with my sincerest apologies to bob woodward and carl bernstein

[gyzym]

I wish there was a better way to explain what's going on under the cut then "hermette humors/encourages me while I make horrible jokes about Watergate, All The President's Men, and Deep Throat." I wish that so much.

But. Uh.

Comments

[gyzym]

Oh, dude, THAT IS WHY MY APOLOGIES ONLY EXTEND TO WOODWARD AND BERNSTEIN. Fuck Nixon a lot. However, this fact about him does not make me less inclined to mock him mercilessly at all :D

[postcardmystery]

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[postcardmystery]

(I should point out that I know the Springsteen thing was the people around Reagan, not Nixon, but still OH MY GOD CONTEXT WHAT CONTEXT WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE.)

[gyzym]

HUNTER S. THOMPSON YOU GEM.

[postcardmystery]

"If the right people had been in charge of Nixon's funeral, his casket would have been launched into one of those open-sewage canals that empty into the ocean just south of Los Angeles. He was a swine of a man and a jabbering dupe of a president. Nixon was so crooked that he needed servants to help him screw his pants on every morning. Even his funeral was illegal. He was queer in the deepest way. His body should have been burned in a trash bin."

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

[robanybody]

If only history was taught this way. I'd die of lols, but holy shit, it would be hilarious!

[gyzym]

I too am sad that this is not how history is taught. MAYBE I'LL REWRITE HOWARD ZINN LIKE THIS, AND GET STONED TO DEATH BY REAL HISTORIANS.

[robanybody]

I WILL USE MY UMBRELLA TO PROTECT YOU FROM ANGRY HISTORIANS BECAUSE I WANT TO LEARN HISTORY LIKE THIS. FUCK REALITY.

[gyzym]

FFHSJDK WELL I JUST LIKE. SO MUCH OF HISTORY IS JUST LIKE DHGDJFHDS LOL OH MY GOD LOL FOREVER.

Really I just want to rewrite history from the POV of that one sane guy in every room.

Boston Tea Party:
WAIT, WAIT, DO YOU THINK WE COULD MAYBE TRY A LESS STUPID PLAN THAN THROWING THE TEA INTO THE RIVER, I LIKE TEA BUT MAYBE THE FISH DON'T, THAT'S A VALUABLE COMMODITY YOU'RE TOSSING OUT THERE, SERIOUSLY CAN I JUST SNATCH SOME EARL GREY BEFORE YOU...oh. Okay. Fine. Be like that.

[fic_kitty]

I AM WITH hermette I AM DYING OVER HERE. DYINGGGGG.

[gyzym]

DFHSDF WHY AM I LIKE THIS

[fic_kitty]

ACTUAL HISTORY IS TOO RIDICULOUS. You know, YOU KNOW THIS MUST BE THE ACTUAL TRUTH, that Woodward as a relatively young dude writer was all "... dick joke lol" when he gets this INCREDIBLY HISTORICALLY SIGNIFICANT TIP and writes this INCREDIBLE SHATTERING EXPOSE. BECAUSE HE'S SUCH A DUDE, AND WHY NOT DICK JOKES.

my historical geekiness is a beast that will not be contained

[foxlives]

BERNSTEIN: GET ME MY COFFEE
WOODWARD: SHALL I DEEP THROAT IT?
READERS: WHAT THE ACTUAL SHIT

and

and somewhere lbj is wandering around
like I MARRIED A WOMAN NAMED LADY BIRD
JUST TO FUCK WITH EVERYONE SOME MORE

and then

i think

i died.

if ever there was a time for the phrase "it's funny because it's true," THIS IS IT.

(and, lady bird johnson? was born claudia something, and lady bird was a nickname given to her that she possibly didn't even like and then she put it on her marriage license. and at this point, i'm just like, what the actual fuck? and explain it away by the catchall excuse THE 60S (and 50s) WERE ON ACID THE END.)

Re: my historical geekiness is a beast that will not be contained

[gyzym]

I HONEST TO GOD THOUGHT "LADY BIRD" WAS SOMETHING MY DAD MADE UP TO FUCK WITH ME UNTIL I WAS IN LIKE 6TH GRADE. WHAT. THE. FUCKING. HELL.