(no subject)
~THE LIGHTNING POST~
9th edition, July 2nd, y20348
Sex-ed Controversy!
In a spirited but seriously misguided attempt to enlighten the younger generation about the nature of the birds and the bees (or just the bees and the bees, as some disgruntled students have said), one young refugee has seriously challenged both the admittedly loose morals of the Thor's refugee population as well as caused them to question her intelligence, sanity, and even - some suggest with snide, sarcastic undertones - her virginity. Whether this latest refugee drama was merely a laughably bad hoax or an even more laughably bad genuine attempt at education is unclear. Perhaps only those who sat through each excruciatingly terrible class know the true answer.
Socialite Scandal!
In an unexpected and unprecedented move, famous Iiawahian socialite Pero Pero Tsuuz and Farlecia de Daa, visiting off-world trophy wife of infamous Rhumarian mobster Nikklau de Daa, called a press conference this past week to announce that they were both leaving their husbands...for each other! No word yet on what the two abandoned husbands have to say about this, but this reporter dares to speculate that when that word arrives, it will cause ripples throughout most of the civilized galaxy.
Famed Astronomer Makes Cryptic Announcement
Professor Derleth, formerly of the noted university, IOU, called a press conference today. Said conference was unusually short, as his only statement was that the stars were right. He refused to explain it further, saying only, "I don't know, really, they just look right, somehow. Ftaghn."
If anyone has any further explanation, this paper welcomes your theories and information.
Belated Citizen's Arrest Made
Apparently unwilling to wait any longer for police action, one brave refugee this month arrested another, convincing the unrepentant murderer to surrender to police custody. As one concerned citizen said, "Well, if the police won't do anything about it, I'm glad someone will! As if someone being a 'goddess' was an excuse! I feel much safer with this dangerous criminal behind bars!"
While the effects of this sentence remain to be seen, this reporter concurs. I'm sure we all feel a lot safer with such involved refugees on the case!
An Explosive Situation
This month, the ship has been plagued by a series of sudden explosions. These are particularly unusual due to the lack of combustible material in the vicinity as well as the absence of accelerants. Authorities are baffled by the method, but they have a description of the apparent culprit, a man as notable for his dress as his temper, and anticipate an arrest soon. Should they fail, we can only hope that concerned citizens will once again step in to ensure the safety of the S.S. Thor.
HELP WANTED
[Maintenance]
x) The SS Thor needs urinal cake changers - Slots: [2] Pay: [Minimum]
x) The SS Thor needs park bench cleaners - Slots: [2] Pay: [Minimum]
x) The SS Thor needs furniture dusters - Slots: [3] Pay: [Minimum]
x) The SS Thor needs garbage sorters - Slots: [4] Pay: [Minimum]
x) The SS Thor needs fox hunters - Slots: [4] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) The SS Thor needs tribble exterminators - Slots: [4] Pay: [College Degree]
[Delivery]
x) Triznak's Stinky Tofu needs delivery men/women - Slots: [3] Pay: [Minimum]
x) Snakes-2-U Express needs snake delivery men-women - Slots: [3] Pay: [Minimum]
x) The Banana Boat needs banana delivery technicians - Slots: [4] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
[Culinary/Foodservice]
x) Jimmy's Car Hop Drive-In needs rollerskating food servers - Slots: [5] Pay: [Minimum]
x) Grandma Syzzlak's Candy needs Sour Gummi Worm makers - Slots: [4] Pay: [Minimum]
x) Hot Juicy Weiners needs chefs to run hot dog carts - Slots: [4] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) Yogurt Planet needs yogurt flavor makers - Slots: [5] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) The Crusty Tart needs tart makers - Slots: [4] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) Subterranean Sandwiches needs long party sandwich designers - Slots: [4] Pay: [College Degree]
[Sales/Retail]
x) Snobberly's Department Store needs bra fitters - Slots: [5] Pay: [Minimum]
x) Happy 99 Mart needs can stackers - Slots: [5] Pay: [Minimum]
x) Machetes Unlimited needs demonstrators. - Slots: [2] Pay: [Minimum]
x) Golden Shower Party Favors needs sales staff - Slots: [3] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) Rugnuzz's Ray Guns needs salespeople - Slots: [3] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) D&M Tabletop Game Dungeon needs customer service reps - Slots: [4] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
[Health and Safety]
x) SS Thor Crime Enforcement needs Donut and Coffee Gophers - Slots: [4] Pay: [Minimum]
x) Lemming Lovers needs lemming protectors - Slots: [4] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) Gryffwarsz's Gym needs aerobics teachers - Slots: [2] Pay: [College Degree]
x) SS Thor Emergency Services needs CPR Technicians - Slots: [2] Pay: [College Degree]
[Culture and Couture]
x) Rubbnubby's Dry Cleaning needs garment pressers - Slots: [5] Pay: [Minimum]
x) S & M's Haute Footwear needs shoe designers- Slots: [4] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) Aaaaaaaah Day Spa needs body scrubbers - Slots: [4] Pay: [College Degree]
x) Divas Fashion needs personal shoppers - Slots: [4] Pay: [College Degree]
[Education]
x) The S.S. Thor needs students. Slots: [unlimited] Pay: [Minimum] [***SPECIAL****]
x) The S.S. Thor needs Day-Care Sitters. Slots: [5] [Pay: Minimum]
x) The S.S. Thor needs teachers. Slots: [5] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) Proper Housekeeping instructors needed - Slots: [1] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) The Seen Library needs librarians. Slots: [4] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) Swordplay teachers needed - Slots: [2] Pay: [College Degree]
x) The S.S. Thor needs a substitute principal - Slots [1] Pay: [CEO Level]
[Entertainment]
x) Lee Chan's Kung Fu Dinner Show needs stuntmen - Slots: [4] Pay: [Minimum]
x) Clownz R Us needs clowns - Slots: [4] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) Lagomorph Lounge needs DJs. Slots: [3] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) Le Chat Noir Nightclub needs cabaret acts - Slots: [5] Pay: [College Degree]
x) You Got Humiliat'd needs tv players of pranks - Slots: [2] Pay: [College Degree]
x) What's New gossip column needs paparazzi. - Slots: [2] Pay: [CEO Level]
[Arts and Humanities]
x) Thor Community College needs Body Canvas Art Subjects. Slots: [8] Pay: [Minimum]
x) The Snow Globe needs street performers. Slots: [5] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) Thor Community College needs Body Canvas Art Painters. Slots: 4 Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) The SS Thor needs mural painters - Slots: [6] Pay: [College Degree]
x) The Snow Globe needs advertising executives - Slots: [3] Pay: [CEO level]
[Tourism]
x) Schmilton Hotel needs bellhops. Slots: [5] Pay: [Minimum]
x) Schmilton Hotel needs room maids. Slots: [6] Pay: [Minimum]
x) Schmilton Hotel needs reception staff. Slots: [4] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) Schmilton Hotel needs continental breakfast makers. Slots: [4] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) Lindoel Dinosaur Safaris needs tour guides. - Slots: [4] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) Schmilton Hotel needs concierges. Slots: [3] Pay: [College Degree]
[News, Media, and Publishing]
x) Pan-Ads needs Tele-marketers. Slots: [5] Pay: [Minimum]
x) The Lightning Post needs filing clerks. Slots: [5] Pay: [Minimum]
x) Channel 5 needs newscasters. Slots: [4] Pay: [College Degree]
x) Yo Momma needs insult writers - Slots: [2] Pay: [College Degree]
x) The Lightning Post needs Editorial writers. Slots: [4] Pay: [College Degree]
[Sciences, Research, and Testing]
x) Happy Family Clinic needs family planning counselors - Slots: [5] Pay: [Minimum]
x) SS Thor Labs needs rubber band shooters - Slots: [4] Pay: [Minimum]
x) SS Thor Labs needs star mappers - Slots: [4] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) SS Thor Labs needs primate intelligence testers - Slots: [4] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) Mama Cecilia's Pizza needs pizza testers - Slots: [4] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) Goo Glue needs paste eaters - Slots: [4] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) SS Thor Labs need Virtual Reality Test Subjects - Slots: [5] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) Shan Vao Industries needs brush clearers. Slots: [4] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) Shan Vao Industries needs sample takers. Slots: [4] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) SS Thor Labs needs deodorant testers - Slots: [4] Pay: [College Degree]
x) SS Thor Science Department needs disco dancers - Slots: [4] Pay: [College Degree]
x) SS Thor Labs needs Sheep Cloners - Slots: [3] Pay: [CEO Level]
x) SS Thor Labs needs scientists. - Slots: [3] Pay: [CEO Level]
[Physical Labor]
x) Ten Million Parsecs Produce needs fruit pickers. - Slots: [8] Pay: [Minimum]
x) J. Ewisz Jewelers needs crystal miners. - Slots: [8] Pay: [Minimum]
x) Devilsaur Stables needs stall muckers. - Slots: [4] Pay: [Minimum]
x) Xxmnax Xanmxx (politician) in need of 'handymen' to take care of some 'dirty business'. - Slots: [2] Pay: [CEO Level]
Note: The missions will be posted on every floor of the S.S. Thor and can also be found in the Lightning Post for those already subscribing, as well as on the network. Unless otherwise stated it's first come first serve, so just reply to the right comment below and you'll get it! However, to make sure everyone has a chance to get a mission, you have to wait until next Friday before you can apply for a second one.
To see what the requirements are for applying for Somewhat Decent, College Degree, and CEO level Wages, go here, and make sure you comment if you want the promotion!
Each mission lasts a month, and the paycheck will be handed out after the mission has been completed.
For those characters (and muns) who appreciate a bit more stability in their life, we have a Permanent Jobs Listing. If you're interested in pursuing this, please read all the instructions carefully before applying.
Replies will be in character. Please wait until all the jobs have been listed before commenting. Start a new thread for any OOC questions. And keep spam to a minimum! (...lol...)