On Vanity - or what happens when C thinks too much

[fox_c]

It really sucks when the image you see in the mirror is a shock. Part of this is the inevitable progress of time - somewhere in my head I will always be 19 - but the other parts are actionable

Comments

[rebelowl42]

Interesting post...I have had similar thoughts over the past few years. You would not believe the effort that some mothers go through with my students to keep them as white as possible. Though I will grant that in their case being able to pass for "white" could have some serious advantages...especially in this political climate.

In the case of chemical tanning, I think there has been a such a push against tanning beds and sun bathing that the chem-tans are looked on as the better option for now.

[electrichobbit]

I had no idea you were having similar thoughts, Tony. I think you are beautiful just the way you are, but I fully support your decision to get a spray-tan.

[fox_c]

Yeah, it seems a bit hypocritical situation - some trying desperately to "pass" as white and those crazy white people like me desperately trying to introduce some colour to our skin.

Part of me keeps waiting for the study that comes out dooming spray tans as the next cause of skin cancer. . .

[wyvernmoon]

I don't have much to say on either the tan-beds or the spray-tan, but my knee-jerk reaction is that the spray has to be better than the tanning bed.

I wouldn't beat yourself up too hard on the vanity issue. While we establish our self-esteem on many personal factors other than appearance, it is impossible in this world to completely divorce your self-image from your physical image. You have always been a very attractive person, and before you left for college, were headed towards a profession that is physically based.

You are not as vain as you may currently feel. We all get caught up in minor physical imperfections. I was taken aback the other day by how much I was distressed by the woman who thought I was pregnant. I should be glad that I lost the baby weight, but instead I was upset because my separated muscles make me look like a small girl in her first trimester. It's a stupid thing to be upset about, but it made me realize where some of my own personal vanities lay.

[electrichobbit]

Separated abdominal muscles? I had to google this. Babies freak me out.

[fox_c]

Yeah, I've always been pretty vain and tried to put to bed some of the more destructive tendencies, but sometimes I don't entirely trust my instincts on this. I'm glad you still think I'm attractive though - and so are you! I don't think the tummy thing is a stupid thing to get upset about at all, I'm just sorry that you've had to go through that. Will it heal or is it one of those things that will never really go away?

*hugs*

[wyvernmoon]

I don't think you are as vain as you believe yourself to be. I wonder if this is a lingering self-image from when you were younger?

For more info on muscles: See new post.

[electrichobbit]

It's probably just another randomly absorbed stupid cultural double standard. But should you jettison it? I feel like personal beauty is largely a matter of confidence. If spraying yourself with a nontoxic substance makes you more confident, I'd say it's worth it. I don't really think that there's anything inherently wrong with wanting to feel attractive...that's just the residual Catholicism talking.

In partially unrelated discussion, the issue of skin color in both cases is one of socio-economic status. Control over your skin color indicates higher socio-economic status...either because you can afford to stay inside (the darker skin tones in many races were associated historically with farm laborers) or because you can afford to vacation in the sun.

So the real solution here is that you and the hublet take a relaxing vacation in sunny Israel and obtain real live suntans here on our beautiful beaches :) Speaking of which, as it is Shabbat, I should be headed that direction myself.

[eldaradan]

I agree whole-heartedly with the residual Catholicism comment. A healthy cultivation of our appearance can of course become an unhealthy or malignant form of vanity, but really I just think of it as shepherding our personal share of the world's aesthetics and doing what we can to make the world a prettier place.

Now, me, I've mostly been against spray tans because most of the ones I've seen have been pretty bad. Although, I have to say, I've seen a few winters that've made me think really hard about tanning beds, but for reasons other than my pastiness. Frankly, at your latitude, I think I'd be considering tanning beds just to get through winters.

[fox_c]

I'm pretty sure that it will be the climate that finally drives us away from London, especially once my arthritis really kicks in with avengence. I'm hoping that yoga will help to keep this at bay, but it is probably inevitable at some stage. By then, of course, with global warming perhaps the climate will improve. . .

[fox_c]

I think it would take multiple trips to Isreal in order for us to start to build up even the start of a good tan so pasty pale has this country rendered us! But yes, a trip to see you is definitely in the offing. Am seriously contemplating during R's reading week in November once we know when that is. Otherwise, will aim for after his exams are done in late May/early June.

It's so ironic how 100 years ago it was the other way around - pale skin was the sign of wealth and prestige, seeing as how you could afford *not* to work outside. Stupid desk jobs have changed this entirely of course. Grump

[dinahmoe27]

I think there are some pretty huge differences in the cultural issues around lightening the skin vs darkening it and I suspect that has something to do with the grumbling.

[fox_c]

and it's exactly those cultural differences that make me the most uncomfortable and start to question whether or not this whole "darkening" myself was such a good plan. . .