So I think I may have a Buffy the Vampire Slayer scene in the works.
I met a cute little red-headed girl last night when she was standing in front of the water cooler. As I have been watching Buffy with renewed vigor lately - and since I had to say excuse me if I was going to get to the water … well, I just had a vision of picking her up and throwing her against the wall instead of the pleasantries. Consensually and all in fun of course. And because she was this cute little thing. Like if Willow and Buffy had a love-child.
So I did what any decent person would do and I told her about my desire to throw her up against the wall a-la BTVS. (See, TV does rot your brain, and SM, one’s moral character.) I’m not sure if she heard any of the BTVS part. My guess is it came across to her as: Blah Blah Blah-Blah Blah throw you up against the wall Blah Blah Blah-Blah Blah.
I hadn’t even thought of the biting options in this scenario. Or how to do it authentically. SHE’D have to kick MY ass - and poke me with sharp pointy things. Or set me on fire. I don’t think any of the other ways to off a vamp would get me off, to be completely honest.
And since I don’t know her … with my pace we’re probably due to make this scene happen sometime in 2007.
But I’ll wait. The undead are patient.
They are also good at stalking and brooding. And bleaching their hair.
Mmm… Spike.
Also, I’m feeling something different after the scene I *did* do last night. I’ve got marks and bruises galore and I’m most pleasantly sore today, crunchy. And I liked the scene. And the person I was playing with. A fun new-ish friend. But I’m accustomed to associating those mornings-after delights with love. And not the kind of love one has for their friends. Particularly newer ones.
I’m just beginning to realize how deep and personal this stuff is for me. I’m not a casual sex person. I’m also learning that I’m not a casual play person.
I still feel very deeply for the first person who “took me there” even though I chose not to go there again when the opportunity came up again four years later. It wasn’t casual the first time and it wouldn’t be casual the second time. Yet I didn’t want that kind of relationship with her so I shied away.
So I guess I’m in a place where I don’t want to play with anyone like that unless there is the potential for closeness and intimacy of a certain kind. Now, Buffy-girl is another story because that is all in good fun. Yet still I wouldn’t want to do it unless I had developed an actual friendship with her. And for me that takes time, apparently.
And I guess I’m babbling about all of this because of late I have been struggling because I don’t’ feel much sense of overall connection to people, to persons. Every now and then there is a pocket of intimacy and/or connection. Then weeks of nothing.
I don’t like that and I want it to change.
After speaking to C and being inspired by listening to the way she looks at the world, I’m hoping I will have some opportunities to jump-start myself out of that space in the next few weeks. And hopefully that will spill over into my regular, everyday local life.
So I did what any decent person would do and I told her about my desire to throw her up against the wall a-la BTVS. (See, TV does rot your brain, and SM, one’s moral character.) I’m not sure if she heard any of the BTVS part. My guess is it came across to her as: Blah Blah Blah-Blah Blah throw you up against the wall Blah Blah Blah-Blah Blah.
I hadn’t even thought of the biting options in this scenario. Or how to do it authentically. SHE’D have to kick MY ass - and poke me with sharp pointy things. Or set me on fire. I don’t think any of the other ways to off a vamp would get me off, to be completely honest.
And since I don’t know her … with my pace we’re probably due to make this scene happen sometime in 2007.
But I’ll wait. The undead are patient.
They are also good at stalking and brooding. And bleaching their hair.
Mmm… Spike.
Also, I’m feeling something different after the scene I *did* do last night. I’ve got marks and bruises galore and I’m most pleasantly sore today, crunchy. And I liked the scene. And the person I was playing with. A fun new-ish friend. But I’m accustomed to associating those mornings-after delights with love. And not the kind of love one has for their friends. Particularly newer ones.
I’m just beginning to realize how deep and personal this stuff is for me. I’m not a casual sex person. I’m also learning that I’m not a casual play person.
I still feel very deeply for the first person who “took me there” even though I chose not to go there again when the opportunity came up again four years later. It wasn’t casual the first time and it wouldn’t be casual the second time. Yet I didn’t want that kind of relationship with her so I shied away.
So I guess I’m in a place where I don’t want to play with anyone like that unless there is the potential for closeness and intimacy of a certain kind. Now, Buffy-girl is another story because that is all in good fun. Yet still I wouldn’t want to do it unless I had developed an actual friendship with her. And for me that takes time, apparently.
And I guess I’m babbling about all of this because of late I have been struggling because I don’t’ feel much sense of overall connection to people, to persons. Every now and then there is a pocket of intimacy and/or connection. Then weeks of nothing.
I don’t like that and I want it to change.
After speaking to C and being inspired by listening to the way she looks at the world, I’m hoping I will have some opportunities to jump-start myself out of that space in the next few weeks. And hopefully that will spill over into my regular, everyday local life.