HSN Exchange Fic: Of All The Things I Never Expected..., for plotbunny_tiff
Title: Of All The Things I Never Expected (You’re Number One With A Bullet)
Rating: R
Pairings/Characters: Puck/Mercedes
Warnings: N/A
Word count: 2261
Disclaimer: This Glee fanfiction is based upon the television show of the same name. All characters and situations other than my own are sole property of Ryan Murphy Productions and 20th Century Fox Television.
Summary: Puck seduces Mercedes, Mercedes lets herself be seduced, and Kurt and Quinn are just around to aid in the breaking and entering.
A/N: This fic is best read when listening to this song, which is referenced in the fic. Many, many thanks to my amazing beta - you know who you are bee<3! Lastly, I really hope you enjoy this, plotbunny_tiff ! I had a blast writing it :D
-
“You know, Mike would probably be -”
“Don’t finish that sentence, Hummel. I don’t need to think about what you and Chang get up to in your free time.”
Kurt rolled his eyes.
“Listen, Puckerman, you asked for my advice. My advice is that if you want to impress the girl, you need some serious help. So, either we call Mike or we call Brittany.”
“Dude, I’m a stud. I don’t need anyone’s help.”
“Right, that’s why you came to me,” Kurt put his hand on his hip and waved the phone threateningly. “I suppose we could call Santana. I’m sure she’d love to hear about your plans to seduce Mercedes…again.”
“I hate you so much.”
“Mike it is.”
Puck just groaned.
-
Mercedes loved Saturdays during the summer. She didn’t have to go to work (having a summer job filing papers at her dad’s office was nice, but also boring), which meant she could sleep in and lay around the house all day in shorts and a tank top, and she didn’t have to worry about any homework that might be due the following Monday.
Also, because her parents were out of town for some sort of dentist convention, it meant she could have Kurt and Quinn over for an America’s Next Top Model marathon complete with disgustingly unhealthy snack foods and manicures.
Basically, Saturdays were perfect. And today was going to be the best Saturday ever.
…if she could figure out what that noise coming from the vicinity of her bedroom was.
It was sort of a muffled shuffling noise, followed by a clunking, as if someone was moving stuff around and rearranging things.
It was all very suspicious.
Part of Mercedes was tempted to just go right in and tell whoever was messing with her stuff to get the hell out. Another part of her, though, had seen way too many episodes of Criminal Minds (that Garcia chick was fierce, alright?) to be entirely comfortable with that plan.
She considered retrieving her brother’s baseball bat. Or a steak knife.
Luckily - or unluckily, seeing as Mercedes had half convinced herself that there was a serial killer lurking in there - the door to her bedroom opened all by itself. Out came Kurt and Quinn, looking secretive and giggly, which was quite possibly even more terrifying than a serial killer.
“How did you two get in my house?” Mercedes asked slowly.
Quinn grinned widely, “I know where you keep the spare key.”
Kurt gave a smile that matched Quinn’s. It was kind of creepy, in a Children of the Corn kind of way.
“Don’t worry, ‘Cedes, and don’t look so suspicious. It’ll give you wrinkles.”
“Anyway,” Kurt continued, “we’re canceling tonight’s ANTM marathon because you have a surprise waiting for you. Go in your room and thank us tomorrow. Love you!”
After pressing quick kisses to Mercedes’ cheeks, Kurt and Quinn practically skipped out her front door, giggling manically, and Mercedes was once again alone with her bedroom door. Except now she was both apprehensive and insanely curious; so, she thought, what the hell, and pushed open the door.
Whatever she’d been expecting, this wasn’t it. The lights were off and the curtains pulled shut, but the faint glow of half a dozen candles lit up the otherwise dark room. Red rose petals were spread across her bed, like a scene straight out of a cheesy romantic comedy.
And in the middle of it all stood Noah Puckerman, clad in all black - a tight t-shirt on top of tight jeans, a leather jacket, and a fedora to complete the look.
“Puck?” Mercedes asked cautiously, “What’s going on?”
He sauntered slowly over to her, as if he knew exactly how good he looked in that leather jacket (he probably did, damn his narcissism) and gently grasped her wrists to pull her into the room.
“I just want to give my girl an extra special birthday present,” Puck replied innocently, but the smirk on his face was anything but innocent.
“My birthday isn’t for another nine days.”
“Consider it an early gift then.” He leaned close to murmur in her ear, “and besides, your parents won’t be out of town nine days from now, will they?”
“Oh,” she whispered softly and the air left her lungs in a rush, as everything suddenly clicked into place.
There were candles and flowers and Puck dressed up and an empty house and oh my god her boyfriend wanted to have sex with her. Not that she was opposed to this idea, but ever since the two of them had decided to give this thing another shot (a real shot this time, not just using one another), Mercedes was still getting used to the idea of someone wanting her. Although the frequent make out sessions in the back of Puck’s truck were quickly convincing her.
Puck tilted his head to catch her lips in a slow, exploring kiss, curling his tongue inside her mouth like he was savoring the way she tasted, before gently pushing her backwards towards the bed.
“Sit. There’s something I want to show you.”
Mercedes gingerly sat on the edge of her petal-covered bed, excited but nervous. “What are you -?”
“Consider this my personal musical tribute to you, because you are one sexy woman, Mercedes,” Puck winked at her, before hitting play on the iPod that was attached to the speakers next to the bed.
Familiar music began to fill the room, soon accompanied by the smooth voice of Usher, “You say you’re searching for somebody that’ll take you out and do you right…”
At the back of her mind Mercedes was amused at his straightforward song choice, but for the most part her mental processes were entirely focused on the way that Puck had begun to dance with the song.
His hips swung back and forth in time with the beat, hands holding tight to the open edges of his jacket as his feet executed some shockingly fancy footwork. He kept his eyes locked onto hers as he sang along with the recording, “I think that shawty, I got a thing for you.”
When the song reached the first chorus, Puck spun around and then looked at her over his shoulder as he slowly began to remove the jacket.
“I wanna make love in this club, in this club.”
Momentarily, Mercedes mourned the loss of the jacket as it was carelessly flung into one of the darkened corners of her room. Without it, though, she was afforded an exceptionally nice view of Puck’s admittedly gorgeous arms. And the black tee was tight enough that nothing was left to the imagination.
Turning back around, Puck flipped his hat off his head, twirling it around for a few seconds before tossing it in the direction of his jacket and suddenly Mercedes realized that Puck was stripping for her. This knowledge did nothing to soothe her nerves, but it did cause a pleasurable warmth to settle between her thighs.
“If you didn’t know, you’re the only thing that’s on my mind,” he sang as he walked towards her, stepping in time with the beat.
Keeping his eyes locked on her, Puck dropped to his knees in front of her, rested his hands on the edge of the bed on either side of her hips, and continued to move his upper body with the music.
His hands moved to the bottom of his shirt, and slowly, too slowly, began to pull the hem upwards, exposing his naked torso one centimeter at a time.
Mercedes found herself unable to tear her eyes away from the bare skin she was being shown. For all their frenzied make-outs, she had never seen what was under Puck’s many muscle shirts. Nor had she ever taken the time to admire her boyfriend’s highly attractive physical form.
Puck finally pulled his shirt all the way off and it too went flying into some forgotten corner of the room. Mercedes let out the breath she hadn’t realized she was holding.
He was gorgeous, though she never doubted that. Tan skin stretched across perfectly formed pecs and she was sorely tempted to reach out and tug on his nipple ring - she’d heard that body piercings were extremely sensitive.
Puck moved so that his arms were on either side of her again and stood up, still leaning forward. This put him almost entirely in Mercedes’ lap as he moved to whisper in her ear, “You might just want to give me a kiss, we can keep touching like this.”
Mercedes shivered. The combination of his hot breath sliding down her neck, the closeness of his naked chest, and the rhythmic grinding of his hips caused her body to throb with desire.
He reached down and undid the button on his jeans, but before he could open them further, she moved to swat his hands away.
Hesitantly, Mercedes placed her hand flat against the front of his jeans and a part of her was surprised at what she discovered. Underneath the rough denim, Puck was hard. He was hard for her. She gently pressed the heel of her palm into that hardness and the choked groan that Puck let out sent a pulse of heat through her body.
As much want and desire as she was feeling right now, Mercedes knew that she had to find out one thing before she could completely go through with this (because, at the end of the day, he was still Noah Puckerman, the badass who prided himself on being a stud).
Looking him directly in the eye, she asked, “If I asked you to stop right now, would you?”
Puck’s eyes went comically wide and he made a faint noise of protest. But he leaned back slightly and said, “I don’t want to do anything you don’t want to do.”
That knocked the breath out of her lungs. So this is what it felt like to have a boy really want you, all of you. His words cemented her decision in her mind.
“Well, in that case,” Mercedes said slowly, moving her hand to grip the waistband of his jeans, “you should hurry up and finish your musical tribute-slash-stripper routine so we can get to the fun part. After all, you said you wanted to give me an extra special birthday present, didn’t you?”
-
Mercedes was sweaty and she knew her hair was a hot mess, but she couldn’t really bring herself to care because of how completely blissed out she was feeling.
“That was…” she trailed off, unsure of what word to put in the blank space. Luckily, Puck was there to provide an appropriately cheeky answer.
“Amazing? Hotter than hell? The most awesome experience of your life?”
She laughed and said, “Unexpected.”
Puck made an irritated face.
“No, but seriously, how did you manage to set this up?”
“I overheard Hummel talking about your parents being out of town, so I talked him into helping me. Of course, he insisted that Quinn be brought in, and then she laughed at my dance skills so they both got Chang to help with that and he of course brought Matt with him, because the dudes are like attached at the hip or some shit. And then Finn and Berry showed up at some point, like I don’t know how or when, and shit got crazy until Q decided that we should break into your house. And, because I’m a total badass, I was down with that plan.”
Puck had a smug smirk on his face, but Mercedes was looking at him like he had lost his mind.
“So,” she started slowly, “what you’re saying is that nearly the entire glee club knew that we were going to have sex this weekend?”
“Uh…yes?”
“Oh my god, Noah Puckerman, I should throw your naked ass out into the street for that,” Mercedes moaned as she buried her face into his chest. “Monday is going to be terrible.”
Puck tightened his arms around her waist and said, “Aw, don’t be like that. School won’t be that bad, and if someone really tries to mess with you, I’ll just beat ‘em up, because no one messes with my girl.”
“Puck…”
“And everyone in glee knows that Puckzilla is irresistible, so they should be jealous of you.”
Mercedes couldn’t help it; she just lost it. She laughed so hard that it hurt to breathe and tears were leaking out of the corners of her eyes.
“P-Puckzilla?” She managed to get out, as she slowly regained control of her breathing. “How in the world did you ever get a girl to stick around with lines as ridiculous as that?”
“Never really had a girl I wanted to stick around,” Puck shrugged. “You know, before you.”
Mercedes could feel her heart flutter in her chest, as she curled in closer to the warmth he provided.
“Promise you’ll be here when I wake up?”
“Always,” he said, pressing a kiss onto the top of her head.
Mercedes smiled against his chest. Maybe this did turn out to be the perfect Saturday after all.
-
ABOUT THE FIC THAT YOU ARE REQUESTING
Character(s) or pairing(s): Will/Bryan, Mercedes/Puck, Mike/Kurt in no particular order
Do you prefer R or NC-17 smut?: Either! I'm easy.
Prompts (minimum of 3, no maximum!):
1. AU prompt: A new angel gets his first job on Earth as one Mike Chang, teenage boy. All he has to do is watch over Kurt Hummel. It's guaranteed to be a simple assignment...until "Mike" starts having sinful thoughts about his ward.
2. Flashback Prompt: Bryan/Will, that secret spot in the boiler room. Bonus points if you do a contrast/compare between their high school shenanigans and the present day affair
3. PWP Prompt: Of all the things she expected to get for her birthday, Puck doing a stripper routine wasn't one of them. Not that she's complaining...
4. Bonus Prompt:
A mix tape.
He made a mix tape.
He was thinking of me,
Which shows he cares!
Sometimes when someone
Has a crush on you
They'll make you a mix tape
To give you a clue.
Have fun, go nuts, any songs, any of the pairs
Things you DON’T want in your story (kinks or sex acts that gross you out, characters you despise, etc.): non-con, scat, incest, vomit.
Rating: R
Pairings/Characters: Puck/Mercedes
Warnings: N/A
Word count: 2261
Disclaimer: This Glee fanfiction is based upon the television show of the same name. All characters and situations other than my own are sole property of Ryan Murphy Productions and 20th Century Fox Television.
Summary: Puck seduces Mercedes, Mercedes lets herself be seduced, and Kurt and Quinn are just around to aid in the breaking and entering.
A/N: This fic is best read when listening to this song, which is referenced in the fic. Many, many thanks to my amazing beta - you know who you are bee<3! Lastly, I really hope you enjoy this, plotbunny_tiff ! I had a blast writing it :D
-
“You know, Mike would probably be -”
“Don’t finish that sentence, Hummel. I don’t need to think about what you and Chang get up to in your free time.”
Kurt rolled his eyes.
“Listen, Puckerman, you asked for my advice. My advice is that if you want to impress the girl, you need some serious help. So, either we call Mike or we call Brittany.”
“Dude, I’m a stud. I don’t need anyone’s help.”
“Right, that’s why you came to me,” Kurt put his hand on his hip and waved the phone threateningly. “I suppose we could call Santana. I’m sure she’d love to hear about your plans to seduce Mercedes…again.”
“I hate you so much.”
“Mike it is.”
Puck just groaned.
-
Mercedes loved Saturdays during the summer. She didn’t have to go to work (having a summer job filing papers at her dad’s office was nice, but also boring), which meant she could sleep in and lay around the house all day in shorts and a tank top, and she didn’t have to worry about any homework that might be due the following Monday.
Also, because her parents were out of town for some sort of dentist convention, it meant she could have Kurt and Quinn over for an America’s Next Top Model marathon complete with disgustingly unhealthy snack foods and manicures.
Basically, Saturdays were perfect. And today was going to be the best Saturday ever.
…if she could figure out what that noise coming from the vicinity of her bedroom was.
It was sort of a muffled shuffling noise, followed by a clunking, as if someone was moving stuff around and rearranging things.
It was all very suspicious.
Part of Mercedes was tempted to just go right in and tell whoever was messing with her stuff to get the hell out. Another part of her, though, had seen way too many episodes of Criminal Minds (that Garcia chick was fierce, alright?) to be entirely comfortable with that plan.
She considered retrieving her brother’s baseball bat. Or a steak knife.
Luckily - or unluckily, seeing as Mercedes had half convinced herself that there was a serial killer lurking in there - the door to her bedroom opened all by itself. Out came Kurt and Quinn, looking secretive and giggly, which was quite possibly even more terrifying than a serial killer.
“How did you two get in my house?” Mercedes asked slowly.
Quinn grinned widely, “I know where you keep the spare key.”
Kurt gave a smile that matched Quinn’s. It was kind of creepy, in a Children of the Corn kind of way.
“Don’t worry, ‘Cedes, and don’t look so suspicious. It’ll give you wrinkles.”
“Anyway,” Kurt continued, “we’re canceling tonight’s ANTM marathon because you have a surprise waiting for you. Go in your room and thank us tomorrow. Love you!”
After pressing quick kisses to Mercedes’ cheeks, Kurt and Quinn practically skipped out her front door, giggling manically, and Mercedes was once again alone with her bedroom door. Except now she was both apprehensive and insanely curious; so, she thought, what the hell, and pushed open the door.
Whatever she’d been expecting, this wasn’t it. The lights were off and the curtains pulled shut, but the faint glow of half a dozen candles lit up the otherwise dark room. Red rose petals were spread across her bed, like a scene straight out of a cheesy romantic comedy.
And in the middle of it all stood Noah Puckerman, clad in all black - a tight t-shirt on top of tight jeans, a leather jacket, and a fedora to complete the look.
“Puck?” Mercedes asked cautiously, “What’s going on?”
He sauntered slowly over to her, as if he knew exactly how good he looked in that leather jacket (he probably did, damn his narcissism) and gently grasped her wrists to pull her into the room.
“I just want to give my girl an extra special birthday present,” Puck replied innocently, but the smirk on his face was anything but innocent.
“My birthday isn’t for another nine days.”
“Consider it an early gift then.” He leaned close to murmur in her ear, “and besides, your parents won’t be out of town nine days from now, will they?”
“Oh,” she whispered softly and the air left her lungs in a rush, as everything suddenly clicked into place.
There were candles and flowers and Puck dressed up and an empty house and oh my god her boyfriend wanted to have sex with her. Not that she was opposed to this idea, but ever since the two of them had decided to give this thing another shot (a real shot this time, not just using one another), Mercedes was still getting used to the idea of someone wanting her. Although the frequent make out sessions in the back of Puck’s truck were quickly convincing her.
Puck tilted his head to catch her lips in a slow, exploring kiss, curling his tongue inside her mouth like he was savoring the way she tasted, before gently pushing her backwards towards the bed.
“Sit. There’s something I want to show you.”
Mercedes gingerly sat on the edge of her petal-covered bed, excited but nervous. “What are you -?”
“Consider this my personal musical tribute to you, because you are one sexy woman, Mercedes,” Puck winked at her, before hitting play on the iPod that was attached to the speakers next to the bed.
Familiar music began to fill the room, soon accompanied by the smooth voice of Usher, “You say you’re searching for somebody that’ll take you out and do you right…”
At the back of her mind Mercedes was amused at his straightforward song choice, but for the most part her mental processes were entirely focused on the way that Puck had begun to dance with the song.
His hips swung back and forth in time with the beat, hands holding tight to the open edges of his jacket as his feet executed some shockingly fancy footwork. He kept his eyes locked onto hers as he sang along with the recording, “I think that shawty, I got a thing for you.”
When the song reached the first chorus, Puck spun around and then looked at her over his shoulder as he slowly began to remove the jacket.
“I wanna make love in this club, in this club.”
Momentarily, Mercedes mourned the loss of the jacket as it was carelessly flung into one of the darkened corners of her room. Without it, though, she was afforded an exceptionally nice view of Puck’s admittedly gorgeous arms. And the black tee was tight enough that nothing was left to the imagination.
Turning back around, Puck flipped his hat off his head, twirling it around for a few seconds before tossing it in the direction of his jacket and suddenly Mercedes realized that Puck was stripping for her. This knowledge did nothing to soothe her nerves, but it did cause a pleasurable warmth to settle between her thighs.
“If you didn’t know, you’re the only thing that’s on my mind,” he sang as he walked towards her, stepping in time with the beat.
Keeping his eyes locked on her, Puck dropped to his knees in front of her, rested his hands on the edge of the bed on either side of her hips, and continued to move his upper body with the music.
His hands moved to the bottom of his shirt, and slowly, too slowly, began to pull the hem upwards, exposing his naked torso one centimeter at a time.
Mercedes found herself unable to tear her eyes away from the bare skin she was being shown. For all their frenzied make-outs, she had never seen what was under Puck’s many muscle shirts. Nor had she ever taken the time to admire her boyfriend’s highly attractive physical form.
Puck finally pulled his shirt all the way off and it too went flying into some forgotten corner of the room. Mercedes let out the breath she hadn’t realized she was holding.
He was gorgeous, though she never doubted that. Tan skin stretched across perfectly formed pecs and she was sorely tempted to reach out and tug on his nipple ring - she’d heard that body piercings were extremely sensitive.
Puck moved so that his arms were on either side of her again and stood up, still leaning forward. This put him almost entirely in Mercedes’ lap as he moved to whisper in her ear, “You might just want to give me a kiss, we can keep touching like this.”
Mercedes shivered. The combination of his hot breath sliding down her neck, the closeness of his naked chest, and the rhythmic grinding of his hips caused her body to throb with desire.
He reached down and undid the button on his jeans, but before he could open them further, she moved to swat his hands away.
Hesitantly, Mercedes placed her hand flat against the front of his jeans and a part of her was surprised at what she discovered. Underneath the rough denim, Puck was hard. He was hard for her. She gently pressed the heel of her palm into that hardness and the choked groan that Puck let out sent a pulse of heat through her body.
As much want and desire as she was feeling right now, Mercedes knew that she had to find out one thing before she could completely go through with this (because, at the end of the day, he was still Noah Puckerman, the badass who prided himself on being a stud).
Looking him directly in the eye, she asked, “If I asked you to stop right now, would you?”
Puck’s eyes went comically wide and he made a faint noise of protest. But he leaned back slightly and said, “I don’t want to do anything you don’t want to do.”
That knocked the breath out of her lungs. So this is what it felt like to have a boy really want you, all of you. His words cemented her decision in her mind.
“Well, in that case,” Mercedes said slowly, moving her hand to grip the waistband of his jeans, “you should hurry up and finish your musical tribute-slash-stripper routine so we can get to the fun part. After all, you said you wanted to give me an extra special birthday present, didn’t you?”
-
Mercedes was sweaty and she knew her hair was a hot mess, but she couldn’t really bring herself to care because of how completely blissed out she was feeling.
“That was…” she trailed off, unsure of what word to put in the blank space. Luckily, Puck was there to provide an appropriately cheeky answer.
“Amazing? Hotter than hell? The most awesome experience of your life?”
She laughed and said, “Unexpected.”
Puck made an irritated face.
“No, but seriously, how did you manage to set this up?”
“I overheard Hummel talking about your parents being out of town, so I talked him into helping me. Of course, he insisted that Quinn be brought in, and then she laughed at my dance skills so they both got Chang to help with that and he of course brought Matt with him, because the dudes are like attached at the hip or some shit. And then Finn and Berry showed up at some point, like I don’t know how or when, and shit got crazy until Q decided that we should break into your house. And, because I’m a total badass, I was down with that plan.”
Puck had a smug smirk on his face, but Mercedes was looking at him like he had lost his mind.
“So,” she started slowly, “what you’re saying is that nearly the entire glee club knew that we were going to have sex this weekend?”
“Uh…yes?”
“Oh my god, Noah Puckerman, I should throw your naked ass out into the street for that,” Mercedes moaned as she buried her face into his chest. “Monday is going to be terrible.”
Puck tightened his arms around her waist and said, “Aw, don’t be like that. School won’t be that bad, and if someone really tries to mess with you, I’ll just beat ‘em up, because no one messes with my girl.”
“Puck…”
“And everyone in glee knows that Puckzilla is irresistible, so they should be jealous of you.”
Mercedes couldn’t help it; she just lost it. She laughed so hard that it hurt to breathe and tears were leaking out of the corners of her eyes.
“P-Puckzilla?” She managed to get out, as she slowly regained control of her breathing. “How in the world did you ever get a girl to stick around with lines as ridiculous as that?”
“Never really had a girl I wanted to stick around,” Puck shrugged. “You know, before you.”
Mercedes could feel her heart flutter in her chest, as she curled in closer to the warmth he provided.
“Promise you’ll be here when I wake up?”
“Always,” he said, pressing a kiss onto the top of her head.
Mercedes smiled against his chest. Maybe this did turn out to be the perfect Saturday after all.
-
ABOUT THE FIC THAT YOU ARE REQUESTING
Character(s) or pairing(s): Will/Bryan, Mercedes/Puck, Mike/Kurt in no particular order
Do you prefer R or NC-17 smut?: Either! I'm easy.
Prompts (minimum of 3, no maximum!):
1. AU prompt: A new angel gets his first job on Earth as one Mike Chang, teenage boy. All he has to do is watch over Kurt Hummel. It's guaranteed to be a simple assignment...until "Mike" starts having sinful thoughts about his ward.
2. Flashback Prompt: Bryan/Will, that secret spot in the boiler room. Bonus points if you do a contrast/compare between their high school shenanigans and the present day affair
3. PWP Prompt: Of all the things she expected to get for her birthday, Puck doing a stripper routine wasn't one of them. Not that she's complaining...
4. Bonus Prompt:
A mix tape.
He made a mix tape.
He was thinking of me,
Which shows he cares!
Sometimes when someone
Has a crush on you
They'll make you a mix tape
To give you a clue.
Have fun, go nuts, any songs, any of the pairs
Things you DON’T want in your story (kinks or sex acts that gross you out, characters you despise, etc.): non-con, scat, incest, vomit.