Smells Like Garbage!

[harpsi_fizz]

This is a reply to a friend's entry about the "book" series Fifty Shades of Twatlight Fanfiction written by a Despie Loser For Whom the Guillotine Would Be Too Swift. I mean Fifty... no. Not going to sully my page by writing that here

Comments

[theonlymeyouget]

Hate to tell you this, but your rage borked your tags. S'okay, though, I can read it.

Yes yes YES. I hate - OMG HATE - the "beautiful loss of virginity" bullshit.

My first time... wasn't traumatic. And I think that's about as good as anyone can hope for. Even if you totes love your partner (and I'll assume a cis male/cis female relationship here because that's what's in the book and what we're talking about, though of course there are many ways to have a "first time" as there are people and relationships) it's gonna hurt her like hell and he's going to not have any clue what he's doing, and then last 2.6 seconds when he figures it out.

THAT'S HOW IT GOES.

And then you'll lay there, awkwardly, not saying anything or talking about inanity until one of you can't stand the awkward anymore and gets dressed.

But seriously. Don't insult Beavis and Butthead like that. I think even THEY could do a better job.

[harpsi_fizz]

Yep; fixed it a few moments after posting.

Two people on ONTD Had the most LOarious little conversation about the book:
Person #1- I love how fanfic writers hand out female orgasms like flyers.
Person #2- Or like they're on Oprah.
Person #1- Everybody gets an orgasmmmm! YOU get an orgasm! And YOU get an orgasm!

An RP characters finally smacked me in the head last year with the realization that there is too much romanticizing of virgin!sex (or as she called it "clumsy backseat fumbling half attempts to fall ass-backwards into an orgasm") and that it's not all it's cracked up to be. I think the entry predates our friending , but barsukthom was there for the wickedness. And he's good fun.
/Totes Bias

[theonlymeyouget]

OMG that wins everything

[harpsi_fizz]

Is that the Ace flag or the Demi? Looks like the demi. Iunno if you knew that I was an A (aaayyy /Fonz) too but I am. Even so, we can TMI together. No real such thing as TMI on my LJ. If you feel like you revealed too much, just say the word and I'll Friends-lock any entry; I don't mind.

Is it too pretentious to ask if cispeople doing cishetero stuff means stickitinnus has to be classified as TheOneTrueThingErrybodyWants? Please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong- I have no idea and so I ask. I ask because the world seems obsesswd with penetration. Its like "if you got something it means you wanna stick it in something" and "having a hole, means you wanna have it filled". And while that's certainly true of some people (maybe a lot of people even) it's a little... well, not "dangerous" but misleading. TMI!Time: It kinda sucked being told for 22 years that penetration is the ultimate pleasure, that if you have a hole, to have it filled is the best feeling, if you have a hole, you WANT it filled. It lead to trying with a few people,

[theonlymeyouget]

Ace flag. Demis have a flag? Because that's really what I am. Although, while demisexuality is not THE SAME AS asexuality, I consider it a subset. Others feel differently, and that's cool. I didn't know that you were as well. *brofist

[harpsi_fizz]

So - and forgive me being confused but you seem pretty open so I'll just ask - are you transmale or cis male? Not that it matters, obvs, I just want the right info.
I am a totally lesbian-shaped dude. :) (Trans, that is, though I've been mostly kicked out of the trans groups on LJ for "sympathizing with the enemy", meaning I don't buy into "DIE CIS SCUM". *Eyeroll* I still haven't looked up exactly what that meme is, and I don't want to know either right now. Too much to do at the moment without getting involved with that-all nonsense just now.) Hey, I don't know if you're a guy or lady or what either; I just realized. I assumed female-type; that's very wicked of me to do so.

Everybody has a body, right?*Grin* I like you too much to corrupt you with the drama of the internet. *Gives Grue a wicked grin look if she's reading this* We've seen things

[theonlymeyouget]

I'm cis female and I'm straight. Unless you're Scarlett Johansson. Then I'm totally bi.

Although, I'm a tomboy because fuck gender, that's why. I can be a woman without Performing Femininity (though I can) and anybody who has a problem with that can bite me.

For me, anyway, looks matter. But not all that much. Unless you're downright repulsive with horrible personal hygiene, odds are good I'll find something attractive about you (the Royal You, not you specifically, although you too, of course).

And I'd like a physical connection. Although it either ends up being Let's Have Sex (which I don't generally want) or Let's Have a Relationship (which I also don't generally want). I need a makeout buddy, is what I need. I guess even that, for me, is more about emotional connection/comfort/bonding than it is about sex though to...

[sugar_for_sugar]

SERIOUSLY!

That "zomg virgin sexxorz" stuff grinds my gears. What I hate the most is when the guy knows somehow that she's a virgin. NO, THERE'S NOT A WAY FOR YOU TO KNOW THAT, SORRY ASSBUTTS.

My first time? Didn't hurt and didn't bleed. I've bled during sex since then, but somehow my partner didn't think I was a virgin (maybe because by then he'd already had sex with me a bunch of times, by jove!).

I honestly think I never even had a hymen. Some women don't. Even that time I fell hard on the banana seat of my bike at just the wrong angle as a kid and was sore for days, I never bled. So I feel like the ceremonial ripping apart of the virginal curtain or whatever the fuck is so overplayed and it's twice as irritating because it's like they're trying to erase my experience and those of all the women like me (well, and basically anyone for whom it wasn't some magical lifechanging horseshit like these books espouse, so basically everyone).

[harpsi_fizz]

Ditto on the "erasing experience" thing. And I say that as a person who takes into account on every single story that "this story describes X's experience and so if X had it, it doesn't mean for everyone the same holds." That said, it's kinda as though* people from El Taerard's gen have one set way of thinking of things and I'm not sure if , when they sell us this stuff they A)are trying to say (scream) "This is so the norm that there's no point in calling it "norm" because there is no other way" or B) they genuinely don't realize that there are other experiences because they were never taught about it. I can forgive B a lot more because it's not their fault that people withheld information from them. I mean shoot, I know what it's like

[harpsi_fizz]

*AHEM* Please excuse the borked-ness that is. Of the comment.

[theonlymeyouget]

Honestly, MOST women don't have a hymen by the time they have sex. Either from masturbation, tampons, sports, etc. So it's not that unusual