Shay - Delphine AU | Part 20* (Rough Draft)
Could Shay and Delphine have been a thing in a different universe?
Prev: 1-5 (edited), 6-8, 9*, 10*, 11*, 12*, 13*, 14*, 15*, 16*, 17*, 18*, 19, 20*
The knock at Shay's door disrupted the landscape of the desert at dusk she'd painted behind her closed eyes. She blinked against the light, unsure at first if the timid knock had been an actual noise, but a second volley issued, louder and more insistent.
"Shay?" a voice called through the thin barrier. "Are you home?"
Shay unfolded from her full lotus meditation pose and straightened up to her feet. The door opened beneath her cautious touch to permit enough space for her to determine the identity of her visitor.
The unmistakably dreadlocked Cosima smiled at her and fired off a shy wave from the hip. "Hey. Sorry to drop by unannounced, but do you have a colander I could borrow? I can't find mine. I think they're probably still in a box somewhere. Or still in Minnesota."
Shay widened the gap of the door and smiled. "Big one or small one?"
"One of each?" Cosima asked tentatively.
"Hang on a second." Leaving Cosima on the other side of the door, Shay retrieved a big and small colander from the kitchen, calling out, "Wait, this isn't for some science experiment, is it?"
"Just a food experiment," Cosima called back. When Shay returned and handed over the bowls, Cosima asked, "Are you hungry? I'm tossing salad."
Shay crossed her arms and leaned against the doorframe. "Trying to feed me again? I'm still not sure how I feel about you picking up the bill yesterday."
"Well," Cosima drawled, throwing up her free hand, "I had to since I don't think Delphine was going to let me pass it as an expenditure."
Shay refrained from rolling her eyes. "I meant that I would have been happy to treat you to a welcome meal."
"And I was glad to express my thanks for the welcome and your help," retorted Cosima.
They stood at an impasse.
"Coming up?" Cosima asked, tilting the nestled colanders back and forth in a little jig. "You can make sure these are used for culinary purposes only."
Shay considered. Her stomach wasn't sending out desperate pleas but enough time had passed since she'd last eaten that sustenance wouldn't be remiss. "Alright. I'll come up for a bit. Let me put on some shoes and get my keys."
She stepped into ballet flats and scooped up keys and phone. On the way up she asked, with teasing suspicion, if Cosima had managed to at least locate bowls and plates.
"Bowls? Plates?" Cosima repeated in befuddlement. "You mean you're not cool with eating right out of the colander?"
Shay giggled but Cosima gave her a look that was all gently confounded gravity. But despite her show, plates and bowls materialized, along with beverage containers and utensils. Shay eyed a teapot sitting on the counter and lamented, "I should have brought up some tea."
"Next time," Cosima said from the kitchen sink where she was washing greens, her delivery marked with an offhand confie that there would be a next time.
"I can just skip downstairs," Shay said.
Cosima shook her head. "No need to bother now."
Shay helped with chopping tomatoes, red onions, and carrots--lengthwise to produce sticks--because it was better than sitting by idly watching her hostess putz about various tasks like mixing up a balsamic vinaigrette.
Cosima, swirling the contents of the jar, asked, "Should I toss the salad with dressing first or do you prefer to add it yourself?"
"Let's put it on the side."
They set up at a bare writing desk because there wasn't a dining table and the alternatives amounted to standing at the counter or using an unopened cardboard box. Cosima assigned Shay the tan computer chair while pulling up one of the plush upright chairs for herself. Shay didn't giggle, but she smiled.
"I didn't keep a dining table back in Minnesota." Cosima grinned and added, "More often than not, I just spread out on the floor."
"To eat?" Shay asked.
"Eat, read, write my papers--there's usually way more floor space than desk space." Cosima glanced around the studio. "Though maybe I could get a dining table this time."
"There's also plenty of floor space to enjoy here," Shay pointed out.
"Yeah, but a table would make it easier to entertain," Cosima said.
Shay nodded slowly. "It would."
Cosima peered at her through her eyelashes. "I have to ask."
Shay raised an eyebrow.
"You and Delphine." Cosima's eyes narrowed. "You're friends, right?"
Shay nodded, a self-deprecating smile momentarily winning possession of her lips. "I like to think so."
"How?" Cosima cleared her throat. "I mean, how did that happen?"
"You mean how did we meet?"
Cosima tilted her head. "Yeah."
"She came to me for massage," Shay said frankly.
Cosima nibbled on the end of the fork's tines and was quiet for a good stretch. "Hm."
Shay picked leisurely at her portion while Cosima gathered whatever thought brewed behind her eyes.
"Delphine," Cosima said slowly, curling her mouth around the name as if testing it, "doesn't really strike me as the type to treat herself to relaxing massages."
Shay smiled. "There are lots of reasons to get a massage."
"And you're a massage therapist," Cosima said, leadingly.
Shay shrugged. "Delphine's reasons are her own."
"Patient-doctor confidentiality, huh?" Cosima said.
"Something like that," Shay agreed.
Cosima nodded gamely. "Okay. So that explains how you met. But not . . ."
Shay raised her eyebrows in prompt.
Cosima cocked her head. "You don't work out of your apartment."
"No," Shay confirmed.
"So she's not coming to see you here to get massages," hazarded Cosima.
"That's right."
"She comes here to, like, hang out," Cosima said. "With you."
Shay nodded slowly. "You could say that."
One of Cosima's hands gestured in an aimless, grasping pantomime through the air. Her hands, Shay noticed, did almost as much talking as her mouth. "How . . . how does that work?"
A stab of confusion pinched Shay's features. "What do you mean?"
"You and Delphine--no offense, but--you two are like apples and oranges."
"You mean because she's a scientist and I'm not?" Shay wondered. "In that case, you and I shouldn't be getting along."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Cosima said, raising both hands to ward off any further thought, fork in one hand and all. "If you're saying that all scientists are created equal, that's totally not true. Dr. Cormier and I are, like, nothing alike." Shay earmarked the way Cosima referred to Delphine. "I'm a West Coast kid raised by hippies."
Shay leaned back in her chair. "Meaning?"
"I smoke pot and I'm intrigued by the new age thing you have going on."
Shay laughed, startled by the blunt honesty. "Yeah? And you don't think Delphine is?"
"A pothead?" Cosima asked. "Definitely not." She studied Shay. "Spiritual? I wouldn't bet on it."
"And because of that, though I'm not saying it's true," Shay filled in the blank, "you don't think she and I should get along?"
"I think it's unremarkable if you say hi to a client you run into on the street, but it's another thing to know that person's wine preferences." Cosima paused. "Unless you often make friends with the people who wind up on your massage table?"
Shay snorted. "You make that sound so--"
"Wholesome?" Cosima chimed in. She circled a hand through the air. "Massage is very therapeutic, as far as I understand."
Shay smiled, but managed to say drily, "You're hilarious. You know who else can be funny?"
Cosima answered with an expression of skepticism.
"Delphine," Shay said, matter-of-fact. Cosima looked unimpressed and unconvinced. Shay crooked her head at an angle. "Do you not get along with Delphine?"
Cosima's shoulder hunched, not quite a shrug, almost like a turtle contemplating a retreat into the defensive protection of its shell. "We get along. Well enough. Given the circumstances."
"'Circumstances' as in the fact that she's your boss?" Shay asked.
Cosima shrugged.
Shay leaned back. The desk chair gave generously, tipping her back more than she'd anticipated. "I had a girlfriend who complained about her boss all the time, but . . . you and Delphine started working together just recently, right? I don't understand . . . I mean I don't know what it is you do in the lab, but I just can't see . . ." Shay took a breath. "I guess I'm asking what is there to disagree about that would make you uncomfortable with one another?"
Cosima danced her fork through the leaves of romaine lettuce on her plate, spinning the handle between her fingers so that the fork pirouetted from tine to tine, while her eyes fixed unfocused on the desktop. When she raised her eyes, the look in them was almost something like bashful, but also unreservedly earnest.
"She kinda reminds me of my ex," Cosima said.
Taken aback, Shay asked the first thing that came to mind. "Was he your boss, too?"
Cosima smirked. "No. My ex could be bossy, but she wasn't my boss."
The pronoun hung in the air.
Oh.
Cosima scanned her face. "You okay?"
Shay smiled slowly, gathering her breath and her thoughts. "Yeah."
"You sure?"
Shay nodded, fighting down a gobsmacked smile. "When I said girlfriend, I didn't mean that in the platonic sense."
She watched the knowledge and awareness cascade across Cosima's features, registered the lingering second consideration that Cosima gave her.
"Dude." Cosima grinned. "I had you pegged wrong."
Shay ducked her head to hide a giggle. "Ditto. Though it's more like the possibility didn't occur to me." She swiped at her smile with her fingertips. A lightness filtered into the atmosphere, as if some tension had bled away. Words came more readily, more direct. "So. Wait. What about Delphine reminds you of your ex?"
Cosima shook her head. "It's all that . . . supervising. It feels like she's keeping tabs on me."
Shay raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean? Does she hover over your shoulder?"
"Sometimes."
"Really?"
Cosima shrugged. "It's part of her job. That and being beautiful."
A jolt went through Shay. The context hadn't prepared her for the comment. With what she hoped was more success, Shay willed herself not to blush.
"Probably," Cosima added belatedly.
"Probably?" Shay echoed weakly.
"Being beautiful is probably part of her job."
Shay made several attempts at parsing Cosima's logic. She failed. "For who?"
Cosima shrugged carelessly. "For whoever has eyes."
Shay frowned. "Are you saying that you find it difficult to work with Delphine . . . because she's attractive?"
Cosima's eyes searched Shay's. "Who wouldn't be distracted?"
Shay felt exposed.
"Well, fortunately or unfortunately," Shay said, dropping her gaze to her plate, "I don't think she's like that. Like us."
"Yeah?" Cosima said, not sounding disappointed at all. "Guess that means we'll have to have all the fun without her."
Shay raised her eyes. From across the desk Cosima grinned at her.
*
"Shay seems to think you're a decent person," Cosima announced first thing Monday morning as she bustled into the lab. "A funny one, anyway. Though if you behave around her the way you did Saturday, I don't know how she got that impression. Which leads me to conclude that that's not how you usually behave around her. Which, in turn, made me question if you monitors get any formal training, because if so, maybe you missed it? Because I can say a lot of things about my last monitor, but at least she knew how to behave like a normal person around other people. Especially her own friends. Probably so that they wouldn't start asking questions. I mean, that's what I assume is part of the job."
Delphine let Cosima finish. Pitching her voice low and disregarding Cosima's tirade, Delphine said, "I received something you should see."
Her tone imparted urgency and weight that sobered Cosima and drew her undivided attention. At least Delphine had progressed that much with her charge that Cosima was willing to grant her some benefit of the doubt. Cosima crossed the room to her side with credible speed. Delphine held up the printouts she'd been reviewing.
"What is this?" Cosima asked, taking the pages from Delphine.
"Tissue test results. From a stem cell line." Delphine crossed her arms. "Compatible with you."
Cosima looked sharply into Delphine's face, as if searching for a lie. "Really?"
Delphine nodded, folding her arms and leaning back in her chair. "As far as I can tell. But I don't think I--or you--were supposed to see it."
"What do you mean?" Cosima asked, forehead crinkling.
"They were meant for Dr. Leekie," Delphine said, holding up the envelope she'd found in her inbox.
Cosima studied her. "But you looked anyway."
"I didn't check the name of the recipient until after I saw what was inside."
Cosima pressed a palm into the tabletop. "Okay, so . . . what? Leekie's hiding this from me? Not saying that's a surprise, but if he wants me to think that DYAD actually wants to help me, this doesn't inspire confidence."
"I don't know what is going on," Delphine said in a gentle, patient tone. "The only way to find out is to talk to him."
Cosima's eyes narrowed on her. "So we're just gonna go talk to Leekie."
Delphine nodded. "Yes."
"When?" demanded Cosima.
"Today," Delphine declared.
Skepticism curled Cosima's lips.
By late afternoon, they were stepping into Aldous's office.
"Cosima." He smiled at her as they approached his desk. "How can I help you?"
Delphine held out the test results. Aldous took them, the cheer fading from his features and a cautious puzzlement taking its place.
"I received these," Delphine said. "They were supposed to be sent to you. They're test results for a stem cell line that seems to be compatible with Cosima."
"Were you planning to mention it?" Cosima asked testily.
Understanding flooded Aldous' face as a form of acknowledgement. He laid the papers upon his desk before him. "I had been planning to mention it, when I had more concrete data. But," he intoned, "there's been a recent development."
"What?" Cosima asked, crossing her arms.
"Rachel."
Delphine straightened up at the name. Cosima simply looked confused.
"What about her?" Cosima asked.
"She's obstructing further testing."
"Why the hell would she do that?" fired off Cosima, venting Delphine's confusion, along with an explosive anger.
Aldous's brow contracted. "In a word: Sarah." Delphine had only heard the name once before, but the message was clear to Cosima. Aldous extracted a photograph from a pocket inside his jacket, leaned across his desk, and held it up. "Have you seen this before?"
Delphine leaned forward just as Cosima did to better view it. Time had bled sepia tones into the image and mishandling had warped it with crinkles but Delphine glimpsed a man and a woman in lab coats and what looked like an armed soldier in the background of a facility.
"Who are they?" Cosima asked, lifting a hand toward the photograph.
Aldous snatched the photograph back from her reaching fingers and made it disappear back into his pocket. Delphine glanced into Cosima's face. Disappointment lingered just beneath the surface of her expression.
"Two forefathers of the original experiment. This was in Sarah's possession."
This time the name, and not the mention of Project Leda's progenitors, sparked a flurry of unease in Delphine. She knew nothing about the woman, save that she most likely resembled Cosima and Jennifer in appearance and had some connection to the self-awareness that subjects like Cosima had achieved, in addition to the fact that--Delphine remembered now--she was somehow the mother of a child.
Sarah.
Was she investigating the clones' origins? In opposition, at the very least, to the liking of Rachel Duncan, whom Delphine had seen only once.
If Cosima were in league with this Sarah, Delphine began to ken Aldous's caution and paranoia.
But what Delphine couldn't yet see was whether or not this was a dangerous game. There was some consequence here in the arrested testing of the stem cell line, but other than being collateral damage, how much in its orbit revolved Cosima?
Aldous studied the both of them. Fingers interlacing, he laid his hands upon the desk. "I'm going to tell you something that only a handful of people know. Twenty years ago, there was a fire in one of our labs. Several scientists died, reams of data were lost." He paused. "And the original genome was destroyed."
As her mind processed the revelation, Delphine turned to Cosima reflexively. The other woman's face was a stunned canvas of shock that reflected what Delphine felt.
Delphine shook her head, eyes filled with a lost light as she turned to Aldous. "All this time I wondered why we weren't comparing the DNA of the afflicted subjects with the original genome, and it was because the original doesn't exist?"
"Yes," Aldous said tersely, eyes on Cosima. "We lost your pre-history, Cosima, and with it, all record of several synthetic sequences embedded in your DNA."
Cosima's features scrunched. "What kind of synthetic sequences?"
"Sequences that make you possible. That overcome the viability issues that have haunted us ever since."
Cosima leaned forward. "You lost the road map, so finding the sequence in the genome is like looking for hay in a haystack."
The enormity of the deficit in which they were working sunk Delphine's heart. She could have hoped, she might have hoped, that maybe Jennifer had provided some type of map herself, but they were stabbing even more aimlessly in the dark than she could have fathomed, poking at protein arrangements they couldn't differentiate from naturally occurring or artificially concocted.
"So you see," continued Aldous, "if Sarah has uncovered something, I need to know."
Delphine watched Cosima. Her expression was the most serious and earnest Delphine had beheld.
"I have no idea," Cosima told him.
Aldous didn't buy it. Delphine saw it immediately.
Delphine didn't know what to think except that she had not even begun to scratch at the surface of what she thought she didn't know. Project Leda was an abyss and she repeatedly mistook echoes wafting up for indications of the bottom when really whatever coin she'd tossed inside it was just ricocheting off the sides.
Aldous's jaw flexed. "Whether I believe that or not, as a gesture of good faith, I'm willing to disregard Rachel and proceed with the treatment."
The room held a breath, as if all parties were allowing the dust to settle so that they could deduce where the truces had fallen and realigned.
Cosima nodded, lips set in a grim line.
Delphine exhaled quietly.
"This treatment," Delphine introduced hesitantly, "if it proves effective, we can use it for all the subjects?"
Aldous gave her a sharp look edged with a reprimand. "We developed this line from baby teeth, and while we've had success with cultivating a pluripotent culture, there's a limit to our resources. We'll take it one step at a time."
Delphine understood. Cosima was the priority.
Aldous brightened with some cheer. "We'll conduct an intradermal test first, to see if there are any negative reactions. I'll see to preparations and meet you in the lab tomorrow."
With an exchange of glances, confirming to one another that they'd been dismissed, Delphine and Cosima rose and left the office.
*
In the elevator, staring at the closed door, thoughts sinking into the hole of machinations at the rate of her stomach's plunge with the elevator's descent and trying to see the lock-stepped forces swirling intangible and unseen around her, Delphine said, "Shay is a good person."
Next to her, Cosima scoffed. "Jesus. That's what you want to get into right now? We just learned that the original genome is gone--hasn't even existed for twenty years!--and that without it we have a snowball's chance in hell finding the synthetic sequence in our DNA that might be causing this problem--if that's even what's causing the problem."
"This Sarah," Delphine said, in the same soft tone, drawing Cosima's immediate attention--likely because Delphine seemed to ignore her response, "is she your friend?"
Cosima crossed her arms and shook her head, radiating incredulity. "She's--she's one of my sisters. A clone, in your parlance. What do you care?"
"You're in contact with her, then?" Delphine asked. "She knows? About everything?"
Cosima closed her eyes briefly, as if to guard against Delphine's audacity. "I'm not going to discuss what Sarah does or does not know with you."
Delphine nodded. "Shay isn't like us."
A dimple of confusion appeared between Cosima's eyes at Delphine's ninety-degree pivots. "Where are you coming from with this? What do you mean? Like us how?"
The elevator slowed, pressing up against the heels of their feet.
"She doesn't have secrets like us," Delphine said.
Cosima smirked. She glanced up at the floor indicator, as if to have something to focus on that wasn't Delphine. "Dr. Cormier, you have secrets." The doors opened. "I'm the secret." Cosima flashed Delphine a toothy, humorless grin. "And besides, everyone has secrets. Shay included."
Cosima stepped off the elevator. After a second, Delphine followed after.
"What are you so worried about?" Cosima asked when they were back in the Old Wing laboratory. She puttered around the "chill zone," touching her bag, grabbing a scarf from where it hung. "That I'm going to infect her? News flash, the clone disease isn't contagious."
"It's not but your--" Delphine caught herself. "This world is." From where she lingered near the door, Delphine swept an arm out expansively, indicating the laboratory, but meaning all of DYAD.
Cosima favored her with a look that suggested she had sprouted a second head or was mentally deficient. "Well, I wasn't planning on telling her anything. Obvs."
"You're at the center, Cosima. You don't have to tell her anything to end up involving her."
Cosima raised an eyebrow. "If she's involved, then that's because of you. She's your friend."
Delphine's pulse jumped, but she forced her breaths to come evenly. "You're saying that your interest in Shay is because she's my friend?"
Cosima shrugged, almost managing to affect carelessness, but it was an admission to a motive they'd both already known. "I thought the shoe should try being on the other foot." She folded her arms, also effectively trapping and stilling her hands. "So, now what? You going to tell me to stay away from her?"
Delphine fended off a momentary lightheadedness. "No."
"No?"
Delphine crossed her arms. "You wouldn't listen."
Cosima smirked. "So you'll tell Shay to stay away from me and the next time I knock on her door she'll pretend she's not home?"
Delphine shook her head. "She wouldn't listen either."
With that, remarkably, something gave within Delphine, a feeling of surrender, and maybe Cosima sensed the shift or felt something similar because a smile, faint and almost soft, curved her lips.
"Shay doesn't really strike me as the stubborn type," Cosima said.
"I wouldn't say she is," Delphine agreed. "However, she's the type who requires explanations."
"That makes sense," Cosima said, but sounding more as if she were speaking to herself. Cosima glanced in the direction of the windows. "She was more than I expected."
Delphine bowed her head and gasped out a sad laugh. "You've met her . . . twice?"
"How many meetings did it take for you?" quipped Cosima.
Delphine raised her head. Their eyes met. Cosima surveyed her with a cool gaze. Delphine wished she could have returned the self-contained steadiness. But she felt drained and raw.
After a time, Cosima asked, "I don't think we have anything else to do today. Do you want to drop me off at home?"
*
In the car, Delphine said, "The stem cell line looks very promising on paper."
"Is that your professional opinion?" Cosima asked the passenger window.
"It's my hopeful one," Delphine said.
"Because you want to help me," Cosima said, falling just shy of derision.
"Yes," Delphine said. "I want to help you."
The soft voices of talk radio filled the cabin uninterrupted the rest of the drive.
*
When Shay answered her door, she expected Cosima, a presumption that struck a wry chord of self-deprecating resignation within Shay's heart. But the figure on the other side was Delphine.
"Hey," Delphine said, a little hesitantly. "Bonsoir."
"Hey," Shay greeted her with surprise and warmth.
"I was dropping off Cosima," Delphine explained. "I thought I would say hi."
"That was nice of you to drive her home," Shay commented. She held the door wider. "Want to come in?"
"She asked me to," Delphine said, a little laugh or a sigh couched in her voice. She glanced beyond Shay into her apartment. "I won't stay long." She sounded like she was making a promise.
Shay tried to convey a double dose of exasperation with her eyebrows. "Just because she asked you to drive her doesn't mean it wasn't nice that you drove her. And you're welcome to stay as long as you like." As Delphine made for the living room area and sunk into a seat, keeping her bag slung upon her shoulder and her coat buttoned against the comfortable temperature of the room, Shay retreated into the kitchen and asked, "Do you want something to drink? I was just making some tea."
"At this hour?"
"Chamomile tea. No caffeine. Though I guess, to be proper and specific," Shay called to her, "it's not technically a tea. A chamomile infusion." Delphine caught her teasing and sent her a wry twist of her lips. Shay grinned. "I still have that whiskey if you want. And all the wine."
"Nothing for me, thank you," Delphine said.
The tea needed another minute to steep. Watching Delphine, Shay leaned back against the sink counter. "How was the rest of your weekend? Good?"
Delphine nodded absently. "Uneventful. How was yours?"
Shay offered a rueful smile. "Not long enough. As usual."
Delphine folded her hands upon her lap and studied her knuckles. "You spent more time with Cosima?"
"Yeah, she dropped by yesterday. We had lunch--she was kinda holding my colanders hostage. Even though I let her borrow them. Don't ask me how that worked because I'm not sure, either." Shay lifted the lid off the teapot and sniffed the steam that wafted out. "I actually thought that it was going to be her at the door just now." She grinned at Delphine. "But it turned out to be you."
"You're already expecting her to drop by?" Delphine asked.
Shay smiled to herself, pouring out a mug, amused despite herself that Delphine had reached the same conclusion she had earlier. "It's only been a weekend, but . . . kinda, yeah? It seems like something she would do--just come down unexpectedly." She carried her tea over to join Delphine and perched on the edge of the couch. "Does that bother you?"
Delphine seemed to think about it, fixated on a spot on the rug, then shook her head. "No. I want you to know, actually, that--maybe I overstepped. With what I said. On Saturday."
"You mean about being careful?"
Delphine nodded, but she was still studying objects around the room. "Yes."
Shay let that stew. "How was work?"
Delphine brought her attention back to Shay's face. The hint of a smile touched her lips. "We might have a promising development. It's too early to say, though."
"That sounds great. 'We' as in you and Cosima?"
"Yes. The team."
"So you and Cosima talked today?"
A flicker of annoyance might have pulled at the corner of Delphine's mouth. "I told you that Cosima and I talk at work."
"But not outside of work?" Shay asked.
Delphine shifted to look over Shay's shoulder. Her eyes tracked aimlessly, as if searching for something. At last she pushed back her hair and said, "Not in front of you." Delphine rolled in her lips, moistened them. "Cosima and I disagree on a number of issues, many of them work-related, things we cannot talk about outside of work. I didn't want to make things uncomfortable. By bringing in that tension." Delphine took a breath. "However. It may be that the person Cosima is with you is someone she cannot be with me." Delphine sought out Shay's eyes. "I--I would understand that."
Shay cradled her warm mug and tried to process what just happened. "You're going to have give me a moment. Two days ago you told me to keep my guard up and now you're . . . giving me permission to hang out with Cosima?" Shay cocked her head. "Did you guys talk about me?"
"No," Delphine said.
"Okay," Shay said slowly, "because Cosima and I talked about you. She's curious about you."
Delphine's gaze sharpened. "Why do you think that? What did she ask?"
"She wanted to know how you and I became friends," Shay said. "I'm telling you this because I get the impression that she doesn't know you, and she feels like she doesn't know you, and so because there's this sort of--" Shay shook her head. "--gap in her knowledge, she's filling in the details herself. . . . And using, maybe, not the best references for comparison. I'm not saying you have to fill in the correct information for her, but it might help . . . if there's tension."
Delphine stared hard off into the corner above Shay's bed, then turned back to Shay, leaning forward with her elbows on her thighs, fingers interlaced tightly. "What if she's not wrong?"
"From where I'm sitting, I don't see how she can be right." Shay twitched her shoulders. "Not entirely. By her logic, you and I wouldn't be having this conversation at all. But clearly," Shay smiled, "we are." Shay paused. "And I hope we keep having conversations like this. I was worried."
"I feel like you say that a lot lately," Delphine said quietly.
"Well, whose fault is that?" Shay sang teasingly. She sipped at her untested tea, as if to put a punctuation on her point. Heat stung her lips; Shay flinched back
"Careful," Delphine chided, smiling a little. She pushed herself to her feet. "I should go. I'll try not to worry you so much from now on."
Shay put aside her tea and walked her visitor to the door. Delphine kissed her once on each cheek in parting and stood simply looking at her for a moment.
"I'll try," Delphine repeated.
As she trailed away, head bowed, Shay stuck her head into the hall. "Hey!"
Delphine stopped, turning.
"Can I have a hug?" Shay asked.
Delphine stared at her for a second of incomprehension, then dissolved into a disbelieving smile. But she retraced her steps and let Shay throw her arms around her, leaning down to negate the heightened difference between them with Shay on bare feet. Shay latched on for a count of twenty and squeezed tightly for another quick three.
"There," Shay said as she pulled away, smiling. "More data for you."
Delphine nodded, a smile faint, almost rueful, but detectable on her lips. This time when she drifted away, her steps plodded less in a trudge.
//
Next
Prev: 1-5 (edited), 6-8, 9*, 10*, 11*, 12*, 13*, 14*, 15*, 16*, 17*, 18*, 19, 20*
The knock at Shay's door disrupted the landscape of the desert at dusk she'd painted behind her closed eyes. She blinked against the light, unsure at first if the timid knock had been an actual noise, but a second volley issued, louder and more insistent.
"Shay?" a voice called through the thin barrier. "Are you home?"
Shay unfolded from her full lotus meditation pose and straightened up to her feet. The door opened beneath her cautious touch to permit enough space for her to determine the identity of her visitor.
The unmistakably dreadlocked Cosima smiled at her and fired off a shy wave from the hip. "Hey. Sorry to drop by unannounced, but do you have a colander I could borrow? I can't find mine. I think they're probably still in a box somewhere. Or still in Minnesota."
Shay widened the gap of the door and smiled. "Big one or small one?"
"One of each?" Cosima asked tentatively.
"Hang on a second." Leaving Cosima on the other side of the door, Shay retrieved a big and small colander from the kitchen, calling out, "Wait, this isn't for some science experiment, is it?"
"Just a food experiment," Cosima called back. When Shay returned and handed over the bowls, Cosima asked, "Are you hungry? I'm tossing salad."
Shay crossed her arms and leaned against the doorframe. "Trying to feed me again? I'm still not sure how I feel about you picking up the bill yesterday."
"Well," Cosima drawled, throwing up her free hand, "I had to since I don't think Delphine was going to let me pass it as an expenditure."
Shay refrained from rolling her eyes. "I meant that I would have been happy to treat you to a welcome meal."
"And I was glad to express my thanks for the welcome and your help," retorted Cosima.
They stood at an impasse.
"Coming up?" Cosima asked, tilting the nestled colanders back and forth in a little jig. "You can make sure these are used for culinary purposes only."
Shay considered. Her stomach wasn't sending out desperate pleas but enough time had passed since she'd last eaten that sustenance wouldn't be remiss. "Alright. I'll come up for a bit. Let me put on some shoes and get my keys."
She stepped into ballet flats and scooped up keys and phone. On the way up she asked, with teasing suspicion, if Cosima had managed to at least locate bowls and plates.
"Bowls? Plates?" Cosima repeated in befuddlement. "You mean you're not cool with eating right out of the colander?"
Shay giggled but Cosima gave her a look that was all gently confounded gravity. But despite her show, plates and bowls materialized, along with beverage containers and utensils. Shay eyed a teapot sitting on the counter and lamented, "I should have brought up some tea."
"Next time," Cosima said from the kitchen sink where she was washing greens, her delivery marked with an offhand confie that there would be a next time.
"I can just skip downstairs," Shay said.
Cosima shook her head. "No need to bother now."
Shay helped with chopping tomatoes, red onions, and carrots--lengthwise to produce sticks--because it was better than sitting by idly watching her hostess putz about various tasks like mixing up a balsamic vinaigrette.
Cosima, swirling the contents of the jar, asked, "Should I toss the salad with dressing first or do you prefer to add it yourself?"
"Let's put it on the side."
They set up at a bare writing desk because there wasn't a dining table and the alternatives amounted to standing at the counter or using an unopened cardboard box. Cosima assigned Shay the tan computer chair while pulling up one of the plush upright chairs for herself. Shay didn't giggle, but she smiled.
"I didn't keep a dining table back in Minnesota." Cosima grinned and added, "More often than not, I just spread out on the floor."
"To eat?" Shay asked.
"Eat, read, write my papers--there's usually way more floor space than desk space." Cosima glanced around the studio. "Though maybe I could get a dining table this time."
"There's also plenty of floor space to enjoy here," Shay pointed out.
"Yeah, but a table would make it easier to entertain," Cosima said.
Shay nodded slowly. "It would."
Cosima peered at her through her eyelashes. "I have to ask."
Shay raised an eyebrow.
"You and Delphine." Cosima's eyes narrowed. "You're friends, right?"
Shay nodded, a self-deprecating smile momentarily winning possession of her lips. "I like to think so."
"How?" Cosima cleared her throat. "I mean, how did that happen?"
"You mean how did we meet?"
Cosima tilted her head. "Yeah."
"She came to me for massage," Shay said frankly.
Cosima nibbled on the end of the fork's tines and was quiet for a good stretch. "Hm."
Shay picked leisurely at her portion while Cosima gathered whatever thought brewed behind her eyes.
"Delphine," Cosima said slowly, curling her mouth around the name as if testing it, "doesn't really strike me as the type to treat herself to relaxing massages."
Shay smiled. "There are lots of reasons to get a massage."
"And you're a massage therapist," Cosima said, leadingly.
Shay shrugged. "Delphine's reasons are her own."
"Patient-doctor confidentiality, huh?" Cosima said.
"Something like that," Shay agreed.
Cosima nodded gamely. "Okay. So that explains how you met. But not . . ."
Shay raised her eyebrows in prompt.
Cosima cocked her head. "You don't work out of your apartment."
"No," Shay confirmed.
"So she's not coming to see you here to get massages," hazarded Cosima.
"That's right."
"She comes here to, like, hang out," Cosima said. "With you."
Shay nodded slowly. "You could say that."
One of Cosima's hands gestured in an aimless, grasping pantomime through the air. Her hands, Shay noticed, did almost as much talking as her mouth. "How . . . how does that work?"
A stab of confusion pinched Shay's features. "What do you mean?"
"You and Delphine--no offense, but--you two are like apples and oranges."
"You mean because she's a scientist and I'm not?" Shay wondered. "In that case, you and I shouldn't be getting along."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Cosima said, raising both hands to ward off any further thought, fork in one hand and all. "If you're saying that all scientists are created equal, that's totally not true. Dr. Cormier and I are, like, nothing alike." Shay earmarked the way Cosima referred to Delphine. "I'm a West Coast kid raised by hippies."
Shay leaned back in her chair. "Meaning?"
"I smoke pot and I'm intrigued by the new age thing you have going on."
Shay laughed, startled by the blunt honesty. "Yeah? And you don't think Delphine is?"
"A pothead?" Cosima asked. "Definitely not." She studied Shay. "Spiritual? I wouldn't bet on it."
"And because of that, though I'm not saying it's true," Shay filled in the blank, "you don't think she and I should get along?"
"I think it's unremarkable if you say hi to a client you run into on the street, but it's another thing to know that person's wine preferences." Cosima paused. "Unless you often make friends with the people who wind up on your massage table?"
Shay snorted. "You make that sound so--"
"Wholesome?" Cosima chimed in. She circled a hand through the air. "Massage is very therapeutic, as far as I understand."
Shay smiled, but managed to say drily, "You're hilarious. You know who else can be funny?"
Cosima answered with an expression of skepticism.
"Delphine," Shay said, matter-of-fact. Cosima looked unimpressed and unconvinced. Shay crooked her head at an angle. "Do you not get along with Delphine?"
Cosima's shoulder hunched, not quite a shrug, almost like a turtle contemplating a retreat into the defensive protection of its shell. "We get along. Well enough. Given the circumstances."
"'Circumstances' as in the fact that she's your boss?" Shay asked.
Cosima shrugged.
Shay leaned back. The desk chair gave generously, tipping her back more than she'd anticipated. "I had a girlfriend who complained about her boss all the time, but . . . you and Delphine started working together just recently, right? I don't understand . . . I mean I don't know what it is you do in the lab, but I just can't see . . ." Shay took a breath. "I guess I'm asking what is there to disagree about that would make you uncomfortable with one another?"
Cosima danced her fork through the leaves of romaine lettuce on her plate, spinning the handle between her fingers so that the fork pirouetted from tine to tine, while her eyes fixed unfocused on the desktop. When she raised her eyes, the look in them was almost something like bashful, but also unreservedly earnest.
"She kinda reminds me of my ex," Cosima said.
Taken aback, Shay asked the first thing that came to mind. "Was he your boss, too?"
Cosima smirked. "No. My ex could be bossy, but she wasn't my boss."
The pronoun hung in the air.
Oh.
Cosima scanned her face. "You okay?"
Shay smiled slowly, gathering her breath and her thoughts. "Yeah."
"You sure?"
Shay nodded, fighting down a gobsmacked smile. "When I said girlfriend, I didn't mean that in the platonic sense."
She watched the knowledge and awareness cascade across Cosima's features, registered the lingering second consideration that Cosima gave her.
"Dude." Cosima grinned. "I had you pegged wrong."
Shay ducked her head to hide a giggle. "Ditto. Though it's more like the possibility didn't occur to me." She swiped at her smile with her fingertips. A lightness filtered into the atmosphere, as if some tension had bled away. Words came more readily, more direct. "So. Wait. What about Delphine reminds you of your ex?"
Cosima shook her head. "It's all that . . . supervising. It feels like she's keeping tabs on me."
Shay raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean? Does she hover over your shoulder?"
"Sometimes."
"Really?"
Cosima shrugged. "It's part of her job. That and being beautiful."
A jolt went through Shay. The context hadn't prepared her for the comment. With what she hoped was more success, Shay willed herself not to blush.
"Probably," Cosima added belatedly.
"Probably?" Shay echoed weakly.
"Being beautiful is probably part of her job."
Shay made several attempts at parsing Cosima's logic. She failed. "For who?"
Cosima shrugged carelessly. "For whoever has eyes."
Shay frowned. "Are you saying that you find it difficult to work with Delphine . . . because she's attractive?"
Cosima's eyes searched Shay's. "Who wouldn't be distracted?"
Shay felt exposed.
"Well, fortunately or unfortunately," Shay said, dropping her gaze to her plate, "I don't think she's like that. Like us."
"Yeah?" Cosima said, not sounding disappointed at all. "Guess that means we'll have to have all the fun without her."
Shay raised her eyes. From across the desk Cosima grinned at her.
*
"Shay seems to think you're a decent person," Cosima announced first thing Monday morning as she bustled into the lab. "A funny one, anyway. Though if you behave around her the way you did Saturday, I don't know how she got that impression. Which leads me to conclude that that's not how you usually behave around her. Which, in turn, made me question if you monitors get any formal training, because if so, maybe you missed it? Because I can say a lot of things about my last monitor, but at least she knew how to behave like a normal person around other people. Especially her own friends. Probably so that they wouldn't start asking questions. I mean, that's what I assume is part of the job."
Delphine let Cosima finish. Pitching her voice low and disregarding Cosima's tirade, Delphine said, "I received something you should see."
Her tone imparted urgency and weight that sobered Cosima and drew her undivided attention. At least Delphine had progressed that much with her charge that Cosima was willing to grant her some benefit of the doubt. Cosima crossed the room to her side with credible speed. Delphine held up the printouts she'd been reviewing.
"What is this?" Cosima asked, taking the pages from Delphine.
"Tissue test results. From a stem cell line." Delphine crossed her arms. "Compatible with you."
Cosima looked sharply into Delphine's face, as if searching for a lie. "Really?"
Delphine nodded, folding her arms and leaning back in her chair. "As far as I can tell. But I don't think I--or you--were supposed to see it."
"What do you mean?" Cosima asked, forehead crinkling.
"They were meant for Dr. Leekie," Delphine said, holding up the envelope she'd found in her inbox.
Cosima studied her. "But you looked anyway."
"I didn't check the name of the recipient until after I saw what was inside."
Cosima pressed a palm into the tabletop. "Okay, so . . . what? Leekie's hiding this from me? Not saying that's a surprise, but if he wants me to think that DYAD actually wants to help me, this doesn't inspire confidence."
"I don't know what is going on," Delphine said in a gentle, patient tone. "The only way to find out is to talk to him."
Cosima's eyes narrowed on her. "So we're just gonna go talk to Leekie."
Delphine nodded. "Yes."
"When?" demanded Cosima.
"Today," Delphine declared.
Skepticism curled Cosima's lips.
By late afternoon, they were stepping into Aldous's office.
"Cosima." He smiled at her as they approached his desk. "How can I help you?"
Delphine held out the test results. Aldous took them, the cheer fading from his features and a cautious puzzlement taking its place.
"I received these," Delphine said. "They were supposed to be sent to you. They're test results for a stem cell line that seems to be compatible with Cosima."
"Were you planning to mention it?" Cosima asked testily.
Understanding flooded Aldous' face as a form of acknowledgement. He laid the papers upon his desk before him. "I had been planning to mention it, when I had more concrete data. But," he intoned, "there's been a recent development."
"What?" Cosima asked, crossing her arms.
"Rachel."
Delphine straightened up at the name. Cosima simply looked confused.
"What about her?" Cosima asked.
"She's obstructing further testing."
"Why the hell would she do that?" fired off Cosima, venting Delphine's confusion, along with an explosive anger.
Aldous's brow contracted. "In a word: Sarah." Delphine had only heard the name once before, but the message was clear to Cosima. Aldous extracted a photograph from a pocket inside his jacket, leaned across his desk, and held it up. "Have you seen this before?"
Delphine leaned forward just as Cosima did to better view it. Time had bled sepia tones into the image and mishandling had warped it with crinkles but Delphine glimpsed a man and a woman in lab coats and what looked like an armed soldier in the background of a facility.
"Who are they?" Cosima asked, lifting a hand toward the photograph.
Aldous snatched the photograph back from her reaching fingers and made it disappear back into his pocket. Delphine glanced into Cosima's face. Disappointment lingered just beneath the surface of her expression.
"Two forefathers of the original experiment. This was in Sarah's possession."
This time the name, and not the mention of Project Leda's progenitors, sparked a flurry of unease in Delphine. She knew nothing about the woman, save that she most likely resembled Cosima and Jennifer in appearance and had some connection to the self-awareness that subjects like Cosima had achieved, in addition to the fact that--Delphine remembered now--she was somehow the mother of a child.
Sarah.
Was she investigating the clones' origins? In opposition, at the very least, to the liking of Rachel Duncan, whom Delphine had seen only once.
If Cosima were in league with this Sarah, Delphine began to ken Aldous's caution and paranoia.
But what Delphine couldn't yet see was whether or not this was a dangerous game. There was some consequence here in the arrested testing of the stem cell line, but other than being collateral damage, how much in its orbit revolved Cosima?
Aldous studied the both of them. Fingers interlacing, he laid his hands upon the desk. "I'm going to tell you something that only a handful of people know. Twenty years ago, there was a fire in one of our labs. Several scientists died, reams of data were lost." He paused. "And the original genome was destroyed."
As her mind processed the revelation, Delphine turned to Cosima reflexively. The other woman's face was a stunned canvas of shock that reflected what Delphine felt.
Delphine shook her head, eyes filled with a lost light as she turned to Aldous. "All this time I wondered why we weren't comparing the DNA of the afflicted subjects with the original genome, and it was because the original doesn't exist?"
"Yes," Aldous said tersely, eyes on Cosima. "We lost your pre-history, Cosima, and with it, all record of several synthetic sequences embedded in your DNA."
Cosima's features scrunched. "What kind of synthetic sequences?"
"Sequences that make you possible. That overcome the viability issues that have haunted us ever since."
Cosima leaned forward. "You lost the road map, so finding the sequence in the genome is like looking for hay in a haystack."
The enormity of the deficit in which they were working sunk Delphine's heart. She could have hoped, she might have hoped, that maybe Jennifer had provided some type of map herself, but they were stabbing even more aimlessly in the dark than she could have fathomed, poking at protein arrangements they couldn't differentiate from naturally occurring or artificially concocted.
"So you see," continued Aldous, "if Sarah has uncovered something, I need to know."
Delphine watched Cosima. Her expression was the most serious and earnest Delphine had beheld.
"I have no idea," Cosima told him.
Aldous didn't buy it. Delphine saw it immediately.
Delphine didn't know what to think except that she had not even begun to scratch at the surface of what she thought she didn't know. Project Leda was an abyss and she repeatedly mistook echoes wafting up for indications of the bottom when really whatever coin she'd tossed inside it was just ricocheting off the sides.
Aldous's jaw flexed. "Whether I believe that or not, as a gesture of good faith, I'm willing to disregard Rachel and proceed with the treatment."
The room held a breath, as if all parties were allowing the dust to settle so that they could deduce where the truces had fallen and realigned.
Cosima nodded, lips set in a grim line.
Delphine exhaled quietly.
"This treatment," Delphine introduced hesitantly, "if it proves effective, we can use it for all the subjects?"
Aldous gave her a sharp look edged with a reprimand. "We developed this line from baby teeth, and while we've had success with cultivating a pluripotent culture, there's a limit to our resources. We'll take it one step at a time."
Delphine understood. Cosima was the priority.
Aldous brightened with some cheer. "We'll conduct an intradermal test first, to see if there are any negative reactions. I'll see to preparations and meet you in the lab tomorrow."
With an exchange of glances, confirming to one another that they'd been dismissed, Delphine and Cosima rose and left the office.
*
In the elevator, staring at the closed door, thoughts sinking into the hole of machinations at the rate of her stomach's plunge with the elevator's descent and trying to see the lock-stepped forces swirling intangible and unseen around her, Delphine said, "Shay is a good person."
Next to her, Cosima scoffed. "Jesus. That's what you want to get into right now? We just learned that the original genome is gone--hasn't even existed for twenty years!--and that without it we have a snowball's chance in hell finding the synthetic sequence in our DNA that might be causing this problem--if that's even what's causing the problem."
"This Sarah," Delphine said, in the same soft tone, drawing Cosima's immediate attention--likely because Delphine seemed to ignore her response, "is she your friend?"
Cosima crossed her arms and shook her head, radiating incredulity. "She's--she's one of my sisters. A clone, in your parlance. What do you care?"
"You're in contact with her, then?" Delphine asked. "She knows? About everything?"
Cosima closed her eyes briefly, as if to guard against Delphine's audacity. "I'm not going to discuss what Sarah does or does not know with you."
Delphine nodded. "Shay isn't like us."
A dimple of confusion appeared between Cosima's eyes at Delphine's ninety-degree pivots. "Where are you coming from with this? What do you mean? Like us how?"
The elevator slowed, pressing up against the heels of their feet.
"She doesn't have secrets like us," Delphine said.
Cosima smirked. She glanced up at the floor indicator, as if to have something to focus on that wasn't Delphine. "Dr. Cormier, you have secrets." The doors opened. "I'm the secret." Cosima flashed Delphine a toothy, humorless grin. "And besides, everyone has secrets. Shay included."
Cosima stepped off the elevator. After a second, Delphine followed after.
"What are you so worried about?" Cosima asked when they were back in the Old Wing laboratory. She puttered around the "chill zone," touching her bag, grabbing a scarf from where it hung. "That I'm going to infect her? News flash, the clone disease isn't contagious."
"It's not but your--" Delphine caught herself. "This world is." From where she lingered near the door, Delphine swept an arm out expansively, indicating the laboratory, but meaning all of DYAD.
Cosima favored her with a look that suggested she had sprouted a second head or was mentally deficient. "Well, I wasn't planning on telling her anything. Obvs."
"You're at the center, Cosima. You don't have to tell her anything to end up involving her."
Cosima raised an eyebrow. "If she's involved, then that's because of you. She's your friend."
Delphine's pulse jumped, but she forced her breaths to come evenly. "You're saying that your interest in Shay is because she's my friend?"
Cosima shrugged, almost managing to affect carelessness, but it was an admission to a motive they'd both already known. "I thought the shoe should try being on the other foot." She folded her arms, also effectively trapping and stilling her hands. "So, now what? You going to tell me to stay away from her?"
Delphine fended off a momentary lightheadedness. "No."
"No?"
Delphine crossed her arms. "You wouldn't listen."
Cosima smirked. "So you'll tell Shay to stay away from me and the next time I knock on her door she'll pretend she's not home?"
Delphine shook her head. "She wouldn't listen either."
With that, remarkably, something gave within Delphine, a feeling of surrender, and maybe Cosima sensed the shift or felt something similar because a smile, faint and almost soft, curved her lips.
"Shay doesn't really strike me as the stubborn type," Cosima said.
"I wouldn't say she is," Delphine agreed. "However, she's the type who requires explanations."
"That makes sense," Cosima said, but sounding more as if she were speaking to herself. Cosima glanced in the direction of the windows. "She was more than I expected."
Delphine bowed her head and gasped out a sad laugh. "You've met her . . . twice?"
"How many meetings did it take for you?" quipped Cosima.
Delphine raised her head. Their eyes met. Cosima surveyed her with a cool gaze. Delphine wished she could have returned the self-contained steadiness. But she felt drained and raw.
After a time, Cosima asked, "I don't think we have anything else to do today. Do you want to drop me off at home?"
*
In the car, Delphine said, "The stem cell line looks very promising on paper."
"Is that your professional opinion?" Cosima asked the passenger window.
"It's my hopeful one," Delphine said.
"Because you want to help me," Cosima said, falling just shy of derision.
"Yes," Delphine said. "I want to help you."
The soft voices of talk radio filled the cabin uninterrupted the rest of the drive.
*
When Shay answered her door, she expected Cosima, a presumption that struck a wry chord of self-deprecating resignation within Shay's heart. But the figure on the other side was Delphine.
"Hey," Delphine said, a little hesitantly. "Bonsoir."
"Hey," Shay greeted her with surprise and warmth.
"I was dropping off Cosima," Delphine explained. "I thought I would say hi."
"That was nice of you to drive her home," Shay commented. She held the door wider. "Want to come in?"
"She asked me to," Delphine said, a little laugh or a sigh couched in her voice. She glanced beyond Shay into her apartment. "I won't stay long." She sounded like she was making a promise.
Shay tried to convey a double dose of exasperation with her eyebrows. "Just because she asked you to drive her doesn't mean it wasn't nice that you drove her. And you're welcome to stay as long as you like." As Delphine made for the living room area and sunk into a seat, keeping her bag slung upon her shoulder and her coat buttoned against the comfortable temperature of the room, Shay retreated into the kitchen and asked, "Do you want something to drink? I was just making some tea."
"At this hour?"
"Chamomile tea. No caffeine. Though I guess, to be proper and specific," Shay called to her, "it's not technically a tea. A chamomile infusion." Delphine caught her teasing and sent her a wry twist of her lips. Shay grinned. "I still have that whiskey if you want. And all the wine."
"Nothing for me, thank you," Delphine said.
The tea needed another minute to steep. Watching Delphine, Shay leaned back against the sink counter. "How was the rest of your weekend? Good?"
Delphine nodded absently. "Uneventful. How was yours?"
Shay offered a rueful smile. "Not long enough. As usual."
Delphine folded her hands upon her lap and studied her knuckles. "You spent more time with Cosima?"
"Yeah, she dropped by yesterday. We had lunch--she was kinda holding my colanders hostage. Even though I let her borrow them. Don't ask me how that worked because I'm not sure, either." Shay lifted the lid off the teapot and sniffed the steam that wafted out. "I actually thought that it was going to be her at the door just now." She grinned at Delphine. "But it turned out to be you."
"You're already expecting her to drop by?" Delphine asked.
Shay smiled to herself, pouring out a mug, amused despite herself that Delphine had reached the same conclusion she had earlier. "It's only been a weekend, but . . . kinda, yeah? It seems like something she would do--just come down unexpectedly." She carried her tea over to join Delphine and perched on the edge of the couch. "Does that bother you?"
Delphine seemed to think about it, fixated on a spot on the rug, then shook her head. "No. I want you to know, actually, that--maybe I overstepped. With what I said. On Saturday."
"You mean about being careful?"
Delphine nodded, but she was still studying objects around the room. "Yes."
Shay let that stew. "How was work?"
Delphine brought her attention back to Shay's face. The hint of a smile touched her lips. "We might have a promising development. It's too early to say, though."
"That sounds great. 'We' as in you and Cosima?"
"Yes. The team."
"So you and Cosima talked today?"
A flicker of annoyance might have pulled at the corner of Delphine's mouth. "I told you that Cosima and I talk at work."
"But not outside of work?" Shay asked.
Delphine shifted to look over Shay's shoulder. Her eyes tracked aimlessly, as if searching for something. At last she pushed back her hair and said, "Not in front of you." Delphine rolled in her lips, moistened them. "Cosima and I disagree on a number of issues, many of them work-related, things we cannot talk about outside of work. I didn't want to make things uncomfortable. By bringing in that tension." Delphine took a breath. "However. It may be that the person Cosima is with you is someone she cannot be with me." Delphine sought out Shay's eyes. "I--I would understand that."
Shay cradled her warm mug and tried to process what just happened. "You're going to have give me a moment. Two days ago you told me to keep my guard up and now you're . . . giving me permission to hang out with Cosima?" Shay cocked her head. "Did you guys talk about me?"
"No," Delphine said.
"Okay," Shay said slowly, "because Cosima and I talked about you. She's curious about you."
Delphine's gaze sharpened. "Why do you think that? What did she ask?"
"She wanted to know how you and I became friends," Shay said. "I'm telling you this because I get the impression that she doesn't know you, and she feels like she doesn't know you, and so because there's this sort of--" Shay shook her head. "--gap in her knowledge, she's filling in the details herself. . . . And using, maybe, not the best references for comparison. I'm not saying you have to fill in the correct information for her, but it might help . . . if there's tension."
Delphine stared hard off into the corner above Shay's bed, then turned back to Shay, leaning forward with her elbows on her thighs, fingers interlaced tightly. "What if she's not wrong?"
"From where I'm sitting, I don't see how she can be right." Shay twitched her shoulders. "Not entirely. By her logic, you and I wouldn't be having this conversation at all. But clearly," Shay smiled, "we are." Shay paused. "And I hope we keep having conversations like this. I was worried."
"I feel like you say that a lot lately," Delphine said quietly.
"Well, whose fault is that?" Shay sang teasingly. She sipped at her untested tea, as if to put a punctuation on her point. Heat stung her lips; Shay flinched back
"Careful," Delphine chided, smiling a little. She pushed herself to her feet. "I should go. I'll try not to worry you so much from now on."
Shay put aside her tea and walked her visitor to the door. Delphine kissed her once on each cheek in parting and stood simply looking at her for a moment.
"I'll try," Delphine repeated.
As she trailed away, head bowed, Shay stuck her head into the hall. "Hey!"
Delphine stopped, turning.
"Can I have a hug?" Shay asked.
Delphine stared at her for a second of incomprehension, then dissolved into a disbelieving smile. But she retraced her steps and let Shay throw her arms around her, leaning down to negate the heightened difference between them with Shay on bare feet. Shay latched on for a count of twenty and squeezed tightly for another quick three.
"There," Shay said as she pulled away, smiling. "More data for you."
Delphine nodded, a smile faint, almost rueful, but detectable on her lips. This time when she drifted away, her steps plodded less in a trudge.
//
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