二十 四 ; èr shí sì

[getsome_sleep]

"Once upon a time," said Zhuangzi, "I dreamed that I was a butterfly, fluttering hither and thither, to all intents and purposes a butterfly. I was conscious only of my happiness as a butterfly, unaware that I was Zhuangzi

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[getsome_sleep]

[The day after this exchange, Huo comes by Gai's house to drop his copy of the Tao Te Ching. Two pages in, the book conceals a handwritten page telling the following story:]There once was a fish - a great predatory creature, a veritable whale - who dreamed that he was a man. The dream was very vivid, and he could not seem to let it go. What if he truly was a man, a fisherman and not a whale? What if he was in fact dreaming that he lived in a bowl with the other creatures of the sea? He tried and tried to wake up, but to no avail

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[getsome_sleep]

Swimming is a good passtime for fish, and a frog should not worry if he cannot swim as well as a fish - it takes nothing from his value. [Huo's voice was gentle. He did not want Gai to feel patronized, yet clearly every word now was only digging them deeper. At least now, he hoped his meaning would be clear; his tone conveyed it as well as his words.] After all, a fish would look foolish indeed should he try to leap. All is in harmony when each man and creature exercise the skills given to them.

[That said, his tone was once more businesslike; straightforward and unyielding. Gai's response was already more receptive than he might have expected. He wanted to push through and convey the full extent of the plan.] Both clam and crab are different from fish, as you know - both have skills not given to fish. As the clam is able to grow himself a shell where he is lord and master, so is the crab able to claim that shell and, to some extent, do in it as she pleases. Both are very interesting creatures.

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[spandexisyouth]

[Gai rubbed the back of his neck. Huo was trying to let him off, but at the same time was calling himself a fish. All Gai could do was nod mutely now. Even though apparently he looked foolish with his attempts, he'd at least given it a try.] The frog will... try to stick to its own leaping then, and not swimming as much.

[He took a few moments to think this through, looking past Huo as he did so. Mother only wanted to die, and the simplest way to die would be to destroy this place. The whole Tree. The whole shell. Everyone would die with her, but what would she care? If the choice was numbers, obviously Mother would lose. But people were never just numbers. Fugue had created this mess, and this brutal treatment was understandable. Mother was a prisoner. The moments stretched. In his place mother would not hesitate, Gai felt, but that didn't justify this.] And yet, despite her abilities, she has been held a captive. I accept this as making sense for an approach with him. But with her... we become no better than him if we were to do

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[getsome_sleep]

[He had expected this sort of resistance; he had an answer to it, ready and resolute, though by no means any more pleasant. Nothing about this was pleasant. Nothing about it was strictly good, only necessary:] that is the elegance of it. She desires death; this is, to all purposes, death. With the mind gone, it matters little that the body still breaths. Thought is gone. Emotion and, subsequently, distress are gone.

[He placed his hand flatly against the page - easy to imagine the feeling of cold sharp metal in his hand - and turned to Gai with the most sincere look he could muster.] It may not be the whale's original intention, but in the essential... this may be the closest that we would get to everyone achieving their desire.

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[spandexisyouth]

Is it death, or is it another prison, and this time in her own mind? [Gai shook his head.] It could leave her trapped in there and no one would know. If there was a way of knowing that it would indeed kill, then I could agree to it. But the brain is complex and I do not know who can know what that really does. No one captive here is more or less important then any other.

[Gai's gaze was steady.] That was the point of your writing, was it not? No one person's desires, no group's desires, should override the desire of another. It may be the closest. But to do what you are suggesting we would potentially sacrifice one on the premise that we would then get our desires and we do not even know this. We still have no idea how to help those who do not wish to stay.

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[getsome_sleep]

[Uncharacteristically, Huo hesitated for a long moment before answering.] I cannot surely say with absolute certainty that the experience is equivalent to death. You may have to ask someone whose expertise in such matters is greater than mine. [This was a sacrifice - he could easily have feigned absolute confidence. Not long ago at all, this was exactly what he would have done.]

I know that I ask you to think coldly, [he continued, leaning a little forward and closer in,] but someone must. The cold facts are also that this is reversible. Bodily death and re-hatching should heal such damage as it does all such wounds. Should the attempt fail and we gain nothing from doing this, the option remains to us. Gai-jun, [he held Gai’s gaze with equal steady force,] if it is this, or her desire - that all things collapse and die - how can we choose wrong?

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[spandexisyouth]

[Huo's logic was sound, and that bothered Gai more than he could say. Almost it felt like this was what bothered Vimes about Gai being a ninja. That people were expendable. And Gai wanted to protest, say he wasn't like that, that he killed on orders and not just for convenience.]

By becoming no more than murderers. [He sighed.] But this is a war. The Sphere itself has made it clear. If she cannot be worked with, then this is an option. Has... has the whale attempted to work with the... whatever she was? What of the pale fish? Because the frog has met with her. She is not as insane as she would have everyone believe, I think. And... And she deserves a chance.

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[getsome_sleep]

A soldier is not a murderer. [On this, too, Huo would not be moved. The difference was only in theory, perhaps, in reasoning, yet all that people did they did by theory and reasoning. Otherwise the world made no sense.] And war is not always an evil thing.

[Still, he could only answer Gai’s words with a grim shake of the head.] The whale once followed the colorful crab eagerly, but has since parted with her school of fish. The pale fish knows that the frog is wise and knows much, that is why he has sought him out. If necessity can bow to wisdom in this matter, then let it be so - but both of them must bow to time, and time is moving swiftly.

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[spandexisyouth]

I know. And in war many things are permissable. [He realized that Huo had misunderstood, but it wasn't Huo's fault. Gai hadn't been that clear. A shinobi following orders in war was no murderer. It was the job. Someone acting on their own, though, could be. But they had to fight in this war, didn't they? They couldn't stand idly by.]

It almost seems that time is moving swiftly on purpose. There is so much history in the Sphere, around two decades' worth of old journals. I have been here for nearly two years. And suddenly everything seems to be coming apart all at once. The wilderness, and the bridges, and... [He was saying too much. Gai stopped, frowning.] I do not see how it is accidental. It is perhaps time to bow to practicality.

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[getsome_sleep]

Two decades? [Bowing to practicality indeed, the new information pulled Huo firmly away from the philosophical questions of war. He searched Gai's face.] That is far more than I have imagined. How do you know? Are old journals preserved? [No matter how much he learned, there was still something new at every turn... his stomach knotted unpleasantly, and he schooled his features not to let it show.]

That is the question of questions - why this, why now. But I understand that you have no more answers than me. While it goes against my better instincts to leave the real problem be, practicality dictates what temporary measures we can. Repair the dam before you scout the river.

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[spandexisyouth]

[Gai pressed his lips together, aware of the danger of this moment. He met Huo's eyes and very slowly nodded to answer Huo's question affirmatively, even as he hoped his audible reply satisfied anyone who might be listening.] Old journals vanish as soon as someone is gone, unless they are being held by another. I would not know how they could be preserved.

[And then he's back into metaphor land again.] Repair the... but we are perhaps signs that things are broken beyond... No, wait, we are here, stuck, so we are dammed in. Are we not?

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[getsome_sleep]

[The gesture was definitely not lost on Huo, nor the understanding of why Gai gave a different response in words. Of course - it had been foolhardy of him to ask the question openly to begin with.] I see, [he said, slowly and purposefully, then gave a convincing sigh.] A shame. One or two long-preserved journals are not worth investigating. [Even a scrap of page was worth investigating, but not openly, never openly. He knew better than most.

Some journals were preserved. There truly were two decades of history, two decades of memory.]

To be dammed in is no good, but then, neither is a flood. [They were still in agreement about their ends - he hoped so, at least.] And we should not speak of anything beyond beyond repair.

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[spandexisyouth]

[Gai was fairly certain that the 'I see' was to him. He wanted to tell Huo he would explain further, but not now and not here. For the first time Gai wished he wore a watch, just to be able to tap it.] Certainly not right now. It is a side-topic, one that should be parked for now. [The only way he knew to get there was through the park, after all. Gai just hoped that Huo would understand.]

You are right. There is always a way! But it must be a middle ground so that those that... that need water above can have it, and that need water below can as well! [That was possibly the most convoluted damn metaphor Gai had ever made, or tried.]

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[getsome_sleep]

I understand. [Huo nodded again. The phrasing was unusual enough for him to search for and find the dual meaning, though considering Gai's trouble with metaphor he could only hope that he had it right.] A sensible suggestion. There is much to speak of, always. Next time we should perhaps break the routine and take a stroll somewhere more pleasant. [He was asking much of Gai - but then, he had given much in return, now, and it was a time for risks.

He found himself smiling at the other man.] The pale fish is fortunate to have a wise friend in the green frog, who has a talent for making hearts leap with hope.

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[spandexisyouth]

[If he did understand, then Gai was relieved.] I would enjoy that! Walks are very good things and the outdoors are very pleasant. I can even take you on part of my patrol! [There. Cover was made. They had a reason to go walking.]

[Gai ducked his head, looking abashed.] Ah. Ah. The... the green frog is more fortunate. But he likes hope. Hope is a very important thing. And if I... If he can bring hope to even one person, then he is very glad.