Quote of the Week

[hannah_hinda]

"Of course we all thought you were gay when we were teenagers: you were confident and you weren't afraid of men."
I don't have an issue with the person who said it: in fact she's very progressive and insanely intelligent. But if even she can come out with something like that and not see it as contradictory/bizarre/insane - then I'm frankly starting

Comments

Please forgive the vague non-academic rambles

[kitty_purrfect]

It seems strange to me that being afraid of men is linked to heterosexuality - it implies that potential sexuality (with members of the opposite sex, who might be - oh god - NOT LIKE US) is something to be feared. As a heterosexual woman, I've personally always found men easier to get along with than the majority of women, but I guess there is always a sense of the 'other gender'. Also, most of my friendships with men after puberty were in the context of Gamessoc and going out with Robin, a combination that makes it easier to get on with men in that social group as it removes the potential for further intimacy that can make those sort of friendships uncomfortable. This may be a misperception on my part, since I do suspect that after four years in a social group like Gamessoc, I would still have the comfortable friendships I have with my current male friends. Even if I didn't, I don't think it would equate to fear

[cinnamon_sakaki]

We-ell... I was not very confident as a teen and was quite timid around men till I came to university, and am in a six-and-a-half-year-long relationship with a woman.

It seems to me that it's a set of interconnecting flawed assumptions and stereotypes, really, so we get something like Liking women = male = masculine = confidence.

[lordofthewheel]

Along the same sort of lines, I was always pretty scared of women when ounger, which would put me as less masculine and therefore more likely to be gay, which I am pretty sure I'm not...

[hannah_hinda]

Hmmm.... yep, I think you're both on to something. One friend reckoned the statement boiled down to "you're scared of who you fancy" which again - confuses the hell out of me. Sure you can be scared of who you fancy too, but the only constant definition is that you're attracted to them.

But just to muddy the waters a little further - I am someone who has (consciously or not) sought out people who are neither particularly 'girly' girls or macho guys - because I find people with such clear-cut traditional gender identities... a little harder to get along with. Some part of me just feels like it's all a performance and it bores me/weirds me out as I don't feel like I fit into that way of viewing the world.

Also: I was scared of guys when I was a teenager - I was weird and defensive around everyone. I think it's known as being a teenager.