What a difficult time you (and she) have been having. I'm glad you had this moment of confirmation that what you must know is the best option is something she recognises, and it has freed you to act. But as a situation, it still sucks. My mum is not so far down that path, but I guess it's coming before I'm ready for it.
I think I may have found 3 or 4 places that I want to take a closer look at, just by going on the web. These expressly cater to people with dementia and a colonial background, and I think that may be exactly what she needs. It will be hard for her to give up the idea of independence, but with krontjong music and daily rijsttafel in the offing, perhaps a sacrifice she'll be willing to make.
It is a hard decision - but so much easier if you know that, at least at times, the idea has occurred to her as something that might be a good idea.
And, to be honest, it will be much easier to close her house whilst she is still alive as you can ask her about things you don't recognise and, hopefully, they will trigger memories and she will be able to tell you about them.
It was easier for us as my Mum was mentally fine, just so frail physically, and being able to ask her about things made the whole process much easier. It was a good exercise for my sister and I to do together, as well. I would hope your sister could work alongside you too.
My sister and I have been sharing the worries, and the care, for our mother for a while now; with remarkably little disagreement. Although she sided with Mum when I first floated the idea of a care home some 6 months ago...but I've intentionally stepped back a bit since then and let her deal with a few of Mum's crises, and now she and I are on the same page ;-).
Oh, I flew home when they figured out what was wrong with her. At the time the rest of the family thought she was putting on an act, faking illness, so I would come home. Turns out it was a brain tumor.
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*long-distance, virus-free hugs*
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And, to be honest, it will be much easier to close her house whilst she is still alive as you can ask her about things you don't recognise and, hopefully, they will trigger memories and she will be able to tell you about them.
It was easier for us as my Mum was mentally fine, just so frail physically, and being able to ask her about things made the whole process much easier. It was a good exercise for my sister and I to do together, as well. I would hope your sister could work alongside you too.
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Seconding the *long-distance, virus-free hugs*
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