since September,” Spencer said, glaring. “And don’t start being a dick,” he warned.
Ryan just blinked. “Why didn’t you tell me, Spencer?” he asked. “You’re supposed to tell me things.”
Brendon glared. “He’s supposed to keep my secrets, Ryan. I’m not saying he’s supposed to pick me over your or something, but you have to let him have something to himself, okay?” he said pointedly, sliding closer to Spencer.
Spencer smiled at Brendon, leaning his head against Brendon’s. “Love you,” he whispered, kissing Brendon’s temple.
Brendon turned to him, smiling bashfully. “I just don’t want him bossing you around,” he said, closing his eyes as he leaned into Spencer.
Ryan just stared. “How did I never notice? I mean, am I the only one who doesn’t know?” he asked, looking upset.
Spencer shook his head. “My mom I think knows-“ Brendon started at his side. “But we haven’t told anybody. I mean… it’s only been like, two months.”
“How does your mom know?” Brendon asked, eyes wide.
Spencer shrugged. “All I now is she keeps looking at us with this sappy look and like… I think it started the day you got mugged and I like… held you in front of her,” he said.
“Whoa, mugged?!” Ryan asked. “That’s what happened to you in September-“
Brendon sighed. “I left home,” he admitted and Spencer held him close to his side, giving him strength. “I just… left. And I got an apartment and stuff but like… it’s not in a great place and I got mugged going home one night after work,” he said. “The next morning I showed up at Spencer’s house, the day before his birthday party, and then later after you and Spencer got in a fight at practice the next weekend, he took me home and like…” he blushed, looking over at Spencer.
“I told him I love him,” Spencer said softly, looking into Brendon’s eyes. Brendon smiled and leaned in, pecking Spencer’s lips.
“I love you too-“
“Ew,” Ryan said, distracting them. “Guys, fuck,” he said, shaking his head. “I was coming to tell you, Spencer, that I’ve got a meeting set up for us with someone who might make us famous, and now you’re telling me your big gay romance is going to be a problem?!” he asked.
Spencer glared. “You dress like a scene girl, Ryan. If my private relationship with our singer is going to fuck it over for us, then you’re a much bigger problem. You have half-naked photos of yourself on the internet. Under-aged half-naked photos-“
“Oh, about that,” Ryan said, blushing. “Um, maybe the reason we’ve-uh- the reason I’ve been talking to this-“ he groaned. “Okay, so maybe the meeting is with um… Pete Wentz,” he said, and Spencer scoffed.
“Yeah right-“
“I’m serious!” Ryan hissed. “I got to talking to him, cause he commented on my photo to say I was hot and at first I didn’t think it was really him, but then we started talking and then like, he gave me his number and we’ve texted and shit and it’s like… really him,” he said, blushing. “So, uh, after I made it clear I’m not actually gonna sleep with him if he does come see me, he still wants to, cause we like… get along,” he said shyly. “And um, he really liked our demos, and um… he’s sorta thinking of starting his own label so like-“
“Shut up!” Spencer said, staring. “So… so you being an internet slut is getting us a meeting with Pete Wentz?!” he asked, eyes wide.
Ryan nodded. “In two weeks. So like, um, could you two maybe not flake out on me before then?” he pleaded.
Brendon snorted. “Dude, do you really think we’d risk our friendship if we were going to flake out in a few months?” he asked and Spencer smiled at him affectionately.
Ryan snorted. “Do you have any idea how many people would totally go gay just to bang Spencer?” he asked and Spencer gaped. “What?! You have seen yourself the last few months, right? You’re my brother and all, so I’m not one of them, but you’re like… hot now,” he said.
Brendon nodded. “You really are,” he said, leaning over to kiss his cheek sweetly. “But I’m actually sorta bi, Ryan. Have been a long time. Before Spencer,” he said.
Spencer smiled. “It’s sorta only Brendon,” he admitted, earning a bright smile from his boyfriend.
Ryan rolled his eyes. “Oh God, help us all.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After the meeting with Pete Wentz and, shockingly, a record contract, Spencer and Brendon decided to come out to Spencer’s family and to… well, Brent. It had gone well, Spencer had been right, his mother had been waiting for them to tell her.
They had finished most of their senior year before they took early exams so that they could go record in Maryland. Maryland was hard on all of them. Brent was homesick, Ryan was a perfectionist, Brendon started to develop a backbone and stopped putting up with Ryan’s shit, which meant everybody turned pretty bitchy really fast. Spencer tried to stay strong for everybody, but having both his boyfriend and best friend turn to him to pick sides was intense.
However, after all the fighting, after weeks of Brendon ignoring him, they ended up with an amazing record. One that they were sure would be great for them. When they got home, everybody almost hated each other. Spencer and Brendon didn’t speak for an entire week after they got home. Brendon had gone back to living with his parents for a little while at least and Spencer worried about him, no matter how much of a break he needed.
When they all met up again for practice, Spencer sighed in relief when he saw Brendon. It was weird, after so long being right up under each other all the time, how it felt to not see him very often. Brendon had waited until the end of practice before catching Spencer’s hand, tugging him aside so they could walk together back out to his van. “Spence-“
Spencer just hugged him, kissing his temple. “Love you,” he said and Brendon held him close. “Shit, what the hell happened this summer?” he asked and Brendon just groaned, shaking his head.
“Fuck if I know,” he said, then smiled up at Spencer. “Come on, this time I can totally give you a ride home,” he joked and Spencer smiled brightly, kissing him quickly, since the others were still watching.
“Mom will probably want you to stay for dinner,” he said and Brendon beamed.
“Ginger food!” he said, then tugged Spencer’s want into his, leading the way.
They were only home a few weeks before Brendon got fed up, again, and moved out. This time, however, he was able, with the money he’d saved before leaving for Maryland and with a loan from his sister, to get a better apartment. It was still shit, still one bedroom, but at least this one was three separate rooms (kitchen, living room, bedroom) and actually had a bathroom of its own rather than a communal one down the hallway. They were leaving on tour in a few months time, but Brendon planned on keeping this apartment for real.
Spencer ended up spending most of his time at Brendon’s place and less and less at home. It wasn’t long before his mother pulled him aside one day when he was leaving to go to Brendon’s place.
“Spence,” she said, smiling at him sadly. “Baby, don’t you think a little time apart is a good idea?” she suggested and Spencer frowned.
“What? You like Brendon,” he started and she snorted.
“Of course I do, he’s like my own kid, but Spencer, you’re barely eighteen and you practically live there,” she said pointedly, which made him cringe. “Last night is the only night you’ve been home all week,” she pointed out and Spencer blushed, ducking his head. He hated to think of his mom keeping track of how many nights he spent with his boyfriend. “I’m just saying, you’re a little young to be so serious, baby,” she said, reaching out to ruffle his hair.
Spencer sighed. “Mom, come on, I’m late already, I’m supposed to be picking up food,” he said. She shot him a look. “Look… what do you want me to say?” he asked simply. “In two days, it’s our one year anniversary. A year!” he stressed. “It’s not like I’m a stupid kid with a crush, I’ve been with him for a long time-“
“Spencer, when I was in high school-“
“Oh God,” he groaned, earning a pointed glare.
“When I was in high school,” she continued. “I dated the same boy three and a half of the four years,” she said and Spencer raised an eyebrow. “Do you think that mattered when we graduated? Hell, we went to the same college even but both of us met new people and wanted different things and wanted to play the field-“
Spencer cringed. “Ew, I like the mentality that mom’s don’t ‘play the field’,” he interrupted and she rolled her eyes.
“Honey, I know you love him,” she said and Spencer smiled a shy, goofy smile as he ducked his head. “But look at it like this, baby. You are eighteen. You’ve been with him since you were barely seventeen. You guys have sealed your own fate with this band stuff and sure, maybe you’ll be famous rock stars some day,” she said and Spencer rolled his eyes at her. “But trust me, the kind of love you have when you’re a teenager and you’re all each other’s ever known goes away pretty damn fast when you get out and meet new people. Especially if you do end up being famous,” she said pointedly.
Spencer frowned. “Mom, it’s not like that. Brendon is not going to just… get famous and go crazy over groupies or some crap like that. And I for damn sure won’t be a stereotypical slutty rock star,” he said pointedly. “And I mean… it’s just not like that. I won’t be naïve and think we’re going to live happily ever after, I know that’s unlikely, but it’s not just stupid dumb kids in love, we’re… real,” he said firmly.
She just smiled sadly. “Alright, baby. I’m just trying to tell you to take it easy. At this rate, you’ll be living together in a month and you’re too young to get so serious.”
Spencer rolled his eyes, walking out. “It is that serious though, Mom! That’s my point,” he called back, disappearing.
Part 2
Author: heartsdesire456
Rating: R
POV: 3rd
Pairing: Brendon/Spencer
Summary: This fic is basically just a songfic of sorts.Spencer discovers the lyrics to 'Memories' and realizes that they strike a little too close to home. While trying to forget the past, he discovers something he doesn't know about the present
Disclaimer: Not mine
Author's Note: So basically, the whole story came to me in the idea while listening to 'Memories' that Brendon could've written it about his baby!relationship with Spencer and Spencer really wouldn't appreciate being written about... and then... fic happened. My muse for my THFBB left me for over a week and came back with babies, it seems. This just happened to be one of them. It isn't beta'd, sorry, but in all honestly, 90% of it was written today, so it's not like this is a serious fic for me anyways. It's just something I had to get out of the way so I could focus on important fic.... I also apologize profusely for the overuse of Italics... it's just... flashbacks are meant to be italicized!!!
Word Count:13,087
Spencer read the lyrics, frowning. He sat down on the couch with a flop. “What is it?” John asked him. “Oh, is that Brendon’s new song?” he asked curiously. He looked at Spencer’s face and frowned. “Is it okay?” he asked.
Spencer just blinked. “It’s… it’s good,” he said, looking up. “Not amazing, but… good,” he said, handing the paper over to John as he stood up. The producer glanced over them and nodded.
“Yeah, it’s pretty nice,” he said, earning a nod from Spencer. “Is this the song he was writing the other day? The one with the fast beat?” he asked.
Spencer nodded, staring into space. “Yeah,” he said, shaking his head. “It’s just… familiar,” he mumbled, groaning as he pressed his palms against his eyes. “Fuck, I’ll be right back, I need to talk to Brendon,” he said, taking the song back from the producer as he dug out his car keys, rushing out of the room.
As Spencer climbed into his car, he couldn’t fight his suspicions.
Spencer was sixteen years old the first time he met Brendon Urie. At first glance, there was nothing special about the lame and frankly tiny boy that Brent brought to practice. For the first few weeks, Spencer didn’t talk to him too much. They spoke and joked with him just like they did Brent, but it wasn’t until the day Ryan was sick and Brendon offered to sing that Spencer really noticed him.
“I’ll try not to fuck this up too badly,” Brendon said with a nervous smile, nodding for Spencer to count them all in. Through the first few bars, there was only music, but when it came time for Brendon to sing, the smooth, deep, shocking voice that came out of the tiny boy’s mouth wasn’t what anybody expected.
Spencer actually lost beat and dropped one of his sticks when Brendon sang the chorus. Everybody stopped and just stared at Brendon in surprise, making him blush. “Fuck,” Ryan said and Brendon ducked his head.
“Was I that bad?” he asked, chewing on his bottom lip.
Spencer just glared. “No dumbass, why didn’t you tell us you can sing!” he demanded, a sentiment echoed by both of the others as well.
“You’re like… really good,” Ryan said, which was quite a compliment coming from the perfectionist himself.
Brendon just smiled widely, showing off his tragically dorky braces, and ducked his head. “Thanks,” he said softly, giggling slightly when his glasses slid down his nose.
Spencer just rolled his eyes and counted them in again wordlessly. After realizing that Brendon might be their ticket, Spencer decided that he should probably get to know him better.
When Spencer got stuck in traffic, he shook his head and pressed play on Brendon’s iPod, which was plugged in to the stereo. He flipped through until he found what he had suspected might be there: the demo of the song he had just discovered.
He was the congregation's vagrant,
With an unrequited love.
Spencer crushed his eyes shut because even though the rest of the verse was clearly ‘edited’, that first sentence was what caught his attention anyways.
Spencer and Brendon had grown a lot closer over the summer, since Ryan had left and Brendon’s last sibling besides himself had left home. Spencer spent almost every afternoon going to the mall to pick Brendon up from work.
It was one afternoon near the end of summer and they were sitting on the hood of Spencer’s mom’s car when it happened. “So,” Brendon started, sipping his Smoothie. “Um… I kinda, uh-“ He blushed, ducking his head. “Thank you,” he said, looking up at Spencer through his bangs.
Spencer felt his insides flutter. Brendon had gotten contacts and Spencer had definitely noticed how big his eyes were and how long his eyelashes looked when he blinked. All summer, Spencer had been noticing stuff he hadn’t noticed about Brendon. It was like turning seventeen had suddenly kicked off his lingering layer of ‘dork’ and Spencer couldn’t stop looking at the shape of Brendon’s jaw, the swell of his plush lips, and the stubble he often had shadowing his face by the time Spencer dropped him off at home. Spencer was less worried about the fact Brendon was a guy and Spencer found him hot than he was the fact that Brendon wasn’t this hot before. He knew it. Sure, a job where he could afford to buy his own clothes, usually tight pants and tiny shirts, had helped, but his whole body had somehow leapt from ‘boy’ to ‘man’ seemingly overnight sometime.
Spencer realized he was staring when Brendon’s blush deepened and he flicked his bangs from his eyes to stare at Spencer curiously. “Oh, um,” Spencer ducked his eyes, feeling his own traitorous cheeks burning. “What for?” he asked.
Brendon shrugged, looking away. “You’ve spent most of the summer hanging out with me. I’ve never really-“ he shrugged. “Nobody’s really been my friend for real before,” he admitted.
Spencer snorted. “Well everybody else sucks then,” he said, earning a bright smile from the boy beside him. That was something else that had gotten hot. Brendon had gotten his braces off and, without a doubt, the smile Brendon displayed now was one of the cutest Spencer had ever seen. Spencer nudged him. “You’re basically awesome,” he added, earning an eye roll.
“Yeah yeah, you’re just with me for my body,” he joked, sighing dramatically.
Spencer laughed, shaking his head. “Yes, I can’t get enough of your short, scrawny, male body, Brendon, that’s totally it,” he said flatly, earning a deep, hearty laugh.
“You want me, just admit it,” Brendon said, leaning all over in Spencer’s space. “Your inner lesbian screams for my girlish figure,” he joked.
Spencer glared. “Go die, seriously. I’m not a lesbian, I have a dick!” he said and Brendon snorted.
“Right,” he said, then smiled to show he was joking.
Spencer just grinned. “Alright, come on, I’ve got to get you home before your mom kills me. Again,” he said, shoving Brendon lightly.
Brendon sighed. “Being the only kid at home sucks,” he said as he slid off the hood, walking around to the passenger side. “Seriously, I used to get to stay out later, remember?” he said. “And that wasn’t even summer!”
Spencer snorted. “Don’t blame me, dude. Blame your wacked out mom,” he said, sliding into the driver’s seat. “You could totally stay at my house,” he offered. “She likes my mom,” he added. “When I wear my boy clothes, your mom thinks I’m all respectable and shit.”
Brendon smiled. “Because you’re not a dick,” he said and Spencer laughed. “She really doesn’t like how you look now though,” he pointed out. “Because now you’re all girly and thin and she actually is probably suspecting you’re almost as gay as Ryan now.”
Spencer snorted. “What, I finally lose weight after my lifetime of fatness and that makes me gay?” he asked. “I got taller and developed a metabolism for fucks sake, does she think catching Ryan’s ‘gay’ is what made me grow?” he asked and Brendon shrugged.
“I don’t know, I guess she’s just worried you guys are gonna ‘corrupt’ me,” he said, scoffing. “God, if my parents really knew me they would disown me.”
Spencer rolled his eyes. “They would not disown you, Bren. And we did corrupt you, we got you to say ‘dick’ for fucks sake, but in spite of our massive amounts of ‘gay’, it’s not like we’re going to put you in assless chaps and parade you around,” he said pointedly. “Besides, Ryan isn’t even into guys anyways-“
“PSH- HA!” Brendon cried in contempt, laughing. “Dude, Ryan Ross is so totally into guys. Maybe he doesn’t act on it, but he’s got the biggest boner for so many people in bands it isn’t funny,” he said. “Trust me, Spence, my gaydar is finely tuned and Ryan Ross would suck more dick than Britney Spears if he had the chance,” he proclaimed confidently.
Spencer raised an eyebrow. “Your gaydar? Brendon, you didn’t even know what gay sex was until six months ago-“
“Irrelevant!” Brendon cried, blushing. “Oh my God, and on that note, wasn’t it Ryan who had the gay porn on his computer,” he pointed out and Spencer grinned.
“Yeah, okay, he did,” he said and Brendon shot him a triumphant look.
“You bastards offended my delicate sensibilities! Call me naïve and sheltered all you want, but I could’ve lived my whole life without seeing that!” he cried.
Spencer chuckled. “It’s just sex, Brendon, it’s not like we showed you anything freaky-“
Brendon just shot him a glare. “There was duct tape, a big gross hairy old guy, and a sex toy the size of a baseball bat, Spencer. If that isn’t freaky I don’t even what to know what is! Hell, I’m shocked you weren’t scarred for life!”
Spencer snickered. “Honestly, it was gross, sure, especially the old hairy dude, but I’m a teenage boy with internet, what do you think,” he said pointedly.
Brendon just shuddered. “Naked chicks is a far cry from kinky gay sex,” he said.
Spencer just laughed. “Alright, next time we spring porn on you, I’ll make sure they have non-kinky gay porn-“
“NO!” Brendon said firmly, groaning. “Can we stop talking about porn? Please? I get it, pick on the virgin, but really, I do not want to face my mom with the mental image of a dick in my head,” he said, earning a grin from Spencer.
“Alright, how about you finally give me an answer on practice with Ryan in a few weeks,” he said. “He’s coming home soon. He’ll be here for a few weeks before going back,” he said.
Brendon shrugged. “Okay with me as long as I can get off of work. Is Brent going to be back from vacation with his girlfriend’s family?” he asked.
Spencer shrugged as well. “I hope so. God, you’d think he’d be happy to practice, the flake,” he said.
Brendon shot him a look. “Be honest, Spencer, if you were choosing between hanging out with us lame asses and getting laid, what would you pick,” he said pointedly.
Spencer blushed. “I don’t know, honestly I’d probably go with you guys. I mean, sure, duh, sex is like… every teenage boy’s obsession, but I don’t know about you, but I really think we’re a good band,” he said. “We may have a long ways to go, but is getting laid now worth giving up a chance to be rock stars?” he asked.
Brendon bit his lip. “Okay, maybe that was sorta my answer,” he admitted and Spencer snickered. “But really, Spence, I don’t count, I’m a music nerd. I love having people to play music with so yeah, I’d pick the band, but I’m not normal, we all know this,” he said.
Spencer grinned. “Well you got one thing right, you are not normal,” he teased and Brendon rolled his eyes.
“You are an asshole, Spencer Smith. A massive one,” he said, then sighed when they slowed outside his house. “Fucking moms,” he said.
Spencer smiled sadly. “We could still go to my place. I’m sure you can run in and tell your mom you wanna come stay with me,” he tried.
Brendon shook his head. “Choir practice in the morning,” he said and Spencer nodded in understanding. Brendon smiled at him. “I meant what I said earlier,” he said uneasily. “Thank you for being my friend.”
Spencer gave him a sad smile. “You don’t ever have to thank me for caring about you, Bren. That’s what I’m your friend for.”
“Well, thanks anyways,” Brendon said quickly, waving as he climbed out of the car and grabbed his apron from the backseat before jogging up to his house.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Spencer got suspicious when, only a few weeks into the school year, Brendon told him he didn’t need rides anymore. At first he thought maybe someone from school was hanging out with Brendon, but Brendon still spent a lot of the days he wasn’t working with Spencer and, when he was home for the weekend, Ryan.
It was one of those days, while planning for his birthday party with his dad, that Spencer found out why.
Brendon showed up early, before even noon, which was shocking enough, but the most shocking part was his face. Ginger had taken one look at him and screamed in shock, scaring Spencer and his dad half to death in the living room. “Mom?” Spencer cried, jogging out into the hall, only to slide to a stop when he spotted his mom hugging Brendon. “Mom?” he asked, frowning. When Brendon picked up his head from Ginger’s shoulder, it was Spencer who shouted in alarm. “Brendon!” he cried rushing over. He all but hauled him off of his mother and held his shoulders, looking at his face.
Brendon’s face was bruised and swollen. His left eye was nearly swollen shut. His lip was split and puffy. His cheekbone was bruised and cut. It was clearly pretty fresh, even if it had to be at least a day old. “Spence,” he said softly, looking somewhat pained. “Can we talk?” he asked.
Spencer nodded, horrified as he looked at his friend’s face. “Brendon,” he said weakly, wordlessly tugging him into a hug. He could see his mother fighting tears, only to nearly slip when Brendon leaned into Spencer, arms tight around his neck as he started to cry. Spencer swallowed hard and held him up, pressing his face into Brendon’s hair. “Come on, let’s go upstairs,” he whispered, sliding his hands to Brendon’s sides. Brendon nodded and held onto Spencer’s hand as Spencer led him upstairs, ignoring his mother’s worried expression.
When they got to his room, Spencer set Brendon down on the bed and sat facing him in his computer chair. “What the hell happened to you?!” he asked, looking at his battered face.
Brendon sniffled. “I got mugged,” he said and Spencer just stared.
“How?” he asked in confusion.
Brendon bit his lip. “Walking home from work.”
Spencer just frowned. “I thought someone else was driving you? And besides, who gets mugged on the way to your house? There’s like… mostly residential streets between your house and the mall,” he said.
Brendon whimpered. “I- I don’t-“ he sniffled. “I don’t live there anymore.”
Spencer just stared, feeling the blood leaving his face. “What do you mean? Where are you living?!” he asked, horrified.
Brendon sniffled. “I’m- I’m renting this apartment. Um, not far from the mall. Kinda- kinda not in the best neighborhood, but it was cheaper there,” he whispered.
Spencer just shook his head. “What the hell are you telling me, B?” he asked.
Brendon put his face in his hands. “My parents- my parents were killing me, Spence,” he said weakly. “I had to go. I had to get out. They were- they’re so… I just couldn’t take it.”
Spencer groaned. “Brendon, you’re seventeen!” he said in exasperation. “Why are you- how did you move by yourself?” he asked.
Brendon bit his lip. “Packed a bag and left.” Spencer stared. “The first few days, um… I kinda just… was homeless, kind of,” he mumbled. “Wandered around like a fucking vagrant,” he said softly, clearly embarrassed. “But I found my apartment after a few days so it’s all good. I’m- I’m doing okay,” he said softly.
Spencer stared blankly. “Okay? Brendon, what part of this-“ he gestured to his face. “Seems OKAY to you?” he asked pointedly.
Brendon just sniffled, tears slipping down his bruised cheeks. “The part where I’m not being forced to believe shit I don’t agree with, and I’m not being pressured to be something I’m not! The part where, I’m standing on my own fucking two feet, Spencer, that part!” he said tearfully. “I’m sick of being the baby of a family I don’t fit into, Spencer! I’m sick of not being good enough for them, and not being like my sister and not being good enough to make them proud of anything,” he cried. “I’m- I’m sick of feeling like nobody loves me,” he let out in a half-sob.
Spencer just caught Brendon’s hands in his. “Shhh, it’s okay,” he said, leaning closer so Brendon could hug him, hanging on like Spencer was all that was keeping him grounded. “They love you, Brendon. We all love you. My mom and my sisters and me and Ryan, we love you, okay? Don’t think nobody loves you,” he said, sighing as Brendon cried. “Don’t worry, Bren. You’re going to be okay, I promise,” he reassured.
The following afternoon at Spencer’s birthday party, nobody mentioned Brendon’s face.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Everything came to a head not even a week later. It was less than a week after Spencer’s birthday that they were finally having band practice when, for the first time, Ryan honestly overstepped his boundaries enough to piss Spencer the fuck off.
“Look, just sing it this way-“
“Ryan, that sounds dumb from me, though!” Brendon whined. “Come on, why is my way wrong?” he demanded, hands on his hips.
Ryan glared. “Because it isn’t how I wrote it, asshole. Now put your mouth to better use than standing on a street corner and sing,” he said.
Brendon glared. “I’m not a fucking hooker, Ryan. I told you, I do not appreciate jokes about ‘my pimp’ beating me,” he said harshly, clearly completely serious.
Ryan raised an eyebrow. “Oh really? Well if it wasn’t your pimp, maybe it was somebody finally beat the fag out of you-“
“HEY!” Spencer shouted, shocking them both. “For fucks sake, fuck off, Ryan,” he snapped, really shocking them.
Ryan just gaped, having never really had Spencer on someone else’s side. “What?” he asked, shocked.
Spencer glared. “Stop calling him a fag, lay the fuck off about him getting hurt, and show some fucking decency!” He glanced at Brendon. “How his face ended up that way is none of your damn business and clearly it’s not something he wants to talk about.”
Ryan eyed him, then glanced at Brendon. “Wait, you know what happened, don’t you!” he said in shock. “You didn’t bother telling me somebody kicked his ass before your birthday-“
Spencer glowered. “Why would I tell you what happened to him?” he asked pointedly.
Ryan just stared blankly. “Because you tell me everything maybe? We have no secrets-“
“Exactly,we, Ryan. Not you and Brendon, or you and Brent, me and you. If I had gotten my ass kicked, I would tell you all about it,” he said honestly. “But Brendon and I have secrets too, okay?” He looked at him. “Do you think I would tell Brendon what really happened to your face when you showed up at practice with a black eye?” he asked and Ryan instantly turned red.
“You sure as hell better not!” he snarled.
“Good!” Spencer said. “Then leave Brendon alone. You have secrets, he has secrets, fuck, even I have secrets, Ryan! I’ve never told you a good few secrets about myself because nobody else needs to know, okay?” he said. “Now lay off Brendon, don’t you DARE call him a fag again, and fucking play the song,” he shouted with finality.
Brendon was staring at Spencer in complete awe when Spencer looked up at him and gave him a smile. “Thank you, Spence,” he said softly.
Spencer just shrugged, cheeks slightly pink. “I told you, B. You don’t have to thank me for being your friend,” he said softly.
That night, Spencer drove Brendon home. Brendon didn’t want to walk so late and Spencer really didn’t want him walking. When they pulled up outside Brendon’s building, Spencer just stared in horror. “Um, thank you,” Brendon said softly. “For… well, everything,” he said bashfully, looking across the console. “You’re an amazing person, Spencer-“
“Let me walk you to your door,” Spencer cut him off. “I just… God, Brendon, you live here?” he asked, looking terrified at the thought.
Brendon nodded sadly. “Yeah, I do unfortunately.”
Spencer grew increasingly horrified as they walked up the stairs. It wasn’t as much the building itself, it honestly wasn’t that dirty or anything. The scary thing was how many seedy looking characters hung around the hallways and outside the building. Spencer was pretty sure he wouldn’t be half as scared for himself as he was for Brendon. The truth of it was, though Spencer was still really girly looking, he’d gotten taller and broader over the summer. Brendon, however, seemed to have reached his plateau at small and skinny. He looked more manly than Spencer, sure, but he was tiny and Spencer knew from wrestling around at practice a few times that Brendon was about as strong as a piece of cooked pasta. Ryan had been able to pin Brendon down for God’s sake.
When they got to Brendon’s apartment, it was clear Brendon tried his best to liven the place up. It was clean and there were some posters on the walls, but nothing distracted from the fact that it was basically one room. “So, um… here I am,” Brendon said awkwardly, biting his lip. “Um, I’m looking at buying a couch, so- uh-“
Spencer cut him off by shaking his head. “Jesus Christ, you’re fucking brave,” he said in a rush, crossing to Brendon in three steps. He tugged Brendon into a hug, holding him tightly. “God, I can’t believe you’re alone here. You’re so- so little,” he said, earning a grumpy sound. He pulled back and looked at him. “Brendon, you’re just… God, you’re so strong,” he said, looking down into his big brown eyes.
Brendon rolled his eyes. “What’s brave about it, Spencer?” he asked honestly. “I’m a teenager who was too stubborn to deal with his parents. I just was stupid enough to do something about it, unlike most kids.”
Spencer just groaned, looking around. “Bren, whatever you had to run from, it had to be more than average stubborn teenager stuff, dude,” he said softly, sighing. “God, I feel like a pussy, if I’m honest,” he said.
Brendon raised an eyebrow. “Why do you feel like a pussy? You’ve got like, the nicest parents ever, obviously if you had something you didn’t agree with, they’d like… listen and shit,” he said, making a face.
Spencer groaned, laughing humorlessly. “I know,” he said, throwing his hands up. “I know they would. And I’m still too scared. I’m scared of telling anybody. I haven’t ever even told Ryan and after tonight, I’m not sure that would be a good idea anyways-“
Brendon just blinked, eyes widening. “Holy shit, you’re gay, aren’t you?” he said in shock, having clearly connected the dots.
Spencer stared at Brendon. “Shit,” he said, then let his eyes fall. “Not really. Kinda bi, I think,” he said honestly. “But, that’s kinda only part of it,” he said weakly.
Brendon cringed. “Wow, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. You should’ve been ready to tell me-“
Spencer let out a whimper, looking up with teary eyes. “I’m in love with you,” he whispered, pain evident in his eyes. Brendon just stared. “That’s- that’s the bigger part. I can- I’m too scared to tell them I like boys at all, but the scariest part is just-“
“Me too,” Brendon said in almost a whisper, looking at Spencer in shock. Spencer froze, eyes widening. “I- I’ve sort of um…” he blushed, looking away. “I’ve sort of always- you’re just so- I can’t even start-“ Spencer cut him off with a hand over his mouth. “Smuh-huh?” he asked against Spencer’s hand in confusion.
Spencer smiled a tiny, hopeful smile. “You love me?” he asked and Brendon nodded, cheeks pink in contrast to Spencer’s pale hand. “Brendon,” he whispered and Brendon caught his wrist, pulling his hand away.
“I love you, Spencer,” he said steadily, looking amazed as he looked up at Spencer. “I have since the beginning of the summer almost.” Spencer smiled brightly and then startled Brendon by leaning in to press a kiss to his lips without warning. It was a small, nervous, innocent, kiss, but both boys came apart from it blushing and fighting happy yet shy smiles.
“I’ve wanted to kiss those lips for so long,” Spencer admitted, ducking his eyes bashfully.
“I’ve never been kissed before,” Brendon admitted and Spencer looked up, eyes wide.
“What?” he asked, and Brendon nodded. “God, how?! You’re so cute!” he said, then cringed. “God I’m lame-“
Brendon cut him off by pecking his lips. “I think you’re pretty, so I’m more lame.” Spencer just beamed, wrapping his arms around Brendon, who in turn, curled one arm around Spencer’s middle and the other around his shoulders, holding him as close as he could. Spencer loved those hugs so much he sank into it, holding Brendon just as close.
Spencer wanted to scream at all the cars in front of him. The longer he waited, the less angry he got and the more he remembered things.
And it hurt.
He was also still listening to the damn demo again. He caught a line this go around that stuck out as well, making him cringe.
But they couldn't quite remember,
What inspired them to go.
Brendon and Spencer kept it a secret from Ryan and Brent that they were together. They didn’t get much time to be alone together because of it, but it didn’t really matter. Spencer knew that his mom knew. He hadn’t told her or his dad or his sisters, but he knew by the way she looked at him and Brendon when they were hanging out at his house that she knew there was something between them. It was embarrassing, but the fact she hadn’t said anything and, to be honest, the fact she gave them an almost adoring look made him pretty sure she was okay with it.
It was one night, when the desert in the winter meant cold nights, that Ryan found out the worst way Spencer could’ve imagined.
Because of practice the next afternoon, Spencer had begged his parents to let Brendon just stay with them. It was obvious they still didn’t know he was living on his own, so they wanted to call his mother, but eventually they gave in and let him stay without questioning it. Spencer and Brendon both enjoyed his parents letting him stay because, finally, it meant they could be alone together for at least a little while.
They hadn’t done anything, they were alone so little and they were both still pretty shy and unsure about physical things with each other, but Spencer’s parents and sisters going to bed meant they could sit outside on the back porch swing, cuddled up with a blanket wrapped around them, talking and sharing occasional kisses without a worry of somebody catching them. It was one of those nights, with Brendon draped half across Spencer as they kissed slowly, that they were startled apart by a gasp and approaching footsteps.
They jerked apart, only to look up and see Ryan starting up the stairs, jaw hanging open as he stared at them. “Ryan!” Spencer said quickly, sitting up.
“So, um, what the fuck?” Ryan asked, looking between Spencer and Brendon.
“Um, hey, Ryan,” Spencer said weakly, biting his lip guiltily.
Ryan shook his head. “Don’t ‘hey Ryan’ me, dude,” he said, looking between them. “Were you guys just…” he trailed off and Brendon groaned, tugging the blanket up over his head. Spencer cringed but nodded. “So… what?” he asked.
Spencer bit his lip and looked over at Brendon, who was still hiding. “Brendon and I… we’re um…” He smiled suddenly, heart fluttering as he realized he’d never said it out loud before. “We’re boyfriends,” he said.
Brendon tugged the blanket off of his head and stared. “You’ve never actually called me that,” he said with a small, pleased smile.
Spencer smiled at him. “I’ve never had a reason to,” he said, squeezing Brendon’s hand.
“Wait, wait, wait… how long have you two been… doing it?” Ryan asked, looking horrified.
Brendon’s eyes widened and he gaped. “RYAN!” he screeched, turning bright red.
Spencer ducked his eyes, cringing slightly. “Ryan, that’s not-“
“We are not doing anything!” Brendon cried, covering his eyes. “Oh my God, this is a bad dream, I know it is,” he said and Spencer sighed.
“We’ve been together since September,” Spencer said, glaring. “And don’t start being a dick,” he warned.
Ryan just blinked. “Why didn’t you tell me, Spencer?” he asked. “You’re supposed to tell me things.”
Brendon glared. “He’s supposed to keep my secrets, Ryan. I’m not saying he’s supposed to pick me over your or something, but you have to let him have something to himself, okay?” he said pointedly, sliding closer to Spencer.
Spencer smiled at Brendon, leaning his head against Brendon’s. “Love you,” he whispered, kissing Brendon’s temple.
Brendon turned to him, smiling bashfully. “I just don’t want him bossing you around,” he said, closing his eyes as he leaned into Spencer.
Ryan just stared. “How did I never notice? I mean, am I the only one who doesn’t know?” he asked, looking upset.
Spencer shook his head. “My mom I think knows-“ Brendon started at his side. “But we haven’t told anybody. I mean… it’s only been like, two months.”
“How does your mom know?” Brendon asked, eyes wide.
Spencer shrugged. “All I now is she keeps looking at us with this sappy look and like… I think it started the day you got mugged and I like… held you in front of her,” he said.
“Whoa, mugged?!” Ryan asked. “That’s what happened to you in September-“
Brendon sighed. “I left home,” he admitted and Spencer held him close to his side, giving him strength. “I just… left. And I got an apartment and stuff but like… it’s not in a great place and I got mugged going home one night after work,” he said. “The next morning I showed up at Spencer’s house, the day before his birthday party, and then later after you and Spencer got in a fight at practice the next weekend, he took me home and like…” he blushed, looking over at Spencer.
“I told him I love him,” Spencer said softly, looking into Brendon’s eyes. Brendon smiled and leaned in, pecking Spencer’s lips.
“I love you too-“
“Ew,” Ryan said, distracting them. “Guys, fuck,” he said, shaking his head. “I was coming to tell you, Spencer, that I’ve got a meeting set up for us with someone who might make us famous, and now you’re telling me your big gay romance is going to be a problem?!” he asked.
Spencer glared. “You dress like a scene girl, Ryan. If my private relationship with our singer is going to fuck it over for us, then you’re a much bigger problem. You have half-naked photos of yourself on the internet. Under-aged half-naked photos-“
“Oh, about that,” Ryan said, blushing. “Um, maybe the reason we’ve-uh- the reason I’ve been talking to this-“ he groaned. “Okay, so maybe the meeting is with um… Pete Wentz,” he said, and Spencer scoffed.
“Yeah right-“
“I’m serious!” Ryan hissed. “I got to talking to him, cause he commented on my photo to say I was hot and at first I didn’t think it was really him, but then we started talking and then like, he gave me his number and we’ve texted and shit and it’s like… really him,” he said, blushing. “So, uh, after I made it clear I’m not actually gonna sleep with him if he does come see me, he still wants to, cause we like… get along,” he said shyly. “And um, he really liked our demos, and um… he’s sorta thinking of starting his own label so like-“
“Shut up!” Spencer said, staring. “So… so you being an internet slut is getting us a meeting with Pete Wentz?!” he asked, eyes wide.
Ryan nodded. “In two weeks. So like, um, could you two maybe not flake out on me before then?” he pleaded.
Brendon snorted. “Dude, do you really think we’d risk our friendship if we were going to flake out in a few months?” he asked and Spencer smiled at him affectionately.
Ryan snorted. “Do you have any idea how many people would totally go gay just to bang Spencer?” he asked and Spencer gaped. “What?! You have seen yourself the last few months, right? You’re my brother and all, so I’m not one of them, but you’re like… hot now,” he said.
Brendon nodded. “You really are,” he said, leaning over to kiss his cheek sweetly. “But I’m actually sorta bi, Ryan. Have been a long time. Before Spencer,” he said.
Spencer smiled. “It’s sorta only Brendon,” he admitted, earning a bright smile from his boyfriend.
Ryan rolled his eyes. “Oh God, help us all.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After the meeting with Pete Wentz and, shockingly, a record contract, Spencer and Brendon decided to come out to Spencer’s family and to… well, Brent. It had gone well, Spencer had been right, his mother had been waiting for them to tell her.
They had finished most of their senior year before they took early exams so that they could go record in Maryland. Maryland was hard on all of them. Brent was homesick, Ryan was a perfectionist, Brendon started to develop a backbone and stopped putting up with Ryan’s shit, which meant everybody turned pretty bitchy really fast. Spencer tried to stay strong for everybody, but having both his boyfriend and best friend turn to him to pick sides was intense.
However, after all the fighting, after weeks of Brendon ignoring him, they ended up with an amazing record. One that they were sure would be great for them. When they got home, everybody almost hated each other. Spencer and Brendon didn’t speak for an entire week after they got home. Brendon had gone back to living with his parents for a little while at least and Spencer worried about him, no matter how much of a break he needed.
When they all met up again for practice, Spencer sighed in relief when he saw Brendon. It was weird, after so long being right up under each other all the time, how it felt to not see him very often. Brendon had waited until the end of practice before catching Spencer’s hand, tugging him aside so they could walk together back out to his van. “Spence-“
Spencer just hugged him, kissing his temple. “Love you,” he said and Brendon held him close. “Shit, what the hell happened this summer?” he asked and Brendon just groaned, shaking his head.
“Fuck if I know,” he said, then smiled up at Spencer. “Come on, this time I can totally give you a ride home,” he joked and Spencer smiled brightly, kissing him quickly, since the others were still watching.
“Mom will probably want you to stay for dinner,” he said and Brendon beamed.
“Ginger food!” he said, then tugged Spencer’s want into his, leading the way.
They were only home a few weeks before Brendon got fed up, again, and moved out. This time, however, he was able, with the money he’d saved before leaving for Maryland and with a loan from his sister, to get a better apartment. It was still shit, still one bedroom, but at least this one was three separate rooms (kitchen, living room, bedroom) and actually had a bathroom of its own rather than a communal one down the hallway. They were leaving on tour in a few months time, but Brendon planned on keeping this apartment for real.
Spencer ended up spending most of his time at Brendon’s place and less and less at home. It wasn’t long before his mother pulled him aside one day when he was leaving to go to Brendon’s place.
“Spence,” she said, smiling at him sadly. “Baby, don’t you think a little time apart is a good idea?” she suggested and Spencer frowned.
“What? You like Brendon,” he started and she snorted.
“Of course I do, he’s like my own kid, but Spencer, you’re barely eighteen and you practically live there,” she said pointedly, which made him cringe. “Last night is the only night you’ve been home all week,” she pointed out and Spencer blushed, ducking his head. He hated to think of his mom keeping track of how many nights he spent with his boyfriend. “I’m just saying, you’re a little young to be so serious, baby,” she said, reaching out to ruffle his hair.
Spencer sighed. “Mom, come on, I’m late already, I’m supposed to be picking up food,” he said. She shot him a look. “Look… what do you want me to say?” he asked simply. “In two days, it’s our one year anniversary. A year!” he stressed. “It’s not like I’m a stupid kid with a crush, I’ve been with him for a long time-“
“Spencer, when I was in high school-“
“Oh God,” he groaned, earning a pointed glare.
“When I was in high school,” she continued. “I dated the same boy three and a half of the four years,” she said and Spencer raised an eyebrow. “Do you think that mattered when we graduated? Hell, we went to the same college even but both of us met new people and wanted different things and wanted to play the field-“
Spencer cringed. “Ew, I like the mentality that mom’s don’t ‘play the field’,” he interrupted and she rolled her eyes.
“Honey, I know you love him,” she said and Spencer smiled a shy, goofy smile as he ducked his head. “But look at it like this, baby. You are eighteen. You’ve been with him since you were barely seventeen. You guys have sealed your own fate with this band stuff and sure, maybe you’ll be famous rock stars some day,” she said and Spencer rolled his eyes at her. “But trust me, the kind of love you have when you’re a teenager and you’re all each other’s ever known goes away pretty damn fast when you get out and meet new people. Especially if you do end up being famous,” she said pointedly.
Spencer frowned. “Mom, it’s not like that. Brendon is not going to just… get famous and go crazy over groupies or some crap like that. And I for damn sure won’t be a stereotypical slutty rock star,” he said pointedly. “And I mean… it’s just not like that. I won’t be naïve and think we’re going to live happily ever after, I know that’s unlikely, but it’s not just stupid dumb kids in love, we’re… real,” he said firmly.
She just smiled sadly. “Alright, baby. I’m just trying to tell you to take it easy. At this rate, you’ll be living together in a month and you’re too young to get so serious.”
Spencer rolled his eyes, walking out. “It is that serious though, Mom! That’s my point,” he called back, disappearing.
Part 2