A Time to Break Down
Title: A Time to Break Down
Author: smallearthcat
Pairing: Danny solo, implied Danny/Rachel
Rating: NC-17
Summary: A look back at Danny's life immediately following the surgery. Timestamp fic that follows Hide You Away.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Hawaii Five-0, and this certainly isn’t true.
Author notes: Written for mmom day 25. Thank you to all the lovely people who have commented. Knowing you're enjoying the series always brightens my day. Written chronologically following Strange New Experiences.
Once Danny got home from the hospital, he thought the worst of the uphill battle was done. Yes, he was still in pain, but the surgery was over, and the doctor said he was going to be fine, so that was it. Give it a little time, and he'd be a new man, back to work, back to playing with his baby girl, back to being well. If his life worked like that, he might even still be out in Jersey. Maybe not with Rachel, but she might not have left him for Stan, either.
But that's neither here nor there, because it's not how his life turned out. He got better physically, stopped being in pain within a week and was back on the job in three. It wasn't for another two weeks after that that he began to have an inkling that something wasn't quite right. Because of course, it made sense that he wasn't in the mood for sex for a little while afterward; he'd even been told that might happen.
Only then Rachel - God, she'd just been trying to help him feel better - had planned a big night, sent Grace to his parents' house, made an elaborate dinner, the whole shebang. And everything had been great, right up until the end, when she'd naturally thought sex was inevitable, and then he couldn't get it up. It hadn't been so bad that night, she'd just assumed he wasn't there yet, that more time would help, but Danny already knew it wasn't going to be that easy. No, because he'd wanted it that night; Rachel had looked more beautiful than ever, and there shouldn't have been any question of whether or not it would happen, really none at all, but this is Danny's life, after all.
So, he'd been glad Rachel had decided more time would help, because that gave Danny the chance to experiment some on his own. At first, he hadn't thrown everything he had into it, just started trying to bring himself off whenever something got him worked up. And it was frustrating, right? To feel the arousal in the pit of his stomach, to know he was turned on by something, and not to have his body respond beyond the occasional twitch of his dick (when he was lucky, anyway; sometimes, he got nothing at all).
After another few weeks of it, as Danny began to get desperate, things started to get a little out of hand. At first, it was nothing too over the top, just things like staying up late to watch porn. And then he'd stay up later and later, working his cock over until it was chafing and uncomfortable, and all he had to show for his efforts was a limp dick smeared with more lube than one person should ever have to use. Rachel found him like that once, squeezing himself too hard in his frustration, and she'd tried to help, had gone down on him until he'd finally pushed her away and they'd called it a night.
Rachel had been more observant after that, and it hadn't been long before she'd suggested seeing his doctor about it. Danny hadn't wanted to, but he really had no room to argue after all the failure he'd had thus far, and it couldn't hurt to just ask, right?
So the doc, good old Doctor Hoffman, had done what he could and prescribed Danny some Viagra, and as embarrassing as that was, Danny hadn't been able to hide it from Rachel, and she'd all but insisted he try it. He'd been a little reluctant, of course, but what was he supposed to do, tell his wife he didn't want to, that he'd rather face not being able to have sex with her than having to take those pills at his age? Not likely.
He sucked it up and got the pills, took them and tried to fuck his wife, failed again and again. It was just one more problem piled on top of all the others they were already dealing with, the more serious ones where Rachel didn't like him going back to work so quickly, the ones where work started to be one of the few things that made him feel like he wasn't a failure. And still, they tried to make it work, Danny going through treatment option after treatment option and pushing himself further into the job each time he discovered the latest one was a bust.
Danny doesn't know, to this day, how he could possibly have missed the fact that Rachel started cheating on him, but miss it he did. After yet another round of arguing about Danny's extended hours at work, she'd dropped it like a goddamn bombshell, no warning whatsoever. Just, "I've been seeing someone, Danny."
Danny had thought then that a heart attack was imminent. At least, that is, until she'd continued with, "He's asked me to move in with him, and I'm going to. Grace is coming with me."
That had been the end of life as he knew it and had begun a whole new chapter dedicated to divorce proceedings and custody battles, to fighting for the right to see his own damn kid more than once a week when she was all he had left other than the job. Danny had been pretty sure then that that was it for him; there was no point in dating, no chance anyone was going to stay with him if even his wife couldn't handle his issues.
And Danny has to wonder now, if Steve is really as prepared to deal with this as he thinks he is. Strangely, Danny believes that might actually be possible. He can but hope.
Read the next part in the series
This entry was originally posted at http://geenoway.dreamwidth.org/36512.html. You can also comment there using OpenID.
Author: smallearthcat
Pairing: Danny solo, implied Danny/Rachel
Rating: NC-17
Summary: A look back at Danny's life immediately following the surgery. Timestamp fic that follows Hide You Away.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Hawaii Five-0, and this certainly isn’t true.
Author notes: Written for mmom day 25. Thank you to all the lovely people who have commented. Knowing you're enjoying the series always brightens my day. Written chronologically following Strange New Experiences.
Once Danny got home from the hospital, he thought the worst of the uphill battle was done. Yes, he was still in pain, but the surgery was over, and the doctor said he was going to be fine, so that was it. Give it a little time, and he'd be a new man, back to work, back to playing with his baby girl, back to being well. If his life worked like that, he might even still be out in Jersey. Maybe not with Rachel, but she might not have left him for Stan, either.
But that's neither here nor there, because it's not how his life turned out. He got better physically, stopped being in pain within a week and was back on the job in three. It wasn't for another two weeks after that that he began to have an inkling that something wasn't quite right. Because of course, it made sense that he wasn't in the mood for sex for a little while afterward; he'd even been told that might happen.
Only then Rachel - God, she'd just been trying to help him feel better - had planned a big night, sent Grace to his parents' house, made an elaborate dinner, the whole shebang. And everything had been great, right up until the end, when she'd naturally thought sex was inevitable, and then he couldn't get it up. It hadn't been so bad that night, she'd just assumed he wasn't there yet, that more time would help, but Danny already knew it wasn't going to be that easy. No, because he'd wanted it that night; Rachel had looked more beautiful than ever, and there shouldn't have been any question of whether or not it would happen, really none at all, but this is Danny's life, after all.
So, he'd been glad Rachel had decided more time would help, because that gave Danny the chance to experiment some on his own. At first, he hadn't thrown everything he had into it, just started trying to bring himself off whenever something got him worked up. And it was frustrating, right? To feel the arousal in the pit of his stomach, to know he was turned on by something, and not to have his body respond beyond the occasional twitch of his dick (when he was lucky, anyway; sometimes, he got nothing at all).
After another few weeks of it, as Danny began to get desperate, things started to get a little out of hand. At first, it was nothing too over the top, just things like staying up late to watch porn. And then he'd stay up later and later, working his cock over until it was chafing and uncomfortable, and all he had to show for his efforts was a limp dick smeared with more lube than one person should ever have to use. Rachel found him like that once, squeezing himself too hard in his frustration, and she'd tried to help, had gone down on him until he'd finally pushed her away and they'd called it a night.
Rachel had been more observant after that, and it hadn't been long before she'd suggested seeing his doctor about it. Danny hadn't wanted to, but he really had no room to argue after all the failure he'd had thus far, and it couldn't hurt to just ask, right?
So the doc, good old Doctor Hoffman, had done what he could and prescribed Danny some Viagra, and as embarrassing as that was, Danny hadn't been able to hide it from Rachel, and she'd all but insisted he try it. He'd been a little reluctant, of course, but what was he supposed to do, tell his wife he didn't want to, that he'd rather face not being able to have sex with her than having to take those pills at his age? Not likely.
He sucked it up and got the pills, took them and tried to fuck his wife, failed again and again. It was just one more problem piled on top of all the others they were already dealing with, the more serious ones where Rachel didn't like him going back to work so quickly, the ones where work started to be one of the few things that made him feel like he wasn't a failure. And still, they tried to make it work, Danny going through treatment option after treatment option and pushing himself further into the job each time he discovered the latest one was a bust.
Danny doesn't know, to this day, how he could possibly have missed the fact that Rachel started cheating on him, but miss it he did. After yet another round of arguing about Danny's extended hours at work, she'd dropped it like a goddamn bombshell, no warning whatsoever. Just, "I've been seeing someone, Danny."
Danny had thought then that a heart attack was imminent. At least, that is, until she'd continued with, "He's asked me to move in with him, and I'm going to. Grace is coming with me."
That had been the end of life as he knew it and had begun a whole new chapter dedicated to divorce proceedings and custody battles, to fighting for the right to see his own damn kid more than once a week when she was all he had left other than the job. Danny had been pretty sure then that that was it for him; there was no point in dating, no chance anyone was going to stay with him if even his wife couldn't handle his issues.
And Danny has to wonder now, if Steve is really as prepared to deal with this as he thinks he is. Strangely, Danny believes that might actually be possible. He can but hope.
Read the next part in the series
This entry was originally posted at http://geenoway.dreamwidth.org/36512.html. You can also comment there using OpenID.