FIC: Let Me Live 2/2
Part One
Severus wasn’t there.
That could be either good or bad. It could mean that he was still at the potions research institute where he worked; the stringent security measures there would keep Potter from being able to contact him. Or it could mean that he’d heard from Potter and already left.
In favour of the former was the fact that Draco had told Severus he was going out with Pansy and Blaise, and Severus often used Draco’s nights out as an opportunity to work late. Also, as far as Draco could see, the house was perfectly in order. If Severus had found out Draco was cheating, surely he would have destroyed something. The man had broken all their dishes once just because Draco had lied to him about how much he’d spent on a shopping trip. Draco really couldn’t imagine him responding to this with more equanimity.
Draco began to breathe a little easier. If Severus knew, there would be some kind of sign. But everything looked just as he’d left it.
He glanced at the clock. He’d told Severus he’d be home by ten, and it was only a little after nine. Severus would probably be home soon, and Draco could use the time until then to try to come up with a way to tell him the truth without causing the dissolution of their marriage.
Draco settled onto the couch and waited.
***
Ten o’clock came and went without any sign of Severus. By midnight, Draco’s anxiety had returned full-force. Severus rarely stayed out this late, and he always sent word if he was going to. Either something had happened to him, or he had found out somehow and decided not to come home. Both prospects frightened Draco badly enough that he couldn’t even bring himself to contact his husband via Patronus.
He eventually dozed off, waking in fits and starts at every small noise the house produced. Shortly before dawn, Draco was awoken from his restless sleep by the loud popping noise of a note appearing on the coffee table next to him.
Severus’ spidery handwriting only formed two words, but they were enough to shatter Draco’s heart into a million pieces.
I know.
***
Draco didn’t get out of bed at all the next day. There was no reason to; Severus hadn’t come home at all, not even in response to Draco’s multiple pleading owls.
Perhaps he’d never come home again.
The very thought made Draco’s stomach clench painfully and his breath catch. He couldn’t imagine life without Severus - or rather, he could imagine it, and it was beyond awful.
His own pain wasn’t even the worst of it. No, the worst part by far was knowing what Severus had to be feeling, and knowing that he was the cause of it. His selfishness. His greed.
His fault.
Draco was no stranger to self-loathing, but this was a level of it he’d never experienced before. And he deserved every moment of the suffering it brought him. If he hadn’t been so self-centred, if he’d spoken to Severus about his needs years ago, if he’d in any way acted like a decent human being, none of this would be happening.
It had just started to grow dark when Draco heard the sound of Apparition from downstairs. His stomach somehow leapt and plummeted at the same time - which was extremely unpleasant - and he jumped out of bed. If he was able to speak to Severus face to face, he might have a chance. He could try to explain himself, reason with Severus, even beg him to stay. Anything.
Draco heard Severus on the stairs and hastily cast a few spells to freshen himself up and to remove the evidence that he’d been crying most of the day. His chances would be better if he looked good. There was no time to change his clothes, but that was fine. Severus had always liked him in these black silk pajamas.
He was reaching for the bedroom door just as Severus opened it.
His anger was almost tangible, and Draco stepped back despite himself. He ran his eyes over Severus’ lean frame, taking in the stiffness of his posture, the coldness of his eyes - not good signs. Severus smelled faintly of whiskey; Draco knew him well enough to be sure he wasn’t drunk, but he was by no means sober.
Draco felt a small frission of fear. Severus could be unpredictable and cruel when he’d been drinking. He’d never actually hurt Draco before, of course, but he’d also never had such good reason to.
“Severus, I -”
“Do not speak,” Severus said harshly. “There is nothing you can say to defend your actions.”
He slammed the bedroom door behind him, and Draco jumped.
“Potter, Draco? Potter? Of all the men with whom you could carry on an affair, did you deliberately choose the one who would cause me the most pain and humiliation?”
Affair? That was an odd way to put it.
Draco shook his head. “I don’t know what Potter told you -”
With a scowl, Severus said, “Potter told me nothing. Why in hell would he speak to me of your relationship?”
“Then how did you…” Draco frowned. “Did you say relationship?”
“Yes.” Severus ran an angry hand through his hair. “I knew there was something wrong - you’d been acting differently for some time. I followed you last night. Imagine my surprise when you ended up on the doorstep of Grimmauld Place.”
Draco was finding it hard to keep up. “You followed me?”
“I knew when I married you that you were going to be unfaithful, but I made my peace with that long ago. I never believed that you would actually fall in love with another man.”
There were so many things wrong with that statement that Draco could only stare at Severus in shock. “You - I - what?” He took a deep breath, trying to decide which part to address first, and finally said, “I’m not in love with Potter.”
Under the circumstances, he thought it best to leave off the Are you mad? that really should have accompanied that.
“You have been sleeping with him for months,” Severus said.
“I…well, yes. But I’m not in love with him. I don’t even really like him. Why would you think that?”
Severus grimaced. “As far as I know, you have never slept with any of the others on a regular basis, or even more than once. What was I supposed to think?”
Draco’s eyes widened. “The others?” he said weakly.
“Yes, Draco, the others,” Severus said with impatience. “The men you have been fucking for the past four years.”
It was like being punched in the stomach. “You knew?” Draco gasped.
“Of course I knew. Do you honestly believe that I cannot tell when you are lying to me?”
“I don’t…” Draco sat down abruptly on the foot of the bed before his knees could give out on him. His head was spinning. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
“What purpose would that have served?” Severus snorted, but his brows knitted as he took in Draco’s stricken expression. “I thought you knew that I knew,” he said slowly.
“I didn’t! I can’t believe…I never would have…oh, Merlin.” Draco thought back to what Severus had said earlier. “What did you mean when you said that you knew I would be unfaithful when you married me?”
“Your father was never able to keep his trousers fastened for any length of time, even after he married your mother. And you…” Severus lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “You are twenty years younger than me, and far more attractive. I knew that eventually I would not be enough. I was surprised that it took you as long as it did to take other lovers.”
Now Draco stared at Severus in horror instead of shock. “Are you saying that you married me fully expecting that one day I would start cheating on you out of boredom?”
“Yes.”
“You bastard. How could you -” Draco bit his tongue to keep back the rest of the words that wanted to spill out. On one level, he knew that it was ridiculous for him to be offended; after all, he had cheated on Severus, countless times. Did it really matter why he’d done it? Draco took a deep breath and amended his question to, “How could you be okay with that?”
Severus sighed and sat in a chair a few metres away. “It bothered me at first. But if I had to choose between having to occasionally share you and not having you at all…there was no question. I knew - or I believed - that you would never care for any other man but me, that I was the only one you would love. And that was enough.” Anger began to creep back into his voice. “I draw the line at this nonsense with Potter, Draco.”
“I already told you I’m not in love with him!” Draco snapped. “Severus, you’re so far off base about everything that I don’t even know where to start. I never thought that I would be unfaithful to you. It was never my intention, and I have hated myself for it every day since it began. But I can’t stop.”
Severus raised a skeptical eyebrow.
“I know how stupid that sounds,” said Draco. “Like I’m just trying to make excuses. And maybe that is what I’m doing, partly. But I don’t sleep with other men because you’re not enough for me, or because you’re older than me, or for any of the reasons that you think. I don’t even want to sleep with other men. I’d always rather it was you.”
“Then why, Draco?”
“Because I…I need things that I didn’t think you’d want to give me.”
Severus looked understandably confused at that, and Draco steeled himself for the necessary confession.
“The club I used to go to, in France…it wasn’t just a normal wizarding dance club. It was a fetish club.” When Severus didn’t seem any less puzzled, Draco clarified, “A BDSM club.”
Severus’ momentary blank look was replaced by surprise, comprehension, and disgust in quick succession. Draco had been prepared for that reaction, but it still hurt.
He swallowed hard and forced himself to continue. “That’s why I was sleeping with Potter. We ran into each other there, and he said he wouldn’t tell you what I’d been doing if I would sleep with only him instead of going to the club again. I never had feelings for him.”
“Potter blackmailed you into having sex with him?” Severus said in a dangerous tone.
“No!” said Draco, belatedly realizing how badly this could go. “Well, technically, yes, I suppose, but it wasn’t like that. I was always willing.”
“Willing to have sex with Potter?”
“It never mattered to me who the other men were. It was always you I really wanted. The others may as well have been machines for all I cared.”
Severus was silent for a long moment. Finally, he said, “I do not believe you.”
“Severus -”
Severus stood and began to pace. “I can believe that you cared nothing for the others, the strangers, but you had sex with Potter for months, Draco. Months. And he was far from a stranger. You have a history with him. How can you expect me to believe that it was just emotionless sex between you?”
“I…I don’t know,” Draco said helplessly. “You’re the only man I’ve ever loved, Severus. The only man I ever will love. What can I do to prove that to you?”
Severus came to a standstill in front of Draco. “Show me what you did with him.”
“What?”
“You can prove it to me by doing with me whatever it is you did with him during your last…assignation.”
Aghast, Draco said, “Severus, you can’t be serious.”
“I am,” he said firmly. “Show me that it was just sex. Show me why you felt compelled to search out other men again and again. Show me what it is you felt I would not want to give you. Perhaps then I will believe you.”
Draco shook his head, more in disbelief than in denial. Severus made a noise of disgust and turned on his heel, heading for the door.
Struck by the sudden certainty that if Severus walked out that door he would never return, Draco leapt to his feet. “Wait! Severus, don’t, I’ll do it.”
Severus turned around.
“But only if you sober up first,” Draco added. “If you still want to without the alcohol, then I’ll do it.”
Severus nodded shortly and cast a spell to remove the alcohol from his system, wincing at the unpleasant sensation.
Hoping against hope that it had only been the whiskey prompting Severus to make such an absurd request, Draco said, “Do you still -”
“Yes.”
So much for that, then.
“Fine,” said Draco, even though he knew this was a bad, bad idea. “Where do you want me to start?”
“At the beginning,” Severus said, as if that should have been obvious.
Draco bit his lip and moved around Severus so that he was standing in front of the door, like he’d just walked into the room. Severus turned to face him.
It took some effort to remember the sequence of events when Draco had been trying with all his might for the past twenty hours to forget everything that had happened. “He…he asked me why I was there.”
“And what did you say?”
Oh, gods. “That I needed him. Needed him to hurt me.”
Severus’ jaw clenched. “And?”
“He kissed me.”
“Kissed you,” Severus said flatly.
“Yes.”
For a second, Draco thought that Severus was going to abandon the stupid plan right there, and he couldn’t decide if he was happy about that or not. But it became a moot point when Severus pulled Draco into his arms and kissed him.
Draco melted into the embrace and clung to his husband, swept away by the familiar but still thrilling taste and touch of the man he loved. Their kiss was deep and passionate, and when Severus finally pulled away, they were both breathing hard.
“Like that?” Severus asked.
Draco nodded, although kissing Potter was nothing like kissing Severus. Not even close.
“Keep going.”
Lifting his hands to the buttons of his pajama shirt, Draco said, “He told me to undress.”
Severus watched silently as Draco removed his pajamas, and Draco swallowed at the heat in his eyes. He decided not to mention the stockings; cross-dressing was Potter’s kink, not Severus’, and Severus wouldn’t know if Draco left it out.
Now was the difficult part, though - the part that Severus wouldn’t be able to accept as easily as kissing and undressing. “Then he slapped me.”
“Slapped you?”
“In the face.”
Severus looked both startled and appalled.
Draco had known he wouldn’t be able to accept that. “Severus -” he started.
Severus slapped him, hard enough to make him stumble. Draco gasped, closing his eyes as he was flooded with powerful, overwhelming lust. His cock got hard so fast that it actually hurt. He’d imagined what it would be like to have Severus strike him, of course, but the fantasy paled in comparison to the reality.
He glanced at Severus to see him staring at him with wide eyes. “I’m sorry,” Draco said. “I don’t know why I’m like this -”
“Just keep going,” Severus interrupted.
Draco slowly knelt in front of him. “He put a collar on me.”
Severus regarded him thoughtfully for a moment before drawing his wand and conjuring a silver collar that settled heavily around Draco’s throat. Draco took a deep, shuddering breath; he’d never felt so owned before, and they hadn’t even really done anything yet.
He reached for Severus’ trousers, unfastening them and pulling Severus’ cock out. It was only half-hard, but it quickly rose when Draco began kissing and licking it. Severus’ hand settled softly on Draco’s head.
“You sucked Potter’s cock.”
“I’m sorry,” Draco said again.
Severus’ hand tightened in Draco’s hair, but he didn’t say anything as Draco took him into his mouth and sucked him eagerly. Draco loved having Severus’ cock in his mouth, always had, and now was no different. He gave Severus everything he had, tongue and lips and hands, until Severus was grunting and rocking his hips shallowly.
Draco gripped Severus’ arse and encouraged him to move his hips harder, faster, so that Severus was fucking his throat. He swallowed hard around Severus’ cock, moaning at the pure pleasure of it, and Severus groaned as he came. Draco pulled off, covering Severus’ cock with kisses as it softened and making sure he’d gotten every drop of come before sitting back on his heels and looking up.
Severus looked dazed, his cheeks flushed red. He tucked his cock away and zipped up his trousers. “I assume that is not where it ended,” he said.
“No,” said Draco, disappointed that the blowjob hadn’t been enough to distract him. He stood up; Severus looked at him expectantly.
Now what? Draco had no idea where to go from here. Potter literally had a closetful of sex toys, but all Draco and Severus had was a relatively tame vibrator.
Weakly, Draco said, “I don’t know what to…We don’t have any of the kinds of things he used.”
Severus was unmoved. “You did well enough on your Transfiguration N.E.W.T., as I recall. Use your wand.”
His wand. Right.
Draco crossed the room to pick it up from the bureau on which he’d left it, and his eyes fell on the small lacquered box he kept jewelry in. That might do.
He opened the box and scanned the inventory quickly before withdrawing five silver rings of various designs and a pair of platinum and emerald cufflinks. One by one, he enlarged four of the rings so that he could fit them around his wrists and ankles. It took a couple of attempts, but he finally managed to transfigure the fifth one into a decent cock ring; he charmed the cufflinks into a pair of nipple clamps and put them on, unable to keep from moaning a bit as he did so. Severus took a sharp breath, and Draco looked over at him to see Severus’ eyes studying his movements intently.
Trying to remember what else Potter had decorated him with, Draco picked up a small dragon figurine from the bureau and transfigured it into a plug, adding a large, emerald-looking gem to the base of it. He Summoned their lube from the nightstand and coated the plug liberally. Then he deliberately caught Severus’ eye and held his gaze for a long moment before slowly turning around and bending over a little, supporting himself with one hand on the bureau while he spread his legs and worked the plug into his arse. Severus moaned, and by the time the plug was settled in Draco’s arse, Severus’ breathing was harsh and heavy.
“Draco…”
Draco straightened up and moved to open his closet door; there was a full-length mirror on the opposite side. He stood in front of it, absently noting that the silver really was more flattering to him than gold, and beckoned for Severus to come stand behind him. Once he had, Draco took his hands and set them on his hips, urging Severus to touch him.
Severus ran his hands over Draco’s body softly, very carefully ghosting his fingers over the nipple clamps. Draco wondered if Severus had ever seen something like that before - he certainly hadn’t seen it on Draco until today.
He met Severus’ eyes in the mirror. “Tell me I’m beautiful.”
“You know you are.”
“Tell me.”
Severus kissed his neck. “You are beautiful.”
Draco sighed and leaned back against Severus, closing his eyes. Severus’ touches became more firm, more confident, and he ran his fingers curiously over the cock ring before stroking Draco’s cock. Draco hummed in pleasure and arched up into his hand, forgetting the situation for a moment.
“And now?” Severus asked.
Draco opened his eyes, the spell broken. He turned in his husband’s arms. “Severus, why are you doing this? You don’t have to -”
Severus’ grip on Draco’s shoulders tightened. “What now, Draco?”
“You’re not going to like it.”
“Whereas I was thrilled by everything else.”
“I’m serious,” Draco insisted.
“So am I.”
There was nothing for it. “He beat me,” Draco almost whispered.
“Beat you?”
“With his belt.”
As Draco had feared, Severus’ entire body went taut and his eyes grew cold. “I will kill him,” he said, voice thick with rage.
He turned as though to leave, but Draco caught his arm and pulled him back. “No! Severus, don’t. It’s not his fault, it’s what I went to him for -”
“You went to Potter so that he could whip you? Abuse you?”
“Yes. What did you think I meant when I said I needed him to hurt me?”
Rage replaced by incredulity, Severus said, “Not that.”
“I need it, Severus,” said Draco, desperate to make him understand. “I need the pain, and I need the - the humiliation. I don’t know why, but I do.”
“You never asked for it from me.”
“Because I knew you wouldn’t give it to me! I knew it would horrify you, and I didn’t want…I didn’t want you to look at me differently. I didn’t want you to be disgusted with me.” Draco realized that he was gripping Severus’ arm far too tightly, and he loosened his hold a bit. “I tried so hard to go without it, but I can’t. I know it was wrong, but I had to find someone who could give me what I needed.”
“There is nothing Potter can give you that I cannot,” Severus said angrily. “Nothing.”
“Maybe he can’t give me things you can’t. But he can give me things you won’t.”
“No,” said Severus. “No. I am your husband. Not Potter.”
He pulled away from Draco and started unbuckling his belt.
“What are you doing?” Draco said apprehensively.
Severus slid the belt out of its loops. “What do you think?”
“No, Severus. This isn’t right. You don’t really want this. I never wanted you to -”
With raised eyebrows, Severus said, “You never wanted me to beat you?”
“Of course I did! But not if it’s something you’re uncomfortable with.”
“I’d say I’m a damn sight more uncomfortable with you fucking Potter, and you didn’t seem to have a problem with that.”
“That’s not the same -”
Severus seized Draco by the arm and pulled him close. “Stop arguing.”
It was pointless for Draco to try to disobey an order given in such a commanding tone, particularly since he didn’t really want to. “All right.”
Severus let go. They looked at each other for a moment, and Draco realized Severus was waiting for direction.
“He - he tied me up first.”
“Fine.”
They didn’t have anything like the chains Potter had used, of course, so Draco turned back to the closet and took out a handful of his ties. He transfigured a couple of them into a thick, sturdy chain with a hook at the end, then stuck it to the ceiling, hoping the spell would hold. Another tie was turned into a thinner chain, and two more into a makeshift spreader bar.
Draco chained his wrists together. “I need you to help me,” he said to Severus.
“How?”
He lifted his arms up, indicating that the chain was supposed to be looped over the hook. Severus helped him, and Draco spread his legs. “Now the bar. Attach it to my ankles. So it keeps my legs apart.”
Severus breathed in sharply, then knelt at Draco’s feet to put the bar in place.
When he had finished, Draco said, “All right. You can…if you’re sure…”
“I am.”
“Okay.”
Draco watched Severus in the mirror as he wound the end of the belt around his hand, took a deep breath, and cracked it against Draco’s arse.
“Oh,” Draco gasped.
Severus paused, then struck him again. Draco moaned, overcome. He arched his back almost unconsciously, offering his arse to Severus.
“Please.”
Severus brought the belt down on Draco’s arse a few more times. He wasn’t very forceful or skillful, but just the fact that it was Severus made it the most arousing whipping Draco had ever received. He began to sink into subspace more quickly than he ever had before, all rational thought dissolving into the rapture of finally being dominated by his husband the way he’d wanted for years.
Severus stopped and rested his hand against Draco’s heated arse. “You truly enjoy this?” he asked quietly.
“Yes. Please don’t stop, sir, please -”
Severus made a startled noise - probably because Draco hadn’t addressed him as sir in over a decade - but he started belting Draco again. Draco cried out in pain and pleasure, feeling like he was floating.
All too soon, though, the blows ceased, and Severus came around to Draco’s front. Draco whimpered in protest.
“You are beginning to bruise,” Severus said. “I cannot…” He trailed off, stroking Draco’s hips and stomach.
Draco forced himself to focus, to surface a little. Severus would have no idea how to handle it if Draco lost himself completely; it would be dangerous for them both. Draco had to maintain at least a little self-control.
He pushed his chest towards Severus. “The clamps. Take - take them off. Please.”
Severus released them. Draco wailed, his body twisting with sensation.
“Touch me -”
Severus ran his thumbs over Draco’s nipples, then pinched them gently. Draco sobbed.
“Severus. Kiss me.”
Severus kissed him hard, his fingers gripping Draco’s hips bruisingly. Draco kissed him back until he couldn’t breathe, then tore his mouth away, panting.
“Let me down.”
Severus helped him lower his arms, then released the spreader bar as well. Draco put his chained arms around Severus’ neck and kissed him again, pressing tightly against him.
“Want you inside me.”
Severus groaned and bit Draco’s neck. “Now?”
“Always. Yes.”
Draco moved to the bed and knelt on it. He unfastened the chain from one of the wrist cuffs just long enough to loop it around one of the posts of the headboard, then refastened it. Draco lowered himself onto his elbows and brought his knees up underneath him, raising his arse. He decided against the spreader bar, thinking that might be too much
“Merlin,” Severus breathed as he undressed. “The picture you make…”
When he felt Severus’ weight on the bed and his hand on his back, Draco couldn’t stop himself from begging. “Please fuck me, Severus, fuck me hard, make me your whore, please -” He broke off, breathless and amazed by how easily the words had come.
“My whore,” Severus said contemplatively. He trailed his hand down Draco’s back to his arse and squeezed. “Yes. Is that what you’ve wanted all this time? For me to fuck you like a whore?”
“Yes.” Draco spread his knees wider and arched his back as much as he could, trying to convey the depth of his need. “Want you in me - such a slut -”
Severus’ breath sped up discernibly at that, which in turn stoked Draco’s own desire even hotter. It was as if their lusts were feeding off each other; every time one of them grew more aroused, the other followed suit, in a far-from-vicious cycle.
Draco whined as the plug was removed from his arse with agonizing slowness and Severus’ fingers stroked over his hole.
“Do you need -”
“No. Just put your cock in me, fill me up -”
Severus cursed rather creatively at that, and then his cock was finally splitting Draco open, stretching him wide around its thick girth. Draco pushed back onto it desperately.
Severus fucked him, and it was good - it was always good - but this time, it wasn’t enough.
“Severus, fuck me,” Draco said frantically. “Be rough, hurt me, please, I need it to hurt…”
He shrieked when the hands on his hips clamped down and jerked his arse backwards even as Severus thrust into him with enough force to knock the headboard against the wall. Draco writhed as Severus fucked him like that, pulling him into every fierce, punishing thrust until Draco couldn’t speak, couldn’t think, couldn’t do anything but scream and sob in pleasure as he submitted to his husband’s power.
“Mine,” Severus said hoarsely.
Draco came, without warning and without a single touch to his cock. Severus didn’t let up, fucking him straight through his orgasm. Draco moaned his encouragement, revelling in the feeling of Severus aggressively taking his own pleasure. He tightened his arse around Severus’ cock.
That drew a full-throated groan from deep in Severus’ chest, and he gave a few more sharp, jerky thrusts before emptying himself inside Draco with a low cry.
The sensation of Severus’ come inside him, that undeniable mark of ownership, released a tension inside of Draco that he hadn’t even known existed. Dozens of other men had beaten him harder, fucked him more roughly, humiliated him more thoroughly, but Draco had never felt more complete in his submission, more at peace with it, than he did now. Severus had always been the man he’d been meant to submit to - the only man he truly could submit to, with every part of himself.
Draco lost consciousness.
When he came to, Severus had removed all of his transfigured restraints and was holding him tightly, Draco’s back pressed against his chest. His breath was steady and comforting against the nape of Draco’s neck, and his hands stroked slowly over Draco’s chest.
“Are you all right?” he asked.
“Mmm,” Draco murmured, not yet capable of coherent speech.
He lay in Severus’ embrace for an endless time, basking in the warmth and safety he found there, floating on the most intense high he’d ever known.
The glow began to fade eventually, though, and Draco forced his sluggish muscles to turn him in Severus’ arms and press a lazy kiss against his lips. “I love you,” he said, and then, before he could stop himself, “I don’t want you to be willing to share me.”
Damn his runaway post-scene honesty. It’d gotten him into trouble more than once.
Severus’ brow creased, and Draco could only imagine how bizarre it was to hear your spouse, after cheating on you multiple times, tell you he didn’t want you to be okay with it.
“What is it you wish me to do?” said Severus. “Leave you?”
“No!” Panic twisted Draco’s gut and sent his pulse tripping. “No, never, I’d never want that.”
“ Then what do you want?”
“I want -” Draco shut his mouth abruptly. Wasn’t this what had gotten him into this mess in the first place? His wants, his needs - they were all he’d ever considered.
What about Severus?
“What do you want?” Draco asked him.
Severus looked so startled by the question that Draco immediately felt like the worst husband ever. Was he really so self-centred that Severus was taken aback just by the possibility of Draco putting his needs above his own?
“I don’t want you to ever see Potter again.”
“I won’t. I wasn’t going to; I ended it even before you found out.” Not that he would ever, ever tell Severus why. That would only end with Severus either dead or in Azkaban. “But that wasn’t what I meant.”
Severus ran his fingers through Draco’s hair, eyes travelling over Draco’s face as if to memorize every feature. “I want to be the only man who touches you,” he finally said, his voice low and tight.
Relief flooded Draco’s body like a drug. “Then you will be.”
“Draco -”
“You will be,” Draco repeated firmly. “I hated being unfaithful to you, Severus. It made me feel so worthless. I just didn’t have the strength to stop. Now I do.”
“Your…needs…will not simply disappear.”
“No. But I can handle it.”
“You will come to me.”
Now it was Draco’s turn to be surprised.
“When you feel that need, you will come to me, and I will do what I can to fulfill it,” Severus said. “I will not deny that there are elements of your desires which discomfit me, but I can set that aside.”
“You would do that for me?”
Severus caught Draco’s face in his hands and looked into his eyes. “That is the least of what I would do for you.”
Draco’s heart swelled with some unnamable emotion that encompassed love, gratitude, and a hundred other things at once. He blinked back the threatening tears and put his hand over Severus’. “It doesn’t disgust you?”
“Of course not.”
“I’m so sorry, Severus. I’m sorry I didn’t trust you. If I’d only told you -”
“Hush.” Severus kissed Draco softly. “It is past.”
For far from the first time, Draco felt the niggling fear that he didn’t deserve Severus, and that one day Severus would realize that. He pushed the insecurity aside and pressed himself more closely against his husband. “I love you,” he said.
“And I love you. I vowed to spend the rest of my life with you, Draco, come what may. Do not forget that.”
Draco wouldn’t. Not ever again.
Let me live
And make a brand new start