Big Bang 2010-11, Never Let Me Go (part II)
Part II, in which there's some more stuff that happens.
He could barely remember a time he’d felt more lost than when Riza was transferred away from him... his stomach had dropped, blood run cold in his ears.
“I’ve taken your woman hostage.” Bradley had sneered. “You act up again, I’ll do far worse than just making a transfer.”
“That’s just how it’s going to be.”
Roy had been silent... he’d been bested, there was no doubt about that. Riza was being used against him- the woman he needed and trusted more than anyone else in the world... she would never be his downfall, but he did not know how to recover from this.
He found her after his meeting with Bradley, she’d waited close to ten hours for him... and he loved her for her loyalty, hated her for putting herself at risk again.
They drove away from Central HQ in silence, Roy with his hands in his lap, Riza’s eyes on the road... “Don’t get killed.” He eventually said. “That’s a direct order from your commanding officer.”
“You technically aren’t my commanding officer anymore.” She said softly, a tired smile on her lips.
Implications hung in the air... one last night together, no technical fraternization risk, no technical abuse of power... he looked at her, and she moved her eyes away.
“Lieutenant...” He whispered, grabbing her hand as she pulled up to his apartment building. “Come upstairs.”
“It’s dangerous.” She said quickly. “We’re being watched.”
“I know.” He stroked the side of her face, and kissed the side of her mouth. “I don’t want to lose you...” And I feel like I already have.
She looked up at him, touched his face. “We don’t want to make things more complicated.” She told him. “They’re just waiting for us to slip up... any reason to... to string you out.” She kissed him on the cheek and moved away.
“Get some sleep. We need to figure out a plan.”
He got out of the car and looked at her before he closed the door. “I’m not going to let them hurt you.” He told her. “I promise you we’ll both come out of this alive. Be sharp, stay in contact.” He saluted her.
She smiled. “Keep safe, Colonel. You don’t have the best bodyguard in the military anymore.”
He nodded, eyes warm. “You too.” I love you.
I love you, and please, please don’t die.
---
He entered her apartment, said hello to Hayate and sat down across from her in her living room. They looked at each other, Riza wondering if she’d be able to resist him this time, Roy wondering what the hell he was hoping to accomplish by being here.
“Sir... it’s very late.” She finally said, after a long pause. “What’s the matter?”
He sighed and looked at his hands. “Camille... asked me to have you transferred out of my office.”
Her heart hit the floor. “Oh.” Riza swallowed, and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.
“I don’t want to do that.” Roy said softly. “I don’t want you out of my life. Especially...” Especially if I’m married to... to her. He smiled weakly. “I’m a mess without you around to keep me in line.”
Riza nodded. “I... wouldn’t be out of your life, sir. Just out of the office.” She knew that was a lie; Camille would never let them see each other... hell, she might even use General Grey’s authority to have her transferred to somewhere even more remote than Briggs.
“I’m not going to do it.” He said. “I can’t lose you.” I need you. I’ve always needed you. You are the best part of me.
Another pause. “Does... she know about what happened today?” Riza asked quietly.
“She has her theories.” Roy replied, surprised that Riza was even bringing their brief impropriety into the conversation. And all of a sudden it was back in his mind, his hand in her hair, tongue in her mouth, grinding against the wall... pressing against her, trousers tight and hot and... “She said it feels like our relationship is getting a bit crowded.”
Riza nodded again... so many questions bubbling to her throat-- are you happy, do you want this, is it worth it... will she leave you if...
“Lieutenant.” He sat beside her. “I won’t have you transferred. You’re my bodyguard, I need you. You keep me on the right path. You... you’ve been with me since the beginning, I can’t throw that away.”
She smiled sadly. “You want to be Fuhrer. You want to make the world a better place.” She whispered. “That’s more important than my feelings.” Riza reached over and squeezed his hand. “You want to make your bride happy, right?”
He threaded his fingers in hers. “I want you.” He said gently. “I don’t...” She pressed their lips together-- a somewhat calculated move to stop him from admitting he wanted to break off the engagement... because Riza decided in that moment, that starting an affair with her commanding officer meant he’d be more likely to stay with Camille, and more likely to get the Fuhrer’s seat...
She could be the other woman, for him.
“Hawkeye..” He whispered, stroking her face. “I lov--” She kissed him again, this wasn’t what he needed to be saying. “Shh..” She told him gently. “Don’t talk.”
He looked at her sadly, and nodded. He wouldn’t talk... talking made everything too real, too complicated. This was just a fuck between coworkers because he’d had a fight with his fiance, nothing more.
Never more than that.
Roy pulled her close and just held their bodies together. I love you. He kissed her cheek, ran his fingers through her hair. Please, please let me say it. He kissed her lips slowly, gently... if he couldn’t say he loved her... at least... at least let this one time be loving... be warm...
But Riza wasn’t sure she could handle being made love to right now... just a fuck, just a quick, painless grinding of their bodies together... satisfy their lust, keep his political dreams intact.
She kissed him hard and fast, and pulled his jacket open. Her mouth was on his neck, his chest, and she straddled him on the couch. I’m so sorry. She pulled off her nightshirt, leaned down to kiss him again. I just can’t... let this be more than it is.
And it wasn’t.
Just two people having sex on a couch.
---
She lay her head on his chest and sighed. Maybe this would become a more permanent thing. Maybe she could survive their marriage and children and life together by knowing that he was hers still, sometimes.
She gently brushed her fingers against the scar on his side and smiled. “It’s healing well.” She said softly. “And we have a matching set of flame alchemist scars.” She kissed his cheek.
He smiled and stroked her shoulder. “I suppose we do at that.” He let his fingers find the thin line on her neck, the wound that had almost taken her away from him. “You’re beautiful.” He whispered.
And she looked away, silent.
Once again this conversation was getting a little bit too close to blowing away the fog of deceit Riza had wrapped around them. He’d say he loved her, that he couldn’t go through with the marriage, that this was a huge mistake... and she’d say yes, please call it off, I love you and I’ve always loved you.
“You should go.” She said finally. “Camille will worry if you don’t come home at all tonight.”
Roy sighed and nodded and pulled his clothes back on slowly. “I’ll... I’ll call you later, okay?” He smiled at her, buttoning his fly.
She nodded and handed him his shirt. “Sure.”
He finished dressing himself in silence, cool cloth of his shirt kissing the rough skin of his scar. She hadn’t been repulsed by him... she...
“I’ll see you.” He said softly. “And I’m not going to transfer you away from me. I don’t care what Camille says.”
“Sir, she’s your fiance... you know better. Try and calm her down, I’m sure there’s a way to get what you want without making her angry.” Riza looked at her feet. Camille had every reason to be angry and suspicious... she’d just fucked a man who was getting married in a few weeks. She’d just fucked her boss, her friend...
And they were talking like nothing had changed.
“If I do get transferred, just make it somewhere less cold than Briggs.” She offered a sad smile.
“I’ll do my best.” He squeezed her shoulder and didn’t kiss her. Because he knew that if he did, he’d tell her he loved her, that he needed her... and he knew that right now, she didn’t want to hear it.
---
In that moment, Riza wondered if the last thing she’d ever see was Roy looking at her, watching the life drain out of her body as she was used (once again) as a bargaining chip to make the Colonel comply. She clutched at her neck, sight getting blurry... urging him with her eyes.
You don’t need to do human transmutation.
And he looked at her like she was out of her mind. I can’t lose you! I can’t! I can’t!!
She looked at the ceiling. Help is coming. You don’t need to do human... you don’t...
His trust for her was implicit, and he lowered his eyes. He trusted her with his own life... could he do the same with hers, even knowing how much more she valued his safety than her own?
Moments later she was in his arms, and every fiber of his body was telling him to kiss her once and for all, tell her he loved her and that she was never allowed to make him worry like that again.
“You understood my eye signal...” She whispered. I’m proud of you. I knew you wouldn’t let me die.
“We’ve been together for so long, after all.” He held her tight. You scared the shit out of me... I love you. I love you and I’ve always loved you.
He didn’t kiss her (they had too many things to do) but he didn’t let her go either. He swore to himself, positively swore, that he was never going to let her out of his sight again.
The last thing he saw was a grinning white monster steal away his eyesight before he was plopped unceremoniously onto a cool concrete floor. It took him a few moments to realize just what had been taken from him... and his life, his future, his dreams flashed before his dead grey eyes. No way he’d be Fuhrer, no way Hawkeye would follow him now... Hawkeye... was she even alive? She must be worried sick...
He hated being separated from her... being blind made it all the worse. She was his right hand, his eyes, his rock; and she was gone and he didn’t even know if she was breathing... People whizzed around him, there was a fight and he was useless without her...
And in a terrible darkness they found each other once more, beautiful bleeding Riza, terrified that she had really lost him this time; blind, defeated Roy, looking for where her voice had come from... dead eyes seeing nothing but black, only black. "I'm here." She said softly. "Right by your side." Her voice guided his hands to her, and he pulled her close to his body- feeling grounded, secure, like the world wasn't ending for the first time since his eyesight was taken.
He held her close as she directed his flames, her shoulders quivering (maybe from blood loss, or adrenaline... the euphoria that they were finally, finally together) ever so slightly, and he could hear her breathing beside him, smell her warm flesh. Somewhere at the back of his mind he knew that he would probably never see her again, and he squeezed her closer.
She was his anchor now, she kept him from hyperventilating, from panicking when he realized just how dire being completely blind actually was.
Riza held him steady, not judging, but caring, wonderful.
He needed her more than he needed anybody in the entire world. She protected him, kept him on his feet, on the right path... and she made him see how beautiful the world was, even in war, even in darkness... she was a constant light that shone throughout everything.
And he wondered if he’d ever get a chance to tell her.
---
He didn’t really want to go home at all that night. He could stay with Madame maybe, get a hotel... dammit. He knew he had to go back to her... no sense messing up the wedding now. Not after all he’d given up already.
Roy trudged into his apartment and kissed Camille on the head. She had waited up for him, the worry evident in her eyes-- he could tell she’d been crying.
“You were out pretty late.” She said softly. “I missed you.”
“Yeah.” He muttered. “Sorry.”
They were silent for a while; Roy picked up his book to read, Camille just watched him, eyes searching for any clues as to where he was, what he had been doing... But to the untrained eye, Roy was completely unreadable. He might have just been at the florists for all she knew.
“Are you angry?” She finally asked, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear.
“Yes, I am.” He replied, not looking up from his book.
Another long silence filled the room.
“I won’t make you transfer her away.” She finally said. “I... just...” He looked up at her, eyes cold. “Sorry. I know she’s so important to you... and...” She sighed. “And making her leave is just going to drive us farther apart.”
He squeezed her hand. “Thank you.” He finally said. “This means a lot.”
She just smiled, her sad, beautiful smile. “Roy? You... you love me, right?”
He didn’t say anything-- he just touched her face, leaned in, and kissed her.
---
The weeks leading up to the wedding were uneventful for the most part; Riza tried to forget their night together in her apartment, Roy tried to pretend that this wasn’t actually going to happen-- that he wasn’t going to get up before all of his friends and family and lie to them about who he loved, who he wanted to spend his life with.
Sometimes they’d be alone together in his office, and he’d press her up against the wall, kissing her desperately-- she was the air he breathed, the only person in the world who could get him through this bullshit.
And Riza would shut her eyes, and convince herself that this was exactly what it felt like-- he needed a fuck, and she was there. She couldn’t let herself think that this was more than that... that he needed her body, her touch... that Riza Hawkeye was the only thing keeping him on his feet while he lived out this sham.
Quick trysts in the office, maybe her place, a few times a week... she’d seal his mouth with hers, whimper under his touch, and hold him close. It was entirely possible she’d told him she loved him once, when he made her cum particularly hard... and it was entirely possible to pretend that any and all passionate outbursts were due to lust and nothing more.
Riza would think about him when she got home... fingers snaking between her legs, eyes shut, pretending it was him... he’d be on her, lips on her neck, grinding hard... and only in her mind would she allow him to say that he loved her.
Staring at the photograph she had of the two of them... maybe Maes had taken it, she’d fallen asleep on his shoulder... and he’d fallen asleep on her head... she couldn’t remember when it was taken, maybe on a train back from Eastern City... but that face... that serene smile... his lips on hers, on her ears... and....
She’d tighten around her fingers... and wait for the phone to start ringing.
He’d call Riza nearly every night, often from a secret line in his apartment, sometimes from a street corner... it was hard for Roy to fall asleep without hearing her voice at least once. She could make him smile, her voice brought a calmness to his heart that no one else could match.
Camille turned a blind eye, kept her distance. All this she could endure... because she was going to marry the future Fuhrer of Amestris. She kept telling herself: this is worth it, you don’t love him, it’s worth it, it’s worth it...
What the hell was she so surprised about? Men in power had mistresses.
Still. She felt like a fool.
Losing out to that masculine fusspot, didn’t even bother doing her hair nicely or wearing makeup... only wore those disgusting uniforms all the time...
Roy often heard her crying whenever he pretended to be asleep... Large tears cascading down her porcelain cheeks, muffling her sobs in a pillow... poor thing. He’d debate with himself over whether to pretend to wake up, hold her in his arms and comfort her... but no. She wouldn’t want him to see her like that.
She didn’t like to cry in front of others, it wasn’t dignified.
Maybe that was something she and Riza had in common.
---
Roy could only remember seeing her cry once... maybe that was the same day he realized that she was completely, desperately in love with him.
Honestly, there wasn’t much else from that day he remembered clearly... getting stabbed in the side, watching Havoc fall... turning his flames against himself, his comrade... and thinking at the back of his mind... Riza’s going to be next. I’ll find her and she’ll have a hole in her head, bleeding out, waiting for me... dying at the hands (at the claws?) of his murderer.
He burned himself again, screaming in agony as the flames licked as his side. He couldn’t afford to have it start bleeding again... not when her life was at stake... not at such a critical moment...
The lighter clicked again, and he screamed...flesh melting shut, blood boiling on the surface of his skin... over and over he screamed. Havoc wasn’t even responding anymore, his desperation renewed itself... not one more person would die because of him... not one more friend or loved one... please... somebody....
He wasn’t quite sure where within himself he found the strength to pick up his feet and follow that woman-- it wasn’t hard, just follow the stench of burning fat and blood...
Screams resounded through the hallways, followed by gunshots... round after round... occasionally a magazine would hit the floor... there was only so long she would be able to keep herself alive with her guns...
And here he was, barely able to keep on his feet.
He found her finally, weeping, on her knees, unable to stand... and it became quite obvious what had transpired between the two beautiful women.
With the very last of his strength, he let forth an inferno against the woman who had made Riza cry--- a click of the lighter, the circle on his hand lit up and flames leaped at her, kissing her cheeks... caressing her thighs, her lips.
And even as he shot out blast after blast, Riza tried to reach him... to touch his hand, confirm he was really, truly there. Her loyalty moved him... her love made his resolve to survive all the stronger.
He dominated Lust with his fire, until finally she crumbled into nothing... leaving Roy wounded, weak, and tumbling to the ground.
Riza was on him in an instant, almost too afraid to touch him, tears still running down her face.
She helped him onto his back, so his wound wouldn’t feel any worse than it had to.
“Sir... oh god, sir, are you alright?” She wiped her eyes and he smiled.
“Lieutenant... you’re safe..” I made it in time... thank you...
“Sir please, worry about yourself!!” You idiot! You’re dying... oh god I thought... I thought that I... She let go of him, and knelt beside him, new tears falling down her cheeks.
And in that moment he realized how deeply she loved him... how much that relationship had grown since they were teenagers... her heart was his, and likewise he belonged onto to her... she was alive... thank goodness...
“Alphonse.. thank you for keeping my Lieutenant safe.” If you hadn’t been here... if she had died alone in this place...
“Worry about yourself! We need to get you to a doctor!!”
“Yes... get a doctor for... for Havoc...”
His vision was getting blurry, and as he shut his eyes he could feel her tense up, move her body closer... hell, he swore he could even feel a few stray tears land on his face. Sweet girl... worried about him... always keeping him safe...
If he lost her... If... anything happened to her...
He.... couldn’t...
And then the world went black.
---
The men in the office weren’t really sure what to make of the whole situation. Fuery couldn’t stand to see Riza so sad, he couldn’t bear to see Roy with any other woman in the world. Hell, even Hayate seemed pretty bummed out by the whole thing.
Breda figured maybe it was for the best in the long run... it wasn’t like Hawkeye and Mustang could get together anyway, not if he had his eye on the top prize of leading the nation one day... but still... they both looked a bit dead inside. And honestly Camille scared the crap out of him.
Falman figured that statistically, marrying Camille was the best possible way for Roy to ensure the Fuhrer’s seat... but hell... this all just felt... so wrong.
And Havoc... while he was honored to be Roy’s best man, this wasn’t the wedding he’d envisioned. Their little team was like a family, a perfect unit that trusted each other implicitly, would kill or die for each other... but he knew that probably, honestly, their little troupe wouldn’t survive this wedding. Riza would leave or be kicked out, Roy would be pushed towards General Grey and away from the rest of them... and that would be the end of it.
“Sir.” Havoc started when they were alone during one lunch hour. “Permission to speak freely?”
“Sure.”
“You... you’re really sure you want to go through with this?” He stamped out his cigarette on the ground, and Roy just chuckled.
“Not really.” He said after a short pause. “You make sacrifices sometimes, for the greater good.”
Havoc just nodded. Aw hell.
Jean Havoc wasn’t the only one who had something to say on the matter... Gracia had poked her nose in in that gentle way she had, advising that maybe... maybe Roy had rushed into this whole business too quickly.
Roy suspected she didn’t have the heart to say what she really thought... that Maes would probably be kicking his ass for getting married to this woman if he could.
Madame and the girls had a few choice words on the matter as well-- obviously their boy was completely insane to give up the love of his life for some rich bitch social climber, obviously he had no sense of romance at all and obviously.... obviously they could see how miserable he was and wanted to correct it.
Roy kissed each of his sisters on the head and smiled. “I’ll be alright.” He promised them. “After all, I have you guys don’t I?”
Madame just sighed. “I could get rid of her if she causes you trouble.” Roy just laughed. “I’ll manage.” He promised. “Really. It’s okay.”
And they all just looked at him. Stupid self sacrificing bastard. Doesn’t know a good thing when it bites him in the ass.
But they loved him anyway... and each time he came to them when he needed some unbridled adoration, they were happy to give it to him in droves.
He was their Roy-boy, even if he was a stupid piece of shit. They loved him anyway, as Hawkeye did-- He was their stupid piece of shit.
And they stood by him.
Alphonse had found out during a brief visit to Central to add more books to the Central library’s alkahestry collection... he’d given Roy a smile, and looked sadly at Lieutenant Hawkeye... he’d never even considered the possibility of Roy getting married to someone else. Winry had a similar reaction; she held her tongue as well. It wasn’t her business who this man chose to marry, really.
And Edward... He just stared at his wedding invitation and shook his head. That stupid, stupid rat bastard General. Self sacrificing idiotic morally bankrupt son of a bitch...
---
As the wedding drew closer, Roy was dragged into more and more social obligations with Camille and her family. She was important, of course, she knew important people, of course, and Roy needed to show his face if he wanted to get anywhere in this world.
Maybe it was for the best; the more time he spent with his fiancée, the less time he spent cheating on her.
But Riza felt his absence, an ache in her chest that wouldn’t leave.
“Hawkeye.” Havoc walked up to her, placed a hand on her shoulder. “You holding up okay?”
She smiled. “Yeah.” She said softly. “I’ll be fine.”
“He… he’s not the only guy in the world you know. Millions of guys would do anything to be with you.” He shifted on his feet. “I was wondering if maybe I could take you out sometime.”
She looked at him sadly. “I don’t think that’s appropriate.”
“He didn’t wait for you.” Jean reminded her gently. “You don’t need to suffer alone like this. He wouldn’t want you to be this miserable.”
No, he probably wouldn’t. Probably wouldn’t want her to be his mistress, probably wouldn’t want her to wait up all night for his calls, to cringe whenever Camille came into the office.
Hell, maybe even seeing Riza happy would make the marriage easier-make him feel less like he destroyed her, more like he set her free from being chained and drowned by the Flame Alchemist.
And Havoc… so sweet, so gentle… so handsome and loyal… probably would treat her like a goddamned princess.
And yet…
“I’m sorry.” She said quickly. “Falling for someone you work with is messy. I can’t.”
She touched his arm and smiled. “I’ll be alright, Jean. All of us will make it through this, General Mustang will be Fuhrer and we’ll make the country stronger. As a team. We can be happy like that.”
Maybe if she said it enough times, she’d believe it.
---
Her specialty was guns, plain and simple. She liked them because unlike a knife, you didn’t feel the person dying on your hands when you killed them.
“You don’t really believe that.” Roy said gently.
She didn’t. But a lie to keep her going, to keep her protecting the people of this nation was worth something. She’d keep getting more and more blood on her hands, the nameless assassin who kept the nation safe.
Who kept Roy Mustang safe, on the right path, moving upwards.
“I want you to watch my back.” He stood up. “You understand? That means that if at any time I step off the right path, you shoot me and you kill me with those hands. You have that right.”
She did-she’d put him on this path in the first place… she’d turned the boy she loved into a murderer… she’d… created this. And she would see it through to the end, no matter what it cost her.
“We’re going to fix this place.” He said softly. “I’ll rise to the top and change the way this whole country runs, stop wars like this, stop the needless slaughter.”
He looked deep into her eyes. “I’m going to the top. Will you follow me?”
“If it’s your wish, then even to hell.” She saluted him, unblinking-no matter the cost to her, she would protect this man and his dream.
Achieving that goal was more important than anything else. It was bigger than him, than her… then them.
She had to keep saying that to herself.
She had to.
---
Time passes, not much anybody can do about it. Eventually the day of the wedding arrived, and Roy stood in the designated ‘groom’s dressing room,’ staring at himself in the mirror. His formal military outfit... an outfit he hadn’t really worn since Maes’ funeral.
Hair slicked back, a dazzling smile ready to play on his lips... but a sadness in his eyes that betrayed his true feelings on the matter only to people who knew him well.
There was a light knock on the door.
Riza stood in the doorway, in her pretty red dress she’d bought just for the occasion. “Hey.” He said softly.
She smiled at him. “You look nice, sir.” She fixed one of his medals so it was a bit more straight and took a step back. “Very kingly.” She decided. “You’re just one step closer to achieving everything we’ve ever worked for.”
“Lieutenant...” I know it’s probably too late.
“Sir, it’s alright.” She smiled for him, but couldn’t keep eye contact for too long. “I just... I wanted to give you my wedding present personally.” She placed a small box in his hand.
“I should go get a seat.” She mumbled quickly. “Don’t want to get stuck at the back.”
Roy had never really planned for Riza to be one of his groomsmen... hell, his ideal wedding had her as the bride. But Camille wouldn’t hear of having a woman on as one of the groomsmen, and so Riza was delegated to the audience. As such, she also wasn’t allowed to sit at the main table.
“Hawkeye, wait.” He touched her shoulder, and she stared into his eyes. “...thank you.” He said finally. “For... for looking after me until now.”
“I’m not planning on going anywhere, sir.” And she smiled the saddest smile in the world.
“I know. But thank you anyway.”
He didn’t kiss her this time. Cheating on your wedding day... he wasn’t quite sure he could do that to Camille. “I’ll see you in the main hall.” She said after a pause. “Good luck.”
Once she was gone he tore open her little present... a lighter with his transmutation circle engraved on the side... and beside it, she’d engraved a little message.
“Even if your gloves get wet.
I will always stay by your side.
Yours, RH”
---
Madame and the girls had been delegated to sit at the back of the great hall in which the wedding was taking place. Camille hadn’t wanted people like that getting into any of the wedding photos, or giving anyone the wrong idea about what sort of family they were going to be.
This was an important wedding between two important people- it was going to be perfect, and people would be talking about it for years to come.
Roy watched as his half of the room filled up with various military personnel, the Elrics, the Hughes, and there was Riza, right at the front, smiling sweetly at him. This was harder for him than it was for her, she was realizing... it was the least she could do to offer her support, a smile...
The music started playing and everyone's eyes went to the back of the room, where lovely Camille strode down the aisle on her father’s arm, radiant wedding dress, sparkling grey eyes...
And Roy was the only person in the room who wasn’t looking at her. Well, no. His eyes were locked with Riza’s-- the wedding march sounded more like the drums at an execution in his ears.
Camille finally arrived at the front of the room and took Roy’s hands, shaking him out of his trance, eyes torn away from his Lieutenant. The judge leading the ceremony cleared his throat and began.
“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the union of Roy Mustang and Camille Grey in holy matrimony. To usher in a new era of peace and prosperity to our great nation, and to allow these two lovers to embark on a journey of new love, life, and great things to come.”
He was getting married for a reason-- this was for Amestris, for Riza... make the world a better place, stop genocides from happening again... for Riza... protect her from wars, wash the blood from her hands... make the whole flame alchemy thing worth it... Become the Fuhrer. Change things, make it so Maes hadn’t died in vain... for Hawkeye... he’d... give up everything to make her proud... everything.
Havoc stood beside him, and gently touched his shoulder. Everything about this wedding was wrong. Roy’s family should be celebrating with him, Hughes should have been here, Riza should be on his arm... it shouldn’t be such a stuck up, miserable event. Roy smiled weakly, suddenly acutely aware of how miserable he must have looked in that moment.
“Do you, Camille Grey take Roy Mustang to be your lawfully wedded husband? To have and to hold, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, for better for worse, to cherish and honor and love as long as you both shall live?”
She blushed and smiled up at her fiance. “I do. Of course I do.” She gave his hands a tiny squeeze.
“And do you, Roy Mustang take Camille Grey to be your lawfully wedded wife?”
No.
“To have and to hold,”
No. No dammit, no. She’s not... she’s not the one I want.
“For richer for poorer,”
Yeah right, like she would marry me if I didn’t have the money.
“In sickness or in health,”
Like she’d even get near me if I was sick... Hawkeye’s the one who looks after me...
“For better for worse,”
Yeah, if I ever lose the Fuhrer’s seat... if I ever lose my looks... yeah right.
“To cherish and honor and love for as long as you both shall live?”
Roy stared at her, beautiful blue eyes sparkling with joy... she was positively radiant today... this was everything she’d ever wanted her wedding to be. “I...” He swallowed, resigned to go through with it...
But his eyes drifted (as they so often did) to Riza... sitting near the front, hands folded neatly in her lap... their eyes met, she smiled... and then she looked away so he wouldn’t see her heart being crushed.. Sweet girl... stood by him, always stood by him.
“I can’t.” He dropped Camille’s hands.
“I can’t. I’m sorry.”
“Oh thank fucking god.” Havoc muttered under his breath. He and most of the other subordinates had planned to stand up and say yes when the judge asked if anyone had any reason why these two should not be wed.
Camille stared at him, unbelieving. This wasn’t happening. Not on her wedding day, not on this day she’d been planning for months and months when she’d finally found the perfect guy. Tears streamed down her face, spoiling her makeup... and she slapped him as hard as she could across the face.
“God dammit, Roy.” She managed. “I hope you’re fucking happy.” She ran away from Central HQ’s ceremony room, followed by a train of her bridesmaids.
Riza just looked at him... and she smiled.
---
In retrospect, Roy probably could have chosen a more discrete way to end his engagement to lovely Camille-General Grey was furious, and it wasn’t exactly surprising when he tried to get Roy transferred to the far corners of the earth.
He wasn’t successful; honestly a lot of the other higher-ups found his hissy fit hilarious, and Fuhrer Grumman especially was quite pleased with this new turn of events.
And so things settled back once more into a routine, Roy’s group of subordinates had to work double time to pick up the political pieces that his public scandal had littered all over Central.
It wasn’t too bad-a lot of women were glad to see Roy back on the market, the speculation over what manner of woman could have gotten Roy Mustang to do such a thing quickly made the young General a household name-always good for politics.
The sparkle came back into Roy’s eyes, a small smile played on Riza’s lips, and everything was as it should be. But like after the promised day, there was still the question of: well, what now?
They still worked together, that issue had never gone away… but now when they were alone he held her hand, kissed her cheeks… no more quick fucks on the desk, no more stealing kisses in closets… he had her, he had her and he was going to enjoy every moment of it.
They’d fucked before, but it was only after the almost wedding that they truly made love. He took her to bed, kissed her neck, her cheeks… cupped her face in his hand and just smiled.
“I love you.” He said softly, and for the first time in his life he meant it. “I love you and I’m never going to let you go.”
She smiled and nuzzled up against his face, pressing their foreheads together and kissing him. “It might have been smarter to go through with the marriage…” She teased.
“Yeah. Well, you should have been up there at the alter with me to stop me from doing anything stupid.” He chuckled and slowly unbuttoned his shirt, shrugging it off his shoulders. He took his time now undressing her, kissing her skin, her hair...
“I love you.” He whispered again. “My Riza… my love…” He cradled her close, gently spread her legs, and took her-his lips sealed over hers, vowing his devotion, his adoration…
They rocked together, scars touching, Riza whimpering with pleasure and love and... oh god...
She shut her eyes and kissed his neck. This was right. This was so, fucking, right.
---
News of Grumman’s impending retirement spread quickly, he was old and tired and wanted to buy a ranch in the west, get a horse and a dog and enjoy his golden years in peace. More surprising however was his final act as Fuhrer- abolishing the old method of Fuhrer placement, opting instead for a general election from the public. Let them choose who would lead the nation, get Amestris started on the road to democracy.
General Grey did his best to smear Roy-digging up his record in the Ishballan war (this backfired, most people thought he was a war hero and even the Ishballans had respect for the man who had helped rebuild their nation for three years), putting homosexual allegations out about Roy’s relationship with Maes Hughes (though without any proof, and considering Hughes had been dead for many years, this didn’t go anywhere either. Gracia’s press conference on the matter further dragged the General’s credibility through the dirt), and finally he told the story of his Camille, how she’d been shamed and dumped at the alter for some blonde whore who slept her way to the top of the military.
Roy’s response to that little allegation was simple-he called members of the press to his main meeting room and smiled. “I love this woman.” He pulled Riza close. “She has been with me from the time I was 16, rooting for me from the background no matter how badly I screwed up. She helped me when I burned my eyebrows off trying flame alchemy for the first time, she got me through Ishbal by being showing me how much this nation needed to change, she helped me through a humiliating transfer, through my guilt over what happened in the war, when my best friend was murdered at the hands of the old administration, when my subordinate was paralyzed, even when I lost my eyesight. This woman has seen me to hell and back and has never asked me for anything but my integrity and devotion to this nation in return. Camille Grey is a wonderful, beautiful, intelligent woman. But she’s not the woman I love, and I couldn’t allow myself to lie to the people of Amestris like that, even if her father did threaten to slander me if I backed out. Riza Hawkeye is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with, and if I become Fuhrer, I’m going to ask her to marry me.”
He kissed her on the cheek, and the press snapped photograph after photograph… this was gold, a love story that anyone could get behind.
“I apologize for any grief I’ve caused the Grey family, but I want to start my presidency on the right foot-with honesty, integrity, and this woman by my side. Over the last 10 years, my team and I have worked tirelessly for this country. I want to keep doing so in an even greater capacity-I only hope that the people of Amestris give me that opportunity. I will not let you down. A new era of peace and prosperity is upon us-We’re thrustang for Mustang.”
Riza pushed Roy aside and took her place at the podium. “We’re still working on the campaign slogan.”
---
The process of getting elected was completely exhausting, there was all the press conferences and photos and debates and he was glad when the election day finally arrived. Their campaign war room was full of beer and cake and all the men and women who had pushed Roy this far from the time he stepped foot in Ishbal until now-- hell, even Edward and Alphonse had come along for the ride.
They waited on the edge of their seats for the radio announcement as to the winner of this first ever democratic race in their nation...
“The votes are in!”
Roy held Riza’s hand and squeezed it.
“This has been one hell of a race! But we can finally call the results... I just wanna say how close this has been! They were running neck and neck... but it’s the Ishballan vote that has ensured victory for... General Roy Mustang!! We’re on fire for you, Fuhrer! Woo!”
The entire room burst into cheers, Denny grabbed Maria’s hand and smiled, Rebecca pulled Havoc’s tie and kissed him... and in the center of the room, Roy and Riza were staring into each other’s eyes, just smiling... fingers intertwined.
They had done it. They had really, really done it.
“Fuhrer! They want you to make your victory speech!”
He turned away from his Riza and smiled. “Come with me.” He said softly. “I want you by my side for this, I want you right there with me from day one. You still wanna follow me right? Even though I already met my goals?”
She smiled and squeezed his hand. “You might need someone to keep you in line more than ever now.” Riza teased. “I’ll be right there beside you.”
Fuhrer Roy Mustang made his way to their little radio broadcast station that they had in his office, cleared his throat, and addressed his people as king for the first time.
“Thank you, people of Amestris, for granting me the chance to really make something of this nation. I’ve worked tirelessly since the Ishbal war to move away from the old Bradley era of war and destruction into a new era of peace and diplomacy. Together, with all of you, I want to carve a beautiful new world of democracy, of prosperity, of freedom and equality for all citizens of our nation. There’s still a long way yet to climb, a lot of bad blood between our nation and the rest of the world... hell, even among some people within this country. But I want the healing process to begin now... welcome, all of you, to the golden age.”
The room applauded, his men raised their beers, Madame and the girls cheered for him.
“Now if you don’t mind, I’d like to make good on one of my campaign promises.” He took Riza’s hand and got down on one knee. “Riza Hawkeye... will you marry me? Stay by my side, and help me lead this nation?”
Throughout the nation, people clapped and grinned at their radios, some squealed with delight, others wept, and some just sat on the edge of their seats waiting to see what she would say.
“Of course.” She whispered, falling into his arms. “Of course I will...!”
He held her close and kissed her, and all across Amestris, people were cheering.
---
Their wedding was a few months later, and honestly it was a much happier affair than the Mustang-Grey union had been. No assigned seats, everyone they loved had gathered in Central’s biggest park, near the lake in the middle where all the ducks liked to hang out. Armstrong had practically insisted he be the one to perform the ceremony-- after all, a strong wedding was the start to a strong marriage! He had a wedding technique that had been passed down through the generations! (Plus his sparkles made for good wedding photos.)
Roy held her close the whole time the vows were read, his forehead pressed against hers, staring into her eyes. She was so lovely in the dress, he only snapped back to reality when he heard her say “I do” and blush ever so slightly.
“And do you, Fuhrer Roy Mustang take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, to cherish and love, to honor and embrace til death do you part?”
He just smiled. “Of course I do... of course.” He started kissing her before Armstrong got the chance to speak again.
“You may now kiss the bri-- ah. Alright then.” He just smiled, and Madame and the girls and Havoc and everyone else who had loved them and helped them burst into applause. This was what weddings were supposed to be like.
They stared into each other’s eyes and smiled-- this was right, this was exactly the way things were supposed to be. Roy held her close, and swore to anyone who would listen that he would never let this woman go again.
The story doesn’t end here, of course. The two of them had a long road yet to travel: fixing the country, building bridges to Xing, Drachma, Creta and Aerugo, fixing Ishballan relations, wrangling Edward.... hell, maybe even having a child or two along the way...
But this is where we’ll leave them, on a bright road with a bright future-- hearts light, eyes sparkling, and the sneaking suspicion that somehow... Hughes was watching them both and smiling.
He could barely remember a time he’d felt more lost than when Riza was transferred away from him... his stomach had dropped, blood run cold in his ears.
“I’ve taken your woman hostage.” Bradley had sneered. “You act up again, I’ll do far worse than just making a transfer.”
“That’s just how it’s going to be.”
Roy had been silent... he’d been bested, there was no doubt about that. Riza was being used against him- the woman he needed and trusted more than anyone else in the world... she would never be his downfall, but he did not know how to recover from this.
He found her after his meeting with Bradley, she’d waited close to ten hours for him... and he loved her for her loyalty, hated her for putting herself at risk again.
They drove away from Central HQ in silence, Roy with his hands in his lap, Riza’s eyes on the road... “Don’t get killed.” He eventually said. “That’s a direct order from your commanding officer.”
“You technically aren’t my commanding officer anymore.” She said softly, a tired smile on her lips.
Implications hung in the air... one last night together, no technical fraternization risk, no technical abuse of power... he looked at her, and she moved her eyes away.
“Lieutenant...” He whispered, grabbing her hand as she pulled up to his apartment building. “Come upstairs.”
“It’s dangerous.” She said quickly. “We’re being watched.”
“I know.” He stroked the side of her face, and kissed the side of her mouth. “I don’t want to lose you...” And I feel like I already have.
She looked up at him, touched his face. “We don’t want to make things more complicated.” She told him. “They’re just waiting for us to slip up... any reason to... to string you out.” She kissed him on the cheek and moved away.
“Get some sleep. We need to figure out a plan.”
He got out of the car and looked at her before he closed the door. “I’m not going to let them hurt you.” He told her. “I promise you we’ll both come out of this alive. Be sharp, stay in contact.” He saluted her.
She smiled. “Keep safe, Colonel. You don’t have the best bodyguard in the military anymore.”
He nodded, eyes warm. “You too.” I love you.
I love you, and please, please don’t die.
---
He entered her apartment, said hello to Hayate and sat down across from her in her living room. They looked at each other, Riza wondering if she’d be able to resist him this time, Roy wondering what the hell he was hoping to accomplish by being here.
“Sir... it’s very late.” She finally said, after a long pause. “What’s the matter?”
He sighed and looked at his hands. “Camille... asked me to have you transferred out of my office.”
Her heart hit the floor. “Oh.” Riza swallowed, and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.
“I don’t want to do that.” Roy said softly. “I don’t want you out of my life. Especially...” Especially if I’m married to... to her. He smiled weakly. “I’m a mess without you around to keep me in line.”
Riza nodded. “I... wouldn’t be out of your life, sir. Just out of the office.” She knew that was a lie; Camille would never let them see each other... hell, she might even use General Grey’s authority to have her transferred to somewhere even more remote than Briggs.
“I’m not going to do it.” He said. “I can’t lose you.” I need you. I’ve always needed you. You are the best part of me.
Another pause. “Does... she know about what happened today?” Riza asked quietly.
“She has her theories.” Roy replied, surprised that Riza was even bringing their brief impropriety into the conversation. And all of a sudden it was back in his mind, his hand in her hair, tongue in her mouth, grinding against the wall... pressing against her, trousers tight and hot and... “She said it feels like our relationship is getting a bit crowded.”
Riza nodded again... so many questions bubbling to her throat-- are you happy, do you want this, is it worth it... will she leave you if...
“Lieutenant.” He sat beside her. “I won’t have you transferred. You’re my bodyguard, I need you. You keep me on the right path. You... you’ve been with me since the beginning, I can’t throw that away.”
She smiled sadly. “You want to be Fuhrer. You want to make the world a better place.” She whispered. “That’s more important than my feelings.” Riza reached over and squeezed his hand. “You want to make your bride happy, right?”
He threaded his fingers in hers. “I want you.” He said gently. “I don’t...” She pressed their lips together-- a somewhat calculated move to stop him from admitting he wanted to break off the engagement... because Riza decided in that moment, that starting an affair with her commanding officer meant he’d be more likely to stay with Camille, and more likely to get the Fuhrer’s seat...
She could be the other woman, for him.
“Hawkeye..” He whispered, stroking her face. “I lov--” She kissed him again, this wasn’t what he needed to be saying. “Shh..” She told him gently. “Don’t talk.”
He looked at her sadly, and nodded. He wouldn’t talk... talking made everything too real, too complicated. This was just a fuck between coworkers because he’d had a fight with his fiance, nothing more.
Never more than that.
Roy pulled her close and just held their bodies together. I love you. He kissed her cheek, ran his fingers through her hair. Please, please let me say it. He kissed her lips slowly, gently... if he couldn’t say he loved her... at least... at least let this one time be loving... be warm...
But Riza wasn’t sure she could handle being made love to right now... just a fuck, just a quick, painless grinding of their bodies together... satisfy their lust, keep his political dreams intact.
She kissed him hard and fast, and pulled his jacket open. Her mouth was on his neck, his chest, and she straddled him on the couch. I’m so sorry. She pulled off her nightshirt, leaned down to kiss him again. I just can’t... let this be more than it is.
And it wasn’t.
Just two people having sex on a couch.
---
She lay her head on his chest and sighed. Maybe this would become a more permanent thing. Maybe she could survive their marriage and children and life together by knowing that he was hers still, sometimes.
She gently brushed her fingers against the scar on his side and smiled. “It’s healing well.” She said softly. “And we have a matching set of flame alchemist scars.” She kissed his cheek.
He smiled and stroked her shoulder. “I suppose we do at that.” He let his fingers find the thin line on her neck, the wound that had almost taken her away from him. “You’re beautiful.” He whispered.
And she looked away, silent.
Once again this conversation was getting a little bit too close to blowing away the fog of deceit Riza had wrapped around them. He’d say he loved her, that he couldn’t go through with the marriage, that this was a huge mistake... and she’d say yes, please call it off, I love you and I’ve always loved you.
“You should go.” She said finally. “Camille will worry if you don’t come home at all tonight.”
Roy sighed and nodded and pulled his clothes back on slowly. “I’ll... I’ll call you later, okay?” He smiled at her, buttoning his fly.
She nodded and handed him his shirt. “Sure.”
He finished dressing himself in silence, cool cloth of his shirt kissing the rough skin of his scar. She hadn’t been repulsed by him... she...
“I’ll see you.” He said softly. “And I’m not going to transfer you away from me. I don’t care what Camille says.”
“Sir, she’s your fiance... you know better. Try and calm her down, I’m sure there’s a way to get what you want without making her angry.” Riza looked at her feet. Camille had every reason to be angry and suspicious... she’d just fucked a man who was getting married in a few weeks. She’d just fucked her boss, her friend...
And they were talking like nothing had changed.
“If I do get transferred, just make it somewhere less cold than Briggs.” She offered a sad smile.
“I’ll do my best.” He squeezed her shoulder and didn’t kiss her. Because he knew that if he did, he’d tell her he loved her, that he needed her... and he knew that right now, she didn’t want to hear it.
---
In that moment, Riza wondered if the last thing she’d ever see was Roy looking at her, watching the life drain out of her body as she was used (once again) as a bargaining chip to make the Colonel comply. She clutched at her neck, sight getting blurry... urging him with her eyes.
You don’t need to do human transmutation.
And he looked at her like she was out of her mind. I can’t lose you! I can’t! I can’t!!
She looked at the ceiling. Help is coming. You don’t need to do human... you don’t...
His trust for her was implicit, and he lowered his eyes. He trusted her with his own life... could he do the same with hers, even knowing how much more she valued his safety than her own?
Moments later she was in his arms, and every fiber of his body was telling him to kiss her once and for all, tell her he loved her and that she was never allowed to make him worry like that again.
“You understood my eye signal...” She whispered. I’m proud of you. I knew you wouldn’t let me die.
“We’ve been together for so long, after all.” He held her tight. You scared the shit out of me... I love you. I love you and I’ve always loved you.
He didn’t kiss her (they had too many things to do) but he didn’t let her go either. He swore to himself, positively swore, that he was never going to let her out of his sight again.
The last thing he saw was a grinning white monster steal away his eyesight before he was plopped unceremoniously onto a cool concrete floor. It took him a few moments to realize just what had been taken from him... and his life, his future, his dreams flashed before his dead grey eyes. No way he’d be Fuhrer, no way Hawkeye would follow him now... Hawkeye... was she even alive? She must be worried sick...
He hated being separated from her... being blind made it all the worse. She was his right hand, his eyes, his rock; and she was gone and he didn’t even know if she was breathing... People whizzed around him, there was a fight and he was useless without her...
And in a terrible darkness they found each other once more, beautiful bleeding Riza, terrified that she had really lost him this time; blind, defeated Roy, looking for where her voice had come from... dead eyes seeing nothing but black, only black. "I'm here." She said softly. "Right by your side." Her voice guided his hands to her, and he pulled her close to his body- feeling grounded, secure, like the world wasn't ending for the first time since his eyesight was taken.
He held her close as she directed his flames, her shoulders quivering (maybe from blood loss, or adrenaline... the euphoria that they were finally, finally together) ever so slightly, and he could hear her breathing beside him, smell her warm flesh. Somewhere at the back of his mind he knew that he would probably never see her again, and he squeezed her closer.
She was his anchor now, she kept him from hyperventilating, from panicking when he realized just how dire being completely blind actually was.
Riza held him steady, not judging, but caring, wonderful.
He needed her more than he needed anybody in the entire world. She protected him, kept him on his feet, on the right path... and she made him see how beautiful the world was, even in war, even in darkness... she was a constant light that shone throughout everything.
And he wondered if he’d ever get a chance to tell her.
---
He didn’t really want to go home at all that night. He could stay with Madame maybe, get a hotel... dammit. He knew he had to go back to her... no sense messing up the wedding now. Not after all he’d given up already.
Roy trudged into his apartment and kissed Camille on the head. She had waited up for him, the worry evident in her eyes-- he could tell she’d been crying.
“You were out pretty late.” She said softly. “I missed you.”
“Yeah.” He muttered. “Sorry.”
They were silent for a while; Roy picked up his book to read, Camille just watched him, eyes searching for any clues as to where he was, what he had been doing... But to the untrained eye, Roy was completely unreadable. He might have just been at the florists for all she knew.
“Are you angry?” She finally asked, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear.
“Yes, I am.” He replied, not looking up from his book.
Another long silence filled the room.
“I won’t make you transfer her away.” She finally said. “I... just...” He looked up at her, eyes cold. “Sorry. I know she’s so important to you... and...” She sighed. “And making her leave is just going to drive us farther apart.”
He squeezed her hand. “Thank you.” He finally said. “This means a lot.”
She just smiled, her sad, beautiful smile. “Roy? You... you love me, right?”
He didn’t say anything-- he just touched her face, leaned in, and kissed her.
---
The weeks leading up to the wedding were uneventful for the most part; Riza tried to forget their night together in her apartment, Roy tried to pretend that this wasn’t actually going to happen-- that he wasn’t going to get up before all of his friends and family and lie to them about who he loved, who he wanted to spend his life with.
Sometimes they’d be alone together in his office, and he’d press her up against the wall, kissing her desperately-- she was the air he breathed, the only person in the world who could get him through this bullshit.
And Riza would shut her eyes, and convince herself that this was exactly what it felt like-- he needed a fuck, and she was there. She couldn’t let herself think that this was more than that... that he needed her body, her touch... that Riza Hawkeye was the only thing keeping him on his feet while he lived out this sham.
Quick trysts in the office, maybe her place, a few times a week... she’d seal his mouth with hers, whimper under his touch, and hold him close. It was entirely possible she’d told him she loved him once, when he made her cum particularly hard... and it was entirely possible to pretend that any and all passionate outbursts were due to lust and nothing more.
Riza would think about him when she got home... fingers snaking between her legs, eyes shut, pretending it was him... he’d be on her, lips on her neck, grinding hard... and only in her mind would she allow him to say that he loved her.
Staring at the photograph she had of the two of them... maybe Maes had taken it, she’d fallen asleep on his shoulder... and he’d fallen asleep on her head... she couldn’t remember when it was taken, maybe on a train back from Eastern City... but that face... that serene smile... his lips on hers, on her ears... and....
She’d tighten around her fingers... and wait for the phone to start ringing.
He’d call Riza nearly every night, often from a secret line in his apartment, sometimes from a street corner... it was hard for Roy to fall asleep without hearing her voice at least once. She could make him smile, her voice brought a calmness to his heart that no one else could match.
Camille turned a blind eye, kept her distance. All this she could endure... because she was going to marry the future Fuhrer of Amestris. She kept telling herself: this is worth it, you don’t love him, it’s worth it, it’s worth it...
What the hell was she so surprised about? Men in power had mistresses.
Still. She felt like a fool.
Losing out to that masculine fusspot, didn’t even bother doing her hair nicely or wearing makeup... only wore those disgusting uniforms all the time...
Roy often heard her crying whenever he pretended to be asleep... Large tears cascading down her porcelain cheeks, muffling her sobs in a pillow... poor thing. He’d debate with himself over whether to pretend to wake up, hold her in his arms and comfort her... but no. She wouldn’t want him to see her like that.
She didn’t like to cry in front of others, it wasn’t dignified.
Maybe that was something she and Riza had in common.
---
Roy could only remember seeing her cry once... maybe that was the same day he realized that she was completely, desperately in love with him.
Honestly, there wasn’t much else from that day he remembered clearly... getting stabbed in the side, watching Havoc fall... turning his flames against himself, his comrade... and thinking at the back of his mind... Riza’s going to be next. I’ll find her and she’ll have a hole in her head, bleeding out, waiting for me... dying at the hands (at the claws?) of his murderer.
He burned himself again, screaming in agony as the flames licked as his side. He couldn’t afford to have it start bleeding again... not when her life was at stake... not at such a critical moment...
The lighter clicked again, and he screamed...flesh melting shut, blood boiling on the surface of his skin... over and over he screamed. Havoc wasn’t even responding anymore, his desperation renewed itself... not one more person would die because of him... not one more friend or loved one... please... somebody....
He wasn’t quite sure where within himself he found the strength to pick up his feet and follow that woman-- it wasn’t hard, just follow the stench of burning fat and blood...
Screams resounded through the hallways, followed by gunshots... round after round... occasionally a magazine would hit the floor... there was only so long she would be able to keep herself alive with her guns...
And here he was, barely able to keep on his feet.
He found her finally, weeping, on her knees, unable to stand... and it became quite obvious what had transpired between the two beautiful women.
With the very last of his strength, he let forth an inferno against the woman who had made Riza cry--- a click of the lighter, the circle on his hand lit up and flames leaped at her, kissing her cheeks... caressing her thighs, her lips.
And even as he shot out blast after blast, Riza tried to reach him... to touch his hand, confirm he was really, truly there. Her loyalty moved him... her love made his resolve to survive all the stronger.
He dominated Lust with his fire, until finally she crumbled into nothing... leaving Roy wounded, weak, and tumbling to the ground.
Riza was on him in an instant, almost too afraid to touch him, tears still running down her face.
She helped him onto his back, so his wound wouldn’t feel any worse than it had to.
“Sir... oh god, sir, are you alright?” She wiped her eyes and he smiled.
“Lieutenant... you’re safe..” I made it in time... thank you...
“Sir please, worry about yourself!!” You idiot! You’re dying... oh god I thought... I thought that I... She let go of him, and knelt beside him, new tears falling down her cheeks.
And in that moment he realized how deeply she loved him... how much that relationship had grown since they were teenagers... her heart was his, and likewise he belonged onto to her... she was alive... thank goodness...
“Alphonse.. thank you for keeping my Lieutenant safe.” If you hadn’t been here... if she had died alone in this place...
“Worry about yourself! We need to get you to a doctor!!”
“Yes... get a doctor for... for Havoc...”
His vision was getting blurry, and as he shut his eyes he could feel her tense up, move her body closer... hell, he swore he could even feel a few stray tears land on his face. Sweet girl... worried about him... always keeping him safe...
If he lost her... If... anything happened to her...
He.... couldn’t...
And then the world went black.
---
The men in the office weren’t really sure what to make of the whole situation. Fuery couldn’t stand to see Riza so sad, he couldn’t bear to see Roy with any other woman in the world. Hell, even Hayate seemed pretty bummed out by the whole thing.
Breda figured maybe it was for the best in the long run... it wasn’t like Hawkeye and Mustang could get together anyway, not if he had his eye on the top prize of leading the nation one day... but still... they both looked a bit dead inside. And honestly Camille scared the crap out of him.
Falman figured that statistically, marrying Camille was the best possible way for Roy to ensure the Fuhrer’s seat... but hell... this all just felt... so wrong.
And Havoc... while he was honored to be Roy’s best man, this wasn’t the wedding he’d envisioned. Their little team was like a family, a perfect unit that trusted each other implicitly, would kill or die for each other... but he knew that probably, honestly, their little troupe wouldn’t survive this wedding. Riza would leave or be kicked out, Roy would be pushed towards General Grey and away from the rest of them... and that would be the end of it.
“Sir.” Havoc started when they were alone during one lunch hour. “Permission to speak freely?”
“Sure.”
“You... you’re really sure you want to go through with this?” He stamped out his cigarette on the ground, and Roy just chuckled.
“Not really.” He said after a short pause. “You make sacrifices sometimes, for the greater good.”
Havoc just nodded. Aw hell.
Jean Havoc wasn’t the only one who had something to say on the matter... Gracia had poked her nose in in that gentle way she had, advising that maybe... maybe Roy had rushed into this whole business too quickly.
Roy suspected she didn’t have the heart to say what she really thought... that Maes would probably be kicking his ass for getting married to this woman if he could.
Madame and the girls had a few choice words on the matter as well-- obviously their boy was completely insane to give up the love of his life for some rich bitch social climber, obviously he had no sense of romance at all and obviously.... obviously they could see how miserable he was and wanted to correct it.
Roy kissed each of his sisters on the head and smiled. “I’ll be alright.” He promised them. “After all, I have you guys don’t I?”
Madame just sighed. “I could get rid of her if she causes you trouble.” Roy just laughed. “I’ll manage.” He promised. “Really. It’s okay.”
And they all just looked at him. Stupid self sacrificing bastard. Doesn’t know a good thing when it bites him in the ass.
But they loved him anyway... and each time he came to them when he needed some unbridled adoration, they were happy to give it to him in droves.
He was their Roy-boy, even if he was a stupid piece of shit. They loved him anyway, as Hawkeye did-- He was their stupid piece of shit.
And they stood by him.
Alphonse had found out during a brief visit to Central to add more books to the Central library’s alkahestry collection... he’d given Roy a smile, and looked sadly at Lieutenant Hawkeye... he’d never even considered the possibility of Roy getting married to someone else. Winry had a similar reaction; she held her tongue as well. It wasn’t her business who this man chose to marry, really.
And Edward... He just stared at his wedding invitation and shook his head. That stupid, stupid rat bastard General. Self sacrificing idiotic morally bankrupt son of a bitch...
---
As the wedding drew closer, Roy was dragged into more and more social obligations with Camille and her family. She was important, of course, she knew important people, of course, and Roy needed to show his face if he wanted to get anywhere in this world.
Maybe it was for the best; the more time he spent with his fiancée, the less time he spent cheating on her.
But Riza felt his absence, an ache in her chest that wouldn’t leave.
“Hawkeye.” Havoc walked up to her, placed a hand on her shoulder. “You holding up okay?”
She smiled. “Yeah.” She said softly. “I’ll be fine.”
“He… he’s not the only guy in the world you know. Millions of guys would do anything to be with you.” He shifted on his feet. “I was wondering if maybe I could take you out sometime.”
She looked at him sadly. “I don’t think that’s appropriate.”
“He didn’t wait for you.” Jean reminded her gently. “You don’t need to suffer alone like this. He wouldn’t want you to be this miserable.”
No, he probably wouldn’t. Probably wouldn’t want her to be his mistress, probably wouldn’t want her to wait up all night for his calls, to cringe whenever Camille came into the office.
Hell, maybe even seeing Riza happy would make the marriage easier-make him feel less like he destroyed her, more like he set her free from being chained and drowned by the Flame Alchemist.
And Havoc… so sweet, so gentle… so handsome and loyal… probably would treat her like a goddamned princess.
And yet…
“I’m sorry.” She said quickly. “Falling for someone you work with is messy. I can’t.”
She touched his arm and smiled. “I’ll be alright, Jean. All of us will make it through this, General Mustang will be Fuhrer and we’ll make the country stronger. As a team. We can be happy like that.”
Maybe if she said it enough times, she’d believe it.
---
Her specialty was guns, plain and simple. She liked them because unlike a knife, you didn’t feel the person dying on your hands when you killed them.
“You don’t really believe that.” Roy said gently.
She didn’t. But a lie to keep her going, to keep her protecting the people of this nation was worth something. She’d keep getting more and more blood on her hands, the nameless assassin who kept the nation safe.
Who kept Roy Mustang safe, on the right path, moving upwards.
“I want you to watch my back.” He stood up. “You understand? That means that if at any time I step off the right path, you shoot me and you kill me with those hands. You have that right.”
She did-she’d put him on this path in the first place… she’d turned the boy she loved into a murderer… she’d… created this. And she would see it through to the end, no matter what it cost her.
“We’re going to fix this place.” He said softly. “I’ll rise to the top and change the way this whole country runs, stop wars like this, stop the needless slaughter.”
He looked deep into her eyes. “I’m going to the top. Will you follow me?”
“If it’s your wish, then even to hell.” She saluted him, unblinking-no matter the cost to her, she would protect this man and his dream.
Achieving that goal was more important than anything else. It was bigger than him, than her… then them.
She had to keep saying that to herself.
She had to.
---
Time passes, not much anybody can do about it. Eventually the day of the wedding arrived, and Roy stood in the designated ‘groom’s dressing room,’ staring at himself in the mirror. His formal military outfit... an outfit he hadn’t really worn since Maes’ funeral.
Hair slicked back, a dazzling smile ready to play on his lips... but a sadness in his eyes that betrayed his true feelings on the matter only to people who knew him well.
There was a light knock on the door.
Riza stood in the doorway, in her pretty red dress she’d bought just for the occasion. “Hey.” He said softly.
She smiled at him. “You look nice, sir.” She fixed one of his medals so it was a bit more straight and took a step back. “Very kingly.” She decided. “You’re just one step closer to achieving everything we’ve ever worked for.”
“Lieutenant...” I know it’s probably too late.
“Sir, it’s alright.” She smiled for him, but couldn’t keep eye contact for too long. “I just... I wanted to give you my wedding present personally.” She placed a small box in his hand.
“I should go get a seat.” She mumbled quickly. “Don’t want to get stuck at the back.”
Roy had never really planned for Riza to be one of his groomsmen... hell, his ideal wedding had her as the bride. But Camille wouldn’t hear of having a woman on as one of the groomsmen, and so Riza was delegated to the audience. As such, she also wasn’t allowed to sit at the main table.
“Hawkeye, wait.” He touched her shoulder, and she stared into his eyes. “...thank you.” He said finally. “For... for looking after me until now.”
“I’m not planning on going anywhere, sir.” And she smiled the saddest smile in the world.
“I know. But thank you anyway.”
He didn’t kiss her this time. Cheating on your wedding day... he wasn’t quite sure he could do that to Camille. “I’ll see you in the main hall.” She said after a pause. “Good luck.”
Once she was gone he tore open her little present... a lighter with his transmutation circle engraved on the side... and beside it, she’d engraved a little message.
“Even if your gloves get wet.
I will always stay by your side.
Yours, RH”
---
Madame and the girls had been delegated to sit at the back of the great hall in which the wedding was taking place. Camille hadn’t wanted people like that getting into any of the wedding photos, or giving anyone the wrong idea about what sort of family they were going to be.
This was an important wedding between two important people- it was going to be perfect, and people would be talking about it for years to come.
Roy watched as his half of the room filled up with various military personnel, the Elrics, the Hughes, and there was Riza, right at the front, smiling sweetly at him. This was harder for him than it was for her, she was realizing... it was the least she could do to offer her support, a smile...
The music started playing and everyone's eyes went to the back of the room, where lovely Camille strode down the aisle on her father’s arm, radiant wedding dress, sparkling grey eyes...
And Roy was the only person in the room who wasn’t looking at her. Well, no. His eyes were locked with Riza’s-- the wedding march sounded more like the drums at an execution in his ears.
Camille finally arrived at the front of the room and took Roy’s hands, shaking him out of his trance, eyes torn away from his Lieutenant. The judge leading the ceremony cleared his throat and began.
“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the union of Roy Mustang and Camille Grey in holy matrimony. To usher in a new era of peace and prosperity to our great nation, and to allow these two lovers to embark on a journey of new love, life, and great things to come.”
He was getting married for a reason-- this was for Amestris, for Riza... make the world a better place, stop genocides from happening again... for Riza... protect her from wars, wash the blood from her hands... make the whole flame alchemy thing worth it... Become the Fuhrer. Change things, make it so Maes hadn’t died in vain... for Hawkeye... he’d... give up everything to make her proud... everything.
Havoc stood beside him, and gently touched his shoulder. Everything about this wedding was wrong. Roy’s family should be celebrating with him, Hughes should have been here, Riza should be on his arm... it shouldn’t be such a stuck up, miserable event. Roy smiled weakly, suddenly acutely aware of how miserable he must have looked in that moment.
“Do you, Camille Grey take Roy Mustang to be your lawfully wedded husband? To have and to hold, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, for better for worse, to cherish and honor and love as long as you both shall live?”
She blushed and smiled up at her fiance. “I do. Of course I do.” She gave his hands a tiny squeeze.
“And do you, Roy Mustang take Camille Grey to be your lawfully wedded wife?”
No.
“To have and to hold,”
No. No dammit, no. She’s not... she’s not the one I want.
“For richer for poorer,”
Yeah right, like she would marry me if I didn’t have the money.
“In sickness or in health,”
Like she’d even get near me if I was sick... Hawkeye’s the one who looks after me...
“For better for worse,”
Yeah, if I ever lose the Fuhrer’s seat... if I ever lose my looks... yeah right.
“To cherish and honor and love for as long as you both shall live?”
Roy stared at her, beautiful blue eyes sparkling with joy... she was positively radiant today... this was everything she’d ever wanted her wedding to be. “I...” He swallowed, resigned to go through with it...
But his eyes drifted (as they so often did) to Riza... sitting near the front, hands folded neatly in her lap... their eyes met, she smiled... and then she looked away so he wouldn’t see her heart being crushed.. Sweet girl... stood by him, always stood by him.
“I can’t.” He dropped Camille’s hands.
“I can’t. I’m sorry.”
“Oh thank fucking god.” Havoc muttered under his breath. He and most of the other subordinates had planned to stand up and say yes when the judge asked if anyone had any reason why these two should not be wed.
Camille stared at him, unbelieving. This wasn’t happening. Not on her wedding day, not on this day she’d been planning for months and months when she’d finally found the perfect guy. Tears streamed down her face, spoiling her makeup... and she slapped him as hard as she could across the face.
“God dammit, Roy.” She managed. “I hope you’re fucking happy.” She ran away from Central HQ’s ceremony room, followed by a train of her bridesmaids.
Riza just looked at him... and she smiled.
---
In retrospect, Roy probably could have chosen a more discrete way to end his engagement to lovely Camille-General Grey was furious, and it wasn’t exactly surprising when he tried to get Roy transferred to the far corners of the earth.
He wasn’t successful; honestly a lot of the other higher-ups found his hissy fit hilarious, and Fuhrer Grumman especially was quite pleased with this new turn of events.
And so things settled back once more into a routine, Roy’s group of subordinates had to work double time to pick up the political pieces that his public scandal had littered all over Central.
It wasn’t too bad-a lot of women were glad to see Roy back on the market, the speculation over what manner of woman could have gotten Roy Mustang to do such a thing quickly made the young General a household name-always good for politics.
The sparkle came back into Roy’s eyes, a small smile played on Riza’s lips, and everything was as it should be. But like after the promised day, there was still the question of: well, what now?
They still worked together, that issue had never gone away… but now when they were alone he held her hand, kissed her cheeks… no more quick fucks on the desk, no more stealing kisses in closets… he had her, he had her and he was going to enjoy every moment of it.
They’d fucked before, but it was only after the almost wedding that they truly made love. He took her to bed, kissed her neck, her cheeks… cupped her face in his hand and just smiled.
“I love you.” He said softly, and for the first time in his life he meant it. “I love you and I’m never going to let you go.”
She smiled and nuzzled up against his face, pressing their foreheads together and kissing him. “It might have been smarter to go through with the marriage…” She teased.
“Yeah. Well, you should have been up there at the alter with me to stop me from doing anything stupid.” He chuckled and slowly unbuttoned his shirt, shrugging it off his shoulders. He took his time now undressing her, kissing her skin, her hair...
“I love you.” He whispered again. “My Riza… my love…” He cradled her close, gently spread her legs, and took her-his lips sealed over hers, vowing his devotion, his adoration…
They rocked together, scars touching, Riza whimpering with pleasure and love and... oh god...
She shut her eyes and kissed his neck. This was right. This was so, fucking, right.
---
News of Grumman’s impending retirement spread quickly, he was old and tired and wanted to buy a ranch in the west, get a horse and a dog and enjoy his golden years in peace. More surprising however was his final act as Fuhrer- abolishing the old method of Fuhrer placement, opting instead for a general election from the public. Let them choose who would lead the nation, get Amestris started on the road to democracy.
General Grey did his best to smear Roy-digging up his record in the Ishballan war (this backfired, most people thought he was a war hero and even the Ishballans had respect for the man who had helped rebuild their nation for three years), putting homosexual allegations out about Roy’s relationship with Maes Hughes (though without any proof, and considering Hughes had been dead for many years, this didn’t go anywhere either. Gracia’s press conference on the matter further dragged the General’s credibility through the dirt), and finally he told the story of his Camille, how she’d been shamed and dumped at the alter for some blonde whore who slept her way to the top of the military.
Roy’s response to that little allegation was simple-he called members of the press to his main meeting room and smiled. “I love this woman.” He pulled Riza close. “She has been with me from the time I was 16, rooting for me from the background no matter how badly I screwed up. She helped me when I burned my eyebrows off trying flame alchemy for the first time, she got me through Ishbal by being showing me how much this nation needed to change, she helped me through a humiliating transfer, through my guilt over what happened in the war, when my best friend was murdered at the hands of the old administration, when my subordinate was paralyzed, even when I lost my eyesight. This woman has seen me to hell and back and has never asked me for anything but my integrity and devotion to this nation in return. Camille Grey is a wonderful, beautiful, intelligent woman. But she’s not the woman I love, and I couldn’t allow myself to lie to the people of Amestris like that, even if her father did threaten to slander me if I backed out. Riza Hawkeye is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with, and if I become Fuhrer, I’m going to ask her to marry me.”
He kissed her on the cheek, and the press snapped photograph after photograph… this was gold, a love story that anyone could get behind.
“I apologize for any grief I’ve caused the Grey family, but I want to start my presidency on the right foot-with honesty, integrity, and this woman by my side. Over the last 10 years, my team and I have worked tirelessly for this country. I want to keep doing so in an even greater capacity-I only hope that the people of Amestris give me that opportunity. I will not let you down. A new era of peace and prosperity is upon us-We’re thrustang for Mustang.”
Riza pushed Roy aside and took her place at the podium. “We’re still working on the campaign slogan.”
---
The process of getting elected was completely exhausting, there was all the press conferences and photos and debates and he was glad when the election day finally arrived. Their campaign war room was full of beer and cake and all the men and women who had pushed Roy this far from the time he stepped foot in Ishbal until now-- hell, even Edward and Alphonse had come along for the ride.
They waited on the edge of their seats for the radio announcement as to the winner of this first ever democratic race in their nation...
“The votes are in!”
Roy held Riza’s hand and squeezed it.
“This has been one hell of a race! But we can finally call the results... I just wanna say how close this has been! They were running neck and neck... but it’s the Ishballan vote that has ensured victory for... General Roy Mustang!! We’re on fire for you, Fuhrer! Woo!”
The entire room burst into cheers, Denny grabbed Maria’s hand and smiled, Rebecca pulled Havoc’s tie and kissed him... and in the center of the room, Roy and Riza were staring into each other’s eyes, just smiling... fingers intertwined.
They had done it. They had really, really done it.
“Fuhrer! They want you to make your victory speech!”
He turned away from his Riza and smiled. “Come with me.” He said softly. “I want you by my side for this, I want you right there with me from day one. You still wanna follow me right? Even though I already met my goals?”
She smiled and squeezed his hand. “You might need someone to keep you in line more than ever now.” Riza teased. “I’ll be right there beside you.”
Fuhrer Roy Mustang made his way to their little radio broadcast station that they had in his office, cleared his throat, and addressed his people as king for the first time.
“Thank you, people of Amestris, for granting me the chance to really make something of this nation. I’ve worked tirelessly since the Ishbal war to move away from the old Bradley era of war and destruction into a new era of peace and diplomacy. Together, with all of you, I want to carve a beautiful new world of democracy, of prosperity, of freedom and equality for all citizens of our nation. There’s still a long way yet to climb, a lot of bad blood between our nation and the rest of the world... hell, even among some people within this country. But I want the healing process to begin now... welcome, all of you, to the golden age.”
The room applauded, his men raised their beers, Madame and the girls cheered for him.
“Now if you don’t mind, I’d like to make good on one of my campaign promises.” He took Riza’s hand and got down on one knee. “Riza Hawkeye... will you marry me? Stay by my side, and help me lead this nation?”
Throughout the nation, people clapped and grinned at their radios, some squealed with delight, others wept, and some just sat on the edge of their seats waiting to see what she would say.
“Of course.” She whispered, falling into his arms. “Of course I will...!”
He held her close and kissed her, and all across Amestris, people were cheering.
---
Their wedding was a few months later, and honestly it was a much happier affair than the Mustang-Grey union had been. No assigned seats, everyone they loved had gathered in Central’s biggest park, near the lake in the middle where all the ducks liked to hang out. Armstrong had practically insisted he be the one to perform the ceremony-- after all, a strong wedding was the start to a strong marriage! He had a wedding technique that had been passed down through the generations! (Plus his sparkles made for good wedding photos.)
Roy held her close the whole time the vows were read, his forehead pressed against hers, staring into her eyes. She was so lovely in the dress, he only snapped back to reality when he heard her say “I do” and blush ever so slightly.
“And do you, Fuhrer Roy Mustang take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, to cherish and love, to honor and embrace til death do you part?”
He just smiled. “Of course I do... of course.” He started kissing her before Armstrong got the chance to speak again.
“You may now kiss the bri-- ah. Alright then.” He just smiled, and Madame and the girls and Havoc and everyone else who had loved them and helped them burst into applause. This was what weddings were supposed to be like.
They stared into each other’s eyes and smiled-- this was right, this was exactly the way things were supposed to be. Roy held her close, and swore to anyone who would listen that he would never let this woman go again.
The story doesn’t end here, of course. The two of them had a long road yet to travel: fixing the country, building bridges to Xing, Drachma, Creta and Aerugo, fixing Ishballan relations, wrangling Edward.... hell, maybe even having a child or two along the way...
But this is where we’ll leave them, on a bright road with a bright future-- hearts light, eyes sparkling, and the sneaking suspicion that somehow... Hughes was watching them both and smiling.