Good News, Bad News

[gehayi]

The first piece of good news is that I won first place in the Best of Fandom UFO Awards for the Dresden Files story "The Affairs of Wizards." (Not that fandom awards mean much, but I'm very pleased just the same

Comments

[mzcalypso]

Bugger this for a game of soldiers.

You need to revoke her POA, right now. I wish I knew somebody sane in CT that I could suggest.

Do you actually need anyone for that, now? You don't sound as though you do.

[gehayi]

I don't honestly think that I do, but every time I gently bring up the notion that you know, I could take care of my own money on my own so that I don't have to worry about who is going to pay the bills if you're ill or unavailable, she bursts into tears and starts howling, "You don't TRUST me!" and hangs up.

I get very tired of dealing with three-year-olds. Especially when they're chronologically seventy.

[lee_rowan]

So what you've got is a passive-aggressive, greedy control freak.

You don't need a POA, hon. She does.

[thursday_gal]

Can you sever the POA? It seems a bit sever to have all of that suggested to you.

[gehayi]

The problem is that she's a neighbor. And she sees me as eleven going on ten.

That said, yes, it does seem severe and I won't do it.

[thursday_gal]

Wow, I can spell, can't I?

There's always a chance that she did start out with your best interests at heart and is just, as you say, seeing you as a child still. Add to that outside influences like a lawyer and her own kids, and people saying 'oh, look how much you do for her and all for free' and it starts to get a bit messy.

PoAs are always scary things. My dad had my grandmother's, and it caused SUCH drama in the family when she started to lose her memory. If it had been up to the eldest brother, they would have put her in a province run home, sold all her stuff and skedaddled. Whereas my dad set up in home care using her savings and with a budgeted plan. So, yes, you need someone you can trust, cause too often it does go badly. When you NEED the person to make the decisions for you, that is, you need them to understand the ones you want made and where you're coming from.

[lee_rowan]

I think it's just a little better to have a neighbor who's annoyed with you than a neighbor who has control over your finances and thinks she knows, better than you do, who you are and what you need. It is a terribly awkward situation, but the fact that she refuses to discuss anything rationally is a big red danger sign. "You don't TRUST me!" -- translation: "You caught me betraying your trust and I'm going to make a scene unless you agree to continue letting me control your life."

Is there any sort of mediation service you might consult? You can't have a rational discussion with her one-on-one, but an objective mediator might be of use to keep the discussion on-track and call BS on her if she throws a tantrum.

She'll make a terrific villain in a story someday, though.

[lilacsigil]

She's meant to be serving your interests, and she's obviously not doing that any more, sadly. And now it sounds like she's moving from just not serving your interests too well to actively going against your interests.

ETA: I should say, I'm coming from the POV of seeing exactly what you described above happen - an elderly lady I knew had a nice house but no income, so she set up a life estate with her son, who was in his 50s. Her son died in a farming accident and his adult kids divided up his estate and "let" her live in a granny flat at the back of one of their houses for a year until they put her in a home. By that stage she was quite frail, but if she'd remained in her own home in town and had access to services, I don't think she would have got so rundown so fast.

[eternalism]

Cripes, that's got to be beyond frustrating. And incredibly unfair to you. But as other people have said, you don't seem to need her as PoA anymore, and if she kicks up an emotional stink about it, well, that just serves to prove that you're much more capable of handling your own problems in a calm and rational fashion than she is.

[thundercrap]

I would stick by my NO!!! guns on this one. You need that house. Renters would be helpful.

Shit, if it wasn't so far and I hadn't already started moving plans, I would have rented from you.