Reevaluating (2/2)
Title: Reevaluating - Part 2 of 2
Rating: PG
Pairing: Kurt/Blaine
Summary: The evening had started off so perfectly. Until Blaine opened his mouth and dropped a bomb.
Word Count: 2212
Author's Note: Another in the Legacy verse - takes place early in Kurt's Junior year of college. This half has bonus Burt, because everything should have bonus Burt. Also, the bff pronounced this "non-vomit inducing," which I think means that it won't require insulin. Fingers crossed!
Kurt meant to call, he really did. But first he was too angry, and then he was confused, and then he had a series of rehearsals that never seemed to end. Three days passed, and he still couldn’t figure out what to say and when to say it. So he sent a text that said “Still thinking. I’m sorry.” He hadn’t expected a response, but when one didn’t come, it still made his heart constrict painfully. This was the worst he could ever remember it being, and he didn’t know where to begin to fix it.
On the fourth day, armed with nothing more than the firm resolution to do something, Kurt pressed one on his speed dial.
“Kurt?”
“Hi, Dad.”
“What’s wrong?” Burt asked.
“How did you know something was wrong?” Kurt said, sniffling a little.
“Because you don’t usually call me at 10am on a Wednesday, and you don’t usually sound so subdued when you do. Now, talk. What’s going on?” There was a squeak on Burt’s end of the call, and Kurt could imagine him settling deeper into the chair in his office.
“Blaine and I had a fight?”
“Is that a question? Don’t you usually know if you had a fight or not?”
“We had a fight. A stupid one.” Kurt sighed.
“Aren’t they all, in the end? What happened?”
“He got the fellowship. The huge one. The run away to London for eight months and be amazing and have an amazing time one.”
“You sound really proud, Kurt.”
“I am, Dad. I so am. And I’m also an idiot.”
“Ok,” Burt said, with no judgment. This was why his dad was so great.
“I asked him what it meant for us, like somehow him being gone for a few months would break us.”
“It never has before,” Burt said, which Kurt knew was his way of being both supportive and pointed in his critique of his son’s behavior.
“I know. That’s why I’m an idiot. I think I was just feeling overwhelmed by the prospect. I thought once we got here, both of us, it would be so easy.”
“Relationships aren’t easy, though. Not the ones that count. You know that.”
“I do.” He thought back to a million awkward conversations between the two of them when he was a teenager. “But I’ve always been the one to go first. What if I’m terrible at being the one left behind?”
“Now you’re just being dramatic, son. How long have you two been together now? Long enough to know you can get through this sort of thing, that’s for sure.”
“I know, I know. I’ll just…I’ll miss him so much. I didn’t let myself think about it when he was applying, but now it’s so much more real.”
“I’m thinking you should tell him that, not me,” Burt said, laughing affectionately.
“Could you stop being right all the time?”
“Hey now, you called me. I’m just doing my fatherly duty and being smarter than you for once.”
“Thanks, Dad.” Kurt rolled his eyes, but mostly meant it.
“Call your boyfriend. Tell him hello and I’m sorry my son’s an idiot.”
“I love you too, Dad. Goodbye.” Kurt hung up to his father’s continued laughter, somehow feeling much better.
Five minutes later, after numerous aborted attempts to call Blaine, Kurt was back to feeling upset and nervous. He knew he was being ridiculous, but he couldn’t help himself. They’d fought before, of course they’d fought, but never for this long, or with this much silence between them. They were good at words when the emotions were flowing, good at getting everything out on the table with a bluntness and honesty that had always worked for them and surprised their friends. Lack of communication wasn’t something either of them knew how to handle.
Finally, silently chastising himself for being both an idiot and a coward, Kurt pressed send and waited for Blaine to pick up. They had to sort this out, and he had to take the first step. Because he had promised, and he never broke his promises to Blaine.
***
“You look tired,” Blaine said when Kurt approached their usual table at the coffee shop they frequented midway between their campuses, coffees in hand. They’d agreed to meet there on Friday afternoon, when they both had the rest of the day free.
Blaine looked both tired and tense, his shoulders hunched and his hands tucked around his sides. It made Kurt want to unwind him with kisses and cuddles and sweet words breathed into the crook of his neck, warm and familiar. He settled for holding out Blaine’s coffee until he took it, their fingers slipping past one another’s as the cup exchanged hands.
“I haven’t been sleeping particularly well.” Kurt slumped down in his seat, his position a far cry from his usual upright, perfect posture.
“Me either,” Blaine said, scrubbing a hand across his face.
“I think we’re really bad at fighting,” Kurt said, looking down as he turned his cup in his hands.
“Is that what we’ve been doing? Fighting?”
“Disagreeing? Being dumb? Whatever it is, I hate it. And I’m sorry.” Kurt looked up, trying to convey with a look everything he had been feeling and regretting for the past week.
“I hate it too,” Blaine said, his face and posture relaxing slightly. “But I need you to understand where I’m coming from. This is a huge deal for me. I need you to get it.”
“I know. And I want to. But I guess I need to get better at explaining how I feel, so you can get it too.”
“You’re usually so good at that, at top volume.” Blaine smiled a little, wry and bittersweet. “What happened?”
“I think I just got scared. You know I don’t do that well,” Kurt said, and Blaine nodded. “I’m afraid you’re going to leave and realize how perfect it is for you over there and never want to come home.”
“It won’t be perfect.”
“But how do you know?”
“Because you won’t be there,” Blaine said, reaching out. Kurt was reminded forcibly of the depth of Blaine’s feeling and the searing honesty with which he could express it. Kurt caught Blaine’s hand in both of his across their tiny table and held it close.
“I want you to go and have an incredible time. I want you to learn everything. I’m so proud of you for getting it. Even when I’m freaking out, I’m proud.”
“That’s all I need,” Blaine said simply. “Well, that and some sort of earth-folding machine that’ll put London and New York right next to one another for the next year.”
“Sadly, I think we’ll have to go back to our old standbys - skype and email,” Kurt said, refusing to give up Blaine’s hand.
“We survived it for a year once before. We can do it again.”
“But I want to be better at it. Hell, I want to be better at having you here. We let too many opportunities to be together pass by without fighting for them. I don’t want to do that if you’re only here for a few more months before you go.”
“So, more time for us?” Blaine asked.
“And more intentional time. More time to talk and plan and just be together without distractions.”
“I’m never going to say no to that.”
“I know. But I think we have to actively say yes, if that makes any sense,” Kurt said. “And while you’re gone, I promise to tell you what I’m thinking instead of panicking and saying the wrong thing.”
“I should do that too. I will do that too,” Blaine said. “We’re actually pretty good at this, you know. Usually. We’re better than all our friends, at least.”
“Which isn’t really saying much,” Kurt said. They shared a smile.
“I suppose we can always be better,” Blaine agreed.
“I want to spend my life getting better at this with you,” Kurt said in a rare moment of utter transparency.
“What’s that your dad says? The best relationships are the ones worth all the effort you put into them?”
“Something like that. He also says hi and that he’s sorry his son’s an idiot.” Kurt shrugged as Blaine laughed.
“You’re not an idiot. Much.”
“Hey!” Kurt squeezed Blaine’s fingers. “Actually, he only said that because I called myself an idiot when I talked to him the other day.”
“Kurt…”
“Well, I was feeling like one, after last weekend. I shouldn’t have reacted that way to your news. It’s big news, and I should have been more excited and supportive. I love you. I want what you want, even if I have to kick my own ass to get myself there sometimes.”
“I love you, baby,” Blaine said, shaking his head and laughing. “You’re adorable.”
“Even when I’m an idiot?”
“Even then.”
They were quiet for a few minutes, holding hands and sipping their coffee. It felt like any other afternoon having coffee together, but all the sweeter because of the week they’d had.
“So, this fellowship of yours - tell me about it.”
“I told you about it when I applied,” Blaine said.
“I know, but now it’s yours, and I want to know. I want to be excited about all the details with you.”
“Starting over?” Blaine asked astutely.
“Yeah. Besides, I want to see that cute way your eyes light up when you’re excited about something. I couldn’t see it last time through all the angst.”
“Ok,” Blaine said, his eyes already glinting, and he launched in.
They spent another hour at the coffee shop, buying biscotti halfway through so that the baristas would stop shooting pointed looks over at their occupied but bare table. Finally, Blaine suggested they go get dinner, and then Kurt was planning to take him home so they could finish the evening they’d started the week before, but on a much better note this time.
Once they got outside, Blaine grabbed Kurt’s hand and pulled him around the side of the building into the little alley between the coffee shop and the grocery next door.
“What are you doing?” Kurt asked, though he had some idea, because Blaine was crowding him up against the brick.
“Well, we just made up, right?”
“Right.” Kurt grinned and slid an arm around Blaine’s back.
“Then I think we’ve forgotten a very important part of the making up process,” Blaine said, leaning his forehead against Kurt’s.
“We’re not having sex in an alley, Blaine,” Kurt said, even as he rubbed his cheek against Blaine’s.
“Mmmm, no, not that. Not yet. But I think I need a make-up kiss to tide me over.”
“You do, do you?”
“Yep. And you do too.” Blaine let his lips trail across Kurt’s cheek to his mouth, pressing their bodies flush. Kurt thought hazily that one of the things he loved best about Blaine was the way he went after things once he decided he wanted them.
They kissed for long minutes, lush and wet and warm and sweet, until they were short of breath and feeling utterly made up.
“Better?” Kurt asked, going for sardonic but only managing besotted.
“Much,” Blaine said, burying his face in the warm spot between Kurt’s neck and collar.
Kurt wrapped his arms more fully around Blaine, leaning back so that the wall took their combined weight. They were standing in an alleyway in the autumn half-light, flushed and grinning. It felt perfect, like he always wanted it to feel.
“Blaine, honey?”
“Yeah?” Blaine turned so he could rest his cheek on Kurt’s shoulder and look up at him.
“When you come home, I want you to come home to me.”
“Of course.”
“No, I mean to our home. I think we should get an apartment together.”
“Really?”
“I don’t want to have to miss you any longer than I have to. I want you there when I wake up and when I go to sleep,” Kurt stared down at him and brushed an errant curl out of his eyes.
“I want that too. So much.”
“Yeah?”
“Absolutely.” Blaine smiled, and Kurt felt like it was the first time he’d seen the sun in days. “I like this plan.”
“Me too. I really do.”
“Sounds great. But right now, there should be more kisses, and then dinner, and then more everything.”
“I love how you threw dinner in there, right in the middle.”
“I’m a growing boy,” Blaine said into Kurt’s ear, before dropping kisses down the side of his neck.
“No, you’re really not,” Kurt said, giggling and trying to squirm away.
“Shut up. You’re mean.” Blaine might have been pouting, but it was hard to tell because he was nuzzling just behind Kurt’s ear.
“Make me.”
“With pleasure,” Blaine said, bringing his mouth back up to capture Kurt’s.
Mere feet away, the city bustled around them, commuters dashing to make their trains, cars honking, and lights blinking. No one paused to notice two boys wound around one another in a darkening alley, or if they did, it didn’t faze them in the least. Safe in their anonymity, in the city where they had found home, Kurt and Blaine found one another again, and they were all the better for it.
Rating: PG
Pairing: Kurt/Blaine
Summary: The evening had started off so perfectly. Until Blaine opened his mouth and dropped a bomb.
Word Count: 2212
Author's Note: Another in the Legacy verse - takes place early in Kurt's Junior year of college. This half has bonus Burt, because everything should have bonus Burt. Also, the bff pronounced this "non-vomit inducing," which I think means that it won't require insulin. Fingers crossed!
Kurt meant to call, he really did. But first he was too angry, and then he was confused, and then he had a series of rehearsals that never seemed to end. Three days passed, and he still couldn’t figure out what to say and when to say it. So he sent a text that said “Still thinking. I’m sorry.” He hadn’t expected a response, but when one didn’t come, it still made his heart constrict painfully. This was the worst he could ever remember it being, and he didn’t know where to begin to fix it.
On the fourth day, armed with nothing more than the firm resolution to do something, Kurt pressed one on his speed dial.
“Kurt?”
“Hi, Dad.”
“What’s wrong?” Burt asked.
“How did you know something was wrong?” Kurt said, sniffling a little.
“Because you don’t usually call me at 10am on a Wednesday, and you don’t usually sound so subdued when you do. Now, talk. What’s going on?” There was a squeak on Burt’s end of the call, and Kurt could imagine him settling deeper into the chair in his office.
“Blaine and I had a fight?”
“Is that a question? Don’t you usually know if you had a fight or not?”
“We had a fight. A stupid one.” Kurt sighed.
“Aren’t they all, in the end? What happened?”
“He got the fellowship. The huge one. The run away to London for eight months and be amazing and have an amazing time one.”
“You sound really proud, Kurt.”
“I am, Dad. I so am. And I’m also an idiot.”
“Ok,” Burt said, with no judgment. This was why his dad was so great.
“I asked him what it meant for us, like somehow him being gone for a few months would break us.”
“It never has before,” Burt said, which Kurt knew was his way of being both supportive and pointed in his critique of his son’s behavior.
“I know. That’s why I’m an idiot. I think I was just feeling overwhelmed by the prospect. I thought once we got here, both of us, it would be so easy.”
“Relationships aren’t easy, though. Not the ones that count. You know that.”
“I do.” He thought back to a million awkward conversations between the two of them when he was a teenager. “But I’ve always been the one to go first. What if I’m terrible at being the one left behind?”
“Now you’re just being dramatic, son. How long have you two been together now? Long enough to know you can get through this sort of thing, that’s for sure.”
“I know, I know. I’ll just…I’ll miss him so much. I didn’t let myself think about it when he was applying, but now it’s so much more real.”
“I’m thinking you should tell him that, not me,” Burt said, laughing affectionately.
“Could you stop being right all the time?”
“Hey now, you called me. I’m just doing my fatherly duty and being smarter than you for once.”
“Thanks, Dad.” Kurt rolled his eyes, but mostly meant it.
“Call your boyfriend. Tell him hello and I’m sorry my son’s an idiot.”
“I love you too, Dad. Goodbye.” Kurt hung up to his father’s continued laughter, somehow feeling much better.
Five minutes later, after numerous aborted attempts to call Blaine, Kurt was back to feeling upset and nervous. He knew he was being ridiculous, but he couldn’t help himself. They’d fought before, of course they’d fought, but never for this long, or with this much silence between them. They were good at words when the emotions were flowing, good at getting everything out on the table with a bluntness and honesty that had always worked for them and surprised their friends. Lack of communication wasn’t something either of them knew how to handle.
Finally, silently chastising himself for being both an idiot and a coward, Kurt pressed send and waited for Blaine to pick up. They had to sort this out, and he had to take the first step. Because he had promised, and he never broke his promises to Blaine.
***
“You look tired,” Blaine said when Kurt approached their usual table at the coffee shop they frequented midway between their campuses, coffees in hand. They’d agreed to meet there on Friday afternoon, when they both had the rest of the day free.
Blaine looked both tired and tense, his shoulders hunched and his hands tucked around his sides. It made Kurt want to unwind him with kisses and cuddles and sweet words breathed into the crook of his neck, warm and familiar. He settled for holding out Blaine’s coffee until he took it, their fingers slipping past one another’s as the cup exchanged hands.
“I haven’t been sleeping particularly well.” Kurt slumped down in his seat, his position a far cry from his usual upright, perfect posture.
“Me either,” Blaine said, scrubbing a hand across his face.
“I think we’re really bad at fighting,” Kurt said, looking down as he turned his cup in his hands.
“Is that what we’ve been doing? Fighting?”
“Disagreeing? Being dumb? Whatever it is, I hate it. And I’m sorry.” Kurt looked up, trying to convey with a look everything he had been feeling and regretting for the past week.
“I hate it too,” Blaine said, his face and posture relaxing slightly. “But I need you to understand where I’m coming from. This is a huge deal for me. I need you to get it.”
“I know. And I want to. But I guess I need to get better at explaining how I feel, so you can get it too.”
“You’re usually so good at that, at top volume.” Blaine smiled a little, wry and bittersweet. “What happened?”
“I think I just got scared. You know I don’t do that well,” Kurt said, and Blaine nodded. “I’m afraid you’re going to leave and realize how perfect it is for you over there and never want to come home.”
“It won’t be perfect.”
“But how do you know?”
“Because you won’t be there,” Blaine said, reaching out. Kurt was reminded forcibly of the depth of Blaine’s feeling and the searing honesty with which he could express it. Kurt caught Blaine’s hand in both of his across their tiny table and held it close.
“I want you to go and have an incredible time. I want you to learn everything. I’m so proud of you for getting it. Even when I’m freaking out, I’m proud.”
“That’s all I need,” Blaine said simply. “Well, that and some sort of earth-folding machine that’ll put London and New York right next to one another for the next year.”
“Sadly, I think we’ll have to go back to our old standbys - skype and email,” Kurt said, refusing to give up Blaine’s hand.
“We survived it for a year once before. We can do it again.”
“But I want to be better at it. Hell, I want to be better at having you here. We let too many opportunities to be together pass by without fighting for them. I don’t want to do that if you’re only here for a few more months before you go.”
“So, more time for us?” Blaine asked.
“And more intentional time. More time to talk and plan and just be together without distractions.”
“I’m never going to say no to that.”
“I know. But I think we have to actively say yes, if that makes any sense,” Kurt said. “And while you’re gone, I promise to tell you what I’m thinking instead of panicking and saying the wrong thing.”
“I should do that too. I will do that too,” Blaine said. “We’re actually pretty good at this, you know. Usually. We’re better than all our friends, at least.”
“Which isn’t really saying much,” Kurt said. They shared a smile.
“I suppose we can always be better,” Blaine agreed.
“I want to spend my life getting better at this with you,” Kurt said in a rare moment of utter transparency.
“What’s that your dad says? The best relationships are the ones worth all the effort you put into them?”
“Something like that. He also says hi and that he’s sorry his son’s an idiot.” Kurt shrugged as Blaine laughed.
“You’re not an idiot. Much.”
“Hey!” Kurt squeezed Blaine’s fingers. “Actually, he only said that because I called myself an idiot when I talked to him the other day.”
“Kurt…”
“Well, I was feeling like one, after last weekend. I shouldn’t have reacted that way to your news. It’s big news, and I should have been more excited and supportive. I love you. I want what you want, even if I have to kick my own ass to get myself there sometimes.”
“I love you, baby,” Blaine said, shaking his head and laughing. “You’re adorable.”
“Even when I’m an idiot?”
“Even then.”
They were quiet for a few minutes, holding hands and sipping their coffee. It felt like any other afternoon having coffee together, but all the sweeter because of the week they’d had.
“So, this fellowship of yours - tell me about it.”
“I told you about it when I applied,” Blaine said.
“I know, but now it’s yours, and I want to know. I want to be excited about all the details with you.”
“Starting over?” Blaine asked astutely.
“Yeah. Besides, I want to see that cute way your eyes light up when you’re excited about something. I couldn’t see it last time through all the angst.”
“Ok,” Blaine said, his eyes already glinting, and he launched in.
They spent another hour at the coffee shop, buying biscotti halfway through so that the baristas would stop shooting pointed looks over at their occupied but bare table. Finally, Blaine suggested they go get dinner, and then Kurt was planning to take him home so they could finish the evening they’d started the week before, but on a much better note this time.
Once they got outside, Blaine grabbed Kurt’s hand and pulled him around the side of the building into the little alley between the coffee shop and the grocery next door.
“What are you doing?” Kurt asked, though he had some idea, because Blaine was crowding him up against the brick.
“Well, we just made up, right?”
“Right.” Kurt grinned and slid an arm around Blaine’s back.
“Then I think we’ve forgotten a very important part of the making up process,” Blaine said, leaning his forehead against Kurt’s.
“We’re not having sex in an alley, Blaine,” Kurt said, even as he rubbed his cheek against Blaine’s.
“Mmmm, no, not that. Not yet. But I think I need a make-up kiss to tide me over.”
“You do, do you?”
“Yep. And you do too.” Blaine let his lips trail across Kurt’s cheek to his mouth, pressing their bodies flush. Kurt thought hazily that one of the things he loved best about Blaine was the way he went after things once he decided he wanted them.
They kissed for long minutes, lush and wet and warm and sweet, until they were short of breath and feeling utterly made up.
“Better?” Kurt asked, going for sardonic but only managing besotted.
“Much,” Blaine said, burying his face in the warm spot between Kurt’s neck and collar.
Kurt wrapped his arms more fully around Blaine, leaning back so that the wall took their combined weight. They were standing in an alleyway in the autumn half-light, flushed and grinning. It felt perfect, like he always wanted it to feel.
“Blaine, honey?”
“Yeah?” Blaine turned so he could rest his cheek on Kurt’s shoulder and look up at him.
“When you come home, I want you to come home to me.”
“Of course.”
“No, I mean to our home. I think we should get an apartment together.”
“Really?”
“I don’t want to have to miss you any longer than I have to. I want you there when I wake up and when I go to sleep,” Kurt stared down at him and brushed an errant curl out of his eyes.
“I want that too. So much.”
“Yeah?”
“Absolutely.” Blaine smiled, and Kurt felt like it was the first time he’d seen the sun in days. “I like this plan.”
“Me too. I really do.”
“Sounds great. But right now, there should be more kisses, and then dinner, and then more everything.”
“I love how you threw dinner in there, right in the middle.”
“I’m a growing boy,” Blaine said into Kurt’s ear, before dropping kisses down the side of his neck.
“No, you’re really not,” Kurt said, giggling and trying to squirm away.
“Shut up. You’re mean.” Blaine might have been pouting, but it was hard to tell because he was nuzzling just behind Kurt’s ear.
“Make me.”
“With pleasure,” Blaine said, bringing his mouth back up to capture Kurt’s.
Mere feet away, the city bustled around them, commuters dashing to make their trains, cars honking, and lights blinking. No one paused to notice two boys wound around one another in a darkening alley, or if they did, it didn’t faze them in the least. Safe in their anonymity, in the city where they had found home, Kurt and Blaine found one another again, and they were all the better for it.