so when your politics teacher, and incidentally the bloke you admire probably more than any other academic, tells you you should take his subject to university, a subject you adore so much,

you can't help but wonder.

throw away a lifelong "dream", that of recent has slowed and fluctated in pace and desire, for the vibrancy of the new subject, the one ( Read more... )

don't like the person it makes me become.

you were in the past
your chance has gone.

so go.

no to fading.

fading will hurt and i don't want that.
no to running and hiding as
the truth is better, and truth spilling from lips is what it can always be.

no no no to fading, as that would be unjust.

i guess there are words to be expelled.

to go into the sea and let your lungs implode.
this is a fascinating thought to me.

i was thinking today that i needed a good cry.

turns out my mother is the one able to reduce me to it.

working so fucking hard isn't good enough, though never before has she ever seemed to care. her and dad keep telling me it would look good getting into cambridge university, though i tell them that is a ridiculous idea and i wouldn't dare apply ( Read more... )

the wall opposite me is dated, dated pictures of me that were only taken in july. it's strange to think what revolves and evolves, and how you can never live in a moment. because you can't. undefinable spaces of time that haunt and repeat and replicate in our minds. i've accumulated a bank of these, and try not to look at them too often because ( Read more... )

i think you can only be remarkable if you're inhuman.

if you sacrifice things that make you human

and dedicate yourself entirely to your art.

it's worth a stab

to get there in the end.

my gut feels tight, constricted with thorns and tree limbs.
what the fuck do i do.
it's not my right, but it is.

because that's the way it has been chosen.

but when nature needs to run its course
how far does it go,
how deep does it run,
how helpless does it get,
before you absolutely have to intercept?
it can't get to that stage.

it has become imperative ( Read more... )

so strenuous exercise and a rum infused gut are not really friends? who'dve known.
it's nice out, but imma have to stay in a write, read, write, read, sleep.
MEH.

good move?
bad move?
unsure? tick.

happyhappyworriedhappyfaaaaace.
frazzledflailingworriedhappysickymind.
palpatatingdreamingwaltzingworriedheart.
angryangryangryliver.