RP LOG with 1twntyovreighty | Keeping promises
[Follows THIS]
Bella had been so tied up that by the time it hit lunch time, she had to call through to her second-in-charge to get the other doctor to at least start Rick's chemo. The longer they waited, the more anxious he would get. She had tried everything in her power to get away, but when the patient she had been operating on ended up having an arrest in the surgery and didn't make it through, there were death certificates and dealing with family members. Time just got eaten up and away from her. She finally made it into the chemo clinic around an hour and a half after Rick's infusion would have been started. Mrs Deleo was sitting nearby reading a magazine, but she had quickly discarded it when she spotted Bella arriving. She did make a subtle exit, making some excuse about going over to MT1 to make sure Chris was sitting and waiting for Serena like he promised rather than running around directing people through surgeries. Bella would honestly not be surprised if the latter was discovered.
She only had three chemo patients that day, and the other two had kicked off early, choosing not to wait for Bella like Rick had so now he was the only one left in the unit. She bit down on her lip as she took in the sight of him seemingly asleep in one of the recliners. She came up beside him quietly and sat down in the chair Mrs Deleo had vacated. After a moment, she softly placed her hand over his in some sort of silent apology for abandoning him. It sucked terribly, and it was days like this, she hated being an Oncologist.
"Bella," Rick croaked as he slowly opened his eyes. He knew the difference between his mother's footfalls and hers. He also knew the difference in scents. Bella smelled more like surgery than his mom. She also smelled sweeter. "You really know how to stand a guy up. I'm definitely picking you up for any date we have. No way are you going to get out of it. Still worth the wait, though."
"I'm sorry," Bella murmured, her hand staying securely over his. She looked over his face closely, wetting her lips. "I know you keep hearing this from me, but it's been a bad day. This is just... it's Oncology, that's all. I didn't mean to leave you high and dry and I'm sorry the other doctor had to step in, but she's very good." She stood up again to carefully ease the front of his gown down a little to check the infusion line, making sure it was running how it was supposed to. The little glass medicine bottle hanging from the IV line indicated it was about a quarter of the way through. She went to clip the gown closed again and her fingers brushed against his jaw. Just a moment later, she was watching him in even closer scrutiny. "You're running a fever," she told him, even the slightest touch managing to tell her that and she was already moving to the nearby trolley to get a thermometer.
Rick cleared his throat, or tried to and as he pulled himself up a little more in the seat he began to realise how hot he was starting to feel. "Is that normal?" he found himself asking. "And it's okay, really. I had a bit of a sulk this morning but I'm over it now. Mostly I just wanted to see you. It wasn't anything to do with thinking the other doctor was worse. I know she's good. She's just not you, and I'm still selfish enough to want to be able to see you any chance I get. It's why I waited."
"Forward planning, that's all. I like to go with second chemo rounds on what the patient experienced on the first. You started the infusion an hour and a half ago, so it could mean you hit the bad patch with your symptoms around two or three in the morning. I'm really not happy about that." Bella put the thermometer in his ear and waited for the soft beep before reading the screen with a frown. "Or this. Paula!" she called to the nurse at the desk in the corner. "I asked to be paged for any changes in Rick's condition. He has a temperature of a hundred and three. That constitutes a change," she said in annoyance, shaking her head before the nurse could really react.
She picked up his chart, following along the obs with her finger. "It's been steadily increasing since the infusion started. This didn't happen last time. It's not abnormal, but it's not good either. Your immune system is shot. You might have a bit of a rougher time. I was hoping that wouldn't happen," she admitted.
Rick just watched a little dumbfounded. "So... waiting wasn't such a good idea after all? Also, are you going to start growling at that nurse. It could be kinda hot. You're not happy because my symptoms are going to happen in the middle of the night? But the fever's new. Fever's bad. Why are you starting to get that look? You have a look... I'm staying here, aren't I? You're not going to let me go home."
"It's not that, Rick. It wouldn't have made any difference when we started how your body would react. I was just trying to time it so you would sleep when you were supposed to, but it's all speculation. Tactics like that don't always work, but we go in optimistic." Bella afforded the nurse a random glare but nothing more. She was too distracted, wishing Lisa was here when she needed but her new nurse had requested an early mark from work for a date. After the shitty weeks since she started the job, Bella knew the girl more than needed the time out. "I can't let you go home until I can be sure this is just a reaction to the chemo. It might be better to keep you here if your symptoms are going to be intense anyway. How are you feeling otherwise?"
"Like I'm under the microscope again?" Rick offered with an arch of his eyebrow. "And that I'm never supposed to stay away from this place for very long. I'm just... I hit bottom, so now I'm just trying to crawl back up. Chris was crying... Mom was crying... You being late meant we all had to talk about things finally. All the dirty laundry out to air, you know? Chris still thinks I'm going to run away. I know he does. He's waiting for me to bolt. And I told Mom about... ah," his gaze slipped to the nurse like he finally realised she was still there, "about stuff."
Bella pressed her lips together and it was his turn to be on the end of a small glare. "You have cancer, Rick. If we want to talk mircroscopes, don't make me bring up ridiculous experimental surgery that got you here in the first place. I'm already making it my personal hobby to get that whole stupid trial cut off. Blasting a tumour from the inside out. Jesus Christ," she said with a soft growl and yanked the trolley closer to her and untangled the sphyg cuff to wrap around his arm. "Chris is scared what is supposed to happen with the next turn of his life. He told me this the other day. He'll be fine. Tears are just inevitable when he's still weak. It'll take a bit more climbing to get back on the Dr C horse. Stuff?"
Rick shrank back against the chair, grateful that Bella wasn't in completely angry pregnant lady mood. She really would be scary. He just sat there quietly as she did her thing, not sure she'd appreciate him trying to tell her if she was doing anything wrong. What did he know anyway? He'd tried to take his blood pressure once with a child's sphyg cuff. "Hey, hey... take it out on the doctor not me. I wasn't in a position to make any sort of sound decision for myself. I was under duress. They made me do it. There were girls in bikinis and confusing suitcases with numbers on them. Do you really think he won't get a fellowship at this hospital? I'm sure Dr C more just wants get back on the Serena horse, but there's a little problem with his energy levels. And yeah, stuff. Life stuff. Tiny, still growing stuff."
"Nice try, buddy. I've seen the consent you signed and it was like an encyclopaedia. If I had known you then, I would have locked you in a room with your brother until he either smacked you out or convinced you that experimental surgery was bullshit. Even normal surgery doesn't come without risks, as you have seen for yourself." Bella was glad his blood pressure was at least okay, and she was pretty sure he would have told her if he felt nauseated or dizzy. She leaned in with a small smirk. "My whole staff know I'm knocked up, baby." She unhooked the cuff and then undid the buttons on her lab coat to pull her top up a little, showing him that if he looked closely enough, there was a slight swellig of her previous flat stomach.
Rick was more interested in trying to get a look at her breasts first, but then his gaze dipped to her stomach and her eyes widened. "Yeah, but do they all know it was me? I was trying to be discreet... you know, careful so that you couldn't get into trouble. Wow... you're starting to show. It's... You're beautiful. And Mom knows now. I just had to tell her. She was talking about no more secrets and not being needed, and I wanted to make her understand that she was needed. I needed her. We maybe needed her. She says I get the same look Chris does when he's talking about Serena."
Bella shrugged a little. "I don't fit into my pants. I'm living in scrubs. I haven't had time to go shopping. You know, right now, I'm feeling like I can't hold many more secrets myself. Something had to give and at least I have control over my own. I haven't blatantly told anyone yet, but if anyone asks, I don't think I'll deny it. Unless someone can prove that your treatment has been compromised, there's nothing anyone can do. Some might argue that I took advantage of you, but really, they would have a hell of a job to prove that." When the IV started to beep, she pushed a couple of buttons on it to flush the line a little. "Your Mom is more than needed. You and Chris would be in a huge mess without her right now. She has been doing a lot behind the scenes to make everything as comfortable for you as she can. Buying you clothes, feeding you the right food, learning about your conditions, asking questions about your medications. You two just haven't been able to see how huge that is because you've been distracted. The things Serena or me haven't been able to do because we're working."
"But we still know we need our Mom. She tried to tell us how we'd been fine without her. Laughable, really. Do we seem like we've been doing fine without her? I don't want secrets. I don't want anyone having secrets. They always seem like such a good idea and then they just bite you in the ass. She's still trying to tell us she's not made for Miami, but that's just bullshit. I think that Dr Proctor's been talking to her too, but Chris won't accept the fact. This is the first time Mom's really seemed to have a male friend. I don't know how to take it either, but if it makes her happy..." Rick trailed off with a shrug. "I just want her happy, but I want her here, too. I need her. She's my Mom. It's also wrong for you and Serena to be expected to do everything. I know you can't. You shouldn't have to always be there for me. You got other patients, and that's how it should be."
Bella quirked an eyebrow with a small smirk. "I have it on good authority that Dr Proctor asked your Mom to dinner. She just hasn't accepted. Might be best not to share info like that with Chris just yet. The whole fellowship thing isn't a given and it probably won't help if Chris is reefing his boss a new one to protect his mother's honour. Even if I didn't have other patients and I worked in Walmart, I still wouldn't be able to carry all this on my own. No one could. We're only human. I understand how your Mom is feeling after everything she has been through and you two being less than forthcoming with her about information. You really have given off an air that you don't need her. But she's still your Mom, and she isn't going anywhere, Rick. She'll be here as long as you two are ill. That's maternal instinct. She couldn't walk away from Miami right now anymore than I could suddenly snap my fingers and make you better."
Rick sighed before he started to chuckle in quiet amusement. "Oh jeez, I really wish I could tell him just to see the look on his face. Chris would probably fall over dead. Or never be able to put his eyes back into his head. He was in staunch denial that this Dr Proctor would never make Mom hair flip. Apparently Serena told him something about seeing our Mom giggle and flip her hair. Maybe she hasn't accepted yet, but she could be thinking about it. I don't even know the last time Mom did date someone. She's never talked about it, and I don't think we ever asked." Rick waited for Bella to look like she was just going to sit still for a little while before he tried to take her hand. "Still doesn't mean she'll stick around after we're better."
"Chances are she hasn't since your father, Rick. Statistics with abused women indicate that a lot can never face the prospect of dating again. She might not just automatically accept because it's the nice thing to do. That whole experience is probably factoring into her being scared to move to Miami, too. It's not as easy as wanting her here. She has her demons to face too," Bella reminded him and felt his face again to see if she would need to give him something to try and bring that fever down. So long as the other symptoms stayed away though, he should be okay.
"Like selling the house. Or not selling it. She said she wasn't sure if she could sell it since we grew up there. I just don't see how she could have that many happy memories in that place. Maybe we grew up there but we both wanted to get the hell out." Rick reached up to scratch at his chest before he thought better of it. "Would you mind if she was around? She doesn't scare you, right? There's possible in-law love and not just automatic hate?"
Bella sighed softly and watched him go to scratch his chest. Next thing he knew, she was unclipping the gown to study him for any rashes. "It's the only place she has known for a very long time, Rick. You have to remember that you and Chris as boys are probably very happy memories for her. A time when you weren't running away or at each other's throats. Maybe it's all she knows what to hang on to. Maybe change scares the hell out of her. The fear of the unknown. Of course I wouldn't mind. She reminds me of my Mom. I can handle in-laws. You should see Tuck's Mom. No one messes with that lady, but she was fantastic. Do I look capable of automatic hate, Rick? She's your Mom."
Rick gave a shake of her head, but his eyes narrowed as he watched her inspect him. "See? This is why I'm trying to just sit here. Anything I do will be seen as a symptom and I don't want that. What would happen if I actually managed to get an erection right now? It wouldn't be cause for celebration, would it? You'd probably think it was a symptom. Some fever making all the blood rush south. We're not at each other's throats now. I know it's slow going, but we are fixing things between us. And no, you don't look capable of automatic hate. I'm just checking. You got on with Tuck's mom?"
Bella let her hands drop back down onto her thighs and she was giving him a look again. "You want me to stop? You want to deal with the symptoms all on your own? I can, you know. You don't have to agree to any of this. Actually, if you got an erection right now, I wouldn't think it was a symptom. I would just have warned you not to get used to it because this chemo round will just likely zap it again. Yes, I did get on with his Mom. Is that so hard to believe?"
"No, it's not. It's great. You should have gotten on with his mom. This is just the slightly petty, and jealous part of me wondering why things didn't work out with you two again." He offered her a slight smirk before he gave a shake of his head. "No, you do your doctor thing. I know you'll just be sitting there bursting at the seams if you see something that you want to take care of. I have to put up with my brother sulking every day about not being able to do his doctorly thing. I don't need you feeling the same. So, just run past me what I'm agreeing to anyway. Am I staying there overnight, or what?"
"I told you why they didn't work out. We both had clashing schedules. Constantly. But Tuck is still my friend and you're just going to have swallow that," Bella told him. "He's a good friend to Chris, too, so that should help dilute the jealousy a little. You don't have to stay overnight, but it would be against medical advice. You remember what it was like last time. If you're here, they can help you if you need anything. You're still recovering from a major operation. I would prefer it if you stayed."
Rick turned his head and tapped his cheek as he flashed her a smile. "Lay a kiss on me, and I'll stay. And I know I don't have anything to worry about with Tuck, it's me being stupid. I know he's a good guy. I remember him from MT1."
"No," was Bella's flat response as she gave him an unamused look. She wasn't in the mood for this. "I'm not playing games, Rick. This is serious. Go home with your mother if you want, but just for the record, I'm not on call tonight if you do. I can only be stretched so many damn ways, you know!"
Rick looked at her apologetically. "I'm sorry. I'm staying. You know I'm staying. I wouldn't go against your recommendations, and I'm not looking to make you stretch yourself thin, okay? You don't need to do that for me. In fact, I'd prefer that you didn't. Keep yourself and the baby safe."
Bella put her hands over her face and tried to push away that horrible urge to cry that seemed to keep hitting her out of the blue all the time these days. She was managing to keep her cool mostly until she could get to a bathroom or her office before she lost it, it was just zapping a lot of her energy. Of all things, she just needed Rick to be cooperative. Everything else fell into place okay if she knew he was at least okay, and the only way she knew that was if she had a tight hold of his reigns with his treatment. He was the father of her baby, the whole emotional thing just spilled over. She couldn't help the connection she felt to him. If he didn't live, she would kill him, because she really couldn't do the whole single mother thing. She pushed the dampness away from her eyes with the heels of her hands and then wiped them on her thighs. "I need you here in case you go into hyperpyrexia. The fever is too high. I need to get it down," she said quietly.
Rick reached out to rest her hand on her thigh and gave it a squeeze. It was the best he could do when he really just wanted to be able to curl up on a sofa with his arms around her. "Hey, hey. Please don't cry, Bella. Please. I've just watched my whole family cry, and even I cried. I can't stand to watch you cry when I can't even do much to make you feel better. I'm kinda stuck in this chair right now. But I'll stay here, okay? I promise. I'm not going anywhere until you give me the say so."
Bella pushed her hair off her face and sighed. "I can't turn it on and off. I tried, it doesn't work. I don't mean to play the pathetic pregnant card here, and I'm really not trying to guilt you into anything. You still call the shots, but I just know that at home you have Chris who will be trying to help you if you get really sick, and he can't overexert himself when he should still be in here himself and your Mom will be a Mom reflexively, but she'll worry she's not doing the right thing, and then you'll worry and panic about them both that you're causing them to worry and panic, and you'll end up in a worse condition than when you started."
"You're making me exhausted just listening to that. And it's okay, really. I said I was staying, didn't I? You're still my doctor, and I know you know your shit. If you want me to stay, then I'll stay. You don't need to worry about me, okay? Please. I think we could all do with a little less worrying about people in our lives. I promise not to spend all night worrying about everyone else, if you just promise to relax knowing that I'm in here. And you're not pathetic, you're gorgeous."
"I'm tired, and I need to get some rest. It'll be easier knowing you're here in hands I can trust. Your brother is an amazing doctor and I highly respect him, but when it comes to you, he's got this reckless streak that exhausts me. I can't even be sure he won't try to camp out at the bottom of your bed when he finds out I'm keeping you here, but you will make my job easier if you just be a good boy and do as your told. Save for any random emergencies I'm not planning on, of course," Bella said wryly. "There's no easy way to deal with any of this. So we just have to deal."
Rick scrunched up his nose slightly. "I'm not really going to put it past him either, but I'm hoping Serena will just drag him home. He's been waiting for her this long, I don't think he's going to want to stick around. Besides, he wanted to escape this place. He's not going to inadvertently wind up staying back here because of me. Maybe. He'll just have to understand that he makes my job easier by not overexerting himself trying to look after me. Can you at least stick around a little longer?"
"If I don't get paged, I can stay. Everything else seems to be in order. I need you to tell me if you start getting anymore symptoms. This bullshit about not wanting to be watched for them has to stop. I'm a doctor, I need to know the signs to get an idea of what is going on with you. Symptoms are signs of a bigger picture to me, so if you have a buzzing in your ear or an itch on your ball, I want to know about it, alright?" Bella told him firmly.
Rick pulled his mouth to the side before he gave a salute. "Yes, ma'am. I'd ask you to scratch the itch on my balls, but I'm not making anymore jokes about this. And I don't have an itch!" he quickly added as he threw his hands up defensively. "Any symptom I do actually get, you will be the first to know. I promise, Bella. I'm not going to screw you around."
Bella wasn't sure if she was completely satisfied with the whole situation. She watched him closely, knowing she couldn't have a total hold on everything, considering who his brother was. "You need to just take it easy but just prepare that you could be hit hard in a few hours. We'll keep your fluids up, try and get you to eat a little, and if you start getting any pain, I'll give you something for that. I'll try my best to get you a private room, but it's hard at the moment. We have some palliative patients in their last stages and I prefer them to have their privacy, and they tend to have visitors around the clock. You don't need that. I'll make sure your Mom gets something to eat if she needs it too, and wherever your brother is... where is he, by the way?"
Rick nodded as he listened, his eyes flicking over Bella's face. She was beautiful, and he was still in awe of the fact she was carrying his baby. He also knew he was going to do anything she said. She knew what she was talking about, and he knew that she didn't want her stressed out worrying about him. "Thanks, but it's okay if you can't find me something. I'm sure I'll cope somehow. My brother is apparently sitting quietly over at MT1 waiting for his girlfriend. Personally I can't believe that. I just know he'll at least be reading a patient chart, or something."
Bella gave a small laugh and shook her head. "Waiting and quietly don't go together in your brother's vocabulary. There was a sea plane crash. I think it landed in Alpha's hands, so he could have quite the wait ahead of him." She rubbed her hand over her stomach. It felt strange how aware of it she was now it was preventing her pants from fitting. The skin itched a little too, likely due to the fact it was starting to stretch. She put her hand up under her scrubs shirt to scratch it a little absentmindedly. "I hope he manages to run into Dave, to be honest."
"Tell me about it. I'm still feeling like a huge prick for stopping Dave from talking to Chris. Or to anyone. I don't want to be something that gets in the way of Chris having his life. He doesn't need to be that focused on me. I still got Mom to look after me, and I'm not going to do anything stupid. Well, again. Anymore. No more stupidity." Rick reached up to touch the bandana, his gaze on where Bella's hand had disappeared under her shirt. "Time for me to grow up finally. But Chris should talk to Dave. How is he doing, by the way?"
"Dave?" Bella asked as she indulged in a lingering and pointed scratching of her belly now she had started on it. "I don't know. I haven't been able to get hold of him. I try calling him at work, but he's tied up. I even went over there a couple of times, but without scrubbing up and going in to distract him, I couldn't see him. I wait until he isn't on shift, and his phones just ring out. There isn't anything else I can do. Lisa hasn't spoken to him and neither has Aimee. So, I sent him a letter and I sent him an email. But still no response. I'm starting to get really worried. It had already spread. If I can't get in there to remove the cancer cells, it will keep spreading in him."
Rick nodded. "Yeah, Dave. So what happens if he just keeps working, and he doesn't do anything? The cancer's hardly gonna disappear on its own, is it? He's gonna wind up getting sicker and sicker... Will he die?" His expression sobered as he looked back up at Bella's face, watching carefully. "Why do you think he's so intent on ignoring it all? He's been down this road before, surely he's gotta know how serious it is to get treated. Hell, he knows enough to know to get my ass down here for treatment."
Bella gave a small, slow nod, wetting her lips. "Untreated, he will die. Perhaps sooner rather than later because although he has been in remission, his immune system still isn't top notch. It has been attacked in the past. It's like a sporting injury. You take out a knee or a shoulder, but it never quite gets the strength back it did prior to the injury, no matter how much you look after it. Even since he came to Miami, Dave has been hit with colds, flus, bugs. It's just the way it rolls. You will be the same for awhile, too. It's the exact reason he probably missed that. Probably just wrote how he was feeling off to a flu or a virus. But obviously the sexual issue he had couldn't cover that, and that was what ultimately had him in my office that day. Thankfully. I don't think he's ignoring it. I think he's just functioning. He might just need someone to push him in the right direction just like you did. You know how it feels to get the diagnosis. It hits you like a tonne of bricks. Sometimes, it's hard to get back up after that."
Rick rubbed his fingertips against his forehead as he tried not to slump in the chair. It was hard with the line feeding into his chest to stay comfortable. Especially when he just wanted to hide at the bottom of a bed again. He didn't want to think about Dave dying. He didn't want to think about the fact that Dave was holding back from Chris because he assumed the younger Deleo had enough on his plate as it was. "So that's why you watch me so closely if I feel feverish, or anything, right? Because it's not easy to differentiate between a normal cold, and more cancer?"
"It's easy if you know what you're looking for. It's why Oncologists have reputations as being vampires. We keep testing for any cancer markers. I must have taken blood from Dave about eight times since he has been here. Nothing showed up until these last tests, but there was enough time since my last appointment with him for it to develop. I'm watching you like a hawk not just for cancer spreading, but to see if you're going to reject that kidney on us. Things like fever or rashes could indicate an autoimmune reaction, or a sign that it's not going to take. So, suck it up, Princess," Bella told him with a small smile. "I'd have CCTV on you if it was legal."
"Ask me nicely enough, maybe I'll let you film me anyway. I'm sure you'll really enjoy watching me fart, or scratch my balls," Rick replied with a small smile of his own. "Is it likely that I'll reject the kidney now? When's enough time for it to be declared a safe zone? How do we know that it's really taken, that's staying in my body?"
Bella laughed a little and shook her head. "I was treating you when you were sharing a room with your brother. It would be nothing the two of you haven't already inflicted on me in your sleep over these past weeks. It's not likely, no, but we still need to be careful. There is still a chance you might and as long as there is, we need to watch. Rejecting a transplant isn't like it sounds. The body doesn't just spit it out the hole we put it in abruptly. The tissue starts to attack it and think of it as a disease that doesn't belong there. You will start getting ill and symptomatic. I just want to be super aware while you're having the chemo. I want to make sure you aren't doing things like giving yourself hernias from vomiting too seeing as your insides are weak from the surgery. In hindsight, I just think you'll be better staying in for a few days through the worst of it. When you start getting back on your feet, you an go home. No overkill, I promise."
"A few days," Rick repeated, wondering when it had gone from an overnight stay to a few days. Still, he supposed he couldn't really fault Bella's thinking. And it at least made him stop worrying about how Chris was going to handle taking care of Rick when his brother couldn't even take care of himself. It also took the pressure off their mom for a little while. Rick knew she was worried about what was going to happen once he did react to the chemo. Chris had told her about what it was like the first time. "Is this the last round of chemo for me?"
"If you wake up tomorrow feeling perfectly fine, I'll let you go home. I'm not going to keep you here just to torture you. I want to get you home as soon as I can so you can keep an eye on Chris, too. I know you. Even if you are feeling shitty, you'll still be watching him. If you're at home resting, he'll be at home resting and I think that's something both Serena and your Mom will be appreciative of. I know I will be too. I'm optimistic this will be the last time. It's a pretty intense dose I'm hitting you with and the last surgery did manage to remove all the cancerous cells. Your path is looking a lot more healthy than it was when you first came to see me. Once you get over this, you should be on the home straight," Bella told him and then leant forward to untangle the IV line near his neck so it wouldn't twist up. As she did, she accidentally farted in front of him - again - and this time she just laughed and put her hand over her eyes. "I'm not even going to pretend that didn't happen this time."
Rick started to chuckle low in his throat as he reached up to brush her hair back from her face. "Good, because I'm not sure I have the energy to ignore it this time and pretend it didn't happen. It's fine, Bella. Really. I think it's cool that you can fart in front of me. Makes me feel less guilty about all those nasty things I inflicted on you while I was sleeping. Alright, so I just have to wait and see how I go tonight... But just between you and me, I am so goddamn relieved this is the last round of chemo. I don't know how anyone does it. It's just so draining."
"Well, I've come to the conclusion that seeing as you knocked me up, you get to suffer as much as I do. And I don't mean the cancer, I mean me. I've learnt that some days, I'm really not a very nice pregnant person. I look at myself in the mirror and want to bitch myself out. That's quite sad," Bella told him with a smirk. "Also, anything that I put into my mouth that isn't donuts, nachos, or potato chips with Nutella screws with my GI system like crazy. I never even used to like Nutella. Chemo is just one of those nasty things that often makes you feel worse than the actual illness. Two rounds, and you've done pretty well. But we were lucky that surgery was the best option. Often, that's not the case. Scalpels and the fact you have so many people around you willing to ride you to annoyance to protect you, you're so, so lucky."
Rick gave a nod. "Well, sure. I know I'm lucky. I wouldn't have it any other way. Especially when I know that people had every right just to kick me to the curb and to tell me to fuck off." Rick took Bella's hand and gave it a soft squeeze. "Truth be told, I'm just really fucking glad that I do get to be around to see you not be a very nice pregnant woman. I still can't believe we get this chance, and I promise I'll just not talk about it if that's what you need. I just had to say that one thing."
Bella bit down on her lip and shook her head slightly. "It's okay. I'm sort of just dealing with it all like a business deal right now. Me and the fetus have a contract. Anything beyond that and I think I might go crazy," she admitted, her forehead creasing a little as she looked up at him. "I can feel these weird things going on with my body, but I'm not quite ready to think of it as a baby yet. That sounds cold, I know. It's the only way I can cope."
Rick gave a shake of his head. "No, no. It's not cold. I do get it. Even Mom said that was how the only way she could get through the pregnancy with Chris. She didn't start planning until the seventh month. I'm okay if we need to do it that way. I get it."
"Chris wasn't expected?" Bella asked in surprise. "I just... wow. I don't know why I assumed otherwise. Your Mom seems so fantastic, like she was just made to have two boys. It's hard to know how I'm supposed to feel with any of this. Babies have never been a notion in my life. I take care of other people's babies, but mine were never on the horizon. I know I'm growing one inside me, but I'm scared I'll never meet them. I'm scared to want it. I feel like if I start to, it'll get taken away. It's why I haven't even been able to tell Aaron or my family. It's like if I do, I'll jinx something."
Rick shook his head. "Apparently not. I didn't even know that until today. I just assumed Chris was wanted, but I mean, people have happy accidents all the time, right? Not every kid can be planned. I'm still in awe of her coping with us. I don't know how she ever did it, but I guess we didn't really make it all that easy on her either. We still don't. It's okay not to say anything. I get it, really. I don't want you doing anything that you feel would risk it. I want you safe, and I want you happy. If the baby's safe and happy too in a few months time... that's a bonus, right?"
"Yeah, of course. Depends on the situation. Did she only plan for you, or she wanted more and couldn't? There are lots of ways it could happen. Not that I'm an expert. I chose never to see about my fertility or try and get help for it. I just assumed it was a done deal. Obviously, I was wrong." Bella wet her lips and nodded. "I'm just scared. It's weird. I'm not scared when I have someone's life in my hands, but I'm terrified to have one inside me. I'll tell them. Obviously, I won't be able to hide it really soon."
"I think it was her last chance. She couldn't have anymore. That's why she didn't want to acknowledge it. Not just because Chris was unplanned. My Dad was a total asshole by then too, so he didn't help her out." Rick shrugged off thoughts of his dad, the frown not really leaving his face though. "It's okay to be scared. No one can blame you for that. It's a big thing. You're not alone, though, okay? I wouldn't let you do this alone."
"That I can understand. The more you hope for something, the harder to fall when it doesn't happen. Your Mom has been through a lot. It must emphasise it all for her now with how close she has come to losing you two. Outliving your child is horrific in itself, but to have both your kids flirting with death would be devastating. Probably her greatest fear, above all else. I don't know a lot about maternal instinct, I just know it's a pretty amazing thing if you have it." Bella gave his hand a squeeze. "You just need to focus on getting better, okay? I've got a hold on everything else if you do that."
Rick smiled. "I'm pretty sure I can manage that. I just do what you tell me to, gorgeous. Hasn't steered me wrong so far. Mom's not gonna lose us, not anymore. Hopefully this is the worst of it for a while. I'm not sure any of us could actually take anything else."
Bella rubbed her eyes a little and shook her head. "Nope, you lot have had about your quota, I say. You'll be getting the bill in the mail soon," she joked with a small smirk.
Rick motioned for Bella to try and get even closer before he ran his fingers through her hair again, and leaned forward to kiss her softly. "I like your say, Bella. And... as much as I don't really feel like going through this all over again, I am grateful that it gave me you."
Word Count | 7,078
Bella had been so tied up that by the time it hit lunch time, she had to call through to her second-in-charge to get the other doctor to at least start Rick's chemo. The longer they waited, the more anxious he would get. She had tried everything in her power to get away, but when the patient she had been operating on ended up having an arrest in the surgery and didn't make it through, there were death certificates and dealing with family members. Time just got eaten up and away from her. She finally made it into the chemo clinic around an hour and a half after Rick's infusion would have been started. Mrs Deleo was sitting nearby reading a magazine, but she had quickly discarded it when she spotted Bella arriving. She did make a subtle exit, making some excuse about going over to MT1 to make sure Chris was sitting and waiting for Serena like he promised rather than running around directing people through surgeries. Bella would honestly not be surprised if the latter was discovered.
She only had three chemo patients that day, and the other two had kicked off early, choosing not to wait for Bella like Rick had so now he was the only one left in the unit. She bit down on her lip as she took in the sight of him seemingly asleep in one of the recliners. She came up beside him quietly and sat down in the chair Mrs Deleo had vacated. After a moment, she softly placed her hand over his in some sort of silent apology for abandoning him. It sucked terribly, and it was days like this, she hated being an Oncologist.
"Bella," Rick croaked as he slowly opened his eyes. He knew the difference between his mother's footfalls and hers. He also knew the difference in scents. Bella smelled more like surgery than his mom. She also smelled sweeter. "You really know how to stand a guy up. I'm definitely picking you up for any date we have. No way are you going to get out of it. Still worth the wait, though."
"I'm sorry," Bella murmured, her hand staying securely over his. She looked over his face closely, wetting her lips. "I know you keep hearing this from me, but it's been a bad day. This is just... it's Oncology, that's all. I didn't mean to leave you high and dry and I'm sorry the other doctor had to step in, but she's very good." She stood up again to carefully ease the front of his gown down a little to check the infusion line, making sure it was running how it was supposed to. The little glass medicine bottle hanging from the IV line indicated it was about a quarter of the way through. She went to clip the gown closed again and her fingers brushed against his jaw. Just a moment later, she was watching him in even closer scrutiny. "You're running a fever," she told him, even the slightest touch managing to tell her that and she was already moving to the nearby trolley to get a thermometer.
Rick cleared his throat, or tried to and as he pulled himself up a little more in the seat he began to realise how hot he was starting to feel. "Is that normal?" he found himself asking. "And it's okay, really. I had a bit of a sulk this morning but I'm over it now. Mostly I just wanted to see you. It wasn't anything to do with thinking the other doctor was worse. I know she's good. She's just not you, and I'm still selfish enough to want to be able to see you any chance I get. It's why I waited."
"Forward planning, that's all. I like to go with second chemo rounds on what the patient experienced on the first. You started the infusion an hour and a half ago, so it could mean you hit the bad patch with your symptoms around two or three in the morning. I'm really not happy about that." Bella put the thermometer in his ear and waited for the soft beep before reading the screen with a frown. "Or this. Paula!" she called to the nurse at the desk in the corner. "I asked to be paged for any changes in Rick's condition. He has a temperature of a hundred and three. That constitutes a change," she said in annoyance, shaking her head before the nurse could really react.
She picked up his chart, following along the obs with her finger. "It's been steadily increasing since the infusion started. This didn't happen last time. It's not abnormal, but it's not good either. Your immune system is shot. You might have a bit of a rougher time. I was hoping that wouldn't happen," she admitted.
Rick just watched a little dumbfounded. "So... waiting wasn't such a good idea after all? Also, are you going to start growling at that nurse. It could be kinda hot. You're not happy because my symptoms are going to happen in the middle of the night? But the fever's new. Fever's bad. Why are you starting to get that look? You have a look... I'm staying here, aren't I? You're not going to let me go home."
"It's not that, Rick. It wouldn't have made any difference when we started how your body would react. I was just trying to time it so you would sleep when you were supposed to, but it's all speculation. Tactics like that don't always work, but we go in optimistic." Bella afforded the nurse a random glare but nothing more. She was too distracted, wishing Lisa was here when she needed but her new nurse had requested an early mark from work for a date. After the shitty weeks since she started the job, Bella knew the girl more than needed the time out. "I can't let you go home until I can be sure this is just a reaction to the chemo. It might be better to keep you here if your symptoms are going to be intense anyway. How are you feeling otherwise?"
"Like I'm under the microscope again?" Rick offered with an arch of his eyebrow. "And that I'm never supposed to stay away from this place for very long. I'm just... I hit bottom, so now I'm just trying to crawl back up. Chris was crying... Mom was crying... You being late meant we all had to talk about things finally. All the dirty laundry out to air, you know? Chris still thinks I'm going to run away. I know he does. He's waiting for me to bolt. And I told Mom about... ah," his gaze slipped to the nurse like he finally realised she was still there, "about stuff."
Bella pressed her lips together and it was his turn to be on the end of a small glare. "You have cancer, Rick. If we want to talk mircroscopes, don't make me bring up ridiculous experimental surgery that got you here in the first place. I'm already making it my personal hobby to get that whole stupid trial cut off. Blasting a tumour from the inside out. Jesus Christ," she said with a soft growl and yanked the trolley closer to her and untangled the sphyg cuff to wrap around his arm. "Chris is scared what is supposed to happen with the next turn of his life. He told me this the other day. He'll be fine. Tears are just inevitable when he's still weak. It'll take a bit more climbing to get back on the Dr C horse. Stuff?"
Rick shrank back against the chair, grateful that Bella wasn't in completely angry pregnant lady mood. She really would be scary. He just sat there quietly as she did her thing, not sure she'd appreciate him trying to tell her if she was doing anything wrong. What did he know anyway? He'd tried to take his blood pressure once with a child's sphyg cuff. "Hey, hey... take it out on the doctor not me. I wasn't in a position to make any sort of sound decision for myself. I was under duress. They made me do it. There were girls in bikinis and confusing suitcases with numbers on them. Do you really think he won't get a fellowship at this hospital? I'm sure Dr C more just wants get back on the Serena horse, but there's a little problem with his energy levels. And yeah, stuff. Life stuff. Tiny, still growing stuff."
"Nice try, buddy. I've seen the consent you signed and it was like an encyclopaedia. If I had known you then, I would have locked you in a room with your brother until he either smacked you out or convinced you that experimental surgery was bullshit. Even normal surgery doesn't come without risks, as you have seen for yourself." Bella was glad his blood pressure was at least okay, and she was pretty sure he would have told her if he felt nauseated or dizzy. She leaned in with a small smirk. "My whole staff know I'm knocked up, baby." She unhooked the cuff and then undid the buttons on her lab coat to pull her top up a little, showing him that if he looked closely enough, there was a slight swellig of her previous flat stomach.
Rick was more interested in trying to get a look at her breasts first, but then his gaze dipped to her stomach and her eyes widened. "Yeah, but do they all know it was me? I was trying to be discreet... you know, careful so that you couldn't get into trouble. Wow... you're starting to show. It's... You're beautiful. And Mom knows now. I just had to tell her. She was talking about no more secrets and not being needed, and I wanted to make her understand that she was needed. I needed her. We maybe needed her. She says I get the same look Chris does when he's talking about Serena."
Bella shrugged a little. "I don't fit into my pants. I'm living in scrubs. I haven't had time to go shopping. You know, right now, I'm feeling like I can't hold many more secrets myself. Something had to give and at least I have control over my own. I haven't blatantly told anyone yet, but if anyone asks, I don't think I'll deny it. Unless someone can prove that your treatment has been compromised, there's nothing anyone can do. Some might argue that I took advantage of you, but really, they would have a hell of a job to prove that." When the IV started to beep, she pushed a couple of buttons on it to flush the line a little. "Your Mom is more than needed. You and Chris would be in a huge mess without her right now. She has been doing a lot behind the scenes to make everything as comfortable for you as she can. Buying you clothes, feeding you the right food, learning about your conditions, asking questions about your medications. You two just haven't been able to see how huge that is because you've been distracted. The things Serena or me haven't been able to do because we're working."
"But we still know we need our Mom. She tried to tell us how we'd been fine without her. Laughable, really. Do we seem like we've been doing fine without her? I don't want secrets. I don't want anyone having secrets. They always seem like such a good idea and then they just bite you in the ass. She's still trying to tell us she's not made for Miami, but that's just bullshit. I think that Dr Proctor's been talking to her too, but Chris won't accept the fact. This is the first time Mom's really seemed to have a male friend. I don't know how to take it either, but if it makes her happy..." Rick trailed off with a shrug. "I just want her happy, but I want her here, too. I need her. She's my Mom. It's also wrong for you and Serena to be expected to do everything. I know you can't. You shouldn't have to always be there for me. You got other patients, and that's how it should be."
Bella quirked an eyebrow with a small smirk. "I have it on good authority that Dr Proctor asked your Mom to dinner. She just hasn't accepted. Might be best not to share info like that with Chris just yet. The whole fellowship thing isn't a given and it probably won't help if Chris is reefing his boss a new one to protect his mother's honour. Even if I didn't have other patients and I worked in Walmart, I still wouldn't be able to carry all this on my own. No one could. We're only human. I understand how your Mom is feeling after everything she has been through and you two being less than forthcoming with her about information. You really have given off an air that you don't need her. But she's still your Mom, and she isn't going anywhere, Rick. She'll be here as long as you two are ill. That's maternal instinct. She couldn't walk away from Miami right now anymore than I could suddenly snap my fingers and make you better."
Rick sighed before he started to chuckle in quiet amusement. "Oh jeez, I really wish I could tell him just to see the look on his face. Chris would probably fall over dead. Or never be able to put his eyes back into his head. He was in staunch denial that this Dr Proctor would never make Mom hair flip. Apparently Serena told him something about seeing our Mom giggle and flip her hair. Maybe she hasn't accepted yet, but she could be thinking about it. I don't even know the last time Mom did date someone. She's never talked about it, and I don't think we ever asked." Rick waited for Bella to look like she was just going to sit still for a little while before he tried to take her hand. "Still doesn't mean she'll stick around after we're better."
"Chances are she hasn't since your father, Rick. Statistics with abused women indicate that a lot can never face the prospect of dating again. She might not just automatically accept because it's the nice thing to do. That whole experience is probably factoring into her being scared to move to Miami, too. It's not as easy as wanting her here. She has her demons to face too," Bella reminded him and felt his face again to see if she would need to give him something to try and bring that fever down. So long as the other symptoms stayed away though, he should be okay.
"Like selling the house. Or not selling it. She said she wasn't sure if she could sell it since we grew up there. I just don't see how she could have that many happy memories in that place. Maybe we grew up there but we both wanted to get the hell out." Rick reached up to scratch at his chest before he thought better of it. "Would you mind if she was around? She doesn't scare you, right? There's possible in-law love and not just automatic hate?"
Bella sighed softly and watched him go to scratch his chest. Next thing he knew, she was unclipping the gown to study him for any rashes. "It's the only place she has known for a very long time, Rick. You have to remember that you and Chris as boys are probably very happy memories for her. A time when you weren't running away or at each other's throats. Maybe it's all she knows what to hang on to. Maybe change scares the hell out of her. The fear of the unknown. Of course I wouldn't mind. She reminds me of my Mom. I can handle in-laws. You should see Tuck's Mom. No one messes with that lady, but she was fantastic. Do I look capable of automatic hate, Rick? She's your Mom."
Rick gave a shake of her head, but his eyes narrowed as he watched her inspect him. "See? This is why I'm trying to just sit here. Anything I do will be seen as a symptom and I don't want that. What would happen if I actually managed to get an erection right now? It wouldn't be cause for celebration, would it? You'd probably think it was a symptom. Some fever making all the blood rush south. We're not at each other's throats now. I know it's slow going, but we are fixing things between us. And no, you don't look capable of automatic hate. I'm just checking. You got on with Tuck's mom?"
Bella let her hands drop back down onto her thighs and she was giving him a look again. "You want me to stop? You want to deal with the symptoms all on your own? I can, you know. You don't have to agree to any of this. Actually, if you got an erection right now, I wouldn't think it was a symptom. I would just have warned you not to get used to it because this chemo round will just likely zap it again. Yes, I did get on with his Mom. Is that so hard to believe?"
"No, it's not. It's great. You should have gotten on with his mom. This is just the slightly petty, and jealous part of me wondering why things didn't work out with you two again." He offered her a slight smirk before he gave a shake of his head. "No, you do your doctor thing. I know you'll just be sitting there bursting at the seams if you see something that you want to take care of. I have to put up with my brother sulking every day about not being able to do his doctorly thing. I don't need you feeling the same. So, just run past me what I'm agreeing to anyway. Am I staying there overnight, or what?"
"I told you why they didn't work out. We both had clashing schedules. Constantly. But Tuck is still my friend and you're just going to have swallow that," Bella told him. "He's a good friend to Chris, too, so that should help dilute the jealousy a little. You don't have to stay overnight, but it would be against medical advice. You remember what it was like last time. If you're here, they can help you if you need anything. You're still recovering from a major operation. I would prefer it if you stayed."
Rick turned his head and tapped his cheek as he flashed her a smile. "Lay a kiss on me, and I'll stay. And I know I don't have anything to worry about with Tuck, it's me being stupid. I know he's a good guy. I remember him from MT1."
"No," was Bella's flat response as she gave him an unamused look. She wasn't in the mood for this. "I'm not playing games, Rick. This is serious. Go home with your mother if you want, but just for the record, I'm not on call tonight if you do. I can only be stretched so many damn ways, you know!"
Rick looked at her apologetically. "I'm sorry. I'm staying. You know I'm staying. I wouldn't go against your recommendations, and I'm not looking to make you stretch yourself thin, okay? You don't need to do that for me. In fact, I'd prefer that you didn't. Keep yourself and the baby safe."
Bella put her hands over her face and tried to push away that horrible urge to cry that seemed to keep hitting her out of the blue all the time these days. She was managing to keep her cool mostly until she could get to a bathroom or her office before she lost it, it was just zapping a lot of her energy. Of all things, she just needed Rick to be cooperative. Everything else fell into place okay if she knew he was at least okay, and the only way she knew that was if she had a tight hold of his reigns with his treatment. He was the father of her baby, the whole emotional thing just spilled over. She couldn't help the connection she felt to him. If he didn't live, she would kill him, because she really couldn't do the whole single mother thing. She pushed the dampness away from her eyes with the heels of her hands and then wiped them on her thighs. "I need you here in case you go into hyperpyrexia. The fever is too high. I need to get it down," she said quietly.
Rick reached out to rest her hand on her thigh and gave it a squeeze. It was the best he could do when he really just wanted to be able to curl up on a sofa with his arms around her. "Hey, hey. Please don't cry, Bella. Please. I've just watched my whole family cry, and even I cried. I can't stand to watch you cry when I can't even do much to make you feel better. I'm kinda stuck in this chair right now. But I'll stay here, okay? I promise. I'm not going anywhere until you give me the say so."
Bella pushed her hair off her face and sighed. "I can't turn it on and off. I tried, it doesn't work. I don't mean to play the pathetic pregnant card here, and I'm really not trying to guilt you into anything. You still call the shots, but I just know that at home you have Chris who will be trying to help you if you get really sick, and he can't overexert himself when he should still be in here himself and your Mom will be a Mom reflexively, but she'll worry she's not doing the right thing, and then you'll worry and panic about them both that you're causing them to worry and panic, and you'll end up in a worse condition than when you started."
"You're making me exhausted just listening to that. And it's okay, really. I said I was staying, didn't I? You're still my doctor, and I know you know your shit. If you want me to stay, then I'll stay. You don't need to worry about me, okay? Please. I think we could all do with a little less worrying about people in our lives. I promise not to spend all night worrying about everyone else, if you just promise to relax knowing that I'm in here. And you're not pathetic, you're gorgeous."
"I'm tired, and I need to get some rest. It'll be easier knowing you're here in hands I can trust. Your brother is an amazing doctor and I highly respect him, but when it comes to you, he's got this reckless streak that exhausts me. I can't even be sure he won't try to camp out at the bottom of your bed when he finds out I'm keeping you here, but you will make my job easier if you just be a good boy and do as your told. Save for any random emergencies I'm not planning on, of course," Bella said wryly. "There's no easy way to deal with any of this. So we just have to deal."
Rick scrunched up his nose slightly. "I'm not really going to put it past him either, but I'm hoping Serena will just drag him home. He's been waiting for her this long, I don't think he's going to want to stick around. Besides, he wanted to escape this place. He's not going to inadvertently wind up staying back here because of me. Maybe. He'll just have to understand that he makes my job easier by not overexerting himself trying to look after me. Can you at least stick around a little longer?"
"If I don't get paged, I can stay. Everything else seems to be in order. I need you to tell me if you start getting anymore symptoms. This bullshit about not wanting to be watched for them has to stop. I'm a doctor, I need to know the signs to get an idea of what is going on with you. Symptoms are signs of a bigger picture to me, so if you have a buzzing in your ear or an itch on your ball, I want to know about it, alright?" Bella told him firmly.
Rick pulled his mouth to the side before he gave a salute. "Yes, ma'am. I'd ask you to scratch the itch on my balls, but I'm not making anymore jokes about this. And I don't have an itch!" he quickly added as he threw his hands up defensively. "Any symptom I do actually get, you will be the first to know. I promise, Bella. I'm not going to screw you around."
Bella wasn't sure if she was completely satisfied with the whole situation. She watched him closely, knowing she couldn't have a total hold on everything, considering who his brother was. "You need to just take it easy but just prepare that you could be hit hard in a few hours. We'll keep your fluids up, try and get you to eat a little, and if you start getting any pain, I'll give you something for that. I'll try my best to get you a private room, but it's hard at the moment. We have some palliative patients in their last stages and I prefer them to have their privacy, and they tend to have visitors around the clock. You don't need that. I'll make sure your Mom gets something to eat if she needs it too, and wherever your brother is... where is he, by the way?"
Rick nodded as he listened, his eyes flicking over Bella's face. She was beautiful, and he was still in awe of the fact she was carrying his baby. He also knew he was going to do anything she said. She knew what she was talking about, and he knew that she didn't want her stressed out worrying about him. "Thanks, but it's okay if you can't find me something. I'm sure I'll cope somehow. My brother is apparently sitting quietly over at MT1 waiting for his girlfriend. Personally I can't believe that. I just know he'll at least be reading a patient chart, or something."
Bella gave a small laugh and shook her head. "Waiting and quietly don't go together in your brother's vocabulary. There was a sea plane crash. I think it landed in Alpha's hands, so he could have quite the wait ahead of him." She rubbed her hand over her stomach. It felt strange how aware of it she was now it was preventing her pants from fitting. The skin itched a little too, likely due to the fact it was starting to stretch. She put her hand up under her scrubs shirt to scratch it a little absentmindedly. "I hope he manages to run into Dave, to be honest."
"Tell me about it. I'm still feeling like a huge prick for stopping Dave from talking to Chris. Or to anyone. I don't want to be something that gets in the way of Chris having his life. He doesn't need to be that focused on me. I still got Mom to look after me, and I'm not going to do anything stupid. Well, again. Anymore. No more stupidity." Rick reached up to touch the bandana, his gaze on where Bella's hand had disappeared under her shirt. "Time for me to grow up finally. But Chris should talk to Dave. How is he doing, by the way?"
"Dave?" Bella asked as she indulged in a lingering and pointed scratching of her belly now she had started on it. "I don't know. I haven't been able to get hold of him. I try calling him at work, but he's tied up. I even went over there a couple of times, but without scrubbing up and going in to distract him, I couldn't see him. I wait until he isn't on shift, and his phones just ring out. There isn't anything else I can do. Lisa hasn't spoken to him and neither has Aimee. So, I sent him a letter and I sent him an email. But still no response. I'm starting to get really worried. It had already spread. If I can't get in there to remove the cancer cells, it will keep spreading in him."
Rick nodded. "Yeah, Dave. So what happens if he just keeps working, and he doesn't do anything? The cancer's hardly gonna disappear on its own, is it? He's gonna wind up getting sicker and sicker... Will he die?" His expression sobered as he looked back up at Bella's face, watching carefully. "Why do you think he's so intent on ignoring it all? He's been down this road before, surely he's gotta know how serious it is to get treated. Hell, he knows enough to know to get my ass down here for treatment."
Bella gave a small, slow nod, wetting her lips. "Untreated, he will die. Perhaps sooner rather than later because although he has been in remission, his immune system still isn't top notch. It has been attacked in the past. It's like a sporting injury. You take out a knee or a shoulder, but it never quite gets the strength back it did prior to the injury, no matter how much you look after it. Even since he came to Miami, Dave has been hit with colds, flus, bugs. It's just the way it rolls. You will be the same for awhile, too. It's the exact reason he probably missed that. Probably just wrote how he was feeling off to a flu or a virus. But obviously the sexual issue he had couldn't cover that, and that was what ultimately had him in my office that day. Thankfully. I don't think he's ignoring it. I think he's just functioning. He might just need someone to push him in the right direction just like you did. You know how it feels to get the diagnosis. It hits you like a tonne of bricks. Sometimes, it's hard to get back up after that."
Rick rubbed his fingertips against his forehead as he tried not to slump in the chair. It was hard with the line feeding into his chest to stay comfortable. Especially when he just wanted to hide at the bottom of a bed again. He didn't want to think about Dave dying. He didn't want to think about the fact that Dave was holding back from Chris because he assumed the younger Deleo had enough on his plate as it was. "So that's why you watch me so closely if I feel feverish, or anything, right? Because it's not easy to differentiate between a normal cold, and more cancer?"
"It's easy if you know what you're looking for. It's why Oncologists have reputations as being vampires. We keep testing for any cancer markers. I must have taken blood from Dave about eight times since he has been here. Nothing showed up until these last tests, but there was enough time since my last appointment with him for it to develop. I'm watching you like a hawk not just for cancer spreading, but to see if you're going to reject that kidney on us. Things like fever or rashes could indicate an autoimmune reaction, or a sign that it's not going to take. So, suck it up, Princess," Bella told him with a small smile. "I'd have CCTV on you if it was legal."
"Ask me nicely enough, maybe I'll let you film me anyway. I'm sure you'll really enjoy watching me fart, or scratch my balls," Rick replied with a small smile of his own. "Is it likely that I'll reject the kidney now? When's enough time for it to be declared a safe zone? How do we know that it's really taken, that's staying in my body?"
Bella laughed a little and shook her head. "I was treating you when you were sharing a room with your brother. It would be nothing the two of you haven't already inflicted on me in your sleep over these past weeks. It's not likely, no, but we still need to be careful. There is still a chance you might and as long as there is, we need to watch. Rejecting a transplant isn't like it sounds. The body doesn't just spit it out the hole we put it in abruptly. The tissue starts to attack it and think of it as a disease that doesn't belong there. You will start getting ill and symptomatic. I just want to be super aware while you're having the chemo. I want to make sure you aren't doing things like giving yourself hernias from vomiting too seeing as your insides are weak from the surgery. In hindsight, I just think you'll be better staying in for a few days through the worst of it. When you start getting back on your feet, you an go home. No overkill, I promise."
"A few days," Rick repeated, wondering when it had gone from an overnight stay to a few days. Still, he supposed he couldn't really fault Bella's thinking. And it at least made him stop worrying about how Chris was going to handle taking care of Rick when his brother couldn't even take care of himself. It also took the pressure off their mom for a little while. Rick knew she was worried about what was going to happen once he did react to the chemo. Chris had told her about what it was like the first time. "Is this the last round of chemo for me?"
"If you wake up tomorrow feeling perfectly fine, I'll let you go home. I'm not going to keep you here just to torture you. I want to get you home as soon as I can so you can keep an eye on Chris, too. I know you. Even if you are feeling shitty, you'll still be watching him. If you're at home resting, he'll be at home resting and I think that's something both Serena and your Mom will be appreciative of. I know I will be too. I'm optimistic this will be the last time. It's a pretty intense dose I'm hitting you with and the last surgery did manage to remove all the cancerous cells. Your path is looking a lot more healthy than it was when you first came to see me. Once you get over this, you should be on the home straight," Bella told him and then leant forward to untangle the IV line near his neck so it wouldn't twist up. As she did, she accidentally farted in front of him - again - and this time she just laughed and put her hand over her eyes. "I'm not even going to pretend that didn't happen this time."
Rick started to chuckle low in his throat as he reached up to brush her hair back from her face. "Good, because I'm not sure I have the energy to ignore it this time and pretend it didn't happen. It's fine, Bella. Really. I think it's cool that you can fart in front of me. Makes me feel less guilty about all those nasty things I inflicted on you while I was sleeping. Alright, so I just have to wait and see how I go tonight... But just between you and me, I am so goddamn relieved this is the last round of chemo. I don't know how anyone does it. It's just so draining."
"Well, I've come to the conclusion that seeing as you knocked me up, you get to suffer as much as I do. And I don't mean the cancer, I mean me. I've learnt that some days, I'm really not a very nice pregnant person. I look at myself in the mirror and want to bitch myself out. That's quite sad," Bella told him with a smirk. "Also, anything that I put into my mouth that isn't donuts, nachos, or potato chips with Nutella screws with my GI system like crazy. I never even used to like Nutella. Chemo is just one of those nasty things that often makes you feel worse than the actual illness. Two rounds, and you've done pretty well. But we were lucky that surgery was the best option. Often, that's not the case. Scalpels and the fact you have so many people around you willing to ride you to annoyance to protect you, you're so, so lucky."
Rick gave a nod. "Well, sure. I know I'm lucky. I wouldn't have it any other way. Especially when I know that people had every right just to kick me to the curb and to tell me to fuck off." Rick took Bella's hand and gave it a soft squeeze. "Truth be told, I'm just really fucking glad that I do get to be around to see you not be a very nice pregnant woman. I still can't believe we get this chance, and I promise I'll just not talk about it if that's what you need. I just had to say that one thing."
Bella bit down on her lip and shook her head slightly. "It's okay. I'm sort of just dealing with it all like a business deal right now. Me and the fetus have a contract. Anything beyond that and I think I might go crazy," she admitted, her forehead creasing a little as she looked up at him. "I can feel these weird things going on with my body, but I'm not quite ready to think of it as a baby yet. That sounds cold, I know. It's the only way I can cope."
Rick gave a shake of his head. "No, no. It's not cold. I do get it. Even Mom said that was how the only way she could get through the pregnancy with Chris. She didn't start planning until the seventh month. I'm okay if we need to do it that way. I get it."
"Chris wasn't expected?" Bella asked in surprise. "I just... wow. I don't know why I assumed otherwise. Your Mom seems so fantastic, like she was just made to have two boys. It's hard to know how I'm supposed to feel with any of this. Babies have never been a notion in my life. I take care of other people's babies, but mine were never on the horizon. I know I'm growing one inside me, but I'm scared I'll never meet them. I'm scared to want it. I feel like if I start to, it'll get taken away. It's why I haven't even been able to tell Aaron or my family. It's like if I do, I'll jinx something."
Rick shook his head. "Apparently not. I didn't even know that until today. I just assumed Chris was wanted, but I mean, people have happy accidents all the time, right? Not every kid can be planned. I'm still in awe of her coping with us. I don't know how she ever did it, but I guess we didn't really make it all that easy on her either. We still don't. It's okay not to say anything. I get it, really. I don't want you doing anything that you feel would risk it. I want you safe, and I want you happy. If the baby's safe and happy too in a few months time... that's a bonus, right?"
"Yeah, of course. Depends on the situation. Did she only plan for you, or she wanted more and couldn't? There are lots of ways it could happen. Not that I'm an expert. I chose never to see about my fertility or try and get help for it. I just assumed it was a done deal. Obviously, I was wrong." Bella wet her lips and nodded. "I'm just scared. It's weird. I'm not scared when I have someone's life in my hands, but I'm terrified to have one inside me. I'll tell them. Obviously, I won't be able to hide it really soon."
"I think it was her last chance. She couldn't have anymore. That's why she didn't want to acknowledge it. Not just because Chris was unplanned. My Dad was a total asshole by then too, so he didn't help her out." Rick shrugged off thoughts of his dad, the frown not really leaving his face though. "It's okay to be scared. No one can blame you for that. It's a big thing. You're not alone, though, okay? I wouldn't let you do this alone."
"That I can understand. The more you hope for something, the harder to fall when it doesn't happen. Your Mom has been through a lot. It must emphasise it all for her now with how close she has come to losing you two. Outliving your child is horrific in itself, but to have both your kids flirting with death would be devastating. Probably her greatest fear, above all else. I don't know a lot about maternal instinct, I just know it's a pretty amazing thing if you have it." Bella gave his hand a squeeze. "You just need to focus on getting better, okay? I've got a hold on everything else if you do that."
Rick smiled. "I'm pretty sure I can manage that. I just do what you tell me to, gorgeous. Hasn't steered me wrong so far. Mom's not gonna lose us, not anymore. Hopefully this is the worst of it for a while. I'm not sure any of us could actually take anything else."
Bella rubbed her eyes a little and shook her head. "Nope, you lot have had about your quota, I say. You'll be getting the bill in the mail soon," she joked with a small smirk.
Rick motioned for Bella to try and get even closer before he ran his fingers through her hair again, and leaned forward to kiss her softly. "I like your say, Bella. And... as much as I don't really feel like going through this all over again, I am grateful that it gave me you."
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