Fic: Four Times Rodney Didn't Say Anything, and One Time He Did
I
Sometimes he wonders if he’s growing older or if Atlantis is getting younger. Well, not the city itself but the crew. There are days he feels like back in college again… or even back in high school. Groups of giggling girls and all those young soldiers the SGC keeps sending, and all the geeks, male and female alike, that remind him of his own awkward youth spent in labs and his parents’ basement… and it doesn’t help to improve his mood, to say the least.
Because, you know, high school hadn’t been exactly the best time of his life, even though everyone claims differently. When they finally accepted his admission to college two years earlier than usual, he’d thought he’d died and gone to an awkward teenager’s Heaven… only to have it all repeated again. The jocks, the cheerleaders, the actionists, the geeks… he wonders what exactly makes pairing off into groups so desirable that people can’t stop to doing it, even in high-profile work-environments like Atlantis.
And all the flirting going on… it’s really ridiculous. People always make it look like he’s so socially inept that he has no idea about social interaction whatsoever but no, his genius does not stop at saving the galaxy, one wormhole at a time, thank you very much. No, he does have some social observation skills and he does know what flirting looks like.
Like, for example… right now. He’s walking down a hallway, a few feet behind what looks like yet another one of a shipment of young soldiers picked right out of the Air Force Academy or whatever their sorry excuse for an academic education is called.
And there’s one of those young girls from the IT department coming towards them… and just a few feet away from the soldier, she does that thing with the smile and the hair flip and it’s so obvious that he’s tempted to stop her and ask her which backwater community college she got her degree from because honestly, he always thought smart women wouldn’t have to resort to such basic flirting techniques.
But the most ridiculous thing is that the soldier - he just overtook him and recognized him to be one of Lorne’s new minions, going by the name of Simpson or something - reacts exactly the way all the jocks back in high school did… that is to say, the dumber ones. For a moment, there’s a stupid goofy smile and then there’s the telltale showing of white teeth and that flyboy grin all of them seem to have perfected, starting with Sheppard and ending with the lowest Airman or Marine.
All of it makes him want to grumble and he half hopes Zelenka will have mucked up something for him, so he has an excuse to be miserable. Because, honestly… high school is the last place he ever wanted to go back to, and finding Atlantis turned into something which resembles that makes him feel a bit cheated by the whole damn universe.
II
The second time he feels reminded of high school is a week later, in the food queue of all places. Two people ahead of him, there’s the whole nine yards. Only five minutes ago, it was just a normal food queue with people waiting and doing some socializing, the kitchen guys being way too slow with refilling the food stands - honestly, wasn’t speed the crucial criterion for eligibility? - and some people doing the most sensible thing: working.
Like that guy two people ahead of him… well, until suddenly the blond girl in front of him had turned around. She’d seemed vaguely familiar… and the moment that guy with the tablet had lifted his head at her inquiry - something along the lines of “Hey, are those the codes for the new statistics upgrades?” - he’d remembered where he knew her from… the little hallway scene.
And lo and behold, tablet guy had been Lorne’s minion - Saunders, isn’t it? - with that stupid goofy grin again, the moment he’d recognized Miss Hallway 2009. There had been a moment of silence from Saunders that had already made him roll his eyes because duh, yeah, she’s talking to you, you stupid airhead.
Then there had come a hesitating, “Yeah… um… Dr. Uñaki asked me to look those over for the biologists and um… yeah, they are.” And another time where he wonders what exactly is being taught to those guys at their academies. Eloquence obviously is not part of their curriculum.
Blondie gives Saunders a cute little grin and reaches for the tablet. “You mind if I take a look at that?”
She doesn’t even wait for his uttered “Uh, sure, knock yourself out”, before she takes it and scrolls through whatever is on there… wait, did those updates ever go over his desk? And who the hell is Dr. Uñaki? He should know about this, shouldn’t he?
He’s about to barge in and ask Saunders what the hell he thinks he’s doing but Blondie is faster. Pointing to something on the tablet, she says, “Oh, wow, I like that solution. Very elegant.”
From what he can see, Saunders manages a grin and… a blush? Isn’t that against military regulations; soldiers blushing? “You think so? ‘Cause, you know, it took me ages to find a way to circumvent these loops here.”
Yes, of course it did, he wants to throw in, because your major in soldier school was probably Shooting Straight 101 or something… but then he remembers that Sheppard and even Woolsey don’t really like it when he belittles the intelligence - what intelligence, he always wants to ask them at that point - of their soldiers so he forces himself to keep quiet.
“Oh yeah, it really looks… gorgeous. But… I think you should rethink your approach here…” Blondie lets her fingertips fly over the tablet’s screen and… wait, why does she keep sneaking glances at Saunders? Oh, right. She’s… how would Sheppard say? Oh yeah, she’s checking him out. Jeez, he thinks, Lord save me from hormonal Twentysomethings, please.
After a few more seconds of typing he wonders where the damn kitchen guys are hiding the damn food and Saunders… looks impressed. Huh. “Oh, that… yeah, that makes much more sense. You know… you don’t happen to have some… spare time, do you?” Oh great, and now he’ll stumble his way through asking Blondie out for coffee or something… “Because, see, I think I could use a little help with another project.”
Another almost eye rolling. Apparently, jocks aren’t what they used to be. Saunders’ lack of eloquence and flyboy ego kind of… disappoints him. Blondie however… looks thrilled… although she does try to conceal, at least a bit. “Sure, I’d love to. Just tell me when and where and I’ll be there.”
Oh for Christ’s sake… food! They finally brought new food! He swears, if Blondie doesn’t turn around right now and grab her food and be gone he’ll have her on notice for letting him starve and therefore endangering the whole galaxy… “Sounds great. Oh, uh… you got any plans for lunch yet, or…” And he will have Saunders fired for drawing Blondie’s attention away from the food.
“No, I’m free. So let me just grab this and then…” Oh thank God Blondie is able to talk and grab food at the same time and thank God Saunders is, too so they finally made room for the people after them and stopped keeping up the whole queue. It really was about time. Ah, food!
III
Just when he thought he’d learned to block out all the hormonal happenings around him, he stumbles over Lorne’s minion - someone recently told him his name is Soderberg - and his Blondie a third time. It’s been a few days since they kept the food queue waiting with their ogling and clumsy attempts at flirting… okay, the clumsy only applies to Soderberg, not Blondie… and he thought honestly he’d never have to see them again.
But then he walked into the computer lab and boom, there they were. The only other occupant was another one of the horde of soldiers… some officer… second wave, he thinks. Hangs out a lot with Lorne and Cadman… Manning or something. Anyway, he’d been there, typing away at one of the computers while Soderberg and Blondie had been sitting together in front of another one.
Usually that alone would have made him turn around and find something else to do - he really isn't a fan of the concept of shared labs - but today he had to be in that lab to do something Zelenka had been nagging him about for over a week so he didn’t really have an excuse left if he didn’t want to be subject of Zelenka’s Czech curses yet again. One day he’s gonna write himself a translation program and finally get back at that Czech mad scientist… but yeah, not today.
Today, he needed to use one of the isolated computers that sit in the back of that particular lab and so he’s sitting here, two seats away from Manning trying to concentrate on the codes on the screen… but damn, the two lovebirds at the other side of the room make it pretty hard.
Apparently… he had the misfortune of being witness to that little rendezvous they’d talked about in the mess hall - and why the hell does he even remember that? - and they are going at it full force.
Or at least she is. He can’t hear what they’re talking about because they’re doing that stupid hushed voices thing, complete with silly giggles and snorting and… did she just give him a little shove to the shoulder? And now she’s leaning against him and reaching across the keyboard and even though the screen gets in his way, he’s pretty sure that one lucky young officer just got to see a nice bit of cleavage since Blondie didn’t bother to fully zip up her regulation shirt.
God, this is just ridiculous. They’re all but making out and Manning there at the other computer doesn’t even bother to look up. Shouldn’t he be all about harassing that soldier over there for behaving unbecomingly of an officer of the United States Air Force or some such nonsense?
Or no, wait… if he really is the one hanging out with Lorne and Cadman so much… he’s also the one who’s got something going on with one of the female Marines. Yeah, that explains a lot… and why the hell does he even know that? Oh right, because he heard about it in the mess hall and before a staff meetings and in labs during breaks… yes, he knows many, many good reasons not to interact more than absolutely necessary with the majority of the Atlantis crew.
At the moment, however… two members of the Atlantis crew have finally decided not to bother him anymore and are packing up their things… still giggling and fooling around and… is that guy blind? If Blondie were invading his personal space so consequently and constantly, he’d… well… he’d be… flattered. At least a bit.
But Soderberg? All he does is chatter and grin and jeez why doesn’t he just grab Little Miss Pushy and kiss her senseless right here? He’d so spare them all having to see just another dumb soldier in love. Really, it’s enough that Lorne and Cadman were first mooning for each other and now seem to think the city is their private little playground for making out. Honestly, if he hears that special kind of laughter from Cadman in a hallway again he will…
Alright, Soderberg and Blondie are gone. Time to get back to work. Cracking his fingers, he concentrates on his screen again, purses his lips… “If you were about to say something about two Twentysomethings who need to get a room… you might want to reconsider.” What the hell? He looks up again to see that Manning is also packing up his things… and grinning at him, in a smug and obnoxious kind of way he really doesn’t like. And he even has the gall to add, “Or I might have to say something about head scientists who need to get laid. And we both don’t want that, do we?”
Okay, that’s it. He will definitely tell Sheppard about this and this time Woolsey and he have to listen and take action. Really, the crap he has to take from all those grunts and flyboys… he glares at the one that just insulted him. “Hey, whoever you are…”
But that moron of a soldier won’t even let him finish but just gives him one of those looks all the soldiers seem to have reserved just for him and supplies him with, “Major Thomas Moore, but I’m pretty sure you’ll have forgotten my name by the moment I walk through that door.” Hey, he knew that. He knew that guy’s name was Moore. Of course he did. Sheppard isn't the only one able to remember everyone and their mothers’ names.
He wants to tell Measter that he has no problem with remembering names, but the guy doesn’t let him and even almost cheerfully adds a final, “Have a nice day, Doc”, strides over to the door and leaves him sitting in the lab… now finally, blissfully, alone. Alright… codes… oh yeah, he’d wanted to work on codes.
IV
No, it really wasn’t his week so far, he decides. He’d been in mortal danger twice, had to haul Sheppard’s sorry ass back to Atlantis as many times, got treated like an idiot by some airhead soldier he didn’t bother remembering the name of - even if he could have - had to watch another airhead soldier and some blond technician almost making out, couldn’t get away from all the stupid Atlantis gossip because even his team obviously enjoys talking about that… All he wants to do now is hole up himself in his quarters where no one bothers him with yet another stupid problem or the story about that gay couple in Life Science that’s been going around Atlantis for two weeks now or…
“You’ve gotta be kidding me, Sergeant.” No. No, that just can’t be true. Honestly, this is not happening now…
“I’m most certainly not, sir.” Giggling now and he never wished so fervently his quarters weren’t situated at the end of a hallway, in a dead end, only approachable from one side… and on the other side of the common room he just heard the voices coming out of. There’s no way he can get around it but he is not in the mood to see Sundry and Blondie and probably some of their soldier buddies playing some stupid teenager game like Truth or Dare or something.
“Because, you know, Lieutenant, Sergeant DeLisle never jokes. Now, do as he told you to.” Wait, he knows that voice and that accent… one of the doctors on Jennifer’s team. A German - military of some sort but he actually likes that guy. Can barely speak a word of proper English but at least his bedside manner is just perfect. Always friendly, always patient…
Still doesn’t make it any more inviting to walk past that stupid door. “Easy for you to say, sir. You aren’t the one with your foot in the air and… Miss Wilson! Could you please have the decency not to try and tickle me?” Who the hell is ‘Miss Wilson’, he wonders and before he can do anything about it, he has took that one final step and is suddenly standing in the doorway that leads to the common room he’d tried to avoid at all costs.
And a second later he knows why he’d tried to avoid it. There are four people in the room - as far as he can tell, at least - and three of them are involved in what looks like some weird alien mating ritual… well, either that or they’re trying to play Twister. After having his gaze glued to the whole scene for another second at least, he isn't even sure which version would be more disturbing.
He’s about to make some comment - any comment, really - but there’s a nice sounding, “Na, wenn das nicht Dr. Heulsuse ist. Vor dem ist man ja wirklich nirgendwo sicher”*, from somewhere in the tangle of arms and legs on the ground and he actually manages to spot the face that belongs to it. Yeah, it’s the German doctor and as always he’s looking nice and friendly while Sundry and Blondie - who apparently goes by the name of Winters… well not so much.
In fact, he’d rather describe their looks as horrified in Sundry’s case and something between caught and amused in Winters’ case. All of them, though, look kind of like they just froze in whatever they’d been doing… well, until someone finally looses their balance and suddenly there’s lots of giggling and snorting and laughing and a tangled heap of humans.
Which is the moment he chooses to turn around because he’s pretty sure he just saw Winters ‘accidentally’ grope Sundry’s ass while trying to disentangle herself and heard Sundry mumble “That better not have been your hand, sir,” most probably to the German because there really is no one else in the room he could have meant by that and… that’s just it.
The whole thing just topped his demand of gossip and hormonal infested… whatevers of an entire lifetime and he certainly does not want to see any of that ever again. All of them are grown adults and why the hell is it so hard for everyone in Atlantis except him to fucking behave like one? This really is just… no.
He doesn’t even fully register that one of them just stuck their head out of the common room door and actually called after him to ask him if he wants to join in the next round and he swears he was never happier to reach his quarters than today. Sometimes… being in Atlantis is the hardest part of being in Pegasus, not going on missions and being shot at and probably subject to things considered much worse… and today is really a prime example of it.
V
Why exactly did he let Sheppard rope him into this again? There’s really nothing here that appeals to him whatsoever. There’s sun - thank God he recently finished another batch of his ultra sunscreen - and there’s water which very probably has whales in it… but the worst thing is that there are other people. People who are running around half-naked, people who are making noise… people who are having fun.
He has no idea who’s responsible for this - and shouldn’t this have gone across his desk, as well? - but apparently, someone thought it a good idea to cordon off a part of the bay the East Pier creates and make into some kind of Waterland for grown-ups. Or… people who look like grown-ups but act like five-year-olds.
Like that bunch of soldiers over there, bragging and shouting and jumping off the pier… he’d like to walk over to Sheppard and tell him to get his people to fucking behave but he’d done exactly that only three days ago, telling Sheppard what a bunch of obnoxious and rude bastards his soldiers could be, that Montgomery guy from the computer lab first and foremost… but all Sheppard had done had been telling him that the only Montgomery in the military contingent is a female Captain and then Woolsey had actually chimed in and basically told him to suck it up - not in those words but he got the picture, thank you very much - and that the Atlantis officer corps was comprised of “well-educated, eloquent men and women who don't have even one rude or obnoxious bone in their body”.
They’d literally ganged up on him and now he’s intent on finding a way to show both of them that the Atlantis officers are not all gentlemen and ladies. Which probably is the only reason he’d agreed to come out here and… “Jesus, you stupid oaf, what it’s gonna take me to make you see it?”
“See what, Kassandra? Hey… stop… could you please…” Oh, what’s this? Lover’s spat? Against his firm decision to never involve himself in any Atlantis gossip, he can’t help watching the drama that’s unfolding in front of him with a certain amount of interest.
“No, you can figure that out yourself, Lieutenant McSmartypants. I am done dropping hints left, right and center”, Blondie hurls at Searing’s head and swishes past in her bikini-clad glory and leaves behind a guy that looks more like a drowned rat than his usual Air Force poster boy self, standing there crestfallen and staring into the direction Blondie just stomped away in.
Then Searing shakes his head and mumbles a pitiful, “I don’t get it… one minute she’s joking around… and the next she’s storming off in a huff.”
Jesus. He can’t believe that the guy really didn’t get it. For a seeming eternity, Blondie was practically walking around with a sign on her forehead that said “I want you, flyboy.” and flyboy apparently was too dumb to see it. So he didn’t actually fend her off… but - and here he almost laughed out loud - could it be that Searing simply thought she was being nice to him, not trying to get into his pants?
And somehow… poor Searing and his still dumbfounded expression make him feel a certain sympathy… and before he knows it, he opened his mouth and says, “Maybe she was pissed because you deliberately ignored her attempts at flirting with you… McSmartypants?”
It takes Searing a moment to register that he was meant but then he turns around and clears his throat. “Uh… excuse me… sir?” Hey, what’s with the hesitation? He’s a high ranking civilian and everyone in Atlantis knows him so yes, he does warrant a ‘sir’.
“Blondie in the bikini. She was flirting with you, every damn time I had the misfortune to come across you two.” God, that just felt so good. He really should have said something like that way earlier.
“With all due respect, sir, I have no idea what you’re talking about. I can’t recall any attempts at flirting from Kass… Miss Wilson.” Yeah, of course you can’t because your brain can’t compute anything that doesn’t have to do with weapons or planes or explosives, he’s tempted to answer but just caught a mean glance from Sheppard which was probably meant to remind him to be nice to the soldiers. Ah, hell.
“Oh come on, Top Gun. The hair flip, the invasion of private space… and do you honestly think she just put the whole ‘watch while I dive’ show on for that bunch of juvenile Marines over there?” Honestly, it was so obvious that he had no problem spotting it.
“Sir, I really…”
Jesusfuckingchrist, that’s just it. “For Heaven’s sake, do you want that girl?”
Searing… blushes. Again, isn’t this against regulations? He really has to ask Sheppard about that. “Well, I don’t think that’s really your business…” A glare now. Of course it is because they’ve been bothering him with their stupid courtship thingy for a seeming eternity now. “Okay, yeah, I do.”
“Then fucking go and grab her and spare us all your kicked puppy looks and her woman scorned act.” Ages ago. He really, really should have done that ages ago. It even feels kind of… liberating. Well, if he keeps on ignoring the dark looks more and more members of the military population are starting to throw him from the pool.
Searing clears his throat again, apparently aware off the fact that they’re starting to draw an increasing amount of attention. “Sir, if I may remind you, she just left the pier and…”
“Go, you idiot. Tell her some of that romantic nonsense all you semi adults seem to be able to come up with in an instant and you’ll be fine.” Searing tries to come up with yet another excuse but he throws him one of those glares that work very well on the junior scientists when they messed up yet another experiment. And yep… works on soldiers, too, because now Searing just nods at him, tries to explain that he’s going to leave now and then simply moves to follow Blondie off the pier.
Thank God, he thinks and decides to leave the pier as well… when suddenly a woman catches his eyes. She’s dark haired, has a well-toned greatly tanned body - something about that tells him she’s one of the female soldiers - and just walked by him and… did she just smile at him? Damn, he even knows her… Marsha or Mendez or… no, wait, it’s Mehra. Yeah, something like that… okay, maybe he’ll stay just a little while longer. Getting a slight tan is healthy after all… and health is really important in his job. Yeah, definitely going to stay a little while longer.
*“Hey, if that isn’t Dr. Crybaby. You really can’t escape him.”
Sometimes he wonders if he’s growing older or if Atlantis is getting younger. Well, not the city itself but the crew. There are days he feels like back in college again… or even back in high school. Groups of giggling girls and all those young soldiers the SGC keeps sending, and all the geeks, male and female alike, that remind him of his own awkward youth spent in labs and his parents’ basement… and it doesn’t help to improve his mood, to say the least.
Because, you know, high school hadn’t been exactly the best time of his life, even though everyone claims differently. When they finally accepted his admission to college two years earlier than usual, he’d thought he’d died and gone to an awkward teenager’s Heaven… only to have it all repeated again. The jocks, the cheerleaders, the actionists, the geeks… he wonders what exactly makes pairing off into groups so desirable that people can’t stop to doing it, even in high-profile work-environments like Atlantis.
And all the flirting going on… it’s really ridiculous. People always make it look like he’s so socially inept that he has no idea about social interaction whatsoever but no, his genius does not stop at saving the galaxy, one wormhole at a time, thank you very much. No, he does have some social observation skills and he does know what flirting looks like.
Like, for example… right now. He’s walking down a hallway, a few feet behind what looks like yet another one of a shipment of young soldiers picked right out of the Air Force Academy or whatever their sorry excuse for an academic education is called.
And there’s one of those young girls from the IT department coming towards them… and just a few feet away from the soldier, she does that thing with the smile and the hair flip and it’s so obvious that he’s tempted to stop her and ask her which backwater community college she got her degree from because honestly, he always thought smart women wouldn’t have to resort to such basic flirting techniques.
But the most ridiculous thing is that the soldier - he just overtook him and recognized him to be one of Lorne’s new minions, going by the name of Simpson or something - reacts exactly the way all the jocks back in high school did… that is to say, the dumber ones. For a moment, there’s a stupid goofy smile and then there’s the telltale showing of white teeth and that flyboy grin all of them seem to have perfected, starting with Sheppard and ending with the lowest Airman or Marine.
All of it makes him want to grumble and he half hopes Zelenka will have mucked up something for him, so he has an excuse to be miserable. Because, honestly… high school is the last place he ever wanted to go back to, and finding Atlantis turned into something which resembles that makes him feel a bit cheated by the whole damn universe.
II
The second time he feels reminded of high school is a week later, in the food queue of all places. Two people ahead of him, there’s the whole nine yards. Only five minutes ago, it was just a normal food queue with people waiting and doing some socializing, the kitchen guys being way too slow with refilling the food stands - honestly, wasn’t speed the crucial criterion for eligibility? - and some people doing the most sensible thing: working.
Like that guy two people ahead of him… well, until suddenly the blond girl in front of him had turned around. She’d seemed vaguely familiar… and the moment that guy with the tablet had lifted his head at her inquiry - something along the lines of “Hey, are those the codes for the new statistics upgrades?” - he’d remembered where he knew her from… the little hallway scene.
And lo and behold, tablet guy had been Lorne’s minion - Saunders, isn’t it? - with that stupid goofy grin again, the moment he’d recognized Miss Hallway 2009. There had been a moment of silence from Saunders that had already made him roll his eyes because duh, yeah, she’s talking to you, you stupid airhead.
Then there had come a hesitating, “Yeah… um… Dr. Uñaki asked me to look those over for the biologists and um… yeah, they are.” And another time where he wonders what exactly is being taught to those guys at their academies. Eloquence obviously is not part of their curriculum.
Blondie gives Saunders a cute little grin and reaches for the tablet. “You mind if I take a look at that?”
She doesn’t even wait for his uttered “Uh, sure, knock yourself out”, before she takes it and scrolls through whatever is on there… wait, did those updates ever go over his desk? And who the hell is Dr. Uñaki? He should know about this, shouldn’t he?
He’s about to barge in and ask Saunders what the hell he thinks he’s doing but Blondie is faster. Pointing to something on the tablet, she says, “Oh, wow, I like that solution. Very elegant.”
From what he can see, Saunders manages a grin and… a blush? Isn’t that against military regulations; soldiers blushing? “You think so? ‘Cause, you know, it took me ages to find a way to circumvent these loops here.”
Yes, of course it did, he wants to throw in, because your major in soldier school was probably Shooting Straight 101 or something… but then he remembers that Sheppard and even Woolsey don’t really like it when he belittles the intelligence - what intelligence, he always wants to ask them at that point - of their soldiers so he forces himself to keep quiet.
“Oh yeah, it really looks… gorgeous. But… I think you should rethink your approach here…” Blondie lets her fingertips fly over the tablet’s screen and… wait, why does she keep sneaking glances at Saunders? Oh, right. She’s… how would Sheppard say? Oh yeah, she’s checking him out. Jeez, he thinks, Lord save me from hormonal Twentysomethings, please.
After a few more seconds of typing he wonders where the damn kitchen guys are hiding the damn food and Saunders… looks impressed. Huh. “Oh, that… yeah, that makes much more sense. You know… you don’t happen to have some… spare time, do you?” Oh great, and now he’ll stumble his way through asking Blondie out for coffee or something… “Because, see, I think I could use a little help with another project.”
Another almost eye rolling. Apparently, jocks aren’t what they used to be. Saunders’ lack of eloquence and flyboy ego kind of… disappoints him. Blondie however… looks thrilled… although she does try to conceal, at least a bit. “Sure, I’d love to. Just tell me when and where and I’ll be there.”
Oh for Christ’s sake… food! They finally brought new food! He swears, if Blondie doesn’t turn around right now and grab her food and be gone he’ll have her on notice for letting him starve and therefore endangering the whole galaxy… “Sounds great. Oh, uh… you got any plans for lunch yet, or…” And he will have Saunders fired for drawing Blondie’s attention away from the food.
“No, I’m free. So let me just grab this and then…” Oh thank God Blondie is able to talk and grab food at the same time and thank God Saunders is, too so they finally made room for the people after them and stopped keeping up the whole queue. It really was about time. Ah, food!
III
Just when he thought he’d learned to block out all the hormonal happenings around him, he stumbles over Lorne’s minion - someone recently told him his name is Soderberg - and his Blondie a third time. It’s been a few days since they kept the food queue waiting with their ogling and clumsy attempts at flirting… okay, the clumsy only applies to Soderberg, not Blondie… and he thought honestly he’d never have to see them again.
But then he walked into the computer lab and boom, there they were. The only other occupant was another one of the horde of soldiers… some officer… second wave, he thinks. Hangs out a lot with Lorne and Cadman… Manning or something. Anyway, he’d been there, typing away at one of the computers while Soderberg and Blondie had been sitting together in front of another one.
Usually that alone would have made him turn around and find something else to do - he really isn't a fan of the concept of shared labs - but today he had to be in that lab to do something Zelenka had been nagging him about for over a week so he didn’t really have an excuse left if he didn’t want to be subject of Zelenka’s Czech curses yet again. One day he’s gonna write himself a translation program and finally get back at that Czech mad scientist… but yeah, not today.
Today, he needed to use one of the isolated computers that sit in the back of that particular lab and so he’s sitting here, two seats away from Manning trying to concentrate on the codes on the screen… but damn, the two lovebirds at the other side of the room make it pretty hard.
Apparently… he had the misfortune of being witness to that little rendezvous they’d talked about in the mess hall - and why the hell does he even remember that? - and they are going at it full force.
Or at least she is. He can’t hear what they’re talking about because they’re doing that stupid hushed voices thing, complete with silly giggles and snorting and… did she just give him a little shove to the shoulder? And now she’s leaning against him and reaching across the keyboard and even though the screen gets in his way, he’s pretty sure that one lucky young officer just got to see a nice bit of cleavage since Blondie didn’t bother to fully zip up her regulation shirt.
God, this is just ridiculous. They’re all but making out and Manning there at the other computer doesn’t even bother to look up. Shouldn’t he be all about harassing that soldier over there for behaving unbecomingly of an officer of the United States Air Force or some such nonsense?
Or no, wait… if he really is the one hanging out with Lorne and Cadman so much… he’s also the one who’s got something going on with one of the female Marines. Yeah, that explains a lot… and why the hell does he even know that? Oh right, because he heard about it in the mess hall and before a staff meetings and in labs during breaks… yes, he knows many, many good reasons not to interact more than absolutely necessary with the majority of the Atlantis crew.
At the moment, however… two members of the Atlantis crew have finally decided not to bother him anymore and are packing up their things… still giggling and fooling around and… is that guy blind? If Blondie were invading his personal space so consequently and constantly, he’d… well… he’d be… flattered. At least a bit.
But Soderberg? All he does is chatter and grin and jeez why doesn’t he just grab Little Miss Pushy and kiss her senseless right here? He’d so spare them all having to see just another dumb soldier in love. Really, it’s enough that Lorne and Cadman were first mooning for each other and now seem to think the city is their private little playground for making out. Honestly, if he hears that special kind of laughter from Cadman in a hallway again he will…
Alright, Soderberg and Blondie are gone. Time to get back to work. Cracking his fingers, he concentrates on his screen again, purses his lips… “If you were about to say something about two Twentysomethings who need to get a room… you might want to reconsider.” What the hell? He looks up again to see that Manning is also packing up his things… and grinning at him, in a smug and obnoxious kind of way he really doesn’t like. And he even has the gall to add, “Or I might have to say something about head scientists who need to get laid. And we both don’t want that, do we?”
Okay, that’s it. He will definitely tell Sheppard about this and this time Woolsey and he have to listen and take action. Really, the crap he has to take from all those grunts and flyboys… he glares at the one that just insulted him. “Hey, whoever you are…”
But that moron of a soldier won’t even let him finish but just gives him one of those looks all the soldiers seem to have reserved just for him and supplies him with, “Major Thomas Moore, but I’m pretty sure you’ll have forgotten my name by the moment I walk through that door.” Hey, he knew that. He knew that guy’s name was Moore. Of course he did. Sheppard isn't the only one able to remember everyone and their mothers’ names.
He wants to tell Measter that he has no problem with remembering names, but the guy doesn’t let him and even almost cheerfully adds a final, “Have a nice day, Doc”, strides over to the door and leaves him sitting in the lab… now finally, blissfully, alone. Alright… codes… oh yeah, he’d wanted to work on codes.
IV
No, it really wasn’t his week so far, he decides. He’d been in mortal danger twice, had to haul Sheppard’s sorry ass back to Atlantis as many times, got treated like an idiot by some airhead soldier he didn’t bother remembering the name of - even if he could have - had to watch another airhead soldier and some blond technician almost making out, couldn’t get away from all the stupid Atlantis gossip because even his team obviously enjoys talking about that… All he wants to do now is hole up himself in his quarters where no one bothers him with yet another stupid problem or the story about that gay couple in Life Science that’s been going around Atlantis for two weeks now or…
“You’ve gotta be kidding me, Sergeant.” No. No, that just can’t be true. Honestly, this is not happening now…
“I’m most certainly not, sir.” Giggling now and he never wished so fervently his quarters weren’t situated at the end of a hallway, in a dead end, only approachable from one side… and on the other side of the common room he just heard the voices coming out of. There’s no way he can get around it but he is not in the mood to see Sundry and Blondie and probably some of their soldier buddies playing some stupid teenager game like Truth or Dare or something.
“Because, you know, Lieutenant, Sergeant DeLisle never jokes. Now, do as he told you to.” Wait, he knows that voice and that accent… one of the doctors on Jennifer’s team. A German - military of some sort but he actually likes that guy. Can barely speak a word of proper English but at least his bedside manner is just perfect. Always friendly, always patient…
Still doesn’t make it any more inviting to walk past that stupid door. “Easy for you to say, sir. You aren’t the one with your foot in the air and… Miss Wilson! Could you please have the decency not to try and tickle me?” Who the hell is ‘Miss Wilson’, he wonders and before he can do anything about it, he has took that one final step and is suddenly standing in the doorway that leads to the common room he’d tried to avoid at all costs.
And a second later he knows why he’d tried to avoid it. There are four people in the room - as far as he can tell, at least - and three of them are involved in what looks like some weird alien mating ritual… well, either that or they’re trying to play Twister. After having his gaze glued to the whole scene for another second at least, he isn't even sure which version would be more disturbing.
He’s about to make some comment - any comment, really - but there’s a nice sounding, “Na, wenn das nicht Dr. Heulsuse ist. Vor dem ist man ja wirklich nirgendwo sicher”*, from somewhere in the tangle of arms and legs on the ground and he actually manages to spot the face that belongs to it. Yeah, it’s the German doctor and as always he’s looking nice and friendly while Sundry and Blondie - who apparently goes by the name of Winters… well not so much.
In fact, he’d rather describe their looks as horrified in Sundry’s case and something between caught and amused in Winters’ case. All of them, though, look kind of like they just froze in whatever they’d been doing… well, until someone finally looses their balance and suddenly there’s lots of giggling and snorting and laughing and a tangled heap of humans.
Which is the moment he chooses to turn around because he’s pretty sure he just saw Winters ‘accidentally’ grope Sundry’s ass while trying to disentangle herself and heard Sundry mumble “That better not have been your hand, sir,” most probably to the German because there really is no one else in the room he could have meant by that and… that’s just it.
The whole thing just topped his demand of gossip and hormonal infested… whatevers of an entire lifetime and he certainly does not want to see any of that ever again. All of them are grown adults and why the hell is it so hard for everyone in Atlantis except him to fucking behave like one? This really is just… no.
He doesn’t even fully register that one of them just stuck their head out of the common room door and actually called after him to ask him if he wants to join in the next round and he swears he was never happier to reach his quarters than today. Sometimes… being in Atlantis is the hardest part of being in Pegasus, not going on missions and being shot at and probably subject to things considered much worse… and today is really a prime example of it.
V
Why exactly did he let Sheppard rope him into this again? There’s really nothing here that appeals to him whatsoever. There’s sun - thank God he recently finished another batch of his ultra sunscreen - and there’s water which very probably has whales in it… but the worst thing is that there are other people. People who are running around half-naked, people who are making noise… people who are having fun.
He has no idea who’s responsible for this - and shouldn’t this have gone across his desk, as well? - but apparently, someone thought it a good idea to cordon off a part of the bay the East Pier creates and make into some kind of Waterland for grown-ups. Or… people who look like grown-ups but act like five-year-olds.
Like that bunch of soldiers over there, bragging and shouting and jumping off the pier… he’d like to walk over to Sheppard and tell him to get his people to fucking behave but he’d done exactly that only three days ago, telling Sheppard what a bunch of obnoxious and rude bastards his soldiers could be, that Montgomery guy from the computer lab first and foremost… but all Sheppard had done had been telling him that the only Montgomery in the military contingent is a female Captain and then Woolsey had actually chimed in and basically told him to suck it up - not in those words but he got the picture, thank you very much - and that the Atlantis officer corps was comprised of “well-educated, eloquent men and women who don't have even one rude or obnoxious bone in their body”.
They’d literally ganged up on him and now he’s intent on finding a way to show both of them that the Atlantis officers are not all gentlemen and ladies. Which probably is the only reason he’d agreed to come out here and… “Jesus, you stupid oaf, what it’s gonna take me to make you see it?”
“See what, Kassandra? Hey… stop… could you please…” Oh, what’s this? Lover’s spat? Against his firm decision to never involve himself in any Atlantis gossip, he can’t help watching the drama that’s unfolding in front of him with a certain amount of interest.
“No, you can figure that out yourself, Lieutenant McSmartypants. I am done dropping hints left, right and center”, Blondie hurls at Searing’s head and swishes past in her bikini-clad glory and leaves behind a guy that looks more like a drowned rat than his usual Air Force poster boy self, standing there crestfallen and staring into the direction Blondie just stomped away in.
Then Searing shakes his head and mumbles a pitiful, “I don’t get it… one minute she’s joking around… and the next she’s storming off in a huff.”
Jesus. He can’t believe that the guy really didn’t get it. For a seeming eternity, Blondie was practically walking around with a sign on her forehead that said “I want you, flyboy.” and flyboy apparently was too dumb to see it. So he didn’t actually fend her off… but - and here he almost laughed out loud - could it be that Searing simply thought she was being nice to him, not trying to get into his pants?
And somehow… poor Searing and his still dumbfounded expression make him feel a certain sympathy… and before he knows it, he opened his mouth and says, “Maybe she was pissed because you deliberately ignored her attempts at flirting with you… McSmartypants?”
It takes Searing a moment to register that he was meant but then he turns around and clears his throat. “Uh… excuse me… sir?” Hey, what’s with the hesitation? He’s a high ranking civilian and everyone in Atlantis knows him so yes, he does warrant a ‘sir’.
“Blondie in the bikini. She was flirting with you, every damn time I had the misfortune to come across you two.” God, that just felt so good. He really should have said something like that way earlier.
“With all due respect, sir, I have no idea what you’re talking about. I can’t recall any attempts at flirting from Kass… Miss Wilson.” Yeah, of course you can’t because your brain can’t compute anything that doesn’t have to do with weapons or planes or explosives, he’s tempted to answer but just caught a mean glance from Sheppard which was probably meant to remind him to be nice to the soldiers. Ah, hell.
“Oh come on, Top Gun. The hair flip, the invasion of private space… and do you honestly think she just put the whole ‘watch while I dive’ show on for that bunch of juvenile Marines over there?” Honestly, it was so obvious that he had no problem spotting it.
“Sir, I really…”
Jesusfuckingchrist, that’s just it. “For Heaven’s sake, do you want that girl?”
Searing… blushes. Again, isn’t this against regulations? He really has to ask Sheppard about that. “Well, I don’t think that’s really your business…” A glare now. Of course it is because they’ve been bothering him with their stupid courtship thingy for a seeming eternity now. “Okay, yeah, I do.”
“Then fucking go and grab her and spare us all your kicked puppy looks and her woman scorned act.” Ages ago. He really, really should have done that ages ago. It even feels kind of… liberating. Well, if he keeps on ignoring the dark looks more and more members of the military population are starting to throw him from the pool.
Searing clears his throat again, apparently aware off the fact that they’re starting to draw an increasing amount of attention. “Sir, if I may remind you, she just left the pier and…”
“Go, you idiot. Tell her some of that romantic nonsense all you semi adults seem to be able to come up with in an instant and you’ll be fine.” Searing tries to come up with yet another excuse but he throws him one of those glares that work very well on the junior scientists when they messed up yet another experiment. And yep… works on soldiers, too, because now Searing just nods at him, tries to explain that he’s going to leave now and then simply moves to follow Blondie off the pier.
Thank God, he thinks and decides to leave the pier as well… when suddenly a woman catches his eyes. She’s dark haired, has a well-toned greatly tanned body - something about that tells him she’s one of the female soldiers - and just walked by him and… did she just smile at him? Damn, he even knows her… Marsha or Mendez or… no, wait, it’s Mehra. Yeah, something like that… okay, maybe he’ll stay just a little while longer. Getting a slight tan is healthy after all… and health is really important in his job. Yeah, definitely going to stay a little while longer.
*“Hey, if that isn’t Dr. Crybaby. You really can’t escape him.”