a lot of boys are brought up to be 'a man's man' (especially in more rural areas, like where i grew up). on many occasions i tried to be that sort of boy, but never really succeeded. however, i was adept at learning what one needed to do in order to appear like one (or like you knew enough how to become one). whether that was in the locker room, at ( Read more... )

so as the 1 month mark approaches, i've noticed that overall my mood is a whole lot better. i think its because all that internalized transphobia is starting to go away. i guess i made it out in my head to be some sort of terrible experience, and that everyone is going to know right away, and life would spiral out of control and i'd be this ( Read more... )

From my doctor this morning:

"The semen analysis doesn't look great---the actual #'s are fine, but many of the sperm have poor motility or don't look normal. It would be hard for you to impregnate a woman with intercourse or simple insemination. They say in the report that achieving pregnancy would likely require in vitro or other more ( Read more... )

and i feel great! why did i wait so long!?!?!

ah well, it's going to be a good year :)

now that i have my hormone prescriptions in hand, i sort of feel like i'm at an impasse. i'm used to dealing with struggles, conflicts, etc. it's just always been a part of me. but now, the last major struggle (getting to HRT) is over - what am i supposed to do? just go on and live my life? i feel like one of those sad warriors or athletes who ( Read more... )

does anyone know anything about prempro?

i finally got prescriptions for HRT, and now i'm like, er wait a minute, never heard of this...

this is the 4th week of classes already! (we're on the 7 week mod system, so we actually have midterm exams this week) it's been incredibly busy, which has been a good thing for the most part because it doesn't give my brain too much time to sit around in 'idle' and have bad thoughts ( Read more... )

why do i feel ashamed to admit, "i am a girl ( Read more... )

Yesterday (Monday), at two different points during the day, I caught a glimmer of something in my reflection. As poetic as I'd like to make it sound, it wasn't. I hadn't showered since Saturday afternoon. But instead of looking tired (which I was, I'd been up all night thanks to two cups of coffee after 9 pm) and like shit - I saw her looking back ( Read more... )

fucking hate hate hate hate it.

GAH.

it makes me want to drink. and smoke weed. with unhealthy quantities/frequency/etc.

want is also a euphemism for 'consume' in this instance.

GAH. FUCK.

i don't really understand, i never experienced this before. why now? does it mean anything? or is just part of the acceptance cycle? it has been getting ( Read more... )