Truly the Superior Badfic
Title: Show Me Who's the Truly Superior One
Author: Candrex
Rating:
Four shadows. One for terrible formatting, one for HUGE OOC breaches, one for gratuitous canon rape as well as poorly written actual rape, and one for grammar and my brain breaking. My fanfiction isn't great and this still makes me want to cry.
Full Names: Zexion and Lexaeus
Full Species: Cannonicus-Nobodious Rapiteous
Hair Colors: Presumed as canon/Red
Eye Color: Presumed as canon
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: Lexaeus has D-cup pecs. I'm not even gonna elaborate on the "as big as Zexion's arm" thing.
Special Possessions: Rapetastic clones and very expensive, tailor-made pants.
Origin: The whitest depths of Hell.
Connections To Canon Characters: They're them in the kind of alternate dimension that drops nukes on Gummi Ships upon disembarkment.
Special Abilities: Zexion's face thinks for itself and Lexaeus is a complete, rapeable wimp.
Other Annoying Traits: Mostly the rape of Lexaeus. And him enjoying it because apparently they're "boyfriends".
I Say/Notes: Okay, I like this pairing. Go ahead and shoot me. I don't like this fic because it completely rapes this pairing in several senses of the word. That and the fact that all the pretty writing is saved for Larxene in the epilogue, ftw? Redeeming factors: The grammar isn't horrible, and it's not unoriginal in the way that Rokuaku is not unoriginal, as in, it could be interesting but it isn't. It's the kind of fic where the roles are switched, but so are the personalities, so it isn't really original at all.
Sample: We enter the tried and true Sporking Theater, where a hulking figure can be seen sitting in the front row and, beside him, a much shorter man who has his nose buried in a book. The men, or rather, Nobodies in question are Lexaeus and Zexion, and both of them look positively annoyed.
Zexion: I will be reading my Lexicon. I will not be focusing on this abomination of a fanfiction. I will be reading my-
MCP: WARNING: USERS WILL BE REQUIRED TO PAY CLOSE ATTENTION FOR THE DURATION OF THE FANFICTION. *zap*
Zexion: *indignant spluttering*
Lexaeus: Just calm down, Zexion. Pray for it to be over soon.
Zexion: *annoyed* Pray to whom?
Lexaeus: All of them. For good measure.
He was determined to ensnare him. This was the only way. He had been planning for days on how to, as Xigbar so crudely put it, "Become the 'S' of their S&M relationship"
Zexion: That's classy.
Lexaeus: *pales*
("whatever that is" Zexion mumbled afterwards): Observing how he answers certain types of questions, exactly how large his "superego" was, and how he responded to certain touches (the last one he researched during their training sessions).
Lexaeus: Why is the word superego in quotations?
Zexion: Why are we having training sessions? We have very different and very developed fighting styles. The last I checked, we spent free time drinking tea and working out puzzles in the basement of Castle Oblivion.
Lexaeus: You weren't there when we got the gym, the theater, the hot tub, and the pool, then?
Zexion: ...What?
Lexaeus: Nevermind. The question should just be, "Why does this exist?"
"Lexaeus..." He called in his I'm-such-an-innocent-boy-don't-suspect-me-of-anything voice.
Zexion: Do I have one of those?
Lexaeus: No.
Zexion: Thank Nothingness.
Lexaeus was suspicious.
Lexaeus: I am suspicious.
When Zexion talked liked that, he was either scheming, or he had done something wrong. I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt. Wait...that usually ends up worse than what he wants...But he's my boyfriend, so I've got to trust him more.
Zexion: BOYFRIEND! Fuck the WHAT NOW!?
MCP: CAPSLOCK OF RAGE NOT PERMITTED, INSOLENT USER! *zap*
"Yes, Zexion? And why, exactly did you say my whole name? We haven't done that since before--"
"Bow to me!" Zexion said in a straight-up, flat-yet-commanding tone.
Lexaeus: Zexion, you are aware that I have a great deal of respect for you as my comrade and fellow member, yes?
Zexion: Of course.
Lexaeus: Good. Please keep that in mind when I say that I would never, ever bow to you.
Zexion: I understand and return the sentiment in full.
"Umm...No."
"I'm only going to say this two more times! So you better give me the right answer, or face the consequences! Bow...to...me!"
Zexion: Why two? That's oddly specific. Is it one of those "genie of the lamp" things?
"Like...I...said: No. I don't know what game you're playing, but--"
Zexion: Clearly it's the "I spoke to you in canon so that means we're fuck buddies" game.
Lexaeus: *monotone* Of course. I'm such an idiot. Why didn't I see it sooner.
Again, Zexion interrupted him, but instead of just talking, Zexion had instead slapped him across the face. Lexaeus had proceeded to grab the attacking arm, and force-held it close to his face. Lexaeus had said all he wanted to in the glare he gave Zexion, as Zexion's face was obliged to look at him.
Zexion: What... just happened?
Lexaeus: Seemingly instead of doing something instead you did something instead, resulting in your face having a debt to me. Don't worry, it was repaid, for it was obliged to look at me instead of slapping me. Also, you took away my third chance to bow.
Zexion: It's all so clear now.
The only thing was, instead of an apologetic face, Zexion had pure rage on his face.
Lexaeus: Oh, I see! Your face is a separate entity.
Zexion: Either that or I'm a What's-Her-Face-Doll with only three settings: Horny, apologetic, and enraged.
Both: *shudder at the terrifying image of WHF!Zexion*
"What the hell was--" And again, Lexaeus was interrupted. He was pulled down by no less than six Zexion clones, holding him down with surprising strength. Lexaeus was about to get up and interrogate Zexion, when he found that even his immense strength couldn't move the numerous clones.
Lexaeus: It turns out that I am completely defenseless against your clones, when a fifteen-year-old boy thrashed them to pieces with a giant key!
Zexion: Tsk. I'm disappointed in you, Lexaeus.
Snip. If you can carry someone in a provocative way, it happens to Lexaeus right now. Also, there's some significance in that fact that they're going to Zexion's room this time. Or something.
Zexion, not one to not take advise, slowed his pace so that he could be walking right in front of Lexaeus, purposefully swishing his hips to barely feather across his associates crotch.
Lexaeus: *winces*
Zexion: What? Lack of respect for the apostrophe?
Lexaeus: More like: your bony hips in my crotch?
Moan Zexion grinned and licked his lips at the reaction. "No wonder..."
Zexion: Aha! It was Moan Zexion all along, not me! That sneaky devil.
Lexaeus: I don't want to make your victory seem pointless or anything, but I don't feel comfortable being molested by any form of Zexion.
Zexion slowly opened his door, turning around to give Lexaeus his "innocent" smile, oh-so-cute face included. Before his prot'eg'e could respond, he had one of his clones cover his mouth and gag it with his finger.
"Now we're going to have a little fun! Hm-hm-hmm" Caressing Number V's face.
Lexaeus: *hums 'Cooking by the Book'* Hm-hm-hmm.
Zexion: And just when I thought this scene couldn't be more ridiculous.
Okay, get the guy, lock the door...now it's time, Zexion turned to face Lexaeus, who was now force-kneeling in front of him, to manipulate this Adonis.
He knelt down next to the MUCH larger man and started to whisper almost-kisses along the nape of his neck. He remembered what he was told: make sure you don't touch skin-to-skin! He wondered if this was meant to torture, manipulate! Not torture! I'm not--
Zexion: You're not only much larger than me; you're MUCH larger!
Lexaeus: How large am I!?
Zexion: OVER NINE-THOUSAN-!
Lexaeus: What is it?
Zexion: I feel very dirty all of the sudden.
Moan The sound
Zexion: Coming soon to Broadway: Moan: The Musical.
woke him up from his "voyage des mémoires". French makes you fancy. He must concentrate in order to make this work. He started to actually kiss Lexaeus, but only through his jacket.
Lexaeus: So you weren't actually actually kissing me at all.
Zexion: That would require less of the area covered by your jacket and more of your face, after all.
He made one of his clones hold Lex's head up to make sure that neither one of them got too close, even though that was the entire plan: to get as close as possible, as he remembered the quote.
His kisses started from the left collarbone, then trailed to the right nipple, hitting one of Lex's weak spots. An almost deafening moan escaped the, somehow muscular, lips of Lexaeus.
Lexaeus: *self-conscious lip touch*
Zexion: This whole "depriving you of contact" thing would work a lot better if there weren't six more of me touching you.
"Hmhmhm...ahhh, you don't usually get this from me, huh?" The smaller one said, trailing his finger along the zipper down the center of Lexaeus' torso, all the way down to the zipper's head. "This is going to be fun, don't you think so, Lexaeus?"
At that, he grabbed his neck, and began to massage him, making his fingers bore down hard into the thick jacket, smiling at how Lex's face contorted in both relaxation and slight pain.
Lexaeus: That sounds like the worst massage in all the worlds.
Stopping his massage, he started unzipping the large, tight jacket until it completely came off. His huge muscles, especially his D-cup pecs,
Zexion: *SPORFLE*
Lexaeus: *extremelysadface*
were looking as if the black muscle shirt was choking them. He tore off the tight "shirt", as well as the unnecessary quotations, freeing the muscles and watching the massive pecs slightly bulge out. He knew that the man had at least a dozen muscle shirts, so he wouldn't miss this one. Squeezing the right nipple, he had gotten a response exactly similar as the one from earlier.
"Why is it that the right nipple, ear, and left knee so...tender to you?"
Lexaeus: What, do you have flash cards or something?
Zexion: *searches pockets*
All he heard in response was a heavy exhalation through the nostrils.
Lexaeus: As opposed to the anus.
Zexion: *twitch*
Only slightly heavier than how he had been breathing since he led him to his room and raped him along with his pronouns. That'd show those pronouns who was Superior. "This is the only question you'll answer for now; I think I know why, but still...why won't you talk?" he asked with a smile.
"Because I know you're going to slap me otherwise." He answered flatly
Zexion: When did I make a habit of slapping my superiors?
Lexaeus: Around the time you started raping them, I'd assume.
To this, Zexion frowned, only visible if you looked hard enough. He honestly had no intention of slapping him anymore...just the "no more sex or masturbation for an entire month for you" punishment if he responded wrong.
Lexaeus: How could you possibly stop me from doing that?
Zexion: Do whatever you like; just don't tell me that you do it ever again.
He looked down at the 32W 62L Black customized 59455 munny leather pants with the zipper going straight down the center of the crotch, with a protective fabric behind to make sure there are no "cuts". Zexion felt that they were on sale because they were worth so much more when Lexaeus was horny.
Both: ...what.
When Lexaeus was horny, it only took a few words to get Zexion in the mood, too. 1.My 2.Bedroom 4.Drawer. Lexaeus didn't believe in lubricant after the first three times, nor did he even believe in the number three. Zexion didn't believe in it after the first time, but Lexaeus persuaded him by comparing it to Zexion's arm.
Zexion: YOUR WHAT IS AS BIG AS MY WHAT NOW?
MCP: *furious zap*
As hot as Lexaeus looked in those pants, he found that he looked infinitely hotter with them off, his quadriceps bulging underneath his skin. His short, red hairs softening his legs. He loved looking at his huge thighs, petting them with his gloved hands, silently wishing that he could feel the skin instead of imagining it.
I must maintain composure. He told himself.
Zexion: *shudder* Abomination!Zexion stole my mantra.
Looking at Lexaeus, he almost lost all of the composure he had. Looking at him, his almost naked body, his gloves still on his hands...the pants loose around his legs. He had only one clone there now, holding his head away, and holding him down with only a slight touch on the shoulder.
He grabbed Lexaeus' cock and started stroking it, making it hard, although it didn't take long, he was already half-hard.
Lexaeus: This sounds painfully like leveling up a pokemon.
Zexion: I wonder what abilities the evolved form has? Something tells me that Abomination!Zexion intends to press on in the name of scientific inquiry.
He took the syrupy droplets of precum and slicked it between his index finger and thumb. He then stuck the finger in the dimple in the prominent chin in front of him.
Lexaeus: I must say, that's original. I've never heard of someone's dimple being raped before.
Zexion: "Cleft" was just too obscure a word to use.
"Please, just smile, do something that wouldn't make me feel guilty..."
"You feel guilty about this? I'm surprised you're feeling anything at all after seeing this." But he still took away the disapproving look and closed his eyes, easing into the feeling.
Zexion: I'm surprised I'm feeling anything at all as well, seeing as how I lack a heart.
Lexaeus: You're feeling something about this?
Zexion: Yes: disgust.
"Thank--I mean..."
When he gets hard, make sure that you bite one of his sensitive spots. That'll drive him crazy!
Lexaeus: It's the same reason I love mosquitoes and rabid dogs. *thumbs up - the seal of Lexaeus's approval*
He went over to the right ear, making sure his lips were pulled back, and bit the earlobe with as much sensuosity as he could, which wasn't much.
Zexion changed his favorite sound from the sound of a victims mind twisting to his whim to the next sound that came out of Lexaeus' mouth: a stuttering, heavy moan of pure lustful pleasure.
Zexion: I'll make sure to record the onomatopoeia on one of my helpful flash cards later.
Lexaeus: I never want to see the word "heavy" again.
He was surprised at how this was going. Lexaeus seemed to be borderline of getting an orgasm, and he hardly even touched the club-like endowment of his "patient".
When he's ready, get him to the edge, and don't make him go past it!
Lexaeus: Do not pass go! Do not collect 200 munny!
Zexion: But how else will I buy you expensive designer pants?
He went down onto Lexaeus' crotch and did the best grinding lap dance he could, all the while massaging both the right earlobe and nipple. The heavy moaning, and lustful sighs that emanated from him were signs that he was doing his job right. When the sounds became extremely fervent, he had stopped.
"Whuh? Why'd ya..." Was all Lexaeus could say through the haze that covered all of his senses but pleasure and touch.
Lexaeus: Wow. All that work and I can't even appreciate it except with my sense of smell.
Zexion: Yes, look at how articulate you still are! [/sarcasm]
Lexaeus started to come back to reality, everything in focus, feeling his pants rise and zipped up.
"Now, this is the last time!" Emphasizing the last two words heavily, "Show me who's the truly superior one. Bow...to...ME!"
Lexaeus: Oh, there's my third chance.
Zexion: What else could I possibly do to you if you refuse?
Lexaeus: Return my pants in exchange for more evenly distributed pronouns?
Zexion: *not amused*
Lexaeus was about to protest, opening his mouth, and even raising his hand up, pointing lazily towards the ceiling if the room. But then, he stopped. He recalled all the events that had happened today, from the lap dance all the way to the entire first name of that baby who's mother he'd made into a Heartless. He thought of this, and wondered, maybe that slap was worth all this...
Lexaeus: Then he remembered that no, it definitely wasn't.
Zexion: Which only made it worse that, in retrospect, it seemed the high point of his day.
Then he put his ego on the shelf, and knelt down, one knee on the ground, and took Zexion's hand. Kissing it, he said the words that he thought (and slightly hoped) that he would never said. "Zexion, I bow to you."
Inwardly, Zexion squealed. Outwardly, he said, "Now that the whole 'bowing' thing is over...want to make me beg for forgiveness?"
Zexion: I have never squealed, internally or externally, and I am appalled that Abomination!Zexion has the gall to do it.
"You have no idea!" And they proceeded to more...hard-core activities.
Lexaeus: You mean... that wasn't... ?
--a little over an hour later--
"AAAAGGH!" was a scream that echoed throughout the hall outside Zexion's room as Lexaeus and Zexion both came.
Zexion: Somehow, I'm disappointed.
Lexaeus: I, also. No one died for this.
Zexion: It certainly sounded like it, though.
Lexaeus: Oh, look: pointless text-centerage.
--Epilogue--
As Zexion walked down one of the white as-hell hallways
Zexion: Because we all know hell is pristine.
, he had passed Larxene. He felt her turning around, and he felt her arms wrap around his waist in pseudo-affection.
"So, how did it go?" Her voice was a worse than a rose, more than beautiful, but her thorns had venom on them.
Lexaeus: Where was this elegant prose during the actual story?
Zexion: Someone has a Larxene fixation.
Lexaeus: Poor bastard.
"Did you do what I asked? Of course you did, but what exactly did you do?" He hated the too-cute-for-evil snicker she gave afterwards.
"Well, I must say this: thank you for the advise. When I use it is my own business. Besides, you rarely come down to the basements...Why?"
Lexaeus: Wait, I thought Xigbar was the one you had spoken to?
Zexion: Psh, like Xigbar knows more than Larxene about male/male sex.
Lexaeus: More importantly, how did you ask Larxene for sex advice without being castrated?
"Becaaause, I wanna know what happened!" Larxene said in that beaut-evil (har, har) voice again.
Zexion callously took her arms off him, and continued walking towards the stairs. When he knew he was almost out of sight, he said what he was preparing since he started his "plan".
"Everything...and more!" And at that, he vanished out of her sight.
Lexaeus: Well, that was...
Zexion: Yes.
Lexaeus: Sorry about all the times there may have been subtext or something...
Zexion: It wasn't your fault, Lexaeus. It wasn't anyone's fault.
Lexaeus: So, shall we... ?
Zexion: Get the white-as-hell out of here? Yes, please.
Both: *portal out, traumatized*
MCP: ......... *begins to hum something eerily Lazy Town-esque*
Well, thus ends my first sporking. Hope I did okay! Hey, maybe my humor looks better in comparison with the horrid backdrop of badficcy sludge. :D
Author: Candrex
Rating:
Four shadows. One for terrible formatting, one for HUGE OOC breaches, one for gratuitous canon rape as well as poorly written actual rape, and one for grammar and my brain breaking. My fanfiction isn't great and this still makes me want to cry.
Full Names: Zexion and Lexaeus
Full Species: Cannonicus-Nobodious Rapiteous
Hair Colors: Presumed as canon/Red
Eye Color: Presumed as canon
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: Lexaeus has D-cup pecs. I'm not even gonna elaborate on the "as big as Zexion's arm" thing.
Special Possessions: Rapetastic clones and very expensive, tailor-made pants.
Origin: The whitest depths of Hell.
Connections To Canon Characters: They're them in the kind of alternate dimension that drops nukes on Gummi Ships upon disembarkment.
Special Abilities: Zexion's face thinks for itself and Lexaeus is a complete, rapeable wimp.
Other Annoying Traits: Mostly the rape of Lexaeus. And him enjoying it because apparently they're "boyfriends".
I Say/Notes: Okay, I like this pairing. Go ahead and shoot me. I don't like this fic because it completely rapes this pairing in several senses of the word. That and the fact that all the pretty writing is saved for Larxene in the epilogue, ftw? Redeeming factors: The grammar isn't horrible, and it's not unoriginal in the way that Rokuaku is not unoriginal, as in, it could be interesting but it isn't. It's the kind of fic where the roles are switched, but so are the personalities, so it isn't really original at all.
Sample: We enter the tried and true Sporking Theater, where a hulking figure can be seen sitting in the front row and, beside him, a much shorter man who has his nose buried in a book. The men, or rather, Nobodies in question are Lexaeus and Zexion, and both of them look positively annoyed.
Zexion: I will be reading my Lexicon. I will not be focusing on this abomination of a fanfiction. I will be reading my-
MCP: WARNING: USERS WILL BE REQUIRED TO PAY CLOSE ATTENTION FOR THE DURATION OF THE FANFICTION. *zap*
Zexion: *indignant spluttering*
Lexaeus: Just calm down, Zexion. Pray for it to be over soon.
Zexion: *annoyed* Pray to whom?
Lexaeus: All of them. For good measure.
He was determined to ensnare him. This was the only way. He had been planning for days on how to, as Xigbar so crudely put it, "Become the 'S' of their S&M relationship"
Zexion: That's classy.
Lexaeus: *pales*
("whatever that is" Zexion mumbled afterwards): Observing how he answers certain types of questions, exactly how large his "superego" was, and how he responded to certain touches (the last one he researched during their training sessions).
Lexaeus: Why is the word superego in quotations?
Zexion: Why are we having training sessions? We have very different and very developed fighting styles. The last I checked, we spent free time drinking tea and working out puzzles in the basement of Castle Oblivion.
Lexaeus: You weren't there when we got the gym, the theater, the hot tub, and the pool, then?
Zexion: ...What?
Lexaeus: Nevermind. The question should just be, "Why does this exist?"
"Lexaeus..." He called in his I'm-such-an-innocent-boy-don't-suspect-me-of-anything voice.
Zexion: Do I have one of those?
Lexaeus: No.
Zexion: Thank Nothingness.
Lexaeus was suspicious.
Lexaeus: I am suspicious.
When Zexion talked liked that, he was either scheming, or he had done something wrong. I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt. Wait...that usually ends up worse than what he wants...But he's my boyfriend, so I've got to trust him more.
Zexion: BOYFRIEND! Fuck the WHAT NOW!?
MCP: CAPSLOCK OF RAGE NOT PERMITTED, INSOLENT USER! *zap*
"Yes, Zexion? And why, exactly did you say my whole name? We haven't done that since before--"
"Bow to me!" Zexion said in a straight-up, flat-yet-commanding tone.
Lexaeus: Zexion, you are aware that I have a great deal of respect for you as my comrade and fellow member, yes?
Zexion: Of course.
Lexaeus: Good. Please keep that in mind when I say that I would never, ever bow to you.
Zexion: I understand and return the sentiment in full.
"Umm...No."
"I'm only going to say this two more times! So you better give me the right answer, or face the consequences! Bow...to...me!"
Zexion: Why two? That's oddly specific. Is it one of those "genie of the lamp" things?
"Like...I...said: No. I don't know what game you're playing, but--"
Zexion: Clearly it's the "I spoke to you in canon so that means we're fuck buddies" game.
Lexaeus: *monotone* Of course. I'm such an idiot. Why didn't I see it sooner.
Again, Zexion interrupted him, but instead of just talking, Zexion had instead slapped him across the face. Lexaeus had proceeded to grab the attacking arm, and force-held it close to his face. Lexaeus had said all he wanted to in the glare he gave Zexion, as Zexion's face was obliged to look at him.
Zexion: What... just happened?
Lexaeus: Seemingly instead of doing something instead you did something instead, resulting in your face having a debt to me. Don't worry, it was repaid, for it was obliged to look at me instead of slapping me. Also, you took away my third chance to bow.
Zexion: It's all so clear now.
The only thing was, instead of an apologetic face, Zexion had pure rage on his face.
Lexaeus: Oh, I see! Your face is a separate entity.
Zexion: Either that or I'm a What's-Her-Face-Doll with only three settings: Horny, apologetic, and enraged.
Both: *shudder at the terrifying image of WHF!Zexion*
"What the hell was--" And again, Lexaeus was interrupted. He was pulled down by no less than six Zexion clones, holding him down with surprising strength. Lexaeus was about to get up and interrogate Zexion, when he found that even his immense strength couldn't move the numerous clones.
Lexaeus: It turns out that I am completely defenseless against your clones, when a fifteen-year-old boy thrashed them to pieces with a giant key!
Zexion: Tsk. I'm disappointed in you, Lexaeus.
Snip. If you can carry someone in a provocative way, it happens to Lexaeus right now. Also, there's some significance in that fact that they're going to Zexion's room this time. Or something.
Zexion, not one to not take advise, slowed his pace so that he could be walking right in front of Lexaeus, purposefully swishing his hips to barely feather across his associates crotch.
Lexaeus: *winces*
Zexion: What? Lack of respect for the apostrophe?
Lexaeus: More like: your bony hips in my crotch?
Moan Zexion grinned and licked his lips at the reaction. "No wonder..."
Zexion: Aha! It was Moan Zexion all along, not me! That sneaky devil.
Lexaeus: I don't want to make your victory seem pointless or anything, but I don't feel comfortable being molested by any form of Zexion.
Zexion slowly opened his door, turning around to give Lexaeus his "innocent" smile, oh-so-cute face included. Before his prot'eg'e could respond, he had one of his clones cover his mouth and gag it with his finger.
"Now we're going to have a little fun! Hm-hm-hmm" Caressing Number V's face.
Lexaeus: *hums 'Cooking by the Book'* Hm-hm-hmm.
Zexion: And just when I thought this scene couldn't be more ridiculous.
Okay, get the guy, lock the door...now it's time, Zexion turned to face Lexaeus, who was now force-kneeling in front of him, to manipulate this Adonis.
He knelt down next to the MUCH larger man and started to whisper almost-kisses along the nape of his neck. He remembered what he was told: make sure you don't touch skin-to-skin! He wondered if this was meant to torture, manipulate! Not torture! I'm not--
Zexion: You're not only much larger than me; you're MUCH larger!
Lexaeus: How large am I!?
Zexion: OVER NINE-THOUSAN-!
Lexaeus: What is it?
Zexion: I feel very dirty all of the sudden.
Moan The sound
Zexion: Coming soon to Broadway: Moan: The Musical.
woke him up from his "voyage des mémoires". French makes you fancy. He must concentrate in order to make this work. He started to actually kiss Lexaeus, but only through his jacket.
Lexaeus: So you weren't actually actually kissing me at all.
Zexion: That would require less of the area covered by your jacket and more of your face, after all.
He made one of his clones hold Lex's head up to make sure that neither one of them got too close, even though that was the entire plan: to get as close as possible, as he remembered the quote.
His kisses started from the left collarbone, then trailed to the right nipple, hitting one of Lex's weak spots. An almost deafening moan escaped the, somehow muscular, lips of Lexaeus.
Lexaeus: *self-conscious lip touch*
Zexion: This whole "depriving you of contact" thing would work a lot better if there weren't six more of me touching you.
"Hmhmhm...ahhh, you don't usually get this from me, huh?" The smaller one said, trailing his finger along the zipper down the center of Lexaeus' torso, all the way down to the zipper's head. "This is going to be fun, don't you think so, Lexaeus?"
At that, he grabbed his neck, and began to massage him, making his fingers bore down hard into the thick jacket, smiling at how Lex's face contorted in both relaxation and slight pain.
Lexaeus: That sounds like the worst massage in all the worlds.
Stopping his massage, he started unzipping the large, tight jacket until it completely came off. His huge muscles, especially his D-cup pecs,
Zexion: *SPORFLE*
Lexaeus: *extremelysadface*
were looking as if the black muscle shirt was choking them. He tore off the tight "shirt", as well as the unnecessary quotations, freeing the muscles and watching the massive pecs slightly bulge out. He knew that the man had at least a dozen muscle shirts, so he wouldn't miss this one. Squeezing the right nipple, he had gotten a response exactly similar as the one from earlier.
"Why is it that the right nipple, ear, and left knee so...tender to you?"
Lexaeus: What, do you have flash cards or something?
Zexion: *searches pockets*
All he heard in response was a heavy exhalation through the nostrils.
Lexaeus: As opposed to the anus.
Zexion: *twitch*
Only slightly heavier than how he had been breathing since he led him to his room and raped him along with his pronouns. That'd show those pronouns who was Superior. "This is the only question you'll answer for now; I think I know why, but still...why won't you talk?" he asked with a smile.
"Because I know you're going to slap me otherwise." He answered flatly
Zexion: When did I make a habit of slapping my superiors?
Lexaeus: Around the time you started raping them, I'd assume.
To this, Zexion frowned, only visible if you looked hard enough. He honestly had no intention of slapping him anymore...just the "no more sex or masturbation for an entire month for you" punishment if he responded wrong.
Lexaeus: How could you possibly stop me from doing that?
Zexion: Do whatever you like; just don't tell me that you do it ever again.
He looked down at the 32W 62L Black customized 59455 munny leather pants with the zipper going straight down the center of the crotch, with a protective fabric behind to make sure there are no "cuts". Zexion felt that they were on sale because they were worth so much more when Lexaeus was horny.
Both: ...what.
When Lexaeus was horny, it only took a few words to get Zexion in the mood, too. 1.My 2.Bedroom 4.Drawer. Lexaeus didn't believe in lubricant after the first three times, nor did he even believe in the number three. Zexion didn't believe in it after the first time, but Lexaeus persuaded him by comparing it to Zexion's arm.
Zexion: YOUR WHAT IS AS BIG AS MY WHAT NOW?
MCP: *furious zap*
As hot as Lexaeus looked in those pants, he found that he looked infinitely hotter with them off, his quadriceps bulging underneath his skin. His short, red hairs softening his legs. He loved looking at his huge thighs, petting them with his gloved hands, silently wishing that he could feel the skin instead of imagining it.
I must maintain composure. He told himself.
Zexion: *shudder* Abomination!Zexion stole my mantra.
Looking at Lexaeus, he almost lost all of the composure he had. Looking at him, his almost naked body, his gloves still on his hands...the pants loose around his legs. He had only one clone there now, holding his head away, and holding him down with only a slight touch on the shoulder.
He grabbed Lexaeus' cock and started stroking it, making it hard, although it didn't take long, he was already half-hard.
Lexaeus: This sounds painfully like leveling up a pokemon.
Zexion: I wonder what abilities the evolved form has? Something tells me that Abomination!Zexion intends to press on in the name of scientific inquiry.
He took the syrupy droplets of precum and slicked it between his index finger and thumb. He then stuck the finger in the dimple in the prominent chin in front of him.
Lexaeus: I must say, that's original. I've never heard of someone's dimple being raped before.
Zexion: "Cleft" was just too obscure a word to use.
"Please, just smile, do something that wouldn't make me feel guilty..."
"You feel guilty about this? I'm surprised you're feeling anything at all after seeing this." But he still took away the disapproving look and closed his eyes, easing into the feeling.
Zexion: I'm surprised I'm feeling anything at all as well, seeing as how I lack a heart.
Lexaeus: You're feeling something about this?
Zexion: Yes: disgust.
"Thank--I mean..."
When he gets hard, make sure that you bite one of his sensitive spots. That'll drive him crazy!
Lexaeus: It's the same reason I love mosquitoes and rabid dogs. *thumbs up - the seal of Lexaeus's approval*
He went over to the right ear, making sure his lips were pulled back, and bit the earlobe with as much sensuosity as he could, which wasn't much.
Zexion changed his favorite sound from the sound of a victims mind twisting to his whim to the next sound that came out of Lexaeus' mouth: a stuttering, heavy moan of pure lustful pleasure.
Zexion: I'll make sure to record the onomatopoeia on one of my helpful flash cards later.
Lexaeus: I never want to see the word "heavy" again.
He was surprised at how this was going. Lexaeus seemed to be borderline of getting an orgasm, and he hardly even touched the club-like endowment of his "patient".
When he's ready, get him to the edge, and don't make him go past it!
Lexaeus: Do not pass go! Do not collect 200 munny!
Zexion: But how else will I buy you expensive designer pants?
He went down onto Lexaeus' crotch and did the best grinding lap dance he could, all the while massaging both the right earlobe and nipple. The heavy moaning, and lustful sighs that emanated from him were signs that he was doing his job right. When the sounds became extremely fervent, he had stopped.
"Whuh? Why'd ya..." Was all Lexaeus could say through the haze that covered all of his senses but pleasure and touch.
Lexaeus: Wow. All that work and I can't even appreciate it except with my sense of smell.
Zexion: Yes, look at how articulate you still are! [/sarcasm]
Lexaeus started to come back to reality, everything in focus, feeling his pants rise and zipped up.
"Now, this is the last time!" Emphasizing the last two words heavily, "Show me who's the truly superior one. Bow...to...ME!"
Lexaeus: Oh, there's my third chance.
Zexion: What else could I possibly do to you if you refuse?
Lexaeus: Return my pants in exchange for more evenly distributed pronouns?
Zexion: *not amused*
Lexaeus was about to protest, opening his mouth, and even raising his hand up, pointing lazily towards the ceiling if the room. But then, he stopped. He recalled all the events that had happened today, from the lap dance all the way to the entire first name of that baby who's mother he'd made into a Heartless. He thought of this, and wondered, maybe that slap was worth all this...
Lexaeus: Then he remembered that no, it definitely wasn't.
Zexion: Which only made it worse that, in retrospect, it seemed the high point of his day.
Then he put his ego on the shelf, and knelt down, one knee on the ground, and took Zexion's hand. Kissing it, he said the words that he thought (and slightly hoped) that he would never said. "Zexion, I bow to you."
Inwardly, Zexion squealed. Outwardly, he said, "Now that the whole 'bowing' thing is over...want to make me beg for forgiveness?"
Zexion: I have never squealed, internally or externally, and I am appalled that Abomination!Zexion has the gall to do it.
"You have no idea!" And they proceeded to more...hard-core activities.
Lexaeus: You mean... that wasn't... ?
--a little over an hour later--
"AAAAGGH!" was a scream that echoed throughout the hall outside Zexion's room as Lexaeus and Zexion both came.
Zexion: Somehow, I'm disappointed.
Lexaeus: I, also. No one died for this.
Zexion: It certainly sounded like it, though.
Lexaeus: Oh, look: pointless text-centerage.
--Epilogue--
As Zexion walked down one of the white as-hell hallways
Zexion: Because we all know hell is pristine.
, he had passed Larxene. He felt her turning around, and he felt her arms wrap around his waist in pseudo-affection.
"So, how did it go?" Her voice was a worse than a rose, more than beautiful, but her thorns had venom on them.
Lexaeus: Where was this elegant prose during the actual story?
Zexion: Someone has a Larxene fixation.
Lexaeus: Poor bastard.
"Did you do what I asked? Of course you did, but what exactly did you do?" He hated the too-cute-for-evil snicker she gave afterwards.
"Well, I must say this: thank you for the advise. When I use it is my own business. Besides, you rarely come down to the basements...Why?"
Lexaeus: Wait, I thought Xigbar was the one you had spoken to?
Zexion: Psh, like Xigbar knows more than Larxene about male/male sex.
Lexaeus: More importantly, how did you ask Larxene for sex advice without being castrated?
"Becaaause, I wanna know what happened!" Larxene said in that beaut-evil (har, har) voice again.
Zexion callously took her arms off him, and continued walking towards the stairs. When he knew he was almost out of sight, he said what he was preparing since he started his "plan".
"Everything...and more!" And at that, he vanished out of her sight.
Lexaeus: Well, that was...
Zexion: Yes.
Lexaeus: Sorry about all the times there may have been subtext or something...
Zexion: It wasn't your fault, Lexaeus. It wasn't anyone's fault.
Lexaeus: So, shall we... ?
Zexion: Get the white-as-hell out of here? Yes, please.
Both: *portal out, traumatized*
MCP: ......... *begins to hum something eerily Lazy Town-esque*
Well, thus ends my first sporking. Hope I did okay! Hey, maybe my humor looks better in comparison with the horrid backdrop of badficcy sludge. :D