Of old people, the things that pass

[gamiila]

In February 2014, Mum moved into her present abode. Ever since her last divorce in 1997, she had been living in a ground-floor flat in an inner city area that went from bad to worse, and after the second break-in in a year, my sister and I managed to persuade her to move to another part of the city...well, to the outskirts, really. And for some

Comments

[desdemonaspace]

Oh, honey. What a tough, necessary decision. For what it's worth, I think you made the right one.

Wish I could hug you.

[gamiila]

Thank you, and I will consider myself ((hugged)).

I'm going over to Mum's tomorrow to decide what to take and what to leave. She'll have the final say, of course, but I'm thinking rug, armchair, occasional table, photos of her parents, sisters, grandkids, my sister and I; a potted plant or two; and enough clothes and shoes to get her through the first few days -- and soap, shampoo, a hairbrush and deodorant, that sort of thing.

And then on Monday, I'll have to inform her bank and her insurance company and her pension fund and Lord knows who else needs to know of her change in address, disconnect the gas, water, and electrics, as well as the phone and television...and speak to her landlord, find out when they want the flat to be cleared...I'm sure there's a hundred more things to think of, but this'll do for starters.

[curiouswombat]

I've been there - it is hard; my sister and I set ourselves a six week goal to get it done when Mum went into care. In the end it took us a bit longer.

It is easier to do it now though, than being in the position of facing all that whilst also mourning and having to cope with a funeral, and a will. And it means you can ask her who the people are in some of the photos, and why she has kept some things, and it is actually good for you both.

I am so glad that you have found somewhere that will make her feel at home as she falls back into Malaysian and where the staff will still be able to communicate with her and not simply expect her to speak Dutch.

[gamiila]

Yes, I'm very pleased to have found this particular home; and when I spoke to the care home manager, she told me that quite a few homes had set up 'Dutch-Indian wards' so to speak, as they had identified a growing need in recent years.

[elisi]

So I went to inspect it yesterday. And I saw pictures of sawas and kampungs on the walls, batik throws on the seats, heard krontjong music playing, saw other Indos sitting and chatting in the communal living room...I'm hopeful that Mum will connect and make friends with these people, who share the same background as her, when I take her there next Tuesday. But I know I will feel like a terrible person, when I'll leave her there, with her suitcase, on her own for the first night.
This is both so hopeful and so sad. I hope she will be happy and safe and settle in quickly. ♥

[gamiila]

I'm keeping my fingers firmly crossed that she will like it --though I make no illusion that it will be anything other than a huge wrench.

At least, I can bribe her with a visit to the hairdresser's. There's a salon in the home itself, which was allowed to open again on July 1st; and after 4 months of lockdown, Mum can certainly do with a trim and a bit of pampering ;-)!

[enigmaticblues]

*hugs* That sounds like a very hard, but very necessary, thing to do.

[gamiila]

It's just so sad that in our modern society, we are more or less forced to hand over the day-to-day care of our elderly parents to strangers -- professional, caring strangers; but strangers nonetheless. I just hope Mum won't have too hard a time settling in.