(no subject)
~THE LIGHTNING POST~
5th edition, Feb. 3rd, y20348
Negotiations Confused, Loud, Yet Successful
Negotiations with the Babel Fish Union finally concluded today, after several days of futile efforts due to the strike rendering participants unable to communicate with each other. Despite the confusion and increasing volume of negotiators, the Union refused to budge.
The concession agreement was signed this evening and the Babel Fish promptly resumed work, at which point S.S. Thor officials were surprised to discovered they had promised two weeks of paid vacation, a special exercise area, and 172 snofalaxx blaffblaysts. Investigations are now underway to determine what a snorflaxx blaffblayst is and where they can be obtained.
Genocide in the Icekapas Mountains?
A recent supply run to a quiet hidden village in the mountains near Überkald walked in on a gruesome sight. The entire population of Yukionna, a small and reclusive, mostly non-violent race, has been brutally slaughtered by an unknown assailant, their villages burnt to the ground. Officials are uncertain how to begin investigations, as there is so far no evidence to even hint at a direction as to where to begin looking for the culprits.
S.S. Thor: Haunted?
Witnesses are reporting increased nightly ghost sightings as of late. Those brave enough to strike up a conversation with this ghostly apparition have told reporters that the ghost is at least as suspicious of them as they are of it. Though a bit wary about being approached, the ghost has been declared 'mostly harmless' and affectionately dubbed "Inviso-Bill" by an anonymous witness.
Refugee murdered!?
Increasing violence among the refugees in the past months has finally come to a head, with one young man brutally gunned down on camera by another refugee this past month. The Captains urge refugees to stop being such barbarians and possibly talk it out with one another. Or at least sell tickets to the next murder.
Citizens complain about increasingly violent refugees
"First they harass the not-so-upstanding citizens lurking in the bowels of the station - which is fine, really - then they start killing themselves... but there has to be a line drawn when they start killing citizens!" is the common complaint about the ever increasing violence perpetrated by a select few refugees. "There ought to be a screening process of some sort, there really ought. Letting in any sort of pyromaniac riff-raff like this, it's disgraceful! The orphans are going to be emotionally scarred for life after this!" Frankly, this reporter is in complete agreement. The Captains, as usual, decline to comment.
That Soup is On Fire!
What may have started out as an accidental dash of too much seasoning has turned into a taste sensation at Überkald's famous restaurant, Nutters. "My mouth is on fire!" screams one joyful patron. "No, really! AAARGH, IT BUUURNS!" Despite the very real threat of third-degree burns to the mouth and upper digestive tract, or perhaps because of it, this new dish has become an instant hit with some of the restaurant's more adventurous patrons. Dubbed "The Scifo" after its creator, this latest culinary craze has even spawned vastly popular shirts which read: "I ate Flynn Scifo's soup and lived!"
Mysterious Smell in Laboratory Areas
The laboratory section of the ship is no stranger to unusual odors and sounds at all hours of the day-cycle, but this particular stench is new and notable for its foulness. After numerous reports, this reporter was forced to go experience it for myself and I can only describe it as "putrescent". I don't want to imagine what could reek so badly, but here at the Lightning Post, we're dedicated to bringing you the truth. If you, our readers, have any insight into the cause, please send your tips to our office.
Public indecency on the rise
Two human men were spotted engaging in unspeakable carnal acts in the middle of a public swimming pool late one night, recently. Witnesses did not stick around long enough to take in many details, but had plenty to say about public indecency on the whole and young men and their lack of self-control in particular.
Grateful tourists praise rescuers!
A record number of lost tourists on Icekapas have been found - alive and well! - this month, thanks to the efforts of rescuers hired from the S.S. Thor! Congratulations and a warm thank you are in order to two young men in particular, one of whom was not even on the payroll, but simply volunteering his time towards the effort.
An Announcement
Good news, everyone - the poison slime pipes are working again!
Just thought you'd want to know.
Spaceship Piloting Lessons Now Available
The SS Thor is now offering lessons for those who would like to learn to pilot spaceships. The entire course lasts three months and graduates will be fully licensed for small spacecraft.
All students must pay for the entire course up front and sign the safety waiver as well as forms 4-S, V, and M-9.
HELP WANTED
Maintenance
x) The SS Thor needs sign painters. Slots: [4] Pay: [Minimum]
x) Subaqua Tourist Department needs bubble creation technicians. Slots: [4] Pay: [Minimum]
x) Subaqua Tourist Department needs bubble atmosphere technicians. Slots: [4] Pay: [Minimum]
Delivery
x) Ooh La La Flowers is hiring delivery staff. Slots: [5] Pay: [Minimum]
x) Cupid Corps needs valentine delivery people. Cupid costume provided. Slots: [3] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
Culinary
x) The Foo Chow Restaurant needs short order cooks. Slots: [4] Pay: [Minimum]
x) Candy Landy needs alien candy testers. Slots: [3] Pay: [Minimum]
x) Fish on Fire needs toothed clam hunters. Slots: [4] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) Fish on Fire Shack needs deep-sea fishermen. Slots: [4] Pay: [College Degree]
Sales
x) Flipper Aquatics Store needs Sales People. Slots: [4] Pay: [Minimum]
x) Saved Soles needs shoe repair people. Slots: [4] Pay: [Minimum]
x) LN Toys needs toy-makers. Slots: [3] Pay: [Minimum]
x) Cosplay Barn needs retail clerks to model and sell their line of costumes. Slots: [3] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
Health and Safety
x) Onassi Marglefweep Bio-Tech Industries needs DNA donors. Slots: [6] Pay: [Minimum]
x) Angel Fluff Bathroom Tissue requires paper testers. Slots: [3] Pay: [Minimum]
x) Gryffwarsz's Gym needs exercise and yoga class instructors. Slots: [5] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) The SS Thor needs labor negotiators. Slots: [4] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) The Bay Watch needs lifeguards. Slots: [7] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) The Wynin Vindpypes need prosecutors. Slots: [5] Pay: [College Degree]
x) Subaqua Tourist Department needs attorneys. Slots: [5] Pay: [College Degree]
x) Subaqua Vice needs bubblebliss controllers. Slots: [6] Pay: [College Degree]
Culture and Couture
x) Hallmark needs greeting card writers. Slots: [4] Pay: [Minimum]
x) the Miss SS Thor contest needs promoters. Slots: [5] Pay: [Minimum]
x) The Mall needs Lion Dancers for Lunar New Year. Slots: [4] Pay: [Minimum]
x) Love Notes needs singers for singing telegrams. Slots: [5] Pay: [Minimum]
x) Space Chic magazine needs photographers. Slots: [3] Pay: [Minimum]
x) The S.S. Thor Cage Fighting Federation needs fighters. Slots: [6] Pay: [Minimum]
x) Partiez-R-Fun is seeking entertainers for children's birthday parties. Slots: [4] Pay: [Minimum]
x) Magical Super Space Rangers, a live-action TV show, needs actors to play the heroes and villains. Slots: [6] Pay: [Minimum]
x) Space Chic magazine needs food critics. Slots: [4] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) The Super Captain Terrific Show needs animators. Slots: [3] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) the Miss SS Thor contest needs contestants of all genders. Slots: [8] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) OMG! Magazine needs a writer/photographer for the "Fashion Do's and Don'ts" column. Slots: [3] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) Subaqua Sea Circus needs animal trainers. Slots: [5] Pay: [College Degree]
Education
x) The S.S. Thor needs students. Slots: [unlimited] Pay: [Minimum] [***SPECIAL****]
x) The S.S. Thor needs Day-Care Sitters. [Slots: 5] [Pay: Minimum]
x) Subaqua Tourist Department needs blurb writers for tourist brochures. Slots: [4] Pay: [Minimum]
x) The S.S. Thor needs teachers. Slots: [5] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) The Seen Library needs librarians. Slots: [4] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) The S.S. Thor needs snorflaxx blaffblayst researchers. Slots: [4] Pay: Somewhat Decent.
x) Subaqua Tourist Department needs graphic designers for tourists brochures. Slots: [3] Pay: [College Degree]
Environment
x) Fins for Beauty needs underwater gardeners. Slots: [6] Pay: [Minimum]
x) Subaqua Land Mammal Organization needs terraformers. Slots: [5] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
Miscellaneous
x) The S.S. Thor needs rubber band experts to collect rubber bands and make a giant rubber band ball. Slots: [3] Pay: [Minimum]
x) Collared Jewelry Store needs Pearl Divers. Slots: [5] Pay: [College Degree]
x) Subaqua Tourist Department needs submarine captains. Slots: [4] Pay: [College Degree]
Note: The missions will be posted on every floor of the S.S. Thor and can also be found in the Lightning Post for those already subscribing, as well as on the network. Unless otherwise stated it's first come first serve, so just reply to the right comment below and you'll get it! However, to make sure everyone has a chance to get a mission, you have to wait until Saturday before you can apply for a second one.
To see what the requirements are for applying for Somewhat Decent and College Degree Wage, go here, and make sure you comment if you want the promotion!
Each mission lasts a month, and the paycheck will be handed out after the mission has been completed.
Replies will be in character. Please wait until all the jobs have been listed before commenting. Start a new thread for any OOC questions. And keep the spam to a minimum~