SEX

[formerdinosaur]

Okay first of all: when I was in college I took a playwriting class where we had to stay up all night and write a ten minute long play, and this flamboyant guy in the class who was also very witty decided at like 4 in the morning that he was going to title his play SEX (though it was about, like, middle-aged sisters fighting, or something?) and at

Comments

[_confunded_]

Omg what a fun post

[_confunded_]

- Cartman: Okay Cartman... I agree about rapist!Cartman in fandom. I hate that shit. There's a way to do it well, but no one's done it well so I can't say what that way is. There's a vast overabundance of rapist Cartman in fanfiction, like WOW. Either he's a rapist/sadist or he's a marshmellow, both are equally unattractive to me. And as I ship Kyman, this makes me very sad. I imagine Cartman would be very dominant in bed but actually NOT to the point of being into bdsm (though he might play along with Wendy's kinks if he were with her, without enjoying it very much). There's so much that can be done with Cartman that people like plain old don't do... either they are just misinterpreting his character, or don't know how to write him, I don't know, but a decent Cartman portrayal is a rare find. As far as Kyman goes, I think their relationship would be extremely passionate and sexy but also terribly unhealthy and probably violent and therefore pretty short-lived. The long term potential of Kyman is very slim. Cartman would enjoy the

[formerdinosaur]

//There's a way to do it well, but no one's done it well so I can't say what that way is

[kyley_b]

Oh my god, I just have to hop in here and say that I didn't realize this picture was supposed to be him as sushi at first, and I thought he was a cow with giant udders. And I was like, yeah, that strikes the right note for me, too.

[brimbelle]

omg yeeeesss
but they will still tear up in their sixties when they think about how beautiful and perfect it was.
It resumes very well what I think of their relationship, they're made of awkward moments but they are quite sure their love is ~special~ and ~beautiful~

And I agree with almost everything you said!

- Actually I have a hard time thinking of Cartman as anything else than a bottom in a m/m relationship. Like, I have this weird headcanon for his first time, he'd be all "i'm gonna top you like you've never been topped" to his partner and everything but he don't actually know how to do it properly, and he's so conceited and don't want his partner to think he isn't a good lay so he'd pretend to change his mind "Fuck me, actually" just to see how to do it. And then he'd like it

[kingdra]

they do weird roleplaying where Cartman is a giant Axe deodorant bottle so Wendy can rant about his misogynist ad campaigns then has glorious fuck with him when she wins the "argument".

o m g

[shannanananana]

he'd be all "i'm gonna top you like you've never been topped" to his partner and everything but he don't actually know how to do it properly, and he's so conceited and don't want his partner to think he isn't a good lay so he'd pretend to change his mind "Fuck me, actually" just to see how to do it. And then he'd like it.

PERF

they do weird roleplaying where Cartman is a giant Axe deodorant bottle so Wendy can rant about his misogynist ad campaigns then has glorious fuck with him when she wins the "argument".

og my fisackjing fgod the noise i just made

[kyley_b]

omg this has nothing to do with headcanons, but I kind of stalk you on Tumblr, hi.

[kyley_b]

Totally agree with everything you've said about Kyle. He's selfish and needy, and he's good at getting Stan to cater to him, so it's pretty perfect. AND YES Kyle's personality in "Pee," that influences my opinion of his personality and sex life so much

[_confunded_]

I totally agree that Stan would have some weird double standard of virginity. I really love the idea of that for some reason and I don't know why, because it's actually really douchey and would make Kyle really mad. Like he holds Kyle to this standard of purity and gets insanely jealous even before realizing he has feelings for him if any man ever so much as talks to Kyle, but he has no problem having sex with Wendy because it's "different" haha. What a perfect, lovable douchebag.

And yes to rimming. Also fingering.

[kyley_b]

Yes, yes everything you just said. I kind of like Stan as a douchebag? But I guess a douchebag with good intentions? Like, he loves Kyle sooooo much, and thinks he's this precious diamond or something, that he doesn't want anyone else to see/interact with him, because Kyle is so SPECIAL. Idk if I'm explaining this right, but I just think it's cute. Stan, aw.

I could read a whole fic devoted to rimming and fingering, ngl.

[formerdinosaur]

Yeah, Kyle is a rough sex enthusiast in my mind, and I think this might even cause problems between him and Stan at some point early on, because Stan has a hard time mustering his inner dom and feels so protective of Kyle and so SENSITIVE about sex in general. Kyle is like 'call me a whore, goddamn you!' and Stan weeps, but eventually he gets the hang on it, because Kyle sex strike and general bitchiness during the strike annoys him to the point that he's like, 'yeah I'll spank your ass, let's go

[melnic228]

Sorry for this long post from a nobody, but this has been on my mind for a while and I want to try to articulate it

[melnic228]

aaand i agree with Stan liking to bottom sometimes, like I imagine he'd get all sentimental about ~giving himself~ that way and feeling loved, and Kyle's just like, "Uh, okay. We can do that, I guess". Idk, bottom Stan can be very sweet in a story.

[formerdinosaur]

Yes, exactly!! And yeah, if Kyle is feeling generous. Otherwise he's like, ugh here borrow my dildo and I'll kiss you while you use it. Then he falls asleep and Stan cries. But I do find the idea of Stan wanting to give of himself or like, offer Kyle access to everything quite sweet.

[shannanananana]

I think he'd feel like rape is below him and demeaning to himself, 'cause people should /want/ his hot bod, right?

THIS (actually this whole comment is perfect tbh)

[kingdra]

i really have nothing to contribute but i do have to say that i agree with everything you've said n__n especially the thing about kyle bottoming, bc while i have no issues with top!kyle, i feel like bottoming is more sexually in-character for him based on what we've actually seen on the show (even though the boys are, well, young there /o\)

[formerdinosaur]

Yeah, they are young, but I think (at least since the 4th season or so) they've done a good job about keeping the personalities consistent over the years, and if I'm going to imagine what a canon character who is a kid would be like if he's older, whether he enjoys bottoming or not is going to come into play eventually lbr :x