Falling Back
Title: Falling Back
Author: girl_dean
Character/pairing: Sam/girl!Dean (Dee)
Rated: G
Word count: 2142
Disclaimer: Characters aren’t mine. Written for fun, not for profit. Just my own personal, totally self-indulgent, Sam/girl!Dean canon.
Notes: Takes place during 1x13 (Route 666)
Summary: It's time for Dee to face some cold hard facts.
*Pictured: Chris Robinson*
Chris hasn’t changed a bit. He’s still got the same shaved head and the same piercing blue eyes that pulled Dee in the first time around. He shakes hands with Sam but his eyes are on Dee and she has to fight the urge to fidget under that stare. Chris was the only guy who ever made Dee nervous. Something about him always made her feel awkward and new, like a 13 year old with her first crush. Maybe it was because he wasn’t just gorgeous, he was brilliant. Or at least Dee thought so. When they first met, Chris was about to graduate at the top of his class at M.I.T and needless to say, Dee couldn’t help feeling a little intimidated by him. For the first time, she wondered if she was good enough.
Sam’s hand comes to rest on Dee’s lower back, pulling her back to the present. She shakes off the tension building in her shoulders and smiles.
After that, it’s like Chris remembered how badly they ended things and stops looking at her all together. Every time she looks at him, he looks away. The person who does look at her, is Sam. From the moment he heard about Chris he hasn’t stopped looking at her with this look on his face. It looks like concern but every time she catches his eye he’s frowning, eyebrows drawn in tight. Most of the time he just looks pissed. Dee tries several times to lighten the mood a bit, even tries to get Chris and Sam talking, telling them how much they have in common. But Sam isn’t interested. He hovers over Dee and looks at Chris like he’s the bad guy they’re hunting. It’s getting ridiculous.
They settled on the theory that the real bad guy here is a kind of “ghost truck” in the same vein as the Lost Dutchman, a ghost ship controlled by the evil spirit of it’s captain.
“I’ll go talk with Chris,” Dee says as they get back to the Impala. “Since it seems to be connected to his family.”
Sam frowns. Again. “I’ll go with you.”
Dee rolls her eyes and turns to look at her brother. “Seriously, Sam. What’s your problem? You’ve been acting like a little bitch since we got here.”
“I just want to know what’s going on between you two.”
Dee looks at him, exasperated. “There’s nothing going on Sam. We went out for a while, and then we broke it off. It’s not that big of a deal.”
“Seems it was a pretty big deal to him.”
“What do you mean?”
“The way he looks at you. Looks to me like he’d be more than willing to pick up where you left off.”
Now Dee is confused. “What are you talking about? He barely looks at me.”
Sam huffs out a laugh. “Oh he looks at you. Every time you look away, he looks at you.”
“I think you’re seeing things, Sam. Chris and I didn’t exactly leave things on good terms. He’s not interested in picking anything back up again.”
Dee slips into the drivers seat of the Impala. Seconds later, Sam’s seated beside her.
“I wouldn’t be so sure if I were you.”
~~~~~~~
Chris does seem happy to see her when he answers the door.
“Dee, hey. Come in.”
Dee smiles and steps inside the house. “Hey, Chris.”
“I’m surprised to see you alone. Where’s your brother?”
“Left him behind.” Dee laughs. “He was getting on my nerves.”
Chris huffs out a breath. “I can imagine. He acts more like a boyfriend than a brother.”
Dee doesn’t know what to say to that. It bothers her that Sam was so obvious...that he even had the nerve to play jealous boyfriend to begin with.
“Nah...he’s...he’s not that bad, is he?”
“He looked like he wanted to rip my head off every time I looked at you.”
Dee lets out a nervous laugh. “He’s just protective.”
Chris nods and leans up against the wide door frame that opens to the living room. “So what are you doing here?” he asks.
Dee casually leans up against the door frame opposite him.
“I’m just trying to find the connection between the three victims. Did your mom tell you what Todd meant about not being a racist?”
“No. She didn’t want to talk about it.”
“Oh...ok.”
Chris clears his throat and says, “Look, I’m glad your brother’s not here. I wanted to talk to you.”
“About?”
“About before...I wanted to apologize...for not believing you. When you told me what you do...what your job is...I thought it was just some story you made up cause you wanted to leave.”
“But it was true.”
“I know that now. But you gotta admit it sounds pretty crazy, I mean, you hunt ghosts.”
Dee pushes away from the doorframe. “I was just trying to be honest with you and you nailed me for it.”
“I know…”
“I just wanted…”
“I know…” Chris takes a step toward her...into Dee’s space. “I’m sorry.”
They look at each other, eyes searching. Chris leans closer, eyes roving from Dee’s eyes to her lips, and Dee knows he’s looking for permission. But she can’t give it to him.
Yes, they had some real chemistry. What they had was hot and it felt real at the time. It felt like she really cared for him but she can see now that she just wanted the closeness she had felt with Sam. For a while she thought Chris might be able to give her that.
But now that she has her brother back, this doesn’t feel right anymore. It doesn’t feel real anymore. What she feels for Sam is real. Everything else is just second rate.
Damn it.
Chris’s face is only inches from hers when Dee blurts out, “I should go.”
Chris pulls back immediately, eyes wide. “Oh...um...sorry. I thought…” He waves his hand over her. “I guess I thought…”
“I’m sorry,” Dee says, stepping away. “I shouldn’t have come. I’m sorry.” she says again and Chris nods, looking confused.
Dee feels shitty leaving like this but she has to get out of here. “I wish I could stay. I really do. I just….can’t.” She heads for the door. “I’m sorry. I’ll see you later.”
~~~~~
When she gets back to the motel Sam is sitting on his bed watching TV. Dee pulls her jacket off and throws it angrily onto the floor. She kicks off her shoes and kicks them across the room.
“What’s wrong? Sam asks, sitting up. He’s wearing only his boxers and a thin t-shirt and Dee forces herself to look away. She keeps her eyes trained on the open bathroom door as she makes her way across the room.
Sam’s up and off the bed now but Dee slams the bathroom door closed behind her before he can say anything else.
She flips on the light and turns to face herself in the mirror. Her hair is wild and her cheeks are flushed from the cold outside and the heat inside. She feels too warm all over so she splashes cold water on her face. It doesn’t help. This kind of heat isn’t something you can just wash away. It’s the deep seated shame she feels every time she’s faced with one cold hard fact. She’s in love with her brother.
Fuck.
Author: girl_dean
Character/pairing: Sam/girl!Dean (Dee)
Rated: G
Word count: 2142
Disclaimer: Characters aren’t mine. Written for fun, not for profit. Just my own personal, totally self-indulgent, Sam/girl!Dean canon.
Notes: Takes place during 1x13 (Route 666)
Summary: It's time for Dee to face some cold hard facts.
*Pictured: Chris Robinson*
Chris hasn’t changed a bit. He’s still got the same shaved head and the same piercing blue eyes that pulled Dee in the first time around. He shakes hands with Sam but his eyes are on Dee and she has to fight the urge to fidget under that stare. Chris was the only guy who ever made Dee nervous. Something about him always made her feel awkward and new, like a 13 year old with her first crush. Maybe it was because he wasn’t just gorgeous, he was brilliant. Or at least Dee thought so. When they first met, Chris was about to graduate at the top of his class at M.I.T and needless to say, Dee couldn’t help feeling a little intimidated by him. For the first time, she wondered if she was good enough.
Sam’s hand comes to rest on Dee’s lower back, pulling her back to the present. She shakes off the tension building in her shoulders and smiles.
After that, it’s like Chris remembered how badly they ended things and stops looking at her all together. Every time she looks at him, he looks away. The person who does look at her, is Sam. From the moment he heard about Chris he hasn’t stopped looking at her with this look on his face. It looks like concern but every time she catches his eye he’s frowning, eyebrows drawn in tight. Most of the time he just looks pissed. Dee tries several times to lighten the mood a bit, even tries to get Chris and Sam talking, telling them how much they have in common. But Sam isn’t interested. He hovers over Dee and looks at Chris like he’s the bad guy they’re hunting. It’s getting ridiculous.
They settled on the theory that the real bad guy here is a kind of “ghost truck” in the same vein as the Lost Dutchman, a ghost ship controlled by the evil spirit of it’s captain.
“I’ll go talk with Chris,” Dee says as they get back to the Impala. “Since it seems to be connected to his family.”
Sam frowns. Again. “I’ll go with you.”
Dee rolls her eyes and turns to look at her brother. “Seriously, Sam. What’s your problem? You’ve been acting like a little bitch since we got here.”
“I just want to know what’s going on between you two.”
Dee looks at him, exasperated. “There’s nothing going on Sam. We went out for a while, and then we broke it off. It’s not that big of a deal.”
“Seems it was a pretty big deal to him.”
“What do you mean?”
“The way he looks at you. Looks to me like he’d be more than willing to pick up where you left off.”
Now Dee is confused. “What are you talking about? He barely looks at me.”
Sam huffs out a laugh. “Oh he looks at you. Every time you look away, he looks at you.”
“I think you’re seeing things, Sam. Chris and I didn’t exactly leave things on good terms. He’s not interested in picking anything back up again.”
Dee slips into the drivers seat of the Impala. Seconds later, Sam’s seated beside her.
“I wouldn’t be so sure if I were you.”
~~~~~~~
Chris does seem happy to see her when he answers the door.
“Dee, hey. Come in.”
Dee smiles and steps inside the house. “Hey, Chris.”
“I’m surprised to see you alone. Where’s your brother?”
“Left him behind.” Dee laughs. “He was getting on my nerves.”
Chris huffs out a breath. “I can imagine. He acts more like a boyfriend than a brother.”
Dee doesn’t know what to say to that. It bothers her that Sam was so obvious...that he even had the nerve to play jealous boyfriend to begin with.
“Nah...he’s...he’s not that bad, is he?”
“He looked like he wanted to rip my head off every time I looked at you.”
Dee lets out a nervous laugh. “He’s just protective.”
Chris nods and leans up against the wide door frame that opens to the living room. “So what are you doing here?” he asks.
Dee casually leans up against the door frame opposite him.
“I’m just trying to find the connection between the three victims. Did your mom tell you what Todd meant about not being a racist?”
“No. She didn’t want to talk about it.”
“Oh...ok.”
Chris clears his throat and says, “Look, I’m glad your brother’s not here. I wanted to talk to you.”
“About?”
“About before...I wanted to apologize...for not believing you. When you told me what you do...what your job is...I thought it was just some story you made up cause you wanted to leave.”
“But it was true.”
“I know that now. But you gotta admit it sounds pretty crazy, I mean, you hunt ghosts.”
Dee pushes away from the doorframe. “I was just trying to be honest with you and you nailed me for it.”
“I know…”
“I just wanted…”
“I know…” Chris takes a step toward her...into Dee’s space. “I’m sorry.”
They look at each other, eyes searching. Chris leans closer, eyes roving from Dee’s eyes to her lips, and Dee knows he’s looking for permission. But she can’t give it to him.
Yes, they had some real chemistry. What they had was hot and it felt real at the time. It felt like she really cared for him but she can see now that she just wanted the closeness she had felt with Sam. For a while she thought Chris might be able to give her that.
But now that she has her brother back, this doesn’t feel right anymore. It doesn’t feel real anymore. What she feels for Sam is real. Everything else is just second rate.
Damn it.
Chris’s face is only inches from hers when Dee blurts out, “I should go.”
Chris pulls back immediately, eyes wide. “Oh...um...sorry. I thought…” He waves his hand over her. “I guess I thought…”
“I’m sorry,” Dee says, stepping away. “I shouldn’t have come. I’m sorry.” she says again and Chris nods, looking confused.
Dee feels shitty leaving like this but she has to get out of here. “I wish I could stay. I really do. I just….can’t.” She heads for the door. “I’m sorry. I’ll see you later.”
~~~~~
When she gets back to the motel Sam is sitting on his bed watching TV. Dee pulls her jacket off and throws it angrily onto the floor. She kicks off her shoes and kicks them across the room.
“What’s wrong? Sam asks, sitting up. He’s wearing only his boxers and a thin t-shirt and Dee forces herself to look away. She keeps her eyes trained on the open bathroom door as she makes her way across the room.
Sam’s up and off the bed now but Dee slams the bathroom door closed behind her before he can say anything else.
She flips on the light and turns to face herself in the mirror. Her hair is wild and her cheeks are flushed from the cold outside and the heat inside. She feels too warm all over so she splashes cold water on her face. It doesn’t help. This kind of heat isn’t something you can just wash away. It’s the deep seated shame she feels every time she’s faced with one cold hard fact. She’s in love with her brother.
Fuck.