Fic: "And I Feel Fine"
Well… that was a bit unexpected, to say the least. Actually, he’d not been scheduled for extended leave for another three months. But not even the most experienced Pegasus veterans - and he considers himself to be one, although not overly loud like some - would have thought they’d ever arrive on Earth like that… well, and probably no one would have ever expected to land where they landed…
He’s not one to complain, though, since it had spared him the hassle of having to wait three months in Atlantis, three weeks on the Daedalus and hours on a flight from Colorado Springs to San Francisco, not to forget. One day he’s sure go to Carson and thank him for so conveniently bringing him home - after thanking him from the bottom of his heart for not crashing Atlantis and getting them out alive that is.
He knows he probably should have done that right away but while everyone had been busy realizing what exactly had happened he’d gotten his affairs in order and then asked for a premature leave of absence. Both Sheppard and Woolsey hadn’t been exactly keen on too much paperwork then and so it had been relatively easy weaseling it out of them.
Usually, he’s not one of those soldiers who try to get away at every possible moment but… this is his home town and this is where his family - who he hasn’t seen for almost a year - lives. He might try to give off an image of being tough, independent and distanced but deep down he’s a man who needs the people he loves close to be comfortable so he took the first opportunity he got.
So now he’s been at his parents’ house for about a week and has been pretty successful in ignoring the nagging questions in the back of his mind about Atlantis’ and his future. He has only caught himself sneaking the Bay a look once or twice… alright, rather four or five times. Of course Atlantis is invisible but he who can still feel her tugging and prodding at him it’s as if he can see her as clearly as if she were unveiled.
Oh well, to be honest… he has caught himself a lot at looking over to the Bay or almost responding subconsciously to her calling and tugging before realizing that he’s on leave and that he was glad to be away from her for a little while.
Again, he looks over to the Bay, from the terrace of his parents’ house where he’s sitting now and trying to force himself to relax, ignore the calls that are almost like a siren’s calls and read something. But if he’s honest… he hasn’t been paying attention to his book for at least ten pages now.
Instead he listened to the city’s calming hum… as if she sensed that he’s not nearly as relaxed as he tries to pretend to everyone, including himself. Yes, he’s happy to be back on Earth and yes, he’s happy to be with his family again… but he’s also almost anxious over how his career - his life - will go on from here.
Of course he knows he’ll stay in the Air Force, for at least a few more years and maybe there’s even a promotion waiting for him in the near future but what really gets to him is the question of what will happen to Atlantis and all the personnel serving on her. He tried convincing himself that it would be okay if she stayed here… or went back to Pegasus without him but in truth… that would be a great loss for him… almost as great as if he lost his parents or his sister and that… scares him.
He’s almost ashamed to say it but over the last few years Atlantis has become a part of him, something that would physically hurt if it wasn’t there anymore and couldn’t come back ever again. Maybe he doesn’t have such a deep connection with her as Colonel Sheppard does but his connection is as special as Sheppard’s, he’s sure of that. He can’t say why he is so sure of that, just that he is.
As if to confirm it, he feels a slight change in the city’s beckoning, just for a moment… aw, crap. This just can’t be true. It’s a city, goddammit, he thinks, not a living breathing thing. However… the city doesn’t really seem to like that idea since he feels a twinge in her connection to him that tells him otherwise… almost as if she were a woman scorned. And everyone knows that hell hath no fury like one of those. He really should see a therapist. Which would mean having to go either back to the city or the SGC…
“Evan?” A little startled, he looks around to see his mother standing in the doorway. “You up for a trip out of the City?”
Well, is he? “Yeah, sure.” And if it’s only to get away from this tugging and calling to where he can go on pretending everything’s alright… aw, who is he trying to kid?
His mother smiles. “Good. Get your stuff; I’ll be waiting in the car.” With that, she’s gone and he gets up, trying to communicate an apology to Atlantis for leaving her alone for a while. To his surprise… there’s a benevolent little something in the constant presence of the city and that’s all. Huh? Well, then… if she thinks it’s okay… who is he to make his mother wait any longer?
Before he finally leaves the terrace, though, he throws a last look back to the Bay and he knows… that something has fundamentally changed, for him at least. She’s waiting for him, as much as she’s waiting for Sheppard or any of the other ATA gene carriers and he’ll answer her call when he feels ready for it. Just a little longer… only just a little longer with his family and then he’ll back. The city… purrs, obviously approving. And he smiles.