Caught Off Guard
This little story is meant to fill a combination of the following prompts: A/W rainstorm; W/A “Somewhere in my broken heart” by Billy Dean; and W/A “I want to take care of you” by Billy Dean. (On 7-21-12, I also added ideas from the Garth Brooks song "To Make You Feel My Love")
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It is dedicated to Nessakitty821, as she is an A/W shipper, and I am not. I do think these prompts lend themselves to a nice story, though, so I hope I did them justice.
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“Will, why did I listen to you?!?” Alicia shrieked as a loud clap of thunder signaled the imminent deluge of downtown Chicago.“Oh, this was such a bad idea!”
“What? It didn't look this bad when we left the courthouse.” he said, flashing his boyish smile. I just thought we might get a few sprinkles.”
“Where should we go?” Alicia said as the rain started to pour down onto them. “I don't have my umbrella, and - oh God it's cold! We'll be soaked through!”
As people scurried past them looking for shelter, a devilish grin crept across Will's face, and he started to laugh. Squinting against the rain, he turned his face upward, stuck his arms straight out beside him, and shook his head, reveling in this most ridiculous of scenarios.
“This isn't funny, Gardner!” Alicia exclaimed, trying hard to keep from smiling too. “Come on! Look at me! I'm...drenched!” she proclaimed over the growing noise of the downpour.
Will did look at her then. Intently and without shame. He let his eyes slowly take inventory of her as she stood there in front of him. She had water dripping off the tip of her nose, and her hair was matted in clumps around her head. Her makeup was quickly disappearing as the rain pelted them relentlessly. He watched her look around for shelter and then lift her briefcase over her head in a vain attempt to protect herself. It made his heart swell and his stomach lurch-mostly because it was so endearing, but also because the position made her wet blouse reveal its secrets more acutely.
The mischievous twinkle in his eye gave way to a much more grown up reaction at his appraisal. Alicia saw the transformation on his face, and she felt the mood shift, lightening fast. “Will...” was all Alicia could say in self defense, trying helplessly to stem the coming tide.
“Alicia,” he said quietly, through a somber half smile. He stepped closer to her then and gently hooked his hand under her jaw, running his thumb across her cheek. “You're beautiful. You're always so beautiful.”
Alicia swallowed hard, closed her eyes and leaned into his hand. “Will...” came out as a whisper. She glanced around nervously, hyper-aware of their location and the dangerous territory where this was heading. Her voice faltered as she stated, “We can't...”
“Shh, shh, shh...” he soothed, covering her lips with his thumb. “Come here, you.” he said, taking her hand. He surveyed their options and then pulled her around the corner of a nearby building. He removed his suit jacket and draped it over Alicia's soaked shoulders. Then, making sure nobody was around, he gently guided her against the wall by the hips. “I know you are scared, Ali. So am I...”
“Please don't do this, Will...” Alicia pleaded, lacking the mental or emotional strength to fight harder.
“But,” Will continued, “I have to say some things.” He shifted his weight nervously and closed his eyes for a second before diving in headlong. “I have always tried to do what you wanted...what you thought you needed. I never asked for anything in return. But now it's my turn. Right now I need you to listen, okay?” It was a rhetorical question really, but Alicia nodded slightly. “Just this once, Alicia, I have to do what is right for me” Will said as he tapped his chest.
“We had come so far, Ali. After so much bad timing. Then you made up your mind that it was over. That isn't what I would have chosen. I think you know that. I feel like it has left us miles apart...more awkward than ever.”
Alicia looked down at the rain puddles forming around their feet. She hated feeling responsible for how things were. “I'm sorry, Will” was all she could say.
Will looked up flippantly before declaring, “When the rain comes out of nowhere and hits you square in the face...and you feel like the world is caving in on you, I want to be there for you, Alicia.” He lightly stroked the side of her head before continuing.
“I know you can make it in this world on your own, but you shouldn't have to, Ali. I want to hold you close-to help carry your load. I want to take care of you. I want to demonstrate my love for you every moment of every day.” Will gazed at her for a moment in silence before continuing. “I'm so proud of you, Ali. I want to show you it's possible to hold you without holding you down.”
It was too much for Alicia. She wanted to run...hide...rewind, but she couldn't move. Her whole body was numb and cold, aside from the hot tears that mingled with the rain running down her cheeks.
Seeing Alicia's eyes grow as wet as the rest of her gave Will the courage to forge ahead. He was getting through to her. If nothing changed, at least he would know she had heard him. She would know where he stood-what he wanted.
“When you can't sleep at night because you have so much weighing on your mind, I want to be there to comfort you...to dry the tears you are afraid to let anyone see. It's not a sign of weakness to let me be strong for you, Ali,” he said, tucking some of her hair behind her ear. She raised her head then, and looked him in the eyes, letting out a breath she didn't realize she had been holding.
I'm here for you, Ali,” he continued. “You can count on me. When it all gets too overwhelming, these arms can be your refuge,” he said, stretching his arms out wide. Alicia put her hand on Will's chest, as if covering his heart would plug this painful gush.
Instead, he placed his had over her own, lacing their fingers together, and passionately proclaimed, “I know you haven't made your mind up yet...and that's okay. But for once in my life, I know what I'm living for. I love you, Alicia! I'm in love with you! I always have been,” Will smiled wistfully. “Ever since Georgetown.”
“Will...I'm not who you want.” Alicia sobbed. “You're in love with a memory...an ideal.” She uncurled her hand from his and gently patted his chest, as if to soften the delivery. “That Alicia is gone, Will.” she whispered reverently. “She disappeared after years of diapers, junior league meetings, campaign fundraisers, and kids' soccer tournaments.” Then she closed her eyes again and leaned her head against the wall in defeat. Shrugging her shoulders slightly she met his eyes again, sadly confessing, “I don't even recognize myself sometimes. I don't know who I am anymore.”
With that, Will reached up and caressed her cheek again, smiling sweetly. “Oh, she's still here. I've caught glimpses of her. I've seen her today, in fact, standing with me like a drowned rat in the rain.” At that they both laughed. It felt good to laugh together, and Will acknowledged that breakthrough. “It's good to hear you laugh again, Ali. It's been a while. I've always loved your laugh.” he said, squeezing her hand. “I've missed it.”
“My life is one massive complication, Will. It's an endless mess. You don't know what you're asking for,” she said, trying to dissuade him.
“I know...and I don't care. I want you, Alicia. All I've ever wanted was to spend my life with you...to grow old with you by my side. It's where you belong.” He kissed her forehead, lingering, wanting to drive home this truth. Then he locked eyes with her and stated earnestly, “I took it for granted that you understood how I felt at Georgetown, and I lost you because I stayed silent. I'm not making that mistake again.”
Will held Alicia's left hand up to his lips and kissed her ring finger. “I love you, Alicia. I want you, always and forever. I want to help you feel my love and be confident that I would never, ever knowingly do anything that would hurt you,” he stated. “I want to show you what it means to be cherished. I want to make your dreams come true.”
Pausing, he willed himself to do what was best for her, even though it was the last thing he wanted. “More than anything, though, I want you to be happy. So...” he squeezed her hand, trailing his thumb back and forth across it soothingly. “Now you know what I think. You do what you need to do. Take your time. Find out who you are. I'll be here. I'll always be here if you need me, Alicia.” With that he paused again, briefly, before saying, more softly, “I hope, someday, you will want us as badly as I always have. But, after today,” he faltered, clearing his throat, “I will keep my love unspoken.”
Alicia's heart was breaking. She wanted to be able to give him some sign of hope. Something. Anything. But she had nothing left but gratitude. So she hugged him tightly, afraid that letting go would sever the remains of all that they ever had been together.
Then, as if on cue, a small spot of sun peeked out from behind the clouds, and the rain started letting up. Will was content to stand there with Alicia in his arms again. He savored the closeness for a few moments longer, squeezing her firmly, before mustering his most authoritative, if completely fake sounding, tone.
“Well, Counselor,” he started, kissing her head and then stepping back to restore the space between them. “Enough excitement for one day. We've got work to do for court tomorrow. What do you say we get back to the office and make use of those spare clothes lawyers always keep on hand for emergencies?” He gestured towards their nearly see-through attire, adding with a wink, “I'd say this qualifies, wouldn't you?”
Alicia smiled back. “I would agree, Counselor, and I'm looking forward to dry clothes.” She linked her arm through his casually, just as she had a million times before, and met his grin with her own genuine smile. Something heavy had been lifted off of them, and they each felt the change-the freedom. “Thank you, Will.” she said softly, squeezing his arm, and with that, they both knew they would be okay.