~THE LIGHTNING POST~
3rd edition, Dec. 1st, y20347

Brave Refugee Stops Thief!What started as a routine robbery in Elgar's Electronics Emporium earlier this month quickly went south for the would-be robber [name withheld], who was neatly incapacitated by a petite human of indeterminate gender only half his size. The brave human, who wore a mask and ( Read more... )

~THE LIGHTNING POST~
3nd edition, Nov. 3nd, y20347

A Runaway Success!The metaphorical curtain closed on the final act of Mr. Nails' Wild Boy street act outside the Snowglobe at the end of this month. Many are sad to see it go, but most are glad they can once again pass in front of the famous theater without being aurally assaulted by Mr. Nail's ( Read more... )

~THE LIGHTNING POST~
2nd edition, Oct. 2nd, y20347

Dolphin Torturer Scheduled For Execution!The execution of the notorious dolphin torturer "Killer Souldick" has finally been scheduled to happen on Sunday, October 18th at 6:02 pm. "You cannot rush an execution," said one vogon officer when asked about the delay. "Do you have the right ( Read more... )

~THE LIGHTNING POST~
1st edition, Sept. 1st, y20347

Refugees!
The S.S. Thor has successfully picked up 77 refugees this month. Ships are constantly being deployed to search for further survivors.

Spider Infestation!Reports of giant spiders living in the ventilation shafts have been increasingly common! "They're about half as big as I am!" says ( Read more... )