I Can Soar: Extended Version
Title: I Can Soar
Author: giveitupjessica
Pairing: broken!jongkey, broken!2min, minkey, jongtae
Rating: PG-15
Summary: All he had to do was say those words and my whole world came crumbling down on me. I was broken with no intentions of getting fixed. I wanted to remain broken because if I didn't have him, what was the point? But you were there for me, never saying a word. And just knowing you were beside me was enough. You became the light at the end of the dark tunnel. (I seriously suck at summaries)
A/N: So this is the extended version for my entry for shawol_haven Gives just a little bit of back story. Please vote for my fic when voting begins. This is my first broken!2min/minkey story. Sorry to all my loyal readers who are 2min shippers. I still ship them and they will always be my OTP, but I wanted to try something different.
I CAN SOAR: EXTENDED VERSION
It was a well-known fact that I was terrified of heights. Anything to do with being somewhere that was higher than any living being that wasn’t born with wings should be scared the shit out of me. Something about falling to my untimely doom just didn’t appeal to me. So whenever we went to observation decks or look out points, I stayed behind. I would either stay on the ground and wait for everyone or remain in the car. At least if I fell, the only thing I would suffer from was a scrape and maybe a cut or two. Nothing a few alcohol swabs and a Hello Kitty band-aid couldn’t fix.
I didn’t mind staying behind for the most part. I actually kind of enjoyed it. There was rarely ever a time when any of us could have some ‘me-time’ and no I’m not talking about it in a dirty sense. Just that sometimes, you needed to be alone to think and sort out the thoughts that have built up in your mind throughout the week. Organizing them into neat little folders before filing them away and discarding any useless ones. But then sometimes it got a little boring and lonely because they’d spend a good few hours up there. I’d try to get Jonghyun to stay back with me, but he always said it’d be better if I just went them. He didn’t want to miss anything, so it usually ended up with me being left alone.
Sometimes, he would stay with me though. He’d tell me that once you went up to one observation deck in a city it all began to look the same. He didn’t see the point in wasting money just to go look at a view that you can see for free if you really wanted to. But then his boyfriend would always end up dragging him up anyways. Though there were days when he would resist just a little bit more and end up staying with me instead. I was thankful for those days. I know I said I liked the time to myself, but it was nice not to feel left out sometimes. I could have gone up with them all those times, but I would have just ended up being the kill joy with my hyperventilating and panicking. I decided to spare them the experience of dealing with that.
“So I guess it’s just you and me again Kibum-ah,” Minho says to me as we watch our band mates, manager, and cordi noonas walk into the building in front of us.
“I guess so,” I reply as I turn back to the van that was parked a few meters away.
“What do you wanna do?” he asks, glancing down at his watch, “I’m guessing we have at least an hour or two to kill.”
“I thought we were just going to go back to the van and wait for them,” I reply, pointing to the van.
“It gets stuffy in there. Besides, we have a long drive ahead of us, I want to be able to stretch my legs for as long as I can before it.”
“You and your freakishly long legs.”
“Don’t hate, you know you’re jealous of them,” he runs a hand up his leg and I burst out laughing.
“You’re so strange, sometimes I wonder if you truly are an alien.”
“If I told you, I’d have to kill you,” and I playfully smack his arm at his cheesiness.
“Let’s just go already,” I say between giggles.
“Go where?”
“I don’t know. Let’s just walk and see where our feet take us.”
“You want to make a comment about my legs again don’t you?”
“Yes, but I’m afraid it might cause you to act even more stupid. So I will keep it to myself. C’mon Keroro,” I pull his arm and we begin to walk around the city together. I was beginning to enjoy the time we spent together. We were never really that close, but now that we were spending more time together, I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why it had always been that way. He was truly a genuine person who you couldn’t help enjoy being around. If I didn’t have Jonghyun and he didn’t have Taemin, I’d totally fall for him.
“Want some coffee?” he asks me as we get closer to a little café and I know that it’s more of a statement rather than a question. He knows what my response will be. Before I can even think about opening my mouth, he’s already walking into the little room, “Wait here. I’ll be right back.”
I turn around to face the direction we had just come from. I can still see the building everyone else was in. I wonder what exactly they’re looking at. From what I’ve seen so far, it doesn’t seem like the view would be anything special. But then again, I’ve never gone up to find out just what the big deal about observations decks in the first place. I was with Minho, why waste money just to look out of a window? I’d rather spend it on clothes, but that’s just me.
“Here you go. Tall Americano with a smidge of half and half and two sugars,” he says as he hands me a Styrofoam cup.
“Thanks,” I reply and wrap both my hands around the cup. A bittersweet feeling washes over me as I take a sip and I know it’s not from the coffee.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Tell me.”
“It’s just…” I close my mouth and then open it but nothing comes out.
“Just what?”
“Don’t laugh okay?”
“Why would I laugh? Are you going to say something funny?”
“Minho! I’m trying to be serious here,” I say and we begin our walk back to our original starting point.
“I’m being serious too,” I glare at him and he seems to get the point, “Sorry. Please continue.”
“It’s just that even though we’ve been together for almost two years now, Jjongie still doesn’t know what I order whenever we go get coffee. He always has to ask. While you just know. And we’ve only gotten close in the past few months. Stupid huh?”
“Not at all. But you shouldn’t blame Jonghyun hyung, I’m just a naturally detail-oriented person.”
“But still, he’s my boyfriend. He should know these kinds of things.”
“Probably,” and we leave it at that, continuing our walk in a comforting silence as we both sip our coffees.
*~*
“Do you even know what my favorite color is?” I yell. We’ve been fighting more now and I can’t figure out why. He seems to be more distant these days and I’m afraid of losing him. So why do I constantly start these arguments with him? Maybe I’d rather him leave me now than later. Get the heart break over with already so I can pick up the pieces and attempt to move on.
“Why does it even matter if I know what your favorite color is? I fucking love you, that’s all that should matter. That’s all that used to matter at least,” he yells back.
“It matters because I feel like you know nothing about me! You can’t even answer a simple question like ‘What is my favorite color?’”
“It’s pink! There are you happy? Can we stop arguing and go and eat now?” he gives me an exasperated sigh.
“It’s fucking red!”
“Same thing. Isn’t pink just a form of red anyways?”
“It’s not the same. If they were the same then they would both be called red or pink.”
“Again, I ask why does this even matter?”
“You don’t know me Jjong. You don’t know me at all.”
“I do know you. Just because I got one stupid, measly little question wrong you’re going to accuse me of not knowing you? What the fuck is that shit?”
“Get out,” I say through gritted teeth, willing the tears not to fall from my eyes.
“You have got to be fucking kidding me. All of this over a fucking color?” he throws his hands up in frustration.
“Get out,” I repeat.
“Seriously?” he looks at me and I ball my hands into fist as I turn my gaze to the floor.
“I said GET THE FUCK OUT! NOW!” I yell.
“Fine. I think you need to cool down anyways. Call me when you’re not PMS-ing,” he calls over his shoulder as he walks out the room. I grab the stuffed pig he gave me on our first date off my bed and chuck it at the door he just closed. I collapse onto the ground and bring my knees into my chest trying to steady my breathing as tears start to cascade down my cheeks.
I don’t lift my head when I hear the door open. I pray that it isn’t Jonghyun though, I don’t want to see him right now. I can’t deal with it, any of it. Our relationship that’s slowly dying, neither one of us even bothering to try to revive it. It seems like he’s checked out of the relationship already. I’m just too afraid to check out as well. So I stay and put myself through this pain just because I don’t’ want to lose him. I can’t let go.
I feel a hand fall on my shoulder and squeeze it once before a body plops down beside me. Arms wrap around my shoulders and pull me into a strong chest. My sobs only become harder and my breathing becomes frantic. I’m pretty much hyperventilating at this point.
“Shh, Key. Let it out,” he whispers into my ear as he rubs my back, arms tightening around me. I’m gasping for air now as I no longer have control over the water that is quickly soaking his shirt, “Breathe Key. Breathe. Nice deep, slow breathes.”
“I love him so much,” I finally say as my sobs start to die down. Breathing hitching between each word, “What did I do wrong? Why doesn’t he love me anymore?”
“You did nothing wrong,” he smoothes my hair and wipes the traces of my tears from my cheeks, “You did absolutely nothing wrong.”
*~*
Neither one of us saw it coming. I guess it all started when he started to stay behind with me while everyone else went up to the observation and look out decks. Or perhaps when he was busy comforting me, his own lover was comforting mine. I guess in all actuality it doesn’t matter when, why, or how it happened. All that matters is what Minho and I just walked in on.
“M-Minho,” Taemin stutters as he jumps off the couch and out of Jonghyun’s arms. The latter is just staring at me, no signs of surprise or remorse anywhere on his face. It’s just blank, does he really not care at all at this point?
“What’s going on?” Minho asks and then holds up his hand, “No, don’t answer that. I don’t want to know.”
“It’s your own fault you know,” Jonghyun says from the couch after a short period of silence.
“What?” I ask.
“It’s your own fault. You have no one to blame but yourself. You’re the one who started all those arguments. You’re the reason why I stormed out of the dorm. You’re the reason why Taemin would follow after me to see if I was okay. All the while you got all cuddly with Minho. So really it’s your own fault. You’re the reason why they’re probably going to break up and ultimately the reason why I’m breaking up with you,” he gets up off the couch and walks to his room. His body slamming against my shoulder as he passes by. I turn back to Taemin and tears are running down his face.
“I’m sorry Minho. I… I didn’t mean for it to happen… You were just always with Key umma so Jonghyun hyung and I comforted each other. I’m sorry,” his cries drown out the rest of his words.
“I said I didn’t want to know,” Minho replies as he grabs my hand and pulls me back out of the dorm. The sound of Taemin’s sobs growing fainter as we get further away until the closing of the door mutes them altogether.
“Minho,” I begin.
“Don’t listen to him, it’s not your fault,” he pulls me into a hug and I let the tears fall from my own eyes. I know I shouldn’t be out here with him. He should be inside comforting his boyfriend not me. He worries about me too much. I feel selfish, but I can’t make myself let go as the grip I have on his shirt tightens.
*~*
It’s been a few months since Jonghyun broke up with me and since Minho and Taemin broke up. They ended up talking for the whole night after I had fallen asleep. Their break up was mutual. No ugly words or accusations were exchanged. No fingers were pointed. They just decided that things were over between them. What had Minho said about it? Oh yeah, he said that every relationship has an expiration date. They just so happened to reach theirs, it was no big deal. It was great while it lasted and he would always treasure the memories they made together and a part of his heart will always belong to Taemin. He just didn’t own his whole heart anymore.
I wish I could say it was that easy for me. But it wasn’t. To say I was a wreck would be putting it lightly. I was heavily broken and completely lost. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I couldn’t bare to be in the same room as Jonghyun or Taemin. I would lock myself in my room the moment we got home from our schedules, never coming out until it was time to leave the next day. I wouldn’t let anyone in the room either, especially after Jonghyun moved his stuff out and into Taemin’s room instead. They were dating now, I knew they were even though they tried not to show any signs of it in front of me. But I knew. Just because I was locked in my room, didn’t mean I couldn’t hear what was going on in the rest of the house. It didn’t mean I couldn’t make out the faint moans of pleasure coming from their room late at night. And I felt like I died every time I was reminded of that fact. Why couldn’t it have been me?
However, there was one ray of hope for me. That small light at the end of the dark tunnel. My silver lining in a cloud so dark and full of water, just waiting to pour it’s contents on an unsuspecting terrain. And that was Minho. He was there for me through it all. Never leaving my side. He was the only one I allowed in my room. He brought me food and made sure I had whatever I needed. Never once did he tell me that it was time to pick up the pieces. Never once did he tell me to move on. Never once did he tell me that Jonghyun didn’t deserve my love. He was just always there and that’s all I needed. I just needed someone to be there for me when I felt like no one was.
“Where are we going Minho?” I ask as he drags me through the city. We had just finished our last schedule and he had told the van to go on without us. That we’d meet them at the dorm later.
“You’ll see,” he says and gives me a warm smile. We end up at an amusement park. It’s pretty much deserted since it’s almost dark and it’s kind of chilly out.
“What are we doing here?” I ask and he just turns and gives me that warm smile again. Grabbing my hand once more as we begin to make our way around the park.
“You’ll see,” is all he says. We end up in front of biggest roller coaster I’ve seen in my life. He let’s go of my hand and stares up at it.
“No way Choi Minho! If you think I’m getting on that thing, you have another thing coming! NO FUCKING WAY!”
“Trust me Kibum-ah,” he grabs my hand before I can make a run for it and we start to weave through the barriers that were set up to maintain a steady and organized line. Only we were the only people in line.
“I’m not getting in it,” I say to him as I cross my arms in front of my chest. We’re standing in front of the carts and I’m refusing to get in it.
“Kibum-ah,” he says, grabbing both of my hands in his. He looks at me that warm smile never leaving his face, “Do you trust me?”
“What?”
“Do you trust me?”
“Of course I trust you.”
“Then get in that cart. I promise nothing will happen.”
“Why do I need to do this again?”
“Because you need this. So just trust me and get in,” I let out a sigh and get into the cart. He quickly takes a seat beside me and the ride attendant pulls down the safety bar. Before I can change my mind we’re moving. He grabs hold of my hand and gives me that smile again. I try to smile back, but find that I’m pretty much frozen in my seat.
I close my eyes tightly when we start to inch our way up to the first drop, which of course is the biggest drop of the ride. Why did I let him talk me into this? Wait, he didn’t have to talk me into it, I pretty much just went right along with it. I’m so stupid. Is it too late to tell them to stop the ride?
“Listen to me Kibum-ah,” his voice enters my thoughts, “You don’t need to talk. Just listen. When we reach the top and start to go down, I want you to scream. I want you to scream your lungs out. Let out every last bit of anger, frustration, hurt, pain, every emotion you have regarding your relationship with Jonghyun hyung. Let it all out okay?”
I nod my head to let him know I heard him. My grip on his hand tightens as I wait for the fall. His thumbs rubs over my knuckles and I find myself relaxing a bit. I slowly open my eyes and stare at him. The sun setting behind him, highlighting his warm smile beautifully and I forget where we are for a second.
“You ready?” he asks and my eyes widen as I look forward, just to suddenly be staring straight at the ground. I start to scream my lungs out. My hand cutting off all the circulation to Minho’s but he doesn’t care. I continue to scream and shut my eyes tightly, the wind blowing the tears I didn’t know were falling right off my face. But then it’s all over just as soon as it started. We’re back to where we began the ride.
I look over at Minho and his hand is still wrapped around mine. I step out of the cart once the safety bar is lifted. I try to give him a dirty look to let him know just how much I hate him, but I can’t.
“Feeling better?” he asks me as we walk to the exit.
“No. You’re a jerk. You know I hate heights and you bring me to one of the biggest roller coasters I’ve ever seen,” I move my hand up to wipe away the tears I knew had fallen from my face during the ride. Only to touch dry skin. All signs of my crying gone without a trace.
“You sure?”
And I don’t now how to answer that. Because for the first time since the break-up, I feel like I’m going to be okay. For the first time I feel hope again. For the first time I feel like I’m getting closer to that light at the end of the tunnel. All thanks to Minho.
It’s time for me to lock away my heart so it can’t hurt me anymore. And maybe, just maybe someone will find the key to it one day. And I will be free to love that person and they will love me back. The way I deserve to be loved. And maybe, just maybe that person will be you, Choi Minho.
Wait for me Minho. Please, just be patient with me and wait. Do the one thing that Jonghyun wasn’t willing to do… Wait…
A/N: I realize there may be a little confusion in the beginning. The 'he' that Key is referring to in the third paragraph is Minho NOT Jonghyun. Sorry about that.
Author: giveitupjessica
Pairing: broken!jongkey, broken!2min, minkey, jongtae
Rating: PG-15
Summary: All he had to do was say those words and my whole world came crumbling down on me. I was broken with no intentions of getting fixed. I wanted to remain broken because if I didn't have him, what was the point? But you were there for me, never saying a word. And just knowing you were beside me was enough. You became the light at the end of the dark tunnel. (I seriously suck at summaries)
A/N: So this is the extended version for my entry for shawol_haven Gives just a little bit of back story. Please vote for my fic when voting begins. This is my first broken!2min/minkey story. Sorry to all my loyal readers who are 2min shippers. I still ship them and they will always be my OTP, but I wanted to try something different.
I CAN SOAR: EXTENDED VERSION
It was a well-known fact that I was terrified of heights. Anything to do with being somewhere that was higher than any living being that wasn’t born with wings should be scared the shit out of me. Something about falling to my untimely doom just didn’t appeal to me. So whenever we went to observation decks or look out points, I stayed behind. I would either stay on the ground and wait for everyone or remain in the car. At least if I fell, the only thing I would suffer from was a scrape and maybe a cut or two. Nothing a few alcohol swabs and a Hello Kitty band-aid couldn’t fix.
I didn’t mind staying behind for the most part. I actually kind of enjoyed it. There was rarely ever a time when any of us could have some ‘me-time’ and no I’m not talking about it in a dirty sense. Just that sometimes, you needed to be alone to think and sort out the thoughts that have built up in your mind throughout the week. Organizing them into neat little folders before filing them away and discarding any useless ones. But then sometimes it got a little boring and lonely because they’d spend a good few hours up there. I’d try to get Jonghyun to stay back with me, but he always said it’d be better if I just went them. He didn’t want to miss anything, so it usually ended up with me being left alone.
Sometimes, he would stay with me though. He’d tell me that once you went up to one observation deck in a city it all began to look the same. He didn’t see the point in wasting money just to go look at a view that you can see for free if you really wanted to. But then his boyfriend would always end up dragging him up anyways. Though there were days when he would resist just a little bit more and end up staying with me instead. I was thankful for those days. I know I said I liked the time to myself, but it was nice not to feel left out sometimes. I could have gone up with them all those times, but I would have just ended up being the kill joy with my hyperventilating and panicking. I decided to spare them the experience of dealing with that.
“So I guess it’s just you and me again Kibum-ah,” Minho says to me as we watch our band mates, manager, and cordi noonas walk into the building in front of us.
“I guess so,” I reply as I turn back to the van that was parked a few meters away.
“What do you wanna do?” he asks, glancing down at his watch, “I’m guessing we have at least an hour or two to kill.”
“I thought we were just going to go back to the van and wait for them,” I reply, pointing to the van.
“It gets stuffy in there. Besides, we have a long drive ahead of us, I want to be able to stretch my legs for as long as I can before it.”
“You and your freakishly long legs.”
“Don’t hate, you know you’re jealous of them,” he runs a hand up his leg and I burst out laughing.
“You’re so strange, sometimes I wonder if you truly are an alien.”
“If I told you, I’d have to kill you,” and I playfully smack his arm at his cheesiness.
“Let’s just go already,” I say between giggles.
“Go where?”
“I don’t know. Let’s just walk and see where our feet take us.”
“You want to make a comment about my legs again don’t you?”
“Yes, but I’m afraid it might cause you to act even more stupid. So I will keep it to myself. C’mon Keroro,” I pull his arm and we begin to walk around the city together. I was beginning to enjoy the time we spent together. We were never really that close, but now that we were spending more time together, I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why it had always been that way. He was truly a genuine person who you couldn’t help enjoy being around. If I didn’t have Jonghyun and he didn’t have Taemin, I’d totally fall for him.
“Want some coffee?” he asks me as we get closer to a little café and I know that it’s more of a statement rather than a question. He knows what my response will be. Before I can even think about opening my mouth, he’s already walking into the little room, “Wait here. I’ll be right back.”
I turn around to face the direction we had just come from. I can still see the building everyone else was in. I wonder what exactly they’re looking at. From what I’ve seen so far, it doesn’t seem like the view would be anything special. But then again, I’ve never gone up to find out just what the big deal about observations decks in the first place. I was with Minho, why waste money just to look out of a window? I’d rather spend it on clothes, but that’s just me.
“Here you go. Tall Americano with a smidge of half and half and two sugars,” he says as he hands me a Styrofoam cup.
“Thanks,” I reply and wrap both my hands around the cup. A bittersweet feeling washes over me as I take a sip and I know it’s not from the coffee.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Tell me.”
“It’s just…” I close my mouth and then open it but nothing comes out.
“Just what?”
“Don’t laugh okay?”
“Why would I laugh? Are you going to say something funny?”
“Minho! I’m trying to be serious here,” I say and we begin our walk back to our original starting point.
“I’m being serious too,” I glare at him and he seems to get the point, “Sorry. Please continue.”
“It’s just that even though we’ve been together for almost two years now, Jjongie still doesn’t know what I order whenever we go get coffee. He always has to ask. While you just know. And we’ve only gotten close in the past few months. Stupid huh?”
“Not at all. But you shouldn’t blame Jonghyun hyung, I’m just a naturally detail-oriented person.”
“But still, he’s my boyfriend. He should know these kinds of things.”
“Probably,” and we leave it at that, continuing our walk in a comforting silence as we both sip our coffees.
*~*
“Do you even know what my favorite color is?” I yell. We’ve been fighting more now and I can’t figure out why. He seems to be more distant these days and I’m afraid of losing him. So why do I constantly start these arguments with him? Maybe I’d rather him leave me now than later. Get the heart break over with already so I can pick up the pieces and attempt to move on.
“Why does it even matter if I know what your favorite color is? I fucking love you, that’s all that should matter. That’s all that used to matter at least,” he yells back.
“It matters because I feel like you know nothing about me! You can’t even answer a simple question like ‘What is my favorite color?’”
“It’s pink! There are you happy? Can we stop arguing and go and eat now?” he gives me an exasperated sigh.
“It’s fucking red!”
“Same thing. Isn’t pink just a form of red anyways?”
“It’s not the same. If they were the same then they would both be called red or pink.”
“Again, I ask why does this even matter?”
“You don’t know me Jjong. You don’t know me at all.”
“I do know you. Just because I got one stupid, measly little question wrong you’re going to accuse me of not knowing you? What the fuck is that shit?”
“Get out,” I say through gritted teeth, willing the tears not to fall from my eyes.
“You have got to be fucking kidding me. All of this over a fucking color?” he throws his hands up in frustration.
“Get out,” I repeat.
“Seriously?” he looks at me and I ball my hands into fist as I turn my gaze to the floor.
“I said GET THE FUCK OUT! NOW!” I yell.
“Fine. I think you need to cool down anyways. Call me when you’re not PMS-ing,” he calls over his shoulder as he walks out the room. I grab the stuffed pig he gave me on our first date off my bed and chuck it at the door he just closed. I collapse onto the ground and bring my knees into my chest trying to steady my breathing as tears start to cascade down my cheeks.
I don’t lift my head when I hear the door open. I pray that it isn’t Jonghyun though, I don’t want to see him right now. I can’t deal with it, any of it. Our relationship that’s slowly dying, neither one of us even bothering to try to revive it. It seems like he’s checked out of the relationship already. I’m just too afraid to check out as well. So I stay and put myself through this pain just because I don’t’ want to lose him. I can’t let go.
I feel a hand fall on my shoulder and squeeze it once before a body plops down beside me. Arms wrap around my shoulders and pull me into a strong chest. My sobs only become harder and my breathing becomes frantic. I’m pretty much hyperventilating at this point.
“Shh, Key. Let it out,” he whispers into my ear as he rubs my back, arms tightening around me. I’m gasping for air now as I no longer have control over the water that is quickly soaking his shirt, “Breathe Key. Breathe. Nice deep, slow breathes.”
“I love him so much,” I finally say as my sobs start to die down. Breathing hitching between each word, “What did I do wrong? Why doesn’t he love me anymore?”
“You did nothing wrong,” he smoothes my hair and wipes the traces of my tears from my cheeks, “You did absolutely nothing wrong.”
*~*
Neither one of us saw it coming. I guess it all started when he started to stay behind with me while everyone else went up to the observation and look out decks. Or perhaps when he was busy comforting me, his own lover was comforting mine. I guess in all actuality it doesn’t matter when, why, or how it happened. All that matters is what Minho and I just walked in on.
“M-Minho,” Taemin stutters as he jumps off the couch and out of Jonghyun’s arms. The latter is just staring at me, no signs of surprise or remorse anywhere on his face. It’s just blank, does he really not care at all at this point?
“What’s going on?” Minho asks and then holds up his hand, “No, don’t answer that. I don’t want to know.”
“It’s your own fault you know,” Jonghyun says from the couch after a short period of silence.
“What?” I ask.
“It’s your own fault. You have no one to blame but yourself. You’re the one who started all those arguments. You’re the reason why I stormed out of the dorm. You’re the reason why Taemin would follow after me to see if I was okay. All the while you got all cuddly with Minho. So really it’s your own fault. You’re the reason why they’re probably going to break up and ultimately the reason why I’m breaking up with you,” he gets up off the couch and walks to his room. His body slamming against my shoulder as he passes by. I turn back to Taemin and tears are running down his face.
“I’m sorry Minho. I… I didn’t mean for it to happen… You were just always with Key umma so Jonghyun hyung and I comforted each other. I’m sorry,” his cries drown out the rest of his words.
“I said I didn’t want to know,” Minho replies as he grabs my hand and pulls me back out of the dorm. The sound of Taemin’s sobs growing fainter as we get further away until the closing of the door mutes them altogether.
“Minho,” I begin.
“Don’t listen to him, it’s not your fault,” he pulls me into a hug and I let the tears fall from my own eyes. I know I shouldn’t be out here with him. He should be inside comforting his boyfriend not me. He worries about me too much. I feel selfish, but I can’t make myself let go as the grip I have on his shirt tightens.
*~*
It’s been a few months since Jonghyun broke up with me and since Minho and Taemin broke up. They ended up talking for the whole night after I had fallen asleep. Their break up was mutual. No ugly words or accusations were exchanged. No fingers were pointed. They just decided that things were over between them. What had Minho said about it? Oh yeah, he said that every relationship has an expiration date. They just so happened to reach theirs, it was no big deal. It was great while it lasted and he would always treasure the memories they made together and a part of his heart will always belong to Taemin. He just didn’t own his whole heart anymore.
I wish I could say it was that easy for me. But it wasn’t. To say I was a wreck would be putting it lightly. I was heavily broken and completely lost. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I couldn’t bare to be in the same room as Jonghyun or Taemin. I would lock myself in my room the moment we got home from our schedules, never coming out until it was time to leave the next day. I wouldn’t let anyone in the room either, especially after Jonghyun moved his stuff out and into Taemin’s room instead. They were dating now, I knew they were even though they tried not to show any signs of it in front of me. But I knew. Just because I was locked in my room, didn’t mean I couldn’t hear what was going on in the rest of the house. It didn’t mean I couldn’t make out the faint moans of pleasure coming from their room late at night. And I felt like I died every time I was reminded of that fact. Why couldn’t it have been me?
However, there was one ray of hope for me. That small light at the end of the dark tunnel. My silver lining in a cloud so dark and full of water, just waiting to pour it’s contents on an unsuspecting terrain. And that was Minho. He was there for me through it all. Never leaving my side. He was the only one I allowed in my room. He brought me food and made sure I had whatever I needed. Never once did he tell me that it was time to pick up the pieces. Never once did he tell me to move on. Never once did he tell me that Jonghyun didn’t deserve my love. He was just always there and that’s all I needed. I just needed someone to be there for me when I felt like no one was.
“Where are we going Minho?” I ask as he drags me through the city. We had just finished our last schedule and he had told the van to go on without us. That we’d meet them at the dorm later.
“You’ll see,” he says and gives me a warm smile. We end up at an amusement park. It’s pretty much deserted since it’s almost dark and it’s kind of chilly out.
“What are we doing here?” I ask and he just turns and gives me that warm smile again. Grabbing my hand once more as we begin to make our way around the park.
“You’ll see,” is all he says. We end up in front of biggest roller coaster I’ve seen in my life. He let’s go of my hand and stares up at it.
“No way Choi Minho! If you think I’m getting on that thing, you have another thing coming! NO FUCKING WAY!”
“Trust me Kibum-ah,” he grabs my hand before I can make a run for it and we start to weave through the barriers that were set up to maintain a steady and organized line. Only we were the only people in line.
“I’m not getting in it,” I say to him as I cross my arms in front of my chest. We’re standing in front of the carts and I’m refusing to get in it.
“Kibum-ah,” he says, grabbing both of my hands in his. He looks at me that warm smile never leaving his face, “Do you trust me?”
“What?”
“Do you trust me?”
“Of course I trust you.”
“Then get in that cart. I promise nothing will happen.”
“Why do I need to do this again?”
“Because you need this. So just trust me and get in,” I let out a sigh and get into the cart. He quickly takes a seat beside me and the ride attendant pulls down the safety bar. Before I can change my mind we’re moving. He grabs hold of my hand and gives me that smile again. I try to smile back, but find that I’m pretty much frozen in my seat.
I close my eyes tightly when we start to inch our way up to the first drop, which of course is the biggest drop of the ride. Why did I let him talk me into this? Wait, he didn’t have to talk me into it, I pretty much just went right along with it. I’m so stupid. Is it too late to tell them to stop the ride?
“Listen to me Kibum-ah,” his voice enters my thoughts, “You don’t need to talk. Just listen. When we reach the top and start to go down, I want you to scream. I want you to scream your lungs out. Let out every last bit of anger, frustration, hurt, pain, every emotion you have regarding your relationship with Jonghyun hyung. Let it all out okay?”
I nod my head to let him know I heard him. My grip on his hand tightens as I wait for the fall. His thumbs rubs over my knuckles and I find myself relaxing a bit. I slowly open my eyes and stare at him. The sun setting behind him, highlighting his warm smile beautifully and I forget where we are for a second.
“You ready?” he asks and my eyes widen as I look forward, just to suddenly be staring straight at the ground. I start to scream my lungs out. My hand cutting off all the circulation to Minho’s but he doesn’t care. I continue to scream and shut my eyes tightly, the wind blowing the tears I didn’t know were falling right off my face. But then it’s all over just as soon as it started. We’re back to where we began the ride.
I look over at Minho and his hand is still wrapped around mine. I step out of the cart once the safety bar is lifted. I try to give him a dirty look to let him know just how much I hate him, but I can’t.
“Feeling better?” he asks me as we walk to the exit.
“No. You’re a jerk. You know I hate heights and you bring me to one of the biggest roller coasters I’ve ever seen,” I move my hand up to wipe away the tears I knew had fallen from my face during the ride. Only to touch dry skin. All signs of my crying gone without a trace.
“You sure?”
And I don’t now how to answer that. Because for the first time since the break-up, I feel like I’m going to be okay. For the first time I feel hope again. For the first time I feel like I’m getting closer to that light at the end of the tunnel. All thanks to Minho.
It’s time for me to lock away my heart so it can’t hurt me anymore. And maybe, just maybe someone will find the key to it one day. And I will be free to love that person and they will love me back. The way I deserve to be loved. And maybe, just maybe that person will be you, Choi Minho.
Wait for me Minho. Please, just be patient with me and wait. Do the one thing that Jonghyun wasn’t willing to do… Wait…
A/N: I realize there may be a little confusion in the beginning. The 'he' that Key is referring to in the third paragraph is Minho NOT Jonghyun. Sorry about that.