Fic: Why?
Title: Why?
Pairing: Rachel/Quinn
Rating: R
Length: 1532
Spoilers: Through 1x10 Ballads
Summary: Rachel is there for Quinn when she is at her lowest.
Disclaimer: I don’t own these characters.
A/N: I am not sure where this came from. I warn you this is dark. It is not a happy beginning. I am sorry about that.
Why?
That was the question Rachel couldn’t let go of. She knew that if that was her constant concern, that Quinn must be asking it a million times more. She swallowed back the bile that rose in her throat, and bit the inside of her cheek to keep from crying as she looked down at the blonde girl who had curled into her when she fell asleep. The normally beautiful girl looked broken. Her face was splotchy from the tears, and though Rachel had taken the time to clean the smeared mascara from her eyes when they arrived at her house, there were dark bags below the normally radiant eyes.
The smaller girl rubbed small circles low on the other girl’s back as she slept fitfully. Quinn’s small hand had fisted tight in Rachel’s shirt, and Rachel whispered soft meaningless words to try to lull the girl back to a restful sleep. Quinn might be having nightmares, but they didn’t compare to her current reality.
Rachel closed her eyes when Quinn loosened her hold slightly, but she could still see the flashing blue and red lights outside the hospital, so she opened them again. There would be no sleep tonight.
“Where did you take her?” Rachel’s voice had taken on a shrill quality, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. When she and Quinn had arrived, they took her back through double doors, and Rachel had been waiting for forty-five minutes without any word.
The nurse eyed her in a way that made the brunette want to grab her by her white coat and shake her. “I can’t give out information to non-family members.”
“I’m her sister,” Rachel answered quickly, hoping that she would not be questioned further.
The tall nurse regarded her coolly, “ID?”
Rachel huffed, “I don’t have my license yet.” It was a lie, but she didn’t think the nurse would actively search her purse. “Please, just tell me how she is,” she begged. “The baby?”
The nurse, ‘Kat’ according to her name tag, raised her brow in disbelief, but clearly thought better of fighting with the angry and desperate girl in front of her. She sighed and looked down at Quinn’s chart, “She had a miscarriage. It’s not that uncommon in the first trimester.”
Rachel felt the words wash over her, and she heard a ringing in her ears before her head cleared. Her knees were shaky, but she held on long enough to ask to see Quinn. The nurse replied that was fine, as she was going to be released anyway. Rachel looked at her in disbelief, “How can you be so blasé about this? She just lost her baby and you act like it’s nothing. Maybe you see this all the time, but I don’t. And neither does Quinn, so I sure as hell hope that you don’t interact with the patients. And if you do, you’d better work on your bedside manner.” With that, she left the gaping nurse behind her and marched to Quinn’s room.
The anger had helped her regain control of her motor functions, but only for a moment. When she reached the curtain that Quinn was behind, she felt herself trembling, and worked to steel her nerves and school her face into support. She had to be strong for Quinn.
She didn’t expect Quinn to be dressed and ready to leave. “Let’s go,” the blonde said with conviction. It was her eyes that shocked Rachel the most. There was nothing there. They were empty, and it scared her.
Rachel reached out, resting her hand on Quinn’s forearm only to have the blonde pull away forcefully.
“Now, manhands. I want out of here now.”
Rachel’s eyes welled up, but she blinked the tears away quickly and ignored the insult, even though it had been a while since she had heard one come from Quinn. “Okay. Let’s go.”
It wasn’t until they were halfway to Rachel’s house, where Quinn was staying now that Finn knew about Puck, that Quinn said anything else. “They wouldn’t even let me see her.” Her words were so quiet, that Rachel thought she had possibly imagined them. She turned away from the road to look at her passenger quickly, but she couldn’t see any change in her demeanor. Quinn was still staring out the window into the cold Ohio night. She chose not to say anything. “I shouldn’t have been dancing around,” this time Rachel could definitely hear her, and she heard the overwhelming guilt in the small voice.
The sobs were so sudden and so loud that Rachel nearly swerved off the road. She quickly pulled onto the shoulder and unbuckled her seatbelt and Quinn’s, sliding over to pull the other girl on top of her. The sobs wracked Quinn’s frail body, and her tears stained Rachel’s shirt, but she just held her close, running her fingers through golden locks. The pain the blonde was feeling was palpable, and Rachel could do nothing to ease it. She just held the girl as she fell apart.
Rachel’s mind raced, she knew she couldn’t keep this from Noah, or Finn for that matter. They deserved to know, and soon. And as much as she hated the Fabrays for what they put her girlfriend (is that what she was?) through, she knew they should know that their daughter had just been in the hospital. The singer felt overwhelmed and way out of her comfort zone, and then all she could think of was the way Quinn had finally started to smile when she saw the very tiny baby bump in the mirror each morning. She could only think of the way she whispered quiet loving stories to the little girl growing inside Quinn after the blonde had drifted off to sleep. She wanted to cry, but the lump in her throat was so large that she didn’t think anything could get past it.
In that moment, Rachel hated herself. She didn’t normally believe in jinxes or anything equally ridiculous, but when she had twirled Quinn around earlier that evening and the former cheerleader moved in to kiss her gently, she allowed herself to think that things might finally be going right. But she had always heard those tales of how you can’t buy anything for the baby, or decorate the room before a certain time. Maybe talking to it was the same thing. But in that moment when Quinn’s lips met her own, it felt like something slid into its perfect place. She had been happy, and Quinn seemed happy, too.
That is until twenty minutes later she found the blonde girl doubled over in pain, breathing heavily and unable to form words. Quinn looked at her in fear, and Rachel didn’t think of anything but to get her to the hospital as quickly as possible. So that’s what she did.
And now they were on that same route she had sped two hours earlier, Quinn curled in her lap, crying dying down only because she was dehydrated, and her voice was raw. Rachel continued to hold the other girl, but she knew they needed to get off the side of the road. She realized then that the time she had spent waiting in the hospital would have been a good time to call her parents, at least. Home. Home would be better. She kissed Quinn’s temple, then the corner of her eyes, whispering, “Come on, let’s get home.”
Quinn shifted back in her seat, and Rachel put the car in gear, angling it back onto the road and toward her house.
Rachel slid out from under Quinn, hating herself more for leaving her alone, but she knew she had to start letting people know. She suddenly felt much older than she was. But that wasn’t the point. She made her way to her parents’ bedroom, and knocked quietly. “Daddy, I need to talk to you.”
Her fathers agreed to get in touch with Noah, Finn and the Fabrays, much to Rachel’s relief, and she quickly made her way back to her room. She felt bad that she wasn’t the one to tell them, but they deserved to get the news in person, and there was no chance she would leave Quinn to do that.
When she opened her door, Rachel saw that Quinn was awake, staring at the ceiling in silence. She closed the door and walked over to the bed, wringing her hands, “I’m sorry, I just, I had to-”
Quinn didn’t look at her, still staring at a single spot on the ceiling, “My little girl is gone.” Her voice didn’t sound anything like Rachel could ever remember. It sounded like she had lost everything.
Rachel felt her heart leap into her throat, and she wasn’t able to form words, her mouth opening and closing uselessly.
Quinn turned to face her finally. “I lost my little girl, Rachel. I never even got to hold her.” Her voice cracked, and that was enough to spur Rachel into motion, she grabbed Quinn, enveloping her as she fell apart again. She rocked the broken girl back and forth as tears streamed down both of their faces.
“Why, Rachel? Why?”
followed up with I Fear (I Have Nothing To Give)
originally posted at rachel_quinn
Pairing: Rachel/Quinn
Rating: R
Length: 1532
Spoilers: Through 1x10 Ballads
Summary: Rachel is there for Quinn when she is at her lowest.
Disclaimer: I don’t own these characters.
A/N: I am not sure where this came from. I warn you this is dark. It is not a happy beginning. I am sorry about that.
Why?
That was the question Rachel couldn’t let go of. She knew that if that was her constant concern, that Quinn must be asking it a million times more. She swallowed back the bile that rose in her throat, and bit the inside of her cheek to keep from crying as she looked down at the blonde girl who had curled into her when she fell asleep. The normally beautiful girl looked broken. Her face was splotchy from the tears, and though Rachel had taken the time to clean the smeared mascara from her eyes when they arrived at her house, there were dark bags below the normally radiant eyes.
The smaller girl rubbed small circles low on the other girl’s back as she slept fitfully. Quinn’s small hand had fisted tight in Rachel’s shirt, and Rachel whispered soft meaningless words to try to lull the girl back to a restful sleep. Quinn might be having nightmares, but they didn’t compare to her current reality.
Rachel closed her eyes when Quinn loosened her hold slightly, but she could still see the flashing blue and red lights outside the hospital, so she opened them again. There would be no sleep tonight.
“Where did you take her?” Rachel’s voice had taken on a shrill quality, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. When she and Quinn had arrived, they took her back through double doors, and Rachel had been waiting for forty-five minutes without any word.
The nurse eyed her in a way that made the brunette want to grab her by her white coat and shake her. “I can’t give out information to non-family members.”
“I’m her sister,” Rachel answered quickly, hoping that she would not be questioned further.
The tall nurse regarded her coolly, “ID?”
Rachel huffed, “I don’t have my license yet.” It was a lie, but she didn’t think the nurse would actively search her purse. “Please, just tell me how she is,” she begged. “The baby?”
The nurse, ‘Kat’ according to her name tag, raised her brow in disbelief, but clearly thought better of fighting with the angry and desperate girl in front of her. She sighed and looked down at Quinn’s chart, “She had a miscarriage. It’s not that uncommon in the first trimester.”
Rachel felt the words wash over her, and she heard a ringing in her ears before her head cleared. Her knees were shaky, but she held on long enough to ask to see Quinn. The nurse replied that was fine, as she was going to be released anyway. Rachel looked at her in disbelief, “How can you be so blasé about this? She just lost her baby and you act like it’s nothing. Maybe you see this all the time, but I don’t. And neither does Quinn, so I sure as hell hope that you don’t interact with the patients. And if you do, you’d better work on your bedside manner.” With that, she left the gaping nurse behind her and marched to Quinn’s room.
The anger had helped her regain control of her motor functions, but only for a moment. When she reached the curtain that Quinn was behind, she felt herself trembling, and worked to steel her nerves and school her face into support. She had to be strong for Quinn.
She didn’t expect Quinn to be dressed and ready to leave. “Let’s go,” the blonde said with conviction. It was her eyes that shocked Rachel the most. There was nothing there. They were empty, and it scared her.
Rachel reached out, resting her hand on Quinn’s forearm only to have the blonde pull away forcefully.
“Now, manhands. I want out of here now.”
Rachel’s eyes welled up, but she blinked the tears away quickly and ignored the insult, even though it had been a while since she had heard one come from Quinn. “Okay. Let’s go.”
It wasn’t until they were halfway to Rachel’s house, where Quinn was staying now that Finn knew about Puck, that Quinn said anything else. “They wouldn’t even let me see her.” Her words were so quiet, that Rachel thought she had possibly imagined them. She turned away from the road to look at her passenger quickly, but she couldn’t see any change in her demeanor. Quinn was still staring out the window into the cold Ohio night. She chose not to say anything. “I shouldn’t have been dancing around,” this time Rachel could definitely hear her, and she heard the overwhelming guilt in the small voice.
The sobs were so sudden and so loud that Rachel nearly swerved off the road. She quickly pulled onto the shoulder and unbuckled her seatbelt and Quinn’s, sliding over to pull the other girl on top of her. The sobs wracked Quinn’s frail body, and her tears stained Rachel’s shirt, but she just held her close, running her fingers through golden locks. The pain the blonde was feeling was palpable, and Rachel could do nothing to ease it. She just held the girl as she fell apart.
Rachel’s mind raced, she knew she couldn’t keep this from Noah, or Finn for that matter. They deserved to know, and soon. And as much as she hated the Fabrays for what they put her girlfriend (is that what she was?) through, she knew they should know that their daughter had just been in the hospital. The singer felt overwhelmed and way out of her comfort zone, and then all she could think of was the way Quinn had finally started to smile when she saw the very tiny baby bump in the mirror each morning. She could only think of the way she whispered quiet loving stories to the little girl growing inside Quinn after the blonde had drifted off to sleep. She wanted to cry, but the lump in her throat was so large that she didn’t think anything could get past it.
In that moment, Rachel hated herself. She didn’t normally believe in jinxes or anything equally ridiculous, but when she had twirled Quinn around earlier that evening and the former cheerleader moved in to kiss her gently, she allowed herself to think that things might finally be going right. But she had always heard those tales of how you can’t buy anything for the baby, or decorate the room before a certain time. Maybe talking to it was the same thing. But in that moment when Quinn’s lips met her own, it felt like something slid into its perfect place. She had been happy, and Quinn seemed happy, too.
That is until twenty minutes later she found the blonde girl doubled over in pain, breathing heavily and unable to form words. Quinn looked at her in fear, and Rachel didn’t think of anything but to get her to the hospital as quickly as possible. So that’s what she did.
And now they were on that same route she had sped two hours earlier, Quinn curled in her lap, crying dying down only because she was dehydrated, and her voice was raw. Rachel continued to hold the other girl, but she knew they needed to get off the side of the road. She realized then that the time she had spent waiting in the hospital would have been a good time to call her parents, at least. Home. Home would be better. She kissed Quinn’s temple, then the corner of her eyes, whispering, “Come on, let’s get home.”
Quinn shifted back in her seat, and Rachel put the car in gear, angling it back onto the road and toward her house.
Rachel slid out from under Quinn, hating herself more for leaving her alone, but she knew she had to start letting people know. She suddenly felt much older than she was. But that wasn’t the point. She made her way to her parents’ bedroom, and knocked quietly. “Daddy, I need to talk to you.”
Her fathers agreed to get in touch with Noah, Finn and the Fabrays, much to Rachel’s relief, and she quickly made her way back to her room. She felt bad that she wasn’t the one to tell them, but they deserved to get the news in person, and there was no chance she would leave Quinn to do that.
When she opened her door, Rachel saw that Quinn was awake, staring at the ceiling in silence. She closed the door and walked over to the bed, wringing her hands, “I’m sorry, I just, I had to-”
Quinn didn’t look at her, still staring at a single spot on the ceiling, “My little girl is gone.” Her voice didn’t sound anything like Rachel could ever remember. It sounded like she had lost everything.
Rachel felt her heart leap into her throat, and she wasn’t able to form words, her mouth opening and closing uselessly.
Quinn turned to face her finally. “I lost my little girl, Rachel. I never even got to hold her.” Her voice cracked, and that was enough to spur Rachel into motion, she grabbed Quinn, enveloping her as she fell apart again. She rocked the broken girl back and forth as tears streamed down both of their faces.
“Why, Rachel? Why?”
followed up with I Fear (I Have Nothing To Give)
originally posted at rachel_quinn