Dear Nothing - Chapter 7 {All Time Low, Sing It Loud and Bring Me the Horizon}
Dear Anyone,
I couldn’t take it anymore - Oli’s been weird, really weird for almost two weeks now. It’s almost as though he can’t even see how much pain I’m in, and that shouldn’t bother me. I shouldn’t be so selfish, but he’s always been there, he’s always noticed, and now he spends ALL of his time at work and when he gets home, he’s too tired to speak to me, to see me even. It’s come to the point where I’ve even stopped trying to get his attention. I couldn’t handle being alone anymore, so I went through the phone book and I did something that I know I should never have done, I called Alex Gaskarth, Zack’s boyfriend. I just picked up the phone and I called him.
“Hello?” I didn’t recognize the voice - after all, I had only spoken to Alex a bit when we were younger and we had all grown up.
“Hi.” I bit my lip. “Is this Alex?”
“Yeah, who’s…who’s this?” As he spoke, I could tell that his voice sounded tired, drained, and I couldn’t blame him, not if his boyfriend had been missing for two weeks.
“It’s Tom Sykes, I don’t know if you remember me, we went to school together for-”
“You were close with Zack.” Alex cut me off. “Before you and your brother disappeared off the face of the earth.”
“Yeah.” I nodded, sitting down on the couch, the phone in my hand. “And if you could maybe not…not mention to anyone that I called you.”
“It’s ok. Everyone knows what your mom tried to do, no one blames you. Why did you call?”
“Um, well…” I was surprised by how quickly Alex got to the point, and I was slightly hurt that he didn’t want to talk, catch up, but he hadn’t been in a good situation lately, so I figured that I should set my feelings aside. “I called because I heard about Zack and I don’t know, I guess I just wanted to know how you’re holding up.”
“I’m about as excellent as you would be if your brother went missing,” Alex said softly. “There’s nothing like not knowing where the one person in the world you love and care about more than anything else has gone.”
“I’m so sorry, Alex.” I sighed, feeling awful for his loss. I wanted to tell him that I knew at least partially how he was feeling, that I was losing Oli, but I hadn’t called him to dump all of my shit onto him, I had called him to see how he was doing.
“Everyone is, but as nice as it is to know people care, it doesn’t actually…actually help.”
“I know.” I closed my eyes, my brain scrambling for what to say next. “But I didn’t know what else to do and I guess I wanted to let you know that I’m praying for him, for you.”
“Thank you.” Alex sighed. “I suppose it’s good to hear from you.”
“I just wish the circumstances were better.” I nodded. “This really isn’t fair.”
“No, it’s not.” Alex agreed with me. “But there’s nothing that we can do other than just…wait.”
“Yeah.” I gulped. The longer the phone call went on, the more awkward it became. “Look, I have to go, but if you ever want to talk, just give me a call - area code 334, number’s 555-4322.”
“334?” Alex asked. “You’re not far.”
“Only a few towns over.” I nodded. “I hope to hear from you.”
“Yeah, bye.” The phone clicked and I hung up myself, taking a deep breath. I didn’t know if he would call, I didn’t know if I wanted him to, but at least now he had the option.
-T.S.
Dear No One,
Talking to Tom was like…talking to a ghost. Everyone knew that his brother took him and ran and everyone knew why, at least we knew the rumor and everyone believed it, but none of us had ever expected to speak to him again. I wrote down his number, despite the fact that I didn’t think I would call it and left it by the message center. I didn’t expect that I would awake at 3 AM panicking and not know what to do. I didn’t expect to dial the ten digit number that an old friend had left, but that’s exactly what I had done.
“Hello?” The voice that picked up did not belong to Tom.
“Oli?” I asked.
“Yeah, and you are?”
“Alex Gaskarth.” I bit my lip. “Is Tom there?”
“Oh.” There was a sudden change in Oli’s voice. “Well he’s asleep. It’s three in the morning.”
“Yeah, I know, I don’t know, he just said to call if I wanted to talk. I can’t sleep, what with Zack - and I just miss him, you know?” I bit my lip. I didn’t know Oli well at all, but I needed to talk.
“Yeah, do you want me to wake Tom?” Oli asked. “Because he seemed really tired.”
“No, don’t wake him.” I shook my head. “It’s fine, I just…if someone took Tom from you, you would feel incomplete, right?”
“Yeah, sure, look, kid it’s late.”
“Right, I’m sorry.” I sighed. Oli wasn’t as nice as I remembered him. He had always seemed like a good brother, a nice person - always picking Tom up, walking him to and from school every day, protecting him from bullies, but now he sounded harsh, cold and angry. I guess time really does change people. “I’ll just go.”
“Goodbye.” Oli hung up before I had the chance to say anything else and I set the phone down. I had just recently gone back to my own house and I felt lonely, scared, but I didn’t want to bother Jack anymore, not when he had done so much for me already. I crawled back into my bed and pulled the covers up around me. I closed my eyes, but all that I could see was Zack, Zack smiling, Zack looking at me, just Zack…everywhere.
I opened my eyes again, unable to think about him; looking at him, even in my mind, hurt too much. Everything hurt more than it should and I can feel the burden weighing on me more and more each day. It’s killing me slowly, pulling me apart and I have no way to stop it, no way to slow it down, no way to calm the beast that’s growing inside of me. I’m going crazy without him and I don’t know how to keep my sanity.
Sincerely,
Alexander