Not a list of resolutions.

[gelbes_gilatier]

So, the new year is roughly two weeks old and I have finally decided that no, I do not want to make any New Year's resolutions. I don't want to make a list of things I have to do because I know myself very well by now. I won't be doing much of that, anyway. I will, however, make a list of things I want to do 2016. So, here we go:

• Graduate. Yes, it's a thing I have to do, after almost four years but it's also a thing I really, really want to do.
• Find a job that pays enough to live comfortably and, most of all, is intellectually fulfilling and gives me a sense of purpose. I have to find a job but at 33 years I'm done with jobs that have the only purpose of paying my rent. I want a sense of purpose and intellectual challenges.
• Move out. Another thing I have to do but above all else something I really, really want to do. I love my parents but I so very much need a place that is completely my own to be happy.
• Write more on LiveJournal. I'm so glad that a couple of you seem to have the same goal because I love reading about how you are, what you've been doing, where you've been going. I may not alway comment but be assured that I read your entries. There's someone out there who likes you and who's genuinely interested in you and your life, and that's me. As for me, I'll try once a week and we'll see where it goes from there.
• Learn to cook. I'm a reasonably good baker but I'm pretty useless at cooking. I have a few standard dishes that I do mostly okay but I have a really big cooking book collection that's begging me to not only leaf through them but also use them.
• Get better at baking. I'm pretty good at the basic stuff like muffins, cookies, scones, tartes and the occassional cake but I've been wanting to expand my skill for a few years. I've been wanting to do things like make croissants from scratch (you know, including making the puff paste from scratch and all that), build fancy decoration like chocolate leaves or spun sugar, make a cake that looks really fancy, stuff like that. I want 2016 to be the year that I really level up in baking skill.
• Expand my knitting skills. As with cooking books, I have a nice collection of knitting books and magazines that have so many wonderful projects in them that I always wanted to take up but was too intimidated to try (my knitting skill really only ranges from knit and purl to a few basic techniques but not much further. Lace knitting for example is still a mystery to me, as are triangular shoulder wraps and gloves). I want this year to be the one I get over that intimidation and just try stuff.
• Learn to crochet. I've seen so many wonderful crochet projects all around the internet, and my youngest sister is a crocheting genius (like, seriously. She made a sheep mobile to hang up on the ceiling for a friend who had a baby last year and it was the cutest thing I have ever seen, swear to God) and I really want to get into it, especially since crocheting seems like something you can also do in summer (I don't knit in summer. I do occassionally pull up one of my stitching projects but I absolutely cannot knit in summer. I just can't.).
• Learn to sew. When I was a teenager, I tried sewing with a sewing machine and in the course became known as The Sewing Machine Killer (my sister still won't even let me near her pretty expensive sewing machine) which is why I abstained from it ever since. I do want to try and get into it again, though, because there are so many wonderful things you can make with it and err, yeah, I also want to lose my bad rep, too.
• Read more books, both e-books and paper. I'm not sure but I think I've done precious little reading last year - usually my average lies at 50 books a year and I'm almost sure I didn't even get to half of that last year, even with the tons of e-book romances I read - and that makes me sad. I also want to read more fiction since most of the books I read nowadays seem to be non-fiction and I miss that thrill of "But how will it end?" and the feeling of burying oneself in beautiful language.
• Be more physically active. It's something I have to do, yes, but the longer I spend my days mostly sitting and writing, the more cooped up I feel and the less I like myself. I'm not one of those people who need sports and being physically active to be happy but I have come to realize that not being physically active makes me unhappy in the long run.
• Host a party. I'm usually not a party person, being an introvert by nature, but a while ago I realized that I have never, ever hosted a party myself, not even when I had my own place back in Erfurt. I had friends over for coffee and tea or a long weekend but I never had the entire place full of people. I have helped my sisters prepare for their parties, including shopping for supplies, preparing food, etc. but I have never done it for myself and I realized that that made me a little sad. I'm not sure if I'd be a good hostess but I really want to have the opportunity to give it a try this year.
• Write more and write better. I haven't published much in 2015 but I did some writing and it felt a little like I'm stuck in my current skill level. Ever since I started writing, I improved in it. Not in regular steps or anything but there have been significant changes in the quality of my writing in the last nineteen years and by now it feels like I've been stuck at the current level for at least five years and that is starting to get to me. So I want to get bolder, explore styles and themes I haven't had the courage or wasn't in the mood to touch yet. But no, that doesn't mean I'm going to embrace crack this year, mackenziesmomma :P
• Take up painting again. When I was in my early twenties, I did a lot of painting - mostly landscapes - first with pastels and later oil colors. Working with colors and paints made me happy because it had a meditative quality to it and in the case of the pastels I got to work with colors and my hands and I've come to realize that I miss doing that and that I want to get better at it, try new materials and techniques, that sort of thing. I'll always suck at drawing but I know that I can work pretty well with colors and paints and I want to go back to that.
• See more of my city. Seeing as graduating this year seems pretty realistic and I haven't given up finding a job I really want yet, there's a small chance I might not be living here anymore by the end of the year (since a lot of jobs in the security politics field would require moving away from Berlin), and I want to appreciate this city more. I want to go to museums more often (starting with my favorite one, the Naturkundemuseum which will be hosting a T-Rex exhibition for the next three years, courtesy of Danish millionaire Niels Nielsen), see more art exhibitions, attend to more festivals, explore more parts of the city (I have been born and raised here and lived here for twenty-six years of my life and yet there are parts of the city I have never been to. That just weirds me out), get to know more cafés and restaurants (which will probably mostly mean eating out for breakfast even more since Berliners in general and my sisters especially really have a thing for eating their breakfast anywhere but at home), find more cool shops, that kind of thing.
• Generally do more things that make me happy. I've been really neglecting that, especially in the past year, and I don't even have a new degree to show for it, so it's time I start appreciating and treating myself better. I deserve it.