Glee Fic. Touch. Puck/Girl!Finn
Title: Touch
Author: alicebluegown16
Rating: NC-17
Pairing/Characters: Noah 'Puck' Puckerman/Finn (Fiona) Hudson, Puck/Quinn Fabray, Kurt Hummel, Rachel (Raymond) Berry, Will Schuester, vague hints of Fiona/Raymond
Summary: Why the hell not just go for it and possibly screw up twelve years of friendship?
AN: Okay, not only is this probably one of the only Glee genderbenderfics out there, but it's also some sort of Glee genderbender angst epic. What the hell? Kind of fudged with the Season One timeline a bit. Hope that despite some slight tweaking to some character's motivations, the story still rings true. I'm kind of not very nice to Quinn in this. Feedback is muy appreciated.
Warnings: Besides the fact that I made Finn Hudson a girl and Rachel Berry a boy? Angst up the wazoo, infidelity, and did I mention angst?
It’s middle of July before their sophomore year and Puck can’t believe he’s saying this, but he is officially fucking sick of playing video games.
He tosses the controller away, sprawling out on the rug and there it is right in front of him at eye level, a tiny winking flash of skin where Fiona’s shirt rides up and it’s like tunnel vision, all he can see. That sliver of skin is seriously the fucking sexiest thing in the history of ever. His hands actually itch with the need to touch it.
So he does.
He reaches out and traces it with his thumb and Fiona just sort of gives him the fish eye and keeps on blowing shit up on screen. Puck doesn’t know what it is, some perfect storm of a complete lack of impulse control, the heat frying his brain, and maybe something hinky in that Dr. Pepper he just drank, but he decides ‘Well, fuck it.’ and runs his tongue over the spot.
Salty sweat and Ivory soap. Fiona taste and smell, 100% pure and not from concentrate, and Puck can’t hold it in, the loud moan that’s full on ‘pervy dude in the back of the adult theater’ turned on.
Before he can blink, Fiona has him flat on his back, and she’s straddling his thighs, glaring like one of those warrior chicks that are actually Greek but sound like they’re from South America. Which is so totally not helping with that whole lack of impulse control/brain fried problem right now.
“What the hell, Puck! Did you just-did you just lick me?”
Starts to say that he’d just been fucking around, that it’s totally like that time Fiona decided to fight dirty by licking his face during one of their play fights. But that’s not really the best comparison since he’d enjoyed that a little too much as well.
“Uh, maybe?”
“Why would-you-why did you---Are you…are you just fucking with me?”
“What? Wait-what-No!”
“So, what? You’re…you’re bored and horny and suddenly remembered I’m a girl or something?”
Okay, when he decided ‘Why the hell not just go for it and possibly screw up twelve years of friendship?’ he’d figured that best case scenario Fiona would call him a freak and worst case, maybe kick his ass. He didn’t plan on this, Fiona all doe eyes and pretty cupid bow mouth turned down, looking like she’s trying not to cry.
Puck probably doesn’t help his case much by laughing, but he can’t help it because he’s been very aware of the fact that Fiona’s a girl for awhile now and not in that ‘She’s sort of cool/can run fast/play basketball well…you know, for a girl’ sense that everyone else always says it. (And if she keeps shifting like that on top of him, she’s going to become very aware of the fact that he’s a guy soon.)
“I did it cuz I wanted to and cuz you’re hot.”
A snort of disbelief from Fiona.
“Yeah right. Girls like Quinn Fabray are hot.” She spats the name out like it tastes bad. Fiona and Quinn are far from BFFs, ever since Quinn teased her for wearing clothes from Goodwill back in elementary school.
And yeah, Fiona isn’t Quinn Fabray hot, it’s true. Fiona Hudson is a freaking stealth hottie and the fact that Puck seems to be the only one who notices it is like the best secret ever.
Fiona’s been working really hard to blend in and just be one of the guys ever since seventh grade when she was suddenly taller than every boy in their class, but Puck knows the truth. He knows that underneath the jeans and the baggy shirts are mile long legs, a killer rack, an amazing ass, and did he mention that mouth-that perfect, pouting, can curse like a sailor mouth?
And despite (or maybe because of and doesn’t that say something about him) the fact that Fiona seriously could very well still kick his ass, Puck goes for it, he leans up and kisses her.
Right before it happens, Puck has a sudden moment of complete and utter panic because he can’t do this halfway, not with her, and if he fucks this up, then what?
Fiona and her mom are basically the only two people on the planet who don’t look at him like it’s just a matter of time before he gets arrested or knocks some girl up and Carole lets him in Fiona’s room with the door closed and that level of trust means more to him than he will ever, ever admit.
When their lips touch, Fiona goes deer in the headlights still and then she lets out a hitchy little shudder gasp and Puck can’t help it, he can’t not surge forward and slip his tongue in her mouth.
She tastes like soda and those pizza bagel bites they had earlier and she’s warm and real and kissing him back, tongue sliding against his and he jolts forward, toppling them over, and now Fiona’s underneath him, those long legs wrapping around his waist, and Puck’s pretty sure he’s hard enough to hammer nails right about now.
When he tries to shift away from Fiona, not wanting to freak her out, she makes this desperate noise that’s part whimper and part growl and fucking rolls her hips forward. Her hands under his shirt, touching the small of his back,and fuck, fuck, fuck, he’s dying, he’s going to come just from that.
A few desperate moments of perfect friction and then Fiona’s pushing him away, but he can work with that. He starts sucking at her collarbone, another moan, the hands at his shoulder tightening for a few seconds and pulling him closer, and then in an act of supreme effort, Fiona shoves him off.
“Wait-wait, now, we can’t-Puck, my mom’s downstairs.”
Oh yeah.
Of course.
He knew that.
He rolls away and takes a few shuddering breaths, reminding his dick that not now doesn’t mean never and that Fiona totally deserves a better first time than on the floor of her bedroom with a video game controller digging into her back.
“So, uh…you wanna be my girlfriend?”
**
Fiona the girlfriend is kind of awesome because she’s still also Fiona the best friend, so it’s like one of those late night infomercials ‘It slices, it dices, it’s a floor wax, it’s a breakfast cereal, all for one low, low price!’
Like, they still play Halo, and she still always makes him thumb wrestle her for the last slice of pizza, and she still beats him at HORSE, but he also gets to kiss her.
It’s kind of perfect, you know, expect for the fact that they still haven’t gone all the way yet because Carole Hudson and her ‘I trust you to make good choices, Fee.’ supportive Mom voodoo is, without a doubt, the most powerful birth control in the world.
Which makes it so ironic that everyone basically assumes they must be fucking like mad weasels because he’s the Puckzilla and would he ever stick around with some chick that didn’t put out?
(Karofsky makes the mistake of sharing this theory with him one day. His hand is actually still hovering in the air from slapping Puck on the back ‘Dude, we all figured she was a total dyke and it turns out you’ve been banging her this whole time?’ when Puck launches himself at him. Two weeks of detention and Fiona calls him a dumbass because for fuck’s sake, she can take care of herself and him going around punching people isn’t going to help the rumors. But she waits around for him every day afterwards.)
So yeah, they’re not having sex but he’s (mostly) okay with that because just making out on the couch for hours is kind of better than he thought it could be, and they’ll get there eventually, right?
But then Fiona joins Glee and suddenly even the action Puck was getting decreases significantly because she’s always got rehearsals and she’s suddenly hanging out with Kurt fucking Hummel.
Puck knew Fiona could sing, but this is singing in front of people, not just along with the radio in his truck, or along with him when he plays the guitar (or in the shower as she confesses to him and there’s an image that keeps him occupied for awhile.) Singing was supposed to be another one of those nobody else knew about it things, and what happened to Fiona wanting to blend in and being terrified of tripping over her own feet?
But now it makes her happy talking about music arrangements, spending way too much time with that smug little piece of shit Raymond Berry (who is one fruity ass spin around a lamppost away from being convinced that life really is an honest to god fucking Broadway musical) and Mr. Schuester (he doesn’t care what Fiona says about him not seeing anything, hanging around outside of the locker room and listening to her sing is fucking creepy.)
She doesn’t even mind how lame and cheesy it is, she’s like fucking blossoming or something. She actually starts to listen to Kurt bitching about her posture, so now when she walks down the hall it’s with her head up and her shoulders back. She’s even worn a skirt a couple of times.
Fiona’s not a stealth hottie anymore, she’s just fucking hot, even more so because she’s absolutely oblivious to it.
And other people, other guys are starting to notice it.
But when he tries to point all this out, she calls him an asshole and a jerk and demands to know if he’s saying he doesn’t trust her and just because she’s his girlfriend doesn’t mean she’s his fucking property.
He tries a different tactic and asks her what about track and basketball? When she insists she can do all three, he rolls his eyes.
“Awesome, cause I already don’t see you enough.”
And then she’s yelling at him about how the track team and girl’s basketball team are actually more of a joke than the football team, and how Glee might actually be her ticket out and she’s not going to be a fucking Lima Loser forever just because he can’t stand to let her out of his sight.
“A loser like me you mean?”
Fiona tries to grab his arm, insisting that’s not what she meant and he knows it, but he’s already gone.
**
He lasts a week.
He tosses Kurt Hummel in the dumpster every morning and slushies Raymond Berry three times, and skips more classes than he ever has before and it’s like he’s trying to tell Fiona; this is me, this is who I am, I’m a complete and total fuck up and you’re not going to fix me with hugs and your mom’s peanut butter cookies, so you might as well walk away now while you have the chance.
He’s dreading it and expecting it and also kind of hoping for it, for her to just give up on him now before he gets in any deeper because he’s not even like, in love with her or anything (he’s not, he’s not, he’s not) and he’s already this far gone.
But godfuckingdammit, all the warm and fuzzy let’s sing out our feelings Care Bear shit must have totally fucking rotted her brain because instead of doing the smart thing and telling him to go fuck off and die, she asks him to join Glee.
“Why the fuck would I wanna do that?”
“Because you’d be with me more? Not in a crazy ass Lifetime movie stalker boyfriend ‘we can never be outside of each other’s eyesight making sure I’m not having an affair with Mr. Schuester’ way-which is gross Puck, I can’t believe you’d think that, he’s gotta be at least thirty…but just because it might be…kinda fun? Singing together?”
He wavers.
He’s standing on the edge of the cliff and then Fiona nudges him over.
“They give scholarships for music, you know. I bet you could get one if you tried. You’re really talented.”
He joins Glee.
And it turns out he’s kind of awesome at this singing and dancing bullshit.
Yeah, it’s still cheesy and lame as hell and he gets never ending shit from the rest of the football team for being whipped, and Hummel is a totally obnoxious bitchy queen and if he wasn’t worried about the kid screaming ‘Hate Crime’ he’d absolutely beat the snot out of him for the way he’s constantly telling Fiona she could do so much better when he’s standing right fucking there, and Berry still talks too fucking much, and Mr. Schue and his ‘I’m cool and hip and just like one of you kids’ earnest teacher shtick makes him want to puke…but it’s more time with Fiona and now they have a new go to excuse for sneaking up to his room to make out-rehearsing.
And hey, whattya know? It turns out not only does singing makes Fiona happy, but him singing makes her really, really happy and apparently also kind of turned on.
Which leads to stuff like this.
They’re up in his room and there’s sheet music scattered everywhere and his guitar is somewhere in the vicinity, which must technically sort of count as rehearsing.
And they’re going further than they ever have before.
Lapful of Fiona, her skirt bunched up around her thighs, pushing aside white cotton panties that have no business being as sexy as they are. (He is extremely opposed to even remotely thinking about Hummel in any way when he’s doing anything sexual, but he might have to thank the guy for getting Fiona into a skirt because damn does he enjoy getting underneath it.)
Slipping his fingers inside and she’s wet and hot and slick.
Fiona burying her face in his neck and whispering how she loves his hands, and oh, that, do that again, hmm, and ah, and god, please, please, like that.
When she comes, she digs her nails into his forearm and lets out a half drunk sounding laugh, muttering that guitars are awesome because yeah, calluses.
She sits back on her heels and reaches for his belt. He tells her she doesn’t have to and is very, very relieved when she shakes her head, mulish tilt to her jaw, insisting that she knows that.
She wants to.
And all that stuff earlier about Carole trusting him and how much it means to him, that is still totally, totally true and he’ll probably feel kind of guilty about this later, but holy fuck, Fiona’s hand is on his dick and he’s got like, freaking lightning bolts zigzagging up and down his spine and she’s asking him if she’s doing it right, if this is how he touches himself and if he thinks about her when he does, and what the hell is he supposed to do, tell her to stop because they can’t risk shattering her mother’s good opinion?
Fuck that.
Afterwards, they’re not cuddling or anything because he doesn’t cuddle, it’s just a case of him not being ready to start on their homework and liking how Fiona fits against him and maybe enjoying how her hair smells like apples.
And Fiona tells him about this college in Tennessee that Mr. Schue gave her a brochure for and how the school owns an inn and a furniture making business and if you work for them, they pay your entire tuition.
“Okay, beyond the fact that you aren’t ever allowed to mention a teacher when we’re in bed, what the fuck would you do in Tennessee?”
“I don’t know. Learn how to run an inn and make furniture, I guess? Or we could be country music singers. You already have the hat and the guitar.”
Holy fucking shit.
He never had any doubt that Fiona was getting out of here, but this is her all but telling him that she wants to take him with her and what the ever loving hell, college is two years away and she seems so certain that she’s going to still want him by then, that he won’t have messed this up in fifteen hundred different ways.
And he’s not exactly sure how he feels about that. Is it all worth it, all the girls he wouldn’t get to have sex with when he hasn’t even technically had sex with Fiona yet and dude, what if they finally do and it’s awkward and weird and they break up and can’t go back to being friends anymore?
What if he did follow her and Fiona realized she could do so much better? That all the good she’s the only one who ever sees in him and that he’s half sure isn’t actually there was just a case of left over affection for the kid she used to play Power Rangers with in her back yard? Or her being young and stupid and him being the first guy she’s ever really dated? What if she met someone else and stayed with him because she’s too nice to break up with the loser boyfriend who tagged along with her and ends up resenting the hell out of him?
After all, how many high school relationships really lasted forever? The only one Puck knows of is Mr. Schue and his wife and he’s not blind. He knows the man wouldn’t be so eager to stay as late as he does making sure everyone gets the dance steps down pat if there wasn’t something not quite happily ever after going on there.
He doesn’t say any of this because he doesn’t quite know how to and shit, that whole Fiona the girlfriend thing and Fiona the best friend thing is suddenly not nearly as cool as he’d previously thought.
He just keeps stroking her hair and tries to ignore the voice in the back of his head that keeps telling him to run.
**
He fucks Quinn.
She asks him ‘What about Fiona?’ but it’s like she’s only asking because she has to, like it’ll make her feel slightly less guilty, not because she actually cares about the answer.
He fucks Quinn and he’s pretty sure he knew he was going to fuck Quinn when he came over to her house and he’s fairly certain she knew it to, you don’t invite someone like him over "to study" unless you’ve got something else in mind.
It’s all wrong.
Her lip gloss is sticky, her mouth too sweet from the wine coolers, her hair smells like something fakey and floral, and while there’s no denying she's hot , it’s in this perfect petite blonde cheer-doll way that has him worrying he’s going to get her dirty. (He thinks that’s why she chose him to do this with, because she wants someone who’ll get her dirty.)
But he does it anyway.
Because this is how it works for him, everything he touches always turns to shit and he was an idiot for thinking things could be different, that he could be different, and he hates the messed up part of him that almost feels a sense of relief to once again be living down to everyone’s expectations.
They don’t look at each other when they get dressed; just mumble vaguely about seeing each other around.
The next day Fiona comes over and he’s half convinced the words ‘I cheated on you!’ must be tattooed on his forehead or that she’ll still be able to smell Quinn’s perfume on him.
They play one on one in his driveway and he’s so absolutely awful that she gets pissed off and tells him that if he’s letting her win because she’s his girlfriend, she’s never going to let him touch her boobs ever again.
They race back to the house. He beats her and gloats about it and she elbows him in the stomach but her smile says ‘Finally, you’re not acting weird anymore.’
He watches her move around his kitchen like it’s her own, making truly epic leaning towers of sandwich and he measures this up against all the hypothetical girls and there’s absolutely no comparison. Fuck, no matter how it went down, he would go to Tennessee with her tomorrow if she asked him to.
He blurts out that he loves her and in her mad rush to leap at him, Fiona spills the soda she’s pouring and breaks the mayo jar when she knocks it with her elbow and it hits the floor and oh yeah, duh, she totally loves him too.
It’s kind of perfect.
And man, once it’s out there, once he’s finally said it, if things were good before they’re better than ever now.
There’s a brief moment of soul deep panic when Quinn joins Glee and he’s terrified that she’s going to spill the beans to Fiona or that she’s like, got some creepy obsessive stalker crush on him now, but he relaxes when she tells him to get the fuck over himself and that it was one stupid mistake she’ll take to her deathbed because if anyone ever found out, it’d hurt her reputation way more than his.
So yeah, Quinn got whatever jacked up repressed Christian girl/bad boy fix she needed out of her system and hell maybe he needed it too, that last little hurrah before he was totally sure that Fiona was what he wanted, that she’s it for him, that she’s the one.
Now he does know it and he tells her all the time and it’s not nearly as terrifying as he thought, and holding her hand in the hall kind of rocks, and when he notices other guys noticing her all he feels is a smug sense of satisfaction because they can look but they don’t get to touch. Everyone else is finally getting hit with the 'Fiona Hudson is a babe' clue by four, but he figured that out ages ago and he's definitely reaping the rewards.
(Fiona up against the door of his bedroom, legs over his shoulder, underwear hanging from her ankle and when he pulls away and smirks at her ‘So, is this where you ask me if I just licked you?’ she tells him that no, this is where she fucking kills him if he thinks about stopping.)
Even Hummel grudgingly confesses that the two of them are kind of cute together.
“You know, in a nausea inducing sort of way.”
So, of course it’s totally inevitable that Quinn comes to him panicking and crying because she’s pregnant and what the hell are they going to do now?
**
“Quinn’s pregnant and it’s mine.”
He spits the words out fast and ugly, like ripping off a Band-Aid. He expects Fiona to hit him or yell at him, but it’s worse than that. She stares at him like he’s the one who just hit her, actually swaying on her feet for a moment.
“Do you-are you in love with her?”
Almost hopeful edge to her voice, like if he says yes, if he confesses that he’s in love with Quinn it’ll make it better, less of a betrayal than just him fucking some girl Fiona doesn’t even like because he’s a lying sack of shit who couldn’t keep it in his pants.
“No.”
“So it was just-this time it was just you being bored and horny? “ A high sharp laugh and angrily wiping the tears from her eyes, angry at herself for crying in front of him. “Because…because I--I wouldn’t…or because-because she’s prettier than me?”
He tries to reach out for her, the words at the tip of his tongue that it wasn’t like that and shit, he doesn’t know what he’s going to say if she asks ‘Well then, what was it like?’. But he doesn’t even get that far because Fiona flinches away as if burned, screaming at him not to touch her. And then she punches him in the face.
And yes, while his immediate instinctive response is obviously, fuck, that fucking hurt, he also can’t help being proud of Fiona for not going for something as stupidly weeping female cliché as slapping him.
That’s my girl, he thinks as he gingerly touches his cheekbone to make sure she didn’t break it.
Except that no, not really, not anymore.
**
He fucks up the best thing that’s ever happened to him and he doesn’t even get the luxury of running away like a total pussy and hiding from it.
When he attempts to quit Glee, Fiona of all people refuses to let him.
“Don’t you fucking dare.” She spits at him, all righteous seething fury and god she’s so fucking gorgeous he can’t believe he was ever stupid enough to even think about looking at anyone else.
“You already screwed Quinn. It’s over and done. Don’t make it worse by screwing over all the rest of us…Just-just don’t think that the fact we need you means I forgive you, alright?”
So as fucked up as it is, he stays in Glee and because God must really fucking hate him, so does Quinn because she sort of doesn't really have anywhere else to go and whattya know, she actually really likes singing and dancing.
Rehearsals are a fucking new level of torture than he could have ever imagined, no one speaking to him and Tina, Mercedes, Kurt and even Mr. Schue forming a protective wall around Fiona whenever he gets anywhere near her. Mercedes’ eyes saying that if he even attempts to approach her she’ll cut his balls off and Kurt not even going for subtle and actually saying it out loud.
Kurt is like Fiona’s protector now and it’d almost be a joke if not for the fact that she seems to kind of need one at present, wandering zombie eyed in the hall, and sitting in class staring straight ahead, not appearing to register that anyone’s even talking. He’s even seen Kurt have to make her eat a couple of times and no one has ever had to do that with her before.
He hears third or fourth hand that Kurt’s dad is dating Carole, that they might even all move in together and be one big happy family and all he feels is a vague sense of hope that it’ll all work out, that maybe some tiny little silver lining might come out of this. He hasn’t spoken to Carole either since the shit hit the fan, but just because she probably totally fucking hates his guts right now for breaking her baby’s heart doesn’t mean he can’t want her to find a nice guy.
One day he spots Fiona talking to Raymond Berry in the hall and she actually smiles and it’s not the usual strained ‘I’m doing this for Kurt so he doesn’t stage an intervention or some shit’ smile, but a genuine one.
It's not much, but it's a start.
He knows that Fiona’s going to be okay.
That she’s going to be more than okay. That she's going to get out of Lima, that she’s going to go places, going to see and do things and someday, someone way, way better than him is going to come along and maybe it’ll be Berry (although he seriously hopes not), or maybe some guy she meets in Tennessee or something if that’s where she ends up, but someone who isn’t him is going to be there with her for it. Making her happy, loving her, being loved by her. And if she even does remember him, Puck's just going to be the loser boyfriend from high school who knocked some other girl up.
And Puck hates knowing this, he hates knowing he’s out there somewhere, this hypothetical guy who will get to touch Fiona when he can’t even be in the same room with her without at least four other people insisting on acting as buffers.
Sometimes he wonders if it would have been better if he’d never touched her in the first place. If he could go back to that day in her bedroom and just leave things the way they were, Fiona his stealth hottie best friend that he sometimes jerked off thinking about.
Yeah, he’d still probably fucking hate anyone she dated, but it’d be a ‘shoulda, coulda, woulda’ hate, a ‘dammit I wish she were mine’ hate, not a ‘she was mine and I fucked up and lost her and now she’s yours’ hate.
He’s pretty sure that what he hates most of all (besides himself, of course) is that even knowing what he knows now and even if he didn’t get to keep her, he still would have gone for it.