Comments | hardtime100: HT100 Flash Fiction Challenge #12

kitestringer in hardtime100

HT100 Flash Fiction Challenge #12 - X Marks the Spot: In the Darkness

Feb 12, 2005 08:14

As always, thanks to maverick4oz and rustler for comments, suggestions, and encouragement.

( In the Darkness [~1700 words] )

flashfic ch 012 x marks the spot, w: kitestringer, flashfiction

Comments 17

maverick4oz February 12 2005, 07:29:38 UTC

Wheee! You posted. As I have commented to you privately. I fear your twisted mind, dude. LOL This story is so vivid, haunting and *plausible* that it totally creeps me out. The conversation at the beginning is so *them* and the violence is true to the *ring* and to Oz. Plus, you know I never ever want Bumalis and Rebadow talking in my head but especially at 9am LOL

And because I figure you can't hear it enough, what really blows me away is how you make the ring a character in the story and how you subtley show that it's desires will supercede everything else, even years of friendship, and you know Busmalis's usual geekiness. LOL

“You should have died 40 years ago, Bob,” Busmalis said, as he lowered his foot to Rebadow’s throat. “A jury of your peers wanted it that way. So I think this is justice, you know?” Rebadow seemed to agree, because he hardly struggled at all as his windpipe collapsed beneath Busmalis’s canvas sneaker.And this right here gives me chills. A death scene befitting Oz and that's saying A LOT ( ... )

kitestringer February 20 2005, 08:51:05 UTC

LOL This story is so vivid, haunting and *plausible* that it totally creeps me out.

Good! LOL. I'm very happy to hear that, because the whole concept creeped *me* out, and I wasn't sure how well the creepiness would translate in the story.

what really blows me away is how you make the ring a character in the story and how you subtley show that it's desires will supercede everything else, even years of friendship,

Yay! I'm glad you thought that worked. One of the reasons I chose these two characters was because of their close friendship (which is pretty uncommon in Oz); I wanted this story to sort of parallel that of Smeagol and Deagol. (I wasn't all that subtle about it, either, LOL-that was why I had Busmalis use his upcoming birthday as one of the reasons he should get the Ring.)

Anyway, I'm very happy that you liked it! As for Keller/Balrog...I think maybe Cat should have to finish that one, as punishment for giving me the idea in the first place. *g*

alinewrites February 12 2005, 08:02:38 UTC

Great and somewhat... Creepy. Really creepy. The writing is fabulous.
Kudos and thanks for sharing.
Now, who's writing Keller and the ring?

kitestringer February 20 2005, 08:52:15 UTC

Thank you! Creepy was exactly what I was going for! *g*

Now, who's writing Keller and the ring?

Hmmm...you? ;-)

rileyc February 12 2005, 09:16:57 UTC

Very eerie and creepy, but a wonderful blend of Oz & LotR. Visually powerful too, I could see it all playing out clear as day. And Mav's right about how the *ring* is a palpable presence, *alive*.

Give yourself a round of applause.

kitestringer February 20 2005, 08:53:53 UTC

Yay, "creepy" seems to be the adjective most often used in feedback for this story, which makes me a happy girl! *g* I'm glad you liked it!

ozsaur February 12 2005, 13:28:58 UTC

Your Rebedow and Busmallis voices at the beginning are perfect-- and that alone is scary. I had no idea this was a xover so when the rig shows up I was totally surprised. And it worked! I never would have thought Oz/LoTR would, but you did it! Very dark and creepy story.

kitestringer February 20 2005, 08:58:28 UTC

Your Rebedow and Busmallis voices at the beginning are perfect-- and that alone is scary.

Hee! Actually, Busmalis was strangely fun to write. He's just so unreservedly *dorky*. LOL.

I had no idea this was a xover so when the rig shows up I was totally surprised. And it worked! I never would have thought Oz/LoTR would, but you did it! Very dark and creepy story.

Woohoo! I was really hoping some people would be surprised; that was my reason for having almost no story notes at the beginning. *g*

Thank you so much for the feedback! I'm glad you liked it! :-)

pirl February 12 2005, 23:08:44 UTC

Busmalis & Rebadow Ringfic... who'da thunk? *g* But it works, so why not, right? It's nicer to think that perhaps there was a ring festering under Oz, somehow manipulating people to do the unthinkable rather than just blaming it on human nature.

Great job. Precious, even. ;)

kitestringer February 20 2005, 09:00:10 UTC

Hee, thank you! :-) And I hadn't thought of it in terms of the influence the Ring might have been having in Oz all along... An interesting idea!