Fic: Near the Village, the Quiet Village
Title: Near the Village, the Quiet Village
Fandom: Stargate
Rating: K+
Genres: gen
Recipient: mackenziesmomma
Prompt: Stargate, Evan Lorne (and Thomas Moore, Joe Simmons or John Sheppard), I am the great and powerful Oz, fear me!
Summary: Evan Lorne isn't quite sure if this mission goes into the Aliens Made Us Do It folder or the Let's Never Talk About This Again folder.
A/N: Holiday Fic Request Meme. Meh. This story? The reason why I usually don't write crack!fic. It's not that I think it's bad, it's just that usually, that kind of fic would be multi-chapter. But I didn't have multi-chapter so I tried mission fic in a one-shot. I'm really not sure if that concept worked for me *sighs Also... mackenziesmomma said I get bonus points if I can get every character mentioned in the prompt. That might explain a few things. BTW, again Protect and Survive, so not posted elsewhere, either. They probably just wouldn't understands *coughs
PS.: Thanks to mackenziesmomma, I want to write the story of "the time [Lorne] and Sheppard were in Alien Jail and the entire life sciences department was struck by some device that only allowed them to speak in pig latin" (quote mac). Please everyone remind me that I don't write crack!fic, thank you.
Near the Village, the Quiet Village
"Near the village, the peaceful village,
The lion sleeps tonight
Near the village, the quiet village,
The lion sleeps tonight."
Brian Eno, "The Lion Sleeps Tonight"
Okay. Somehow... this didn't go as planned. Twice, actually, because his team wasn’t the only one that got imprisoned in crude but effective bamboo like hut prisons, in solitary confinement. It's a bit embarrassing that the usual rescue party for Sheppard's team got themselves caught, too. Mostly because theoretically, it would be very easy to break out of this. He wouldn't even need to open the door. A simple hit with his shoulder against the walls would suffice. Theoretically.
In practice, there are about a hundred blood thirsty natives adorned with fierce masks and very pointy spears out there just waiting for their prisoners - food, he's been wondering since he woke up from the surprisingly potent narcotic they must have painted their arrow tips with - to try a breakout. He can see their big fire flickering through the small gaps between the bars and some of them dancing some annoyingly stereotypical war or sacrificial or whatever dance so they'd probably spear him the moment they hear the bars crack. And most of all, in practice, his hands are bound behind his back and they forced him into a kneeling position with, he still can't believe it, a yoke. This really is the height of embarrassment.
Until now he also couldn't come up with just any escape plan and he couldn't even find out which huts exactly hold his and Sheppard's teams. He doesn't even know which condition his team is in and if all of his team are here, actually. They were ambushed by the natives only a mile away from the 'Gate and it all went over so fast that he doesn't even remember feeling the arrow piercing his skin. That it was an arrow... well, he deducted that from the fact that he never saw it coming and that someone put a bandage around his arm. Which hurts like a bitch.
So his current situation doesn’t look too good for him. It’s also his first off-world mission since Obanashi fully cleared him after that little incident with the Goa’uld during Laura’s and his visit to his parents two months ago so he’d wanted to make sure it went smoothly to demonstrate to everyone that one little Goa’uld could to do nothing to diminish Evan Lorne’s qualities as a soldier. So much for that, he thinks and snorts and then… is alarmed by a sudden change to the rather monotonous racket going on outside.
Until now there were a lot of drums banging and spears clanging. That just… changed. And gave way to excited chatter. Damn, if he could just… okay, that hurt but at least he can see more than just the flickering of the fire now. That… apparently… a new party arrived. Oh great, he thinks, more guests for the feast and… “I am the great and powerful Oz, fear me!”
What. The. Fucking. Hell. He did not just hear Thomas Moore’s voice booming all across the village, quoting from the Wizard of Oz. He just did not. Maybe… maybe there wasn’t just narcotics on the tip of that arrow but also some hallucinogen? Yeah, that must be it. There’s no way in hell Woolsey decided to send Moore’s team as the second rescue party. That just… “You will leave my subjects be or I shall vanquish you.”
This is not happening. Not at all. Not in his world, not in any other world. “Release my subjects or my great and mighty… no, Dee, I don’t think that’s what Maureen meant… anyway. Where was I? Oh, right. Release my subjects or my great and mighty magic will smite you and sweep you off the Earth!”
A groan that has nothing to do with the pain in his arm or the yoke on his shoulders escapes him. If he weren’t bound like this, he’d head desk. Very, very hard. Most of all because for some reason… it became awfully quiet outside now. And did they really… the natives didn’t just kneel down, did they? “I will now enter your dwelling with my faithful servants and beware they that will touch me!”
Whatever they rigged up as a plan in Atlantis, it better work. Also, he’d like to know how the hell Woolsey expects them to write a report about this. Actually, he already started wondering how to file this. Does it still fit into the Aliens Made Us Do It or rather Things No One Is Ever To Speak Of This Again? Mh. Maybe he should make the second one a subfolder of the first one… Oh God.
From what he can see through the bars, a party of four just entered the village but none of them look like Moore’s team. There are… masks and… costumes and… whoever came up with the plan was either stoned or certifiable.
Or, okay, a really good ethnologist. Because the locals are still kneeling and… chanting? And one of them is bowing in front of the guy with the biggest mask - Moore, no doubt about it - and talking in… broken English? Since when do their captors speak English? The briefing didn’t say anything about that but that’s probably just because no one made it to actually speaking to the locals because they’re even more trigger happy than the average Atlantis USAF Lieutenant.
Okay, still talking… no, moving again. One of the locals - probably the chieftain - is leading Moore’s team over to… damn, he can’t get to see where to they’re led. Then, for a while everything happens out of his sight. Then… his door is yanked open and he gets to see Moore in his masked glory up close and personal. He wonders who got tasked with paper mâchéing this. It’s… interesting.
And it’s a relief when he’s untied and the yoke is taken from his shoulders. God, that feels good, he thinks when he can finally get up from his knees and roll and stretch his shoulders. Then Moore just… waves his hand and immediately, the natives rush out of the hut, only leaving him and… oh, look, it’s Team Sheppard and his own Sergeants. So where’s Lieutenant… "Okay, guys, I’ll just make it short and explain the rest at the debriefing. You are my subjects. I am your king. Got it?" Well, that was less surprising than he thought it would be.
What is surprising, though, is that Sheppard just nods and not even Rodney challenges Moore’s order. So he feels compelled to mutter, "You're enjoying this, aren't you?"
The answer comes on the spot. "Immensely."
Of course. That was to be expected. And there’s no reason to grin like that for Ronon and Sheppard. He glares at Moore’s masked face. "I hate you."
In reply, Moore claps his back just a little too forcefully for his still hurting shoulders and says heartily and with an audible grin, "Feeling's mutual." One day… he will catch Moore unawares and not half as slick as he usually is. It’ll be his pleasure. “Anyway, sit rep.” He turns to Sheppard. “Couldn’t get the locals to give you back your weapons but I could get us safe passage back to the ‘Gate. I could convince him that I’m from a faraway kingdom and hold the power of magic and you accidentally trespassed into their territory. Don’t ask, I’m just doing what I was ordered to, sir.”
Sheppard nods. “Did you bring your medic?” Moore nods. “Alright. Did the locals give you some time before departure?” Another nod. “Good. Have Morsberg do a quick check on everyone and then let’s get the hell out of here. Any questions?” Everyone including himself shakes their heads and Moore orders his medic to give everyone a quick once over.
After Morsberg has taken care of everyone with a standard check and a shot of preemptive inflammation blocker, Moore prepares to get back into his act and then leads them out of the village like a flock of misguided sheep. Or at least that’s what they’re trying to look like. Rodney and Ronon aren’t particularly good at it so he’s glad when they finally get back into the forest surrounding the village.
A couple of steps into the forest, Moore and the rest of his team finally take off their masks and… oh. Huh. He raises his eyebrows. Briefly checking if Sheppard is going to say anything and finding he looks more occupied with taking point again, he turns back to Moore. "Where's your scientist?"
Moore shrugs and rolls his eyes, taking up walking when Sheppard orders the teams to get moving again. "Einstein? Down for the count. Intergalactic space flu or something. But look who I brought instead."
With that he jerks his thumb back towards a rather disheveled looking Lieutenant McSmarty… Simmons. "Hey, boss... uh, nice to see you, sir." If he didn’t know better, he’d say the Lieutenant is…
"He alerted us to the whole thing. Good job, Lieutenant."
"Thank you, sir." Good God, Simmons is blushing at the compliment Tom just paid him. Even in the half dark of the moonlit forest he can see it. Oh jeez.
Let’s find a different topic, he thinks and opts for, "Whose idea was this?"
"Maureen's.” Okay. He should probably never mention that “either stoned or certifiable” thing. He’s not keen on getting thrashed by Moore more than necessary. “She said it's a perfect mission for me. I get to be king and if I do my job right, not a shot is going to be fired. How did I do?"
He resists rolling his eyes at Moore’s mock enthusiastic tone. "Much too well. And where is Captain Reece?" Because she obviously helped developing the plan and because she’s a linguist and would have been an integral part. Granted, she doesn’t go much on off-world missions anymore, seeing as they still couldn’t get her a team of her own but…
"Did I mention this space flu thing? Entire science division is out." Oh good God. He and Sheppard go missing together just for once and the entire science division contracts some outer space bug? Jeez…
Suddenly, Rodney seems very interested, too. Interested enough that he stops in the middle of the path to turn around and utter indignantly in Moore’s direction, "But your Captain isn't..."
"It's better if I ignore him, right?" Yeah, better for Rodney, he wants to say but thankfully Teyla is nice enough to realize the peril Rodney is in faster than the doc did and just gently drags him with her. Damn, he’d have loved to see that showdown.
Oh well. There’s something else that bugs him, anyway. He turns to Moore again, a frown on his face. “You realize that you just behaved like a colonist who’s exploiting a native peoples’ weakness created by deep spiritualism, right?”
Moore is silent for a moment. In the end he says, “Yes, I do. And did it get your hands uncuffed or not?” Right. Of course he’d say something like that.
He glares at Moore. “Just shut up.”
The only thing Moore does is giving him a smart, “Yessir,” and since they just reached the ‘Gate he decides he’ll leave it at that for now. They’ll have to talk about it later - most of all because he’s pretty sure neither Reece nor Woolsey told Moore to go that heavy on the whole Wizard of Oz thing - but right now he’s just glad this is over.
From the look of it, Sheppard is too when he joins them after telling Rodney to dial the ‘Gate. Yeah, well, that thing about being ambushed by natives with spears and arrows and the whole not being able to break out of the huts thing? That wasn’t embarrassing. Not when compared to the fact that Thomas Moore in the disguise worthy of the Wizard of Oz came riding into the village and freed them nearly singlehandedly by basically being an annoying and most of all very inflated version of his usual self. He clears his throat but doesn’t look at Sheppard, just at the ‘Gate establishing the event horizon. “Let’s not ever do this again, John.”
As the members of the various teams involved start to leave the planet one by one, Sheppard simply says. “No, let’s absolutely not, Evan.”
He’s kind of glad Sheppard agrees so unanimously. Most of all because he just saw Moore walk by with another bright grin, telling them he’ll never let them live this one down. He feels compelled to add, “Let’s block this gate address as soon as we get back.”
Now he does look at Sheppard and is relieved when he hears him say with a surprising amount of conviction, “Let’s absolutely do that.”
Well, then… off to Atlantis back to a very weird debriefing, a sniffling science division and the bed he shares with Laura. He could very much go without the former two but he figures it’ll just make the last one even more pleasant. Even if Laura will never let him live this down, either. But that’ll be worth it. Just another day in outer space and he’s going home now. That’s probably the best thing about the day. He grins and enters the ‘Gate. Home. No better place to be
Fandom: Stargate
Rating: K+
Genres: gen
Recipient: mackenziesmomma
Prompt: Stargate, Evan Lorne (and Thomas Moore, Joe Simmons or John Sheppard), I am the great and powerful Oz, fear me!
Summary: Evan Lorne isn't quite sure if this mission goes into the Aliens Made Us Do It folder or the Let's Never Talk About This Again folder.
A/N: Holiday Fic Request Meme. Meh. This story? The reason why I usually don't write crack!fic. It's not that I think it's bad, it's just that usually, that kind of fic would be multi-chapter. But I didn't have multi-chapter so I tried mission fic in a one-shot. I'm really not sure if that concept worked for me *sighs Also... mackenziesmomma said I get bonus points if I can get every character mentioned in the prompt. That might explain a few things. BTW, again Protect and Survive, so not posted elsewhere, either. They probably just wouldn't understands *coughs
PS.: Thanks to mackenziesmomma, I want to write the story of "the time [Lorne] and Sheppard were in Alien Jail and the entire life sciences department was struck by some device that only allowed them to speak in pig latin" (quote mac). Please everyone remind me that I don't write crack!fic, thank you.
Near the Village, the Quiet Village
"Near the village, the peaceful village,
The lion sleeps tonight
Near the village, the quiet village,
The lion sleeps tonight."
Brian Eno, "The Lion Sleeps Tonight"
Okay. Somehow... this didn't go as planned. Twice, actually, because his team wasn’t the only one that got imprisoned in crude but effective bamboo like hut prisons, in solitary confinement. It's a bit embarrassing that the usual rescue party for Sheppard's team got themselves caught, too. Mostly because theoretically, it would be very easy to break out of this. He wouldn't even need to open the door. A simple hit with his shoulder against the walls would suffice. Theoretically.
In practice, there are about a hundred blood thirsty natives adorned with fierce masks and very pointy spears out there just waiting for their prisoners - food, he's been wondering since he woke up from the surprisingly potent narcotic they must have painted their arrow tips with - to try a breakout. He can see their big fire flickering through the small gaps between the bars and some of them dancing some annoyingly stereotypical war or sacrificial or whatever dance so they'd probably spear him the moment they hear the bars crack. And most of all, in practice, his hands are bound behind his back and they forced him into a kneeling position with, he still can't believe it, a yoke. This really is the height of embarrassment.
Until now he also couldn't come up with just any escape plan and he couldn't even find out which huts exactly hold his and Sheppard's teams. He doesn't even know which condition his team is in and if all of his team are here, actually. They were ambushed by the natives only a mile away from the 'Gate and it all went over so fast that he doesn't even remember feeling the arrow piercing his skin. That it was an arrow... well, he deducted that from the fact that he never saw it coming and that someone put a bandage around his arm. Which hurts like a bitch.
So his current situation doesn’t look too good for him. It’s also his first off-world mission since Obanashi fully cleared him after that little incident with the Goa’uld during Laura’s and his visit to his parents two months ago so he’d wanted to make sure it went smoothly to demonstrate to everyone that one little Goa’uld could to do nothing to diminish Evan Lorne’s qualities as a soldier. So much for that, he thinks and snorts and then… is alarmed by a sudden change to the rather monotonous racket going on outside.
Until now there were a lot of drums banging and spears clanging. That just… changed. And gave way to excited chatter. Damn, if he could just… okay, that hurt but at least he can see more than just the flickering of the fire now. That… apparently… a new party arrived. Oh great, he thinks, more guests for the feast and… “I am the great and powerful Oz, fear me!”
What. The. Fucking. Hell. He did not just hear Thomas Moore’s voice booming all across the village, quoting from the Wizard of Oz. He just did not. Maybe… maybe there wasn’t just narcotics on the tip of that arrow but also some hallucinogen? Yeah, that must be it. There’s no way in hell Woolsey decided to send Moore’s team as the second rescue party. That just… “You will leave my subjects be or I shall vanquish you.”
This is not happening. Not at all. Not in his world, not in any other world. “Release my subjects or my great and mighty… no, Dee, I don’t think that’s what Maureen meant… anyway. Where was I? Oh, right. Release my subjects or my great and mighty magic will smite you and sweep you off the Earth!”
A groan that has nothing to do with the pain in his arm or the yoke on his shoulders escapes him. If he weren’t bound like this, he’d head desk. Very, very hard. Most of all because for some reason… it became awfully quiet outside now. And did they really… the natives didn’t just kneel down, did they? “I will now enter your dwelling with my faithful servants and beware they that will touch me!”
Whatever they rigged up as a plan in Atlantis, it better work. Also, he’d like to know how the hell Woolsey expects them to write a report about this. Actually, he already started wondering how to file this. Does it still fit into the Aliens Made Us Do It or rather Things No One Is Ever To Speak Of This Again? Mh. Maybe he should make the second one a subfolder of the first one… Oh God.
From what he can see through the bars, a party of four just entered the village but none of them look like Moore’s team. There are… masks and… costumes and… whoever came up with the plan was either stoned or certifiable.
Or, okay, a really good ethnologist. Because the locals are still kneeling and… chanting? And one of them is bowing in front of the guy with the biggest mask - Moore, no doubt about it - and talking in… broken English? Since when do their captors speak English? The briefing didn’t say anything about that but that’s probably just because no one made it to actually speaking to the locals because they’re even more trigger happy than the average Atlantis USAF Lieutenant.
Okay, still talking… no, moving again. One of the locals - probably the chieftain - is leading Moore’s team over to… damn, he can’t get to see where to they’re led. Then, for a while everything happens out of his sight. Then… his door is yanked open and he gets to see Moore in his masked glory up close and personal. He wonders who got tasked with paper mâchéing this. It’s… interesting.
And it’s a relief when he’s untied and the yoke is taken from his shoulders. God, that feels good, he thinks when he can finally get up from his knees and roll and stretch his shoulders. Then Moore just… waves his hand and immediately, the natives rush out of the hut, only leaving him and… oh, look, it’s Team Sheppard and his own Sergeants. So where’s Lieutenant… "Okay, guys, I’ll just make it short and explain the rest at the debriefing. You are my subjects. I am your king. Got it?" Well, that was less surprising than he thought it would be.
What is surprising, though, is that Sheppard just nods and not even Rodney challenges Moore’s order. So he feels compelled to mutter, "You're enjoying this, aren't you?"
The answer comes on the spot. "Immensely."
Of course. That was to be expected. And there’s no reason to grin like that for Ronon and Sheppard. He glares at Moore’s masked face. "I hate you."
In reply, Moore claps his back just a little too forcefully for his still hurting shoulders and says heartily and with an audible grin, "Feeling's mutual." One day… he will catch Moore unawares and not half as slick as he usually is. It’ll be his pleasure. “Anyway, sit rep.” He turns to Sheppard. “Couldn’t get the locals to give you back your weapons but I could get us safe passage back to the ‘Gate. I could convince him that I’m from a faraway kingdom and hold the power of magic and you accidentally trespassed into their territory. Don’t ask, I’m just doing what I was ordered to, sir.”
Sheppard nods. “Did you bring your medic?” Moore nods. “Alright. Did the locals give you some time before departure?” Another nod. “Good. Have Morsberg do a quick check on everyone and then let’s get the hell out of here. Any questions?” Everyone including himself shakes their heads and Moore orders his medic to give everyone a quick once over.
After Morsberg has taken care of everyone with a standard check and a shot of preemptive inflammation blocker, Moore prepares to get back into his act and then leads them out of the village like a flock of misguided sheep. Or at least that’s what they’re trying to look like. Rodney and Ronon aren’t particularly good at it so he’s glad when they finally get back into the forest surrounding the village.
A couple of steps into the forest, Moore and the rest of his team finally take off their masks and… oh. Huh. He raises his eyebrows. Briefly checking if Sheppard is going to say anything and finding he looks more occupied with taking point again, he turns back to Moore. "Where's your scientist?"
Moore shrugs and rolls his eyes, taking up walking when Sheppard orders the teams to get moving again. "Einstein? Down for the count. Intergalactic space flu or something. But look who I brought instead."
With that he jerks his thumb back towards a rather disheveled looking Lieutenant McSmarty… Simmons. "Hey, boss... uh, nice to see you, sir." If he didn’t know better, he’d say the Lieutenant is…
"He alerted us to the whole thing. Good job, Lieutenant."
"Thank you, sir." Good God, Simmons is blushing at the compliment Tom just paid him. Even in the half dark of the moonlit forest he can see it. Oh jeez.
Let’s find a different topic, he thinks and opts for, "Whose idea was this?"
"Maureen's.” Okay. He should probably never mention that “either stoned or certifiable” thing. He’s not keen on getting thrashed by Moore more than necessary. “She said it's a perfect mission for me. I get to be king and if I do my job right, not a shot is going to be fired. How did I do?"
He resists rolling his eyes at Moore’s mock enthusiastic tone. "Much too well. And where is Captain Reece?" Because she obviously helped developing the plan and because she’s a linguist and would have been an integral part. Granted, she doesn’t go much on off-world missions anymore, seeing as they still couldn’t get her a team of her own but…
"Did I mention this space flu thing? Entire science division is out." Oh good God. He and Sheppard go missing together just for once and the entire science division contracts some outer space bug? Jeez…
Suddenly, Rodney seems very interested, too. Interested enough that he stops in the middle of the path to turn around and utter indignantly in Moore’s direction, "But your Captain isn't..."
"It's better if I ignore him, right?" Yeah, better for Rodney, he wants to say but thankfully Teyla is nice enough to realize the peril Rodney is in faster than the doc did and just gently drags him with her. Damn, he’d have loved to see that showdown.
Oh well. There’s something else that bugs him, anyway. He turns to Moore again, a frown on his face. “You realize that you just behaved like a colonist who’s exploiting a native peoples’ weakness created by deep spiritualism, right?”
Moore is silent for a moment. In the end he says, “Yes, I do. And did it get your hands uncuffed or not?” Right. Of course he’d say something like that.
He glares at Moore. “Just shut up.”
The only thing Moore does is giving him a smart, “Yessir,” and since they just reached the ‘Gate he decides he’ll leave it at that for now. They’ll have to talk about it later - most of all because he’s pretty sure neither Reece nor Woolsey told Moore to go that heavy on the whole Wizard of Oz thing - but right now he’s just glad this is over.
From the look of it, Sheppard is too when he joins them after telling Rodney to dial the ‘Gate. Yeah, well, that thing about being ambushed by natives with spears and arrows and the whole not being able to break out of the huts thing? That wasn’t embarrassing. Not when compared to the fact that Thomas Moore in the disguise worthy of the Wizard of Oz came riding into the village and freed them nearly singlehandedly by basically being an annoying and most of all very inflated version of his usual self. He clears his throat but doesn’t look at Sheppard, just at the ‘Gate establishing the event horizon. “Let’s not ever do this again, John.”
As the members of the various teams involved start to leave the planet one by one, Sheppard simply says. “No, let’s absolutely not, Evan.”
He’s kind of glad Sheppard agrees so unanimously. Most of all because he just saw Moore walk by with another bright grin, telling them he’ll never let them live this one down. He feels compelled to add, “Let’s block this gate address as soon as we get back.”
Now he does look at Sheppard and is relieved when he hears him say with a surprising amount of conviction, “Let’s absolutely do that.”
Well, then… off to Atlantis back to a very weird debriefing, a sniffling science division and the bed he shares with Laura. He could very much go without the former two but he figures it’ll just make the last one even more pleasant. Even if Laura will never let him live this down, either. But that’ll be worth it. Just another day in outer space and he’s going home now. That’s probably the best thing about the day. He grins and enters the ‘Gate. Home. No better place to be