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[gwynraven]

I have been recognising more and more lately just how deeply I have internalised the idea of mental health issues as being a weakness.  This frustrates the hell out of me because intellectually I don't believe that.  When I have friends who are dealing with mental health issues, I don't think of them as weak, or lazy, or somehow failures at life -

Comments

[gwynraven]

Thank you :)

[kk1raven]

I'm sorry that you're beating yourself up this way. I think a lot of good people hold themselves to higher standards than they hold other people. That seems to be particularly true where depression is involved. It seems like it is easier to see the truth when it affects someone else.

Depression is definitely not the mental equivalent of seasonal allergies. It is more like the mental equivalent of diabetes. Left untreated, it tends to kill you, or at least seriously mess you up.

I hope you can find your way out of thinking yourself a failure.

[gwynraven]

Thanks. It's so frustrating because I *know* all that, but I can't make myself really feel it. Another thing I used to hear all the time growing up is that 'you can't control the things that happen to you but you can control how you react'. It always seemed to make sense but it's not really true because my brain lies.

[cissa]

No.

You CANNOT control how you react.

You can- with care- control what you DO. That is very different.

[gwynraven]

Yeah, I'm finding that out. Believe me, I wouldn't let nearly as many things hurt me if I could figure out how not to react with hurt.

[malinaldarose]

I have nothing really useful to say, but hugs if you want them.

[gwynraven]

Yes please, and thanks :)

[malinaldarose]

Many hugs, then.

[harkalark]

Not much to say other than I hope you find your way out of this. I miss you.

Are you familiar with Allie Brosh? You may find some kindred thoughts here:
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2013/05/depression-part-two.html

[gwynraven]

Oh yes, I have read those posts many many times and I bought her book. I love Allie Brosh - and everything she writes about depression is exactly how I tend to experience it, minus the suicidal impulses, thankfully.

[tewok]

I'm so sorry these troubles plague you. I've got a little of the dual standards things myself, but not to the extent it sounds like you have. I have no advice or suggestions, as I am clueless about real depression. I'll be thinking of you and, of course, vhugs for you.

[gwynraven]

Thanks. There isn't anything anyone can do because I already *know* all the good advice. It's just . . . a lifetime habit of thought doesn't change easily. It doesn't matter how many people tell me it isn't my fault, that I'm not weak, that I'm worthy - I don't believe them. I don't even believe it when my therapist says it because, hey, she's a therapist, that's her job. And a voice that sounds far too much like my parents' always points out that my therapist and all my friends are those coddling liberal types and just because they say it's ok doesn't mean it really is. I was raised with that good old fashioned American work ethic and in the good old days no one sat around complaining that they were too tired and depressed to go into work because we didn't have these fancy things like sick time and FMLA and all that so if you didn't go into work you didn't get paid and you got fired and then you couldn't buy food to feed your family so by god those guys did it anyway and if they could do it what does it say about you that you

[cissa]

In the "good old days" a lot of people took to their beds and became invalids. Historical fact, if they or their families could afford it.

[gwynraven]

True. Sadly, no one's going to pay to keep me fed if I take to my bed as an invalid. FMLA is a life-saver: so far it's allowed me to keep my job.