Comments | gryfeathr: Eternity's Pool

gryfeathr

Eternity's Pool

Nov 15, 2004 21:38

This is the beginning of an idea I wrote several weeks ago late at night. Any thoughts an opinions are very much appreciated; feel free to pick it apart.

( Other's search the world for the chance to arrest their growth, to stop, to remain forever as they were forever and ever for power of some fear of mortality. Long ago, he'd forgotten why he was there, or why he'd stopped changing... )

old writing

Comments 2

deltashade November 15 2004, 18:52:22 UTC

The one major beef I have with this is that, if you're going to use "stretch" so much, please spell it correctly. No "a" in "stretch". There are other things, but I'll leave them alone.

Now, with that out of the way, I love this. I especially am fascinated by the pool revealing so much about him that we all, in our own specific "eternities", take for granted, and how a change seemingly so small and insignificant can tell us so much.

And I want to read more.

thecurtain November 16 2004, 13:35:16 UTC

...very very interesting. I disagree with Colin, though; I don't think the man was taking his eternity for granted--I felt it was bogging him down, dragging him under. Killing him on the inside, if not physically. And yet every time he wanted to change something, it felt as if he was "not allowed." As if that were beyond his rights to do. To me, that was the most fascinating part of all ( ... )