Smells Like Garbage!

[harpsi_fizz]

This is a reply to a friend's entry about the "book" series Fifty Shades of Twatlight Fanfiction written by a Despie Loser For Whom the Guillotine Would Be Too Swift. I mean Fifty... no. Not going to sully my page by writing that here

Comments

[theonlymeyouget]

Hate to tell you this, but your rage borked your tags. S'okay, though, I can read it.

Yes yes YES. I hate - OMG HATE - the "beautiful loss of virginity" bullshit.

My first time... wasn't traumatic. And I think that's about as good as anyone can hope for. Even if you totes love your partner (and I'll assume a cis male/cis female relationship here because that's what's in the book and what we're talking about, though of course there are many ways to have a "first time" as there are people and relationships) it's gonna hurt her like hell and he's going to not have any clue what he's doing, and then last 2.6 seconds when he figures it out.

THAT'S HOW IT GOES.

And then you'll lay there, awkwardly, not saying anything or talking about inanity until one of you can't stand the awkward anymore and gets dressed.

But seriously. Don't insult Beavis and Butthead like that. I think even THEY could do a better job.

[harpsi_fizz]

Yep; fixed it a few moments after posting.

Two people on ONTD Had the most LOarious little conversation about the book:
Person #1- I love how fanfic writers hand out female orgasms like flyers.
Person #2- Or like they're on Oprah.
Person #1- Everybody gets an orgasmmmm! YOU get an orgasm! And YOU get an orgasm!

An RP characters finally smacked me in the head last year with the realization that there is too much romanticizing of virgin!sex (or as she called it "clumsy backseat fumbling half attempts to fall ass-backwards into an orgasm") and that it's not all it's cracked up to be. I think the entry predates our friending , but barsukthom was there for the wickedness. And he's good fun.
/Totes Bias

[theonlymeyouget]

OMG that wins everything

[harpsi_fizz]

Is that the Ace flag or the Demi? Looks like the demi. Iunno if you knew that I was an A (aaayyy /Fonz) too but I am. Even so, we can TMI together. No real such thing as TMI on my LJ. If you feel like you revealed too much, just say the word and I'll Friends-lock any entry; I don't mind.

Is it too pretentious to ask if cispeople doing cishetero stuff means stickitinnus has to be classified as TheOneTrueThingErrybodyWants? Please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong- I have no idea and so I ask. I ask because the world seems obsesswd with penetration. Its like "if you got something it means you wanna stick it in something" and "having a hole, means you wanna have it filled". And while that's certainly true of some people (maybe a lot of people even) it's a little... well, not "dangerous" but misleading. TMI!Time: It kinda sucked being told for 22 years that penetration is the ultimate pleasure, that if you have a hole, to have it filled is the best feeling, if you have a hole, you WANT it filled. It lead to trying with a few people,

[guardians_song]

*bursts out laughing* I knew this would be good as soon as I saw your title for the book.

Speaking of Deleterius, the book is being torn to shreds in detail over here:
http://das-sporking.livejournal.com/tag/fic%3A%20fifty%20shades%20of%20grey

Unfortunately, they're tearing it apart in such detail that they're only up to Chapter 5 so far, but the mockery's a good read. So far, they've renamed the 'hero' Gaston (after the villain in Beauty and the Beast), termed every Bella-influence "Belladonna Poisoning", and repeatedly commented that it all would make much more sense if 'Gaston' was actually a serial killer.

Example excerpt from the sporking:
"He said he likes his women sentient. He’s probably not celibate then.KET: Can you imagine if he didn’t like his women sentient? He’d be fucking all manner of things-trees. Statues. Septic tanks

[harpsi_fizz]

Will comment properly when I'm at home, not on my phone, but let me say this: I think I found the formula for being able to enjoy listening to this book. I need to listen to a dramatic reading wherein someone reads all of Gass-ton's lines like Beevis or Butthead. It would make more sense.

Scratch that- it would make it tolerable. Enough to get through.

[bella_cheval]

I wouldn't even use the pages out of that piece of junk to line my bird's cages.

[harpsi_fizz]

Glamorizing the loss of virginity is the least of the horrible things it glamorizes by far. By far. It's ... indescribable. Just look at any Ohnotheydidn't post about the book and you'll see. It's just icky!

Edit: You must read this thread!

[barsukthom]

The EMPEROR does NOT approve of that book.

And I suspect that THIS is how He would react.